Todo escrito debajo de es atado en un diario de piel; es de no ser utilizado como información de IC. Estos son los cuentos de Rubetta Sanchez Ortega, de aquí en indicado como Ruby.
[Everything written below is bound in a leather journal; it is not to be used as IC information. These are the tales of Rubetta Sanchez Ortega, from here on stated as Ruby.]
You are the only one I can talk to. Mi madre Maria Garza de Chavez controla muy. She’ll probably read this if I don’t hide you well enough. She is constantly scolding me for speaking in English, it’s been so long since I had a conversation in my native tongue I’m afraid I won’t know how to speak it when I get to the America’s. Yes you read that right; I’m going to Norteamérica if all goes as planned. I’ve been looking into schools and I think I found one in a place far warmer than here – Arizona. Not that it’s insanely cold here in Madrid but I crave the heat, though I’ll need to make sure to get some pretty strong sunscreen; red hair and pale skin is the perfect combination for sunburn. Padre caught me playing fútbol with Juan and Carlos again, he was not happy. I don’t want to spend my time in the kitchen or studying there is so much more to do with life than waste it being some man’s slave! They don’t know I over heard them, but they are talking about marriages. Can you believe it? In this day and age they are talking about marriage. I guess I should’ve realized that when they threw me a traditional Quinceanera even though I told them not to, but I didn’t think they were seriously looking for suitors then. I’m not some prized horse that can be sold to the highest bidder! Yo soy Americano! No, no soy Spaniard even if I was born here! I hate it. I hate it so much! I can’t wait till I’m eighteen and can leave this horrid place. They won’t be able to stop me. I’ll leave, I’ll go to school, and I’ll become a doctor so I can help people like mi madre biológica, she’d never had let Robert (dad) get rid of me, she’d have kept me. Carajo! I don’t want to think about this, change of topic, never mind I hear madre calling me – she probably wants me to go set the table for cena.
Well it’s official! I’ll be graduated in veinte days. I can’t leave yet; I’ll have a year of misery. Madre y Padre are trying so hard to change my mind, but I think it’s an act…they never wanted me they wanted a son just like my original father, and no matter how much I try I just don’t have the body parts to make that so. So I’m giving up and embracing the fact I’m a woman, but I’m doing so on my own terms and it’s working. The boys in my class have been very kind the past couple months, carrying books, walking me home. I thought its what mi padres wanted, but apparently they rather I do it with more clothes on. I’m dressed, so what if I wear skirts that show my knees or blouses that accent my breasts just right? I should have the right to wear what I want to wear and I don’t think I distract them – too much. I mean they haven’t complained, so why should I? I managed to get a job waiting tables at the cantina on Chavez St, they like that I can speak English to the tourists. They said I can start once I’ve graduated, I have a feeling I’ll be able to rack in some extra tips if I wear my heels I bought with the little money I have saved over from my cumpleaños last year. Juan likes them and I noticed Carlos seemed upset when I walked with Juan instead of him – funny really the year before they just thought of me as one of the boys. Funny how a change in attitude and attire can make such a difference, speaking of Carlos I think that’s him calling. So I’m going to go. One more year, un año!
Hay tanto decirle. ¡Tantas cosas, yo soy ni seguro donde comenzar! Perdón como puede decir soy emocionado. No sólo sea el principio de un nuevo año pero también una relación. Sé que me sorprendió a realmente. Encuentro a esta persona en el cantina, nosotros compartimos los mismos cambios, y ellos fueron muy fáciles de hablar con. Próxima cosa que supe que estos sentimientos salían que yo no podría explicar, estuvo como yo no podría conseguir suficiente de nuestro tiempo juntos. Yo no podría conseguir bastante de ella.
Yes, again you read that right, I said her. Evita is her name. She makes me smile like no one else. She listens to me when I rant and never judges. I can tell her anything; from how Carlos stopped talking to me when I kissed Juan one day after school, to my dreams of going to the America’s. She understands and wants to go with me. We’re going to go to school together in Arizona. She’ll study Literatura while I study Medicina. Thing is she made all these plans as my friend, before last night, before we kissed. I’ve liked her since the second week of talking to her, but I never dared say anything for fear she’d think me loco and stop talking to me. Turns out she’s liked me too and in fact likes only mujeres, but she understands not everyone is like that. I’ve never liked another female before, but they are so much easier to understand. Its like I can read her thoughts and she mine, without even trying. She kissed me as the clock struck twelve and promised we’d never be apart. I’m meeting her at the fútbol fields in an hour so I’m going to close though I’ll add more soon!
Es Día de Valentinos! I spent all night working on a basket for Evita, though when I went to her casa to give it to her, I found that she’d made one for me and it far out shined my efforts. I think she found every type of colored rose the city offered, while I opted for the traditional red roses. She loved them all the same, though I still think I should’ve done something more. We were supposed to go out and eat, but mi madre and padre finally found out who I was seeing and revolted. They say I’m going to hell and that I am possessed, that to do what I am is a sin, but I don’t think so. How can something that makes me so happy be wrong? I love Evita, she’s the first person I’ve ever loved and they can’t take her or that away from me. Though they have officially forbidden me from seeing her, save at work, though they even talked about me quitting, as I won’t need a job once I find a caring husband to watch over me. They are loco if they think I’m going to stop earning money just because I get married, man or woman, it doesn’t matter I will provide for myself and no one can stop me. They are dragging me to Barcelona for the rest of the day and week. I won’t be able to see Evita again till next week when I have another shift. I’m going to miss her. I love her; they can go to hell for all I care if they think I’ll stop seeing her. Must go, Padre is yelling now.
