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Fractured Reflections
Posted: 21 Apr 2012, 00:50
by Xavi (DELETED 2472)
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Re: Fractured Reflections
Posted: 21 Apr 2012, 00:50
by Xavi (DELETED 2472)
4/13/2012
I've begun to wonder if this is some sort of dream. Am I like Alice -- trapped within my own wonderland? Would I wake from this dream and find myself staring at the stars once more as I await my last breath? I can't say which I would prefer. Still to keep a journal in a dream of a dream does sound a bit silly. It won't be there when I wake nor the records of my thoughts. Perhaps it will remain in this dream world for other figments of my imagination to read when I'm gone. What a droll read they'd have. Nevertheless, it brings order to what thoughts I am able to recognize clearly during the night. There always seems to be a low hum of thoughts around me no matter where I am or how few people are available. It's maddening but not without remedies. I've met someone by the name of Erik Stryker. He is a telepath as well as a very kind man. He spoke of an ability called 'Mind Block' that should help as well as meditation.
4/14/2012
I've begun to favor the Net Cafe over the various other buildings available. The thoughts there are loud but easily organized somehow. Its difficult to explain. Even more difficult is the feeling of...growing strength and knowledge when I spend my sunrises in this place. It is that boost that keeps me here even after it becomes overcrowded to the point that simple organization doesn't save me from a near meltdown. I try to meditate before I reach that point but I still find the thoughts floating around distracting. I do hope to find someone who can offer the pointers I need.
4/15/2012
Everything hurts. I can't think...I can't sleep. It just hurts. Dreams aren't supposed to hurt....are they?
4/16/2012
I dreamt of him and spiders last night when I was finally able to sleep. I can't recall what we were speaking about or if he had forgiven me. Still...it was wonderful just to hear his voice again. Whatever we were talking about was bought short as a spider--black widow I believe--caught my eye. As always, it made so much noise, like hundreds of languages melded into one but with so much more intensity behind the garbled mess. Its always that intensity that scares me the most. I know they want me to do something but I can never figure out what so it just continues and continues. This time I was able to wake up from it to be left in the silence of my room. For the first time in a little over a week, I was able to enjoy silent bliss. I savored it allowing his voice to fill my ears until the low hum of thoughts surrounded me again. It was nice....if only for a little while.
4/17/2012
I have a bounty. Well I had one beforehand but this one is higher than normal. A bit over a thousand dollars to be precise. I suppose it has something to do with the blood I've been selling. I've told myself I would stop. The money isn't all that great for the trouble of having to feed more during the day. Yet I find myself seeking out these 'blood thieves' and the stink of their needles. The money is merely an extra detail though it is being put toward a better weapon. A gun, I suppose, would be fitting. I'm not much of a close combat fighter so I figured it would be in my better interest.
4/18/2012
I woke with a tingle along my spine and the feel of blood and innards on my hands though there was none to be found. How disappointing.
4/19/2012
Nothing to really report today. I've taken up hacking which preoccupies me quite nicely when the Cafe is being overrun. So far I've made $75 from one program.
Re: Fractured Reflections
Posted: 21 Apr 2012, 01:03
by Xavi (DELETED 2472)
4/20/2012
Zombies are horrifying creatures. I thought that a person without so many projecting thoughts would be a gift sent from heaven but...they're not. These things have no thoughts beyond hunger and even those thoughts are fleeting. Yet they're moving, they're there, they're trying to eat you...kill you...beat you. My skin is still crawling. I tried to kill a few to lower my bounty though I haven't been attacked for it. I managed to dispatch four out of seven. Though I've managed to remain unscathed though the whole process, I don't think I will try to kill anymore before I obtain a better weapon. In the meantime, my bounty is below one thousand. I suppose I will sit and wait for it to dwindle down to nothing.
Re: Fractured Reflections
Posted: 26 Apr 2012, 20:48
by Xavi (DELETED 2472)
4/26/2012
Many things have happens since my last entry. I have reached the point of being a viable subject to make something called a bounty list. Though I had known about the fluctuating price for a time, I had never seen my name amongst other offenders until after killing one of the living dead creatures I spoke of in my earlier entry--a zombie. While the encounter left me feeling much stronger than before, I had a feeling I would be in harms way. Flitting through obituaries containing the word 'bounty' was enough of a hint. So I went to back to the Quarantine Zone in hopes of reducing it to at least below one thousand before the day was over. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to hunt for long. What is that saying? The mind is willing but the flesh is not? I'm not sure. I will have to look it up later now that I can sit safely within the cafes again. I was attacked while gathering my energy the day I went to lower my bounty. It was....riveting to wake to such an intense amount of pain. As tempting as simply sitting there to await the last blow was, I found myself running. Instinct, I suppose. I ran and I tried to feed twice but such a task is hard to do when one has so many holes in one's neck.
