Path of the Vampire forum

Hi.... Diary? I guess. I haven't written a diary (journal maybe?) since I was ten. I learned back then not write my feelings down on my paper, but I'm older now. I doubt anyone can use this against me.

Probably.

I don't know.

I just feel like I have to tell someone. I'm lonely, and I don't know who to talk about these thoughts. Any thoughts really, I suppose. But especially these kinds of thoughts.

Okay, here goes.



One of these days I'm going to stop wanting to chase people that are no good for me.

At least, logically speaking, this time she doesn't seem like a jerk or a manipulator. No, she's just straight.



It could be worse, I tell myself. I still touch the scar on my belly from when she-who-shall-not-be-named stabbed me with a kitchen knife. Of course, was that really worse if I go to feel close? Got to feel intimate with someone?

Ugh, I'm going out of my mind. I'm not sure writing in this stupid thing is even going to help. Am I crazy? I'm probably crazy.

I'm not sure what I got myself into.

She was just so pretty and tough and strong. The kind I love to go for. The fact that she taught defense classes was a bonus. I sorely need those. Of course I know straight-girl crushes are not going to work

I should get a cat. If I want something to love me a pet would probably do the trick right?

Ugh, my thoughts are getting all jumbled up. I'll try this again later.

Maybe.

Writing in a diary is kind of pathetic isn't it?



Oh, right. As of yesterday evening, I'm a vampire.

Dear Diary

So today

Why is it so f***king hard to start this?

Dear Me

I'm getting a little better at self-defense with Lisa's help. Being around Lisa is a little complicated right now. I feel stupid when I think I embarked on this life changing thing because I feel incredibly attracted I find her interesting. This whole thing is complicated too. There are thoughts in my head that weren't there before and life gets a bit... confusing.

I guess that's why I wanted to try writing in here again. Computers have become a solace. There's less a barrage of my thoughts and others' thoughts when i'm focusing on code and working through systems. There's a name that keeps popping up in the law enforcement databases. I delete the files I find. Maybe she'll be grateful. Maybe she'll know that I'm the one doing it when or if I ever bump into her in person. Maybe this might be the relationship I've been looking for all along!

I can't decide if that sounds ridiculous or if it sounds right. I mean it probably doesn't sound right, but I shouldn't give up hope. I don't want to give up hope. Especially now that everything is so difficult.

Do you know what else I had not considered about vampirism? It is not like those TV shows I used to watch. TV made it all seem so romantic and exciting, but mostly I sit in front of a computer hacking, daydreaming about impossible straight girl crushes, hunting wild game, and trying to stay under the radar. Maybe I should find this girl I keep seeing pop up on law enforcement databases. That could be romantic right? Or end up horribly

I'll think about it.