BBC NEWS: On 11 March 2004, a series of bombs exploded within minutes of each other on four commuter trains in the Spanish capital Madrid. The blasts killed 191 people and wounded 1,841. It was the worst terror attack in Europe since the Lockerbie bombing in 1988.
RADIO REPORT: El Pozo del Tío Raimundo Station (train number 21435) – At approximately 07:38, just as the train was starting to leave the station, two bombs exploded in different carriages.
No, esto no puede ser. ¡Dios me ayuda que esto debe ser una estela de pesadilla mí arriba de esto, me digo que no está tan! Evita was on that train. And she is not answering her cell phone; I need to get down there. I need to make sure she’s okay. Please god let her be okay! They’re saying this is a possible al-Qaeda attack, though the reports are still coming in. Mis Padres are refusing to let me go, but I must! I need to find her, to hold her again, to see her smiling face. I won't be able to breath again till she's by my side. I'll write more when I get back, going to call Juan to see if he'll take me down to the hospital, maybe I can find her there. Surely she's okay though.
I don’t want to believe it. I don’t. She can’t be gone. She can’t be dead. Not Evita, not so close to when we were making our escape to Estados Unidos. My sweet Evita, my "breath of life”, ¿Qué haré yo ahora? I am lost without her. They say she didn't suffer, that she died quickly, but that is no comfort for the ache I feel without her in my arms. I cannot write anymore, my heart is heavy.
¡Tiene que estar jodiendo bromearme! Of all the brainless, self righteous, and controlling things they’ve done mis padres decided they’d announce my ENGAGEMENT to Sr. Cruz! They are beyond loco and this is la locura! I don’t want to marry Cruz, I’ve only talked to the man a handful of times that I can recall. The guy is literally fifteen years older than me! He’s nearly old enough to be my father, my biological not adoptive, though at this point I think both are out to ruin me. It’s barely three months, to the day since Evita was killed in the Madrid train bombings, 191 lives lost, but only one that truly meant anything to me. No, she meant the world to me, she was my world, and now my parents wish to rid me of the taint of being seen with a woman when I should’ve been courting prospective male suitors. They can just jump off a bridge at this point or maybe I will. I’m leaving in a little less than a month, but it’s not soon enough! They announced this in hopes I wouldn’t leave, but I’ve already bought my ticket. One way. $1674 dólares, which leaves me only $326 in my checking account, but I already have a dorm room supposedly waiting for me and I can walk everywhere on campus for now or take a bus, at this point I’ll eat Jamon Iberico and Chorizo or simple rice and noodles for the whole year if I must! I simply cannot marry Cruz I must get out of here before I become Rubetta Ortega de Martinez. I would not put it past mi madre to lock me in my room till the wedding day, it is to be on en julio quinto. I must be gone by then, I must. Juan said he’d take me to the airport; I cannot thank him enough. He has been almost as good a friend as you memoir, listening to me sniffling from day to day and never asking for anything in return. He hasn’t since we kissed last year, though I wonder if that’ll change once we are alone. I don’t have time to think on it, padre is coming demanding I go down to practice my dance with madre. We are going to a fiesta tonight and he wants me to look my best for Cruz when he announces to everyone there the good news. I think I might be sick, but I best go padre won’t wait for long.
There is no one here I wish to remember or stay in contact with. The only one I cared for, sweet Evita, is dead. Mis padres are loco and Juan the one person I had left to count as a friend tried to force himself on me tonight! He’d been telling me there was a way to get out of my wedding to Cruz, but that he couldn’t tell me till we were alone. Then he attacked me! ¡El bastardo de mierda! I kicked him in the balls and managed to get away but he ripped my skirt and blouse, madre will be furious when she sees me. I cannot believe my friend would think that forcing me to have sex outside of marriage so that it’d ruin my reputation would end the marriage. I’m sure it would to Cruz, but mis padres would just make me marry him! ¡Ah mi dios! That is what he wanted! Why didn’t I think of that before! I am a fool memoir; a fool for thinking anyone will look and take me for who I am, instead of trying to change me. Mis padres see a bright redhead step child they wish to change, Juan a quick lay and easy marriage, only Evita knew me best, only she saw me for who I really was. Dios I miss her.
Cruz is not an evil man, but he is older, he always talks of my duties as his wife and how I will raise at least three children possibly more. I’ll admit I’d thought of having kids down the road, but never so young. I’m not yet eighteen and yet my parents wish to sell me off to the wealthiest man offering before I can have a say in the matter. I’m sure there are laws against it somewhere, but for the life of me I cannot find them and even to look would simply have madre locking me away till the date. No my only hope of escape is to flee, though now I’ll have to go by bus as Juan is most defiantly out of the picture now. I need to try and mend my skirt and blouse before mi madre Maria Garza de Chavez finds them. I will write again when I am on the plane, for any sooner will be too risky and no one must know of my plans.
¡Lo hice! ¡Estoy en el avión! It was not easy, but I managed to get away from the casa on an errand mi madre sent me on. I was allowed to take my bag so I could carry things home, never letting on I’d packed what I could in it before leaving out the front door. I spent some money on the bus ticket to the airport, but I made it to my flight! I’ll be landing at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport in once horas! I can barely wait. The guide I have states the summer is very hot, temperatures according to the pilot are 40°Celsius or 100° Fahrenheit, but it’s a dry heat, whatever that means. I’ll have enough time to get to my room and make sure my registration went through, then I’ll go find the fireworks show me and Evita had looked up online. She’d been so excited to celebrate Estados Unidos de los Cumpleaños de América. I am doing this in her honor. Soy cansado. I’ll write later, first a nap; I did not sleep well as I was so nervous about today. I can rest easy now.