Path of the Vampire forum

This is continued from this journal thread so the same OOC note applies

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here, hasn’t it? I didn’t forget about you; somethings are just easier to put on paper or to just clip to a folder. They’re safely secured though and perhaps someday I’ll transfer them over to you. All in good time, I suppose.

Six months to the day and yet it still seems like yesterday. Maybe that feeling will fade in time and maybe it won’t. I’ve grown used to it, truthfully. There’s been some good and some bad. Have to admit the bonding time with Flynn was nice even if the circumstances for it were ****.

Four months to the day and that will never truly go away. Somethings just cannot be forgotten. People always say ‘just let it go’ or some variation thereof but there are occurrences in one’s life that leave immutable marks.

It’s undeniable things have changed in those six months. It would have been impossible for them to not, even without the rift opening. Though, perhaps, they’ve changed a fair more than they would have otherwise. The city is certainly different. I’m not the same person I was six months ago. Four months ago. Even three months ago.

The journey has been an interesting one. Bumpy for sure but not entirely unpleasant. It’s hard to say if the good outweighs the bad; in the grand scheme, though, it really won’t matter. Time tends to be the great equalizer.

Time also tends to bring more questions than it answers, particularly lately. It has been some time, I admit, but I find myself questioning things I don’t know how to begin to answer. I suppose I could explore the questions in one of my therapy sessions but I’d prefer not to discuss such things with him. We’ve built a decent relationship;there’s just things I’d rather focus on in those sessions.

It has been awhile since I sought the guidance of the cards but I think it’s suitable for this situation. In any rate, there’s no real harm and I don’t want to follow out of practice. I think I’ll do things a bit differently, though. A card a day which will give plenty of time for contemplation, I think, which may provide a more complete answer.
Card One: The Devil Reversed
Past

I have to admit the Devil Reversed is an interesting card to start this reading with. In its upright position, the Devil can represent being bound by something beyond physical bindings. Something mental, emotional, or spiritual, usually; the invisible ties that typically no one sees besides ourself. Some may see the effects of the bindings but rarely the binding themselves. This invisibility can cause an issue since others, unless it is spoken of, will rarely understand the cause of the effects.

The Devil Reversed, though, is about finding a way to break free from those bonds. To find the strength needed to say enough is enough and leave the past where it belongs - in the past. To walk away from the situations and people that are providing or enabling those bonds.
Personally, I think it’s an interesting, and fitting, card for this spread at this point in my life. The past six months have revealed quite a few sets of proverbial chains that I can’t deny it feels great to be free of. I’m sure some people are or will be annoyed by it, but it is my life to take back and not theirs to control.

I guess you could say my earliest break out is when I moved away from Boston and my mother’s grasp. Honestly, given the woman can’t stand my existence, you would have thought she would have been overjoyed to see me go. But no… she was definitely pissed. That really confused me back then, but I knew I had to do something for me; had to take the chance to find out more about the mystery Giles had left me. Now I know she kept me under her thumb so closely because of all the lies and deceit she had been hiding. Like the fact Giles really wasn’t my father or that they weren’t actually married. Among a myriad of other things, of course. But I’m free of her now and have no intentions of seeing her again. I just wish I had done it sooner. Gone away for college and never returned, but hindsight is twenty/twenty.

The most significant break is kind of two-fold stemming from the same trigger event (no surprise there really). It’s also the most recent (again, no surprise). It’s also kind of ironic that that it all started with setting Theodosia free. I have to wonder if she’s enjoying her freedom since we haven’t heard from her; but I digress. That one decision led to a lot of changes in my life; some good, some bad, and some that are both. I certainly learned what some people’s expectations for me were. Perfection, essentially. To never have a weak moment or make a ‘wrong’ choice. To follow everything they believe in and desire. Be a mindreader, in some cases. Be a human that doesn’t act or think like a human. Be infallible. To always be in control of my emotions… or not have at all… take your pick. A bunch of things it’s hard to insist on from a vampire, never mind a human. Not even the Pope, in my opinion. I’m a people pleaser… or used to be. While I still like to make people happy, I’ve realized I have to do it on my own terms - not theirs.

It’s a hard thing to realize, but an important one. I can’t feasibly be all things for all people. Trying to fulfill the unrealistic expectations isn’t good for my health and well-being. You don’t realize what kind of toll it takes until they’re gone. How much weight they add to your shoulders. It really frees up your social calendar too.