I suffered quite a few wounds though a couple have healed since then. Still I will try to recall them...perhaps keep a log.
My first wound was from a hunter who sliced my arm. That one had healed within a day and was all but forgotten the day of the attack. My second came from another hunter who had chosen to shoot rather than cut. I can't decide which supplied the better pain. Nevertheless, that one has healed as well.
In addition to those I was given a slash down my arm and several more bullet wounds the night of the attack. The two to my shoulder have healed while the gunshots to my gut, neck and groin remain. Despite the wounds, I am able to continue hunting zombies however feeding has become almost impossible unless I'm able to ambush a solitary individual. Its all for the best. This masquerade seems to be very important to the others and I don't wish to upset anyone. Nor do I want to cause anymore trouble for Elizabeth.
She and her husband helped me feed and lower my bounty following the mishap. I owe them both my existence and wish to do better. Still, the allure of the blood thieves is still there. I counter it by busying myself with writing or reading and on occasion hunting those decaying monsters. Their lack of thoughts isn't as frightening as it once was. They're quiet, peaceful....soothing. I wonder if that is how the fade Erik mentioned is.
Slash: 01
Knife wound: 01
Gunshot Wounds: 05
Multiple Gunshot Wound: 01
Re: Fractured Reflections
Posted: 02 May 2012, 02:54
by Xavi (DELETED 2472)
5/1/2012
I am wounded again. This time it is much different from the wounds I sustained before. There was no blood loss. Still I feel these wounds will take far longer to heal than the others had. Not only that, they were voluntary more or less. I met with Erik again today. This time, in the QZ. He had a new sword with him--custom made from what I could see. The craftmanship gave the impression that it was made of only the finest material but I am far from being an expert when it comes to blades. Regardless, I am more than sure that it is more than capable of inflicting a wound that I can only dream about. And dream, I will. He didn't seem keen on using it when he offered to train me. Though it was disappointing, the sparring match wasn't. We agreed on three exchanges each. In the end, I had only broken his ribs. My other attempts had done little to no damage. The same couldn't be said for him. He is every bit the warrior he looks to be. His second and third try ended with my leg broken and my back dislocated. Both are very painful wounds. I have not set my leg or taken the time to find painkillers. I don't want to. He hurt me in a way that the now scarce blood thieves could never. I want to savor it as long as possible. I also look forward to our next sparring match....yet I feel a sense of wariness settling in as I write. Perhaps I am too eager to see him again.....
Broken Leg: 01
Dislocated Back: 01
Gunshot Wound: 01
Re: Fractured Reflections
Posted: 17 May 2012, 09:21
by Xavi (DELETED 2472)
5/17/2012
So much blood was spilled today...
Though the hiss of metal against flesh was riveting, it was a short lived high. The odd sibling that turned up, Rhosen--I forgot to write about her sooner--has disappeared. There is no trace of her in the physical world or even the Fade. It seems odd since just yesterday she was testing her new ability to mind block. Perhaps one of the government agents would know details of her disappearance. Regardless, though I didn't know her beyond waking to the silence of my own thanks to her, I think I will miss her. After finding out such news, I thought to contact Erik and found that he was dead. It left me curious but for whatever reason I let it be for the time. However now that everything is quiet, I felt compelled to read his memories to answer the important question--How did he die? It seemed straightforward enough and I can only hope he won't be upset for the intrusion when he returns.
Beyond a few theft attempts there are no memories of an attack by anyone. As straightforward as I thought it would be, I am left with more questions. Had he taken his own life? Why? Will he come back? Is he another victim of the agents? Will they cause yet another disappearance?
I must speak to Elizabeth about this.
Until then...tonight is a night for mourning. In addition to the loss of Rhosen and Erik, Leiren--yet another I didn't know well--was killed despite efforts to defend her. I regret not meeting her officially...and not arranging the slumber party she mentioned sooner. I suppose that was what compelled me to come to her aid the best I could. I feel I have missed out on meeting an exceptional individual. For this, and for the first time since I have begun to indulge myself, the wound I inflicted tonight seems so...miniscule and unfulfilling. This is coupled by the hollow pleasure of running into a hunter while feeding just before sunset. My throat is once again left wide open, this time from a well placed slice. I have wrapped it and will remain silent until it has healed.
"Life is a dream walking death is a going home."
Sliced Throat: 01
Ability Attacks
Mindblocked: Ripper, Rhosen, Elizabeth, Leiren, Erik von Koln, Slayen Reed
Physical Attacks
Individual[s] Attacked: Bailey
**done the night of or after the entry