- They told me they named me for a character in a novel. Apparently in this novel, the character fell down a rabbit hole into another world where anything was possible and everyone was crazy. How could they have named me for such a person and expect me to be completely normal? That’s a contradiction all in itself. They expected me to be this prim and proper lady, one who would devote her life to the church as they had. But how can they expect me to when they know what I can do?
- I remember the first time I did it. I was about six at the time. Mum and da were talking to some people they invited over to dinner. If I remember right, they were some business associates. Not exactly people who worked with da, but people he was trying to merge his company with. Da’s company was going down the tubes, and going down fast. Every other word he was saying to these people was a lie. I remember thinking ‘da, you said it’s a sin to lie. Why are you committing a sin? God wouldn’t want you to commit those sins. What would mum think if she knew?’ I had begun to wish at that moment that I could hear what da actually thought, so I could tell these people, these people who didn’t deserve the lies, what he was actually thinking.
- Then it happened.
- It was like my mind just. . . expanded. That’s the only way to describe it. I could hear what da was thinking, every word of it. I could hear what mum was thinking, was appalled that mum KNEW that da was going to lie to these people. I was enraged. I had to tell these people. Everything I heard, I began to spill out. Da and mum looked at me, horrified. It was chaos. The business associates screamed at my da, told him they’d never work with him, da yelled back he needed their help. The associates left, da whirled on me to scream. Punishments. They screamed witchcraft. They knew they had never said these things in front of me. Exorcism. What would the church say?
- The next couple of years, my parents sent me to therapist after therapist, doctor after doctor. Anything they could to make what they considered their ‘problem’ go away without the church finding out. I would be considered a witch and burned at the stake, my mum told me. At the time, I was horrified. As I got older, I realized that it probably wouldn’t have happened. The worst I would have had was an exorcism or be excommunicated from the church. When they finally realized that the therapists and doctors weren’t going to work, they broke down and took me to the church. The church blessed me and tried to rehabilitate me. That was it. It was over.
- Through all of that, mum and da learned how to close their minds to me. That’s good for them, I suppose. Two less voices to hear every day. Some of the voices I hear don’t go away. They’re chronic, always thinking and always planning. Maybe one day I’ll learn to tune them out, but until then. . .
- I’ve got to sleep. I have a date tomorrow.
-Alyss