Which is great, honestly. That simple thing helped a lot with the second bit triggered by the event. Let’s be real here - any human would need counseling after that evening. Fighting. Ancient vampires. Bomb threats. Disappearing and reappearing vampires. You name it. Lucky me I’m used to most of it, ancient vampires aside. Elders, yes. Ancients, no. Bomb threats? Not precisely, but I figure an armed bank robbery is probably close enough. Now add in confirmed mental illness (depression) and suspected (PSTD from the aforementioned bank robbery, at the least). Lovely picture, huh? Maybe that explains what happened down there when I lost control and maybe it doesn’t. Doesn’t really matter anymore; what’s done is done. Would I have chosen differently if those hadn’t been in play? I don’t know, especially since we still don’t understand fully what happened. In some ways, I’d like to think yes, but in others, I’m not sure

I digress. That one event was enough to really kick my *** into gear to get the illness(es) treated before they could completely control me. I had been living it with it untreated (at least by a professional) that it was like a shadow issue. Didn’t really help my mother didn’t want to talk about or acknowledge it from day one so it can tend to feel more like a dirty little secret. I may still have a ways to go, but it's shocking how much a bit of therapy really loosens those chains. To have someone say that you’re not going insane or making it up. That it is very much real and not just a figment of your imagination. To have someone give you the tools to free yourself from it. That makes a lot of difference. They could have just given me medication and a pat on the head. Yes, it’d help control it, but it wouldn’t have put me in control of it. Granted, there’s still likely to be times when it takes hold, but now I know there’s steps I can take to beat it back. And that, is worth its weight in gold.

Card Two: Four of Wands
Present

Different day, different card. I think I like doing these this way. It forces you to put more thought into each card and allows the time to explore whatever it could refer to or mean. It’s going to be my method of choice moving forward unless I need a quick answer.

The Four of Wands is a lovely card, I have to admit. It’s kind of interesting to me that it appears in this position with the Devil Reversed in the Past position. Taking things a day at a time, I can certainly see the connection between them. Hell, I can even see how this one fits into the Present slot. It’s about homes and connections; two very important things in one’s life. Interconnected as well. Home isn’t really just a physical place. It’s the people that make it feel warm and inviting. Safe and secure. Welcoming and loving. Family.
The people are perhaps the most important part of the home. Without them, things would be empty and one would be alone. Not the good type of alone where you bask in the ability to have time to recharge. Rather, the kind that leads to a void that can’t be filled by any material thing no matter how hard one tries. Just because a person is in our lives doesn’t automatically make them a part of our family. Hell, it doesn’t even make them a friend. It just means they’ve crossed our path at one point or another. Some long term, some shorter.

People will always come into your life at various points. People will exit it when their part is over. That’s the nature of life. Some you know how long they may be in your life - like the teacher you had in high school; unless they made a lasting impression, you could figure on four years. Others, you never know just how long they’ll be present. Sometimes the parting happens naturally. Like that teacher. The natural drifting apart.

And sometimes, the parting is abrupt and unexpected. Unnatural. Someone walks away. Pushes away. Abandons. Throws away years of positive relationships over a single incident; forgetting all the good.

Family is such an odd concept depending who you ask. To some, family is specifically those with whom you share blood and lineage. To them, even one that is adopted into the family isn’t truly considered family, but an outsider. They aren’t afforded the same rights and privileges as the ‘real’ family members. I suppose that makes sense for royal bloodlines, but for commoners? Not really. It’s such a strange ideal to me. There's no rule that says blood relations had to like each other. Care for each other. Hell there isn't even a requirement that a child be raised by a blood relation. Then again, I can understand that one completely. Not everyone is fit to raise a child; I never understood why every new parent wasn't subject to random child welfare visits. I digress.

If I look at my family as being only those blood related to me, there's only three I could consider as part of it - my mother, my father, and my (half) sister. My mother never wanted me; she made that immensely clear growing up. She even went so far as falsifying my birth certificate to keep my real father a secret. I swear she went out of her way to ensure I was miserable. That I knew how much of a burden she thought I was. She never believed I had depression or any other sort of mental illness. It was a forbidden topic and doctors weren’t allowed to treat it. It became something shameful to be hidden, even once I was old enough to take control. All the medical was through her so it remained forbidden. After ten years of such conditioning, despite moving to a new country to start my own life, it remained a secret. Something to never be discussed though I had found a natural remedy that seemed to help a bit. But nothing ‘official’. It bit my *** once, after Reyna disappeared without a word and Amara left as well. That was an interesting twoish years of some pretty deep depression. Though that’s also how I met Phoenix and ended up as a Blood Thief, so it had some upsides. Even if it bit me in the *** again with the rift and we all know how that went. Frankly, I haven’t seen her in years and have no desire to do so. She ruined what should have been some awesome years with lots of memories, but instead I don’t have many ways to relate to people’s experiences from growing up. It was also a learning curve to understand relationships of all types.

