The Third attempt, The oblivion
Posted: 03 Oct 2020, 18:10
How long has it been since the last time he saw Mortll, he cannot say, time has become thick, viscous, it passes with exasperating slowness, the minutes seem like hours, the days seem like years. The memory of her is blurred to the point that he no longer knows how to distinguish if everything has been nothing more than a dream,a trace of smoke that begins to fade in his memories.
André no longer feels the urge to be next to her, that space she filled now is a large hole.
But the oblivion has not been free, now he is a vampire, he left his humanity and with it his love.
It is almost paradoxical, he came here looking for the woman thief of his heart, today that woman is like a mirage and he is a living dead, an empty shell, a mass of meat and tendons, a wandering shadow, a jumble of past and new things and he can't understand how all happened.
What he accepted was a desperate slap trying to cling to hope, today nothing made sense, everything had an irreparable lack of meaning.
Even so, he thinks that the road that's traveled does not deserve regret, regret is a coward's thing. If there is something he is sorry for, it is for all those things that he could have done and did not do, he could write a book with all of them.
Today loneliness bites harder than ever, someone who was alone almost all his life should be used to it, but not André, he could never get used to it, he always wanted to have someone by his side, even if it was a remnant of his old human condition, that need is still in him.
But there is no one, no one with whom to share a talk, project, dream and laugh together.
André's mind is a whirlwind full of conflicting emotions, remnants of his past life and the first traces of the new, barely separated by a thin veil.
He must move forward, trying to cling to the past will inevitably lead him to a dead-end.
No matter how much he wants to, he cannot have his feelings from the past and his new condition in the present, he must once again be one in body and mind and that means only one thing, forgetting and leaving behind the past, that small and inconsequential past and assuming the eternity of being a vampire.
Ever since his turning he had been secluded in his apartment, like a prisoner of his own insecurities, feeding on blood bags, he must leave the cocoon and face the real world with all his ghosts, even though she's out there, André does not know how strong the ties are between a sire and a child,He will have to find out.
He has to attend to his business in the city and sell this apartment, too many memories enclosed in these four walls will prevent him from moving forward, it will be for the future to make a decision with The Dragon Cave where they were associated.
They have no signed contract, everything has been in word, the place belongs to her and he worked hard on the decoration, but hey, it is nothing that needs to be defined, but a word given to him is sacred and sooner or later must be resolved
André thought that everything would be easier, or rather he did not stop to think about it, it was too much psychological pressure to accept the change, nothing was how he planned it.
Vampires are not human, so still thinking as human is useless (and downright dangerous) human morality is impractical to vampires, whose very unlife depends on breaking many of humanity's taboos and he still doesn't know and doesn't really want to know it.
André looks at the two thin lines crossing his wrists, oblivion, who said it would be easy, but it's the only way, he thinks as he closes the door behind him, feeling so sad without know why…
" I hope something happens to erase you suddenly, a blinding light, a shot of snow.
I hope at least death takes me, to not see you so much, to not see you always, in all the seconds, in all the visions.
I hope that I cannot touch you even in dreams, I hope that the dawn does not scream falling on my back
I hope my voice forgets your name".
André thinks as his steps take him to nowhere by the oblivion's alleyways.
André no longer feels the urge to be next to her, that space she filled now is a large hole.
But the oblivion has not been free, now he is a vampire, he left his humanity and with it his love.
It is almost paradoxical, he came here looking for the woman thief of his heart, today that woman is like a mirage and he is a living dead, an empty shell, a mass of meat and tendons, a wandering shadow, a jumble of past and new things and he can't understand how all happened.
What he accepted was a desperate slap trying to cling to hope, today nothing made sense, everything had an irreparable lack of meaning.
Even so, he thinks that the road that's traveled does not deserve regret, regret is a coward's thing. If there is something he is sorry for, it is for all those things that he could have done and did not do, he could write a book with all of them.
Today loneliness bites harder than ever, someone who was alone almost all his life should be used to it, but not André, he could never get used to it, he always wanted to have someone by his side, even if it was a remnant of his old human condition, that need is still in him.
But there is no one, no one with whom to share a talk, project, dream and laugh together.
André's mind is a whirlwind full of conflicting emotions, remnants of his past life and the first traces of the new, barely separated by a thin veil.
He must move forward, trying to cling to the past will inevitably lead him to a dead-end.
No matter how much he wants to, he cannot have his feelings from the past and his new condition in the present, he must once again be one in body and mind and that means only one thing, forgetting and leaving behind the past, that small and inconsequential past and assuming the eternity of being a vampire.
Ever since his turning he had been secluded in his apartment, like a prisoner of his own insecurities, feeding on blood bags, he must leave the cocoon and face the real world with all his ghosts, even though she's out there, André does not know how strong the ties are between a sire and a child,He will have to find out.
He has to attend to his business in the city and sell this apartment, too many memories enclosed in these four walls will prevent him from moving forward, it will be for the future to make a decision with The Dragon Cave where they were associated.
They have no signed contract, everything has been in word, the place belongs to her and he worked hard on the decoration, but hey, it is nothing that needs to be defined, but a word given to him is sacred and sooner or later must be resolved
André thought that everything would be easier, or rather he did not stop to think about it, it was too much psychological pressure to accept the change, nothing was how he planned it.
Vampires are not human, so still thinking as human is useless (and downright dangerous) human morality is impractical to vampires, whose very unlife depends on breaking many of humanity's taboos and he still doesn't know and doesn't really want to know it.
André looks at the two thin lines crossing his wrists, oblivion, who said it would be easy, but it's the only way, he thinks as he closes the door behind him, feeling so sad without know why…
" I hope something happens to erase you suddenly, a blinding light, a shot of snow.
I hope at least death takes me, to not see you so much, to not see you always, in all the seconds, in all the visions.
I hope that I cannot touch you even in dreams, I hope that the dawn does not scream falling on my back
I hope my voice forgets your name".
André thinks as his steps take him to nowhere by the oblivion's alleyways.