Phoenix, as it turns out, is my sister. Only a half-sister, but I choose to ignore that technicality. As I mentioned, I got to know her as a friend before finding about the family bit. She was also one of the two that suggested I learn to be a Blood Thief and help them out in exchange for their powers. It was just the proposal I needed to pull me out of the funk I had gotten into; a purpose to guide me and explore. I love to learn and that fueled that love. It also spoke to my helping people (vampires) thing. She didn’t treat me as just a pet, though. Or even as an employee or something else sterile. When she asked how I was or if I needed anything, it always felt like she really was interested, involved. She moved away a while ago, though. I’ve talked to her, but I haven’t been able to convince her to come back, though. She doesn’t know about the rift; I didn’t see the point in telling her since she isn’t likely to return and it hasn’t expanded enough to cover where she is. Maybe someday. Maybe then she will at least come back for a visit, but I’m not holding out.

Then there’s my father. The man I only discovered was my biological sperm donor just about a year ago. Not very affectionate, I know, but it’s hard to be given everything. Granted, growing up with the ***** of a birth giver, I should be used to such disappointment. Should. But, I’ve known him for years. First met him at the Necropolis where he was a regular. The father bit came after several years of friendship. Perhaps I had hoped it would be different that with my mother due to that. In some ways it was. At least she never physically hurt me. The birthday ‘party’ he organized was the first (yes, last year was the only birthday party I’d ever had). He seemed to actually care. Ensured I had ways to be safe within the city. The little things that showed it even if there were no words to affirm it. They hadn’t really been needed. I never expected him to be over the moon about Theo and the rift. There was too many unknown variables for anyone to be completely thrilled about it. But, I had figured that he’d at least be willing to discuss what had occured. Maybe be upset for a while. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He saw that ******* ‘video’ of Ari’s as gospel. Angry likely doesn’t cut it. It was made exceptionally crystal clear that he doesn’t want me in his life.
Blood does not make a family a family. It just means you’re genetically related. Nothing more. Nothing less. It’s something I’ve only learned recently but it really does make a lot of sense. Ok, yes, I know that most of the dictionary definitions for family refer to blood relations being part of it. And I’ll admit to being amused by the one that refers to the Mafia. But it’s the one about people being united by a common cause or conviction that really defines what I mean. Family by Choice. Given my family by origin (aka the birth giver and sperm donor), the idea of building my own family from people I know that are truly supportive is appealing. It’s one of the better things about the rift situation; it’s weeded out the short list of people I consider true family.

Giles may not have been my biological father, but he certainly tried to act like it when he was home. I have to wonder if he knew that I wasn’t his; even if he did, it never showed. He’s the only person I can recall from childhood that showed any real affection to me. I mean, his family did as well, but I never saw them more than once a year. After Giles died, I didn’t see them at all, really. Once or twice over the span of 10 years and the rare card at the solstices, but that was it. Giles was the only one that took the time to find out what my interests were and to try to encourage them. He saw me for who I was not who he thought I should be. I wasn’t a burden to him, but rather something to cherish. He knew it drove my mother nuts, but it didn’t deter him. It’s a shame he was taken too soon. Without his journals and mysterious notes, though, I wouldn’t have come to Harper Rock and I wouldn’t have met the rest of my family. I am immensely grateful for that. As well as for the fact he had the foresight to ensure I had a place to live when I arrived here even though he had no way of knowing if I’d actually figure it all out.

The apartment was a very welcome find given the banking issues I had at the time. I’ve never forgiven my mother for doing that to me. But I digress, kinda. The fact my mother drained my account on me - still haven’t figured out how managed that - was pretty much the driving factor in me needing to find a job sooner rather than later. Which is how I met Amara. It just happened that the day I started looking she had posted a help wanted ad. It was my first interaction with a vampire, though I hadn’t known it at the time. She was super personable and I have to admit I fell in love with the club so was willing to give it a shot while looking for something in my field. But it ended up being years before I left to start my own businesses. Amara was a dream to work with and she really helped me get my feet firm in the city. Honestly, without her, I likely wouldn’t have met as many vampires as I had. Hell, without her taking me under her wing, I’d likely still be a lost, socially awkward young woman. She’s taught me so much and treated me so well. I’ve considered her more of a really good friend than a boss, honestly. But I was shocked, surprised, and honored when I found out she considered me family. Something I have absolutely no problems with; it just feels right.


Azraeth is the brother I never had. Which is fun. Unless I’m shooting him in the head a few times. Which no one will let me live down. In my defense, before anyone reading this thinks I’m insane, it was a pit fight, and he wouldn’t stay down. He’s always been welcoming of my presence; has never made me feel like I’m out of place even when I was the only human in attendance of some event. That unconditional acceptance is a godsend at times. To know you have someone supporting you even though you’re different and there’s people that don’t think you belong is amazing. The way he tries to be inclusive of everyone. His protectiveness can sometimes be a bt much, but I’d rather that than someone without that trait. The unconditional support he’s shown, especially as of late, is probably the one thing I appreciate the most in recent times. The quintessential traits of what a family should be.

Flynn, though I met him before he met Azraeth, I didn’t get to know better before him and the dragon were an item. I love that he’s a human in the same position I am. It’s refreshing to have someone else who gets it. The entire rift issue has given a chance for us to get to know each other better as well. He’s a sweet person who I know will make a great partner for Az; they’re damn adorable couple. I also owe him a lot for the way he puts up with me randomly popping up on them. He’s never complained about it. I do need to make time to chat with him one on one on occasion. Just preferably without the impetus of a released ancient vampire. He’s awesome guy I’d love to sit down with and learn more about… especially since I don’t see him not being part of the family in the future. Though I suspect his title will change.

Every I met at Phoenix’s wedding and again later at the Ty auctions. The sperm donor formally introduced us at Enver’s New Year’s shindig a couple years ago. She was always friendly at those events, never treating me different than any other attendee. Even though I was nearly always the only human. It was always a pleasure to bump into her and by the time of last year’s Holiday Ball we had gotten to know each other decently well. Then the rift. Hard to go through something like that together and not be close afterwards if you weren’t before. The fact she had the foresight to try to protect me was appreciated, especially done in a way that didn’t make me feel helpless. The undeniable support that she was willing to supply over the decision. The way she understood what had occurred down there. I like to think we’ve helped each other through all the things lately. But one thing’s for certain, I don’t see her not being a part of my life.

Valdimar is an intriguing dragon. I remember wondering if Azraeth had somehow convinced the speed dating organizers to pair us up together. The unconventional date on the Ferris Wheel. The surprise and delight when I found out he was my brother’s childe. I certainly surprised by the interest he displayed on the family board in the plights I posted. I hadn’t realized I had made that much of an impression in that short time. His corrections to one of my posts was endearing, I have to admit. He is an interesting man full of mystery and surprises, I must admit. The one at the hotel was most unexpected, but it was fun and eye opening. It was certainly a new experience for me; I’ve never talked quite so openly about being a blood thief. It’s something I wouldn’t mind repeating. The fact he accepts me for who I am, despite the whole rift issue, is appreciated; he never seemed to bat an eye over it. I’m not sure what the future will bring with this one, but I look forward to getting to know him better.

Card Three: Ten of Swords Reversed
Future

The future. Mutable. Everchanging. Destiny. It's a fickle mistress that can change with the flap of a butterfly's wings. Yet, we still have the power to affect our own futures. To say enough is enough. To choose a path of our own desire. It may not work out how we intend or hope, but you never know till you embark on the journey. I know that some would argue that one ought be able to determine every possible consequence or change a decision could bring, but it’s impossible. Humans (and vampires) are unpredictable as is nature.

It’s ironic to see the Ten of Swords, reversed thankfully, in this reading as the card that represents the future. In its natural state, it easily describes the recent past. I.E. the whole Theodosia situation. How a single choice could ruin so much. Beyond the relationships. (Proverbial stab in the back comes to mind.) Beyond changing the city as we knew it. The stigma. The judgement from those that have no clue. Whispered words they think no one hears.

Add in mental breakdowns. Panic attacks. Really can’t get much more rock bottom than that. But the great thing about being that low is that up is really the only way to go. It’s not an easy thing to accept, honestly. And even once you do, it doesn't mean that you won’t question it. Rising up from the ashes (or bottom, if you prefer) is not an instantaneous event. It’s hard work. It takes time; it can be a very slow process.

Freeing Theo may have not been my finest moment. I’ll admit that. I also didn’t expect the extent of the fallout from it either. I should have anticipated that people wouldn't have cared how it occurred; they never do. The end result is all they care about. Along with the name of who to blame… Let's face it, no one ever praises anyone for such things. Despite there having been five of us, the blame fell almost squarely on me. And Every. Which still pisses me off. But I’ll come back to that, I’m sure.

Hitting bottom is the easy part. Recognizing that a change is needed and taking the first steps towards it is the hard bit. It took a while. Too long, really. One thing I’ve really learned from it is to listen to the people I trust. If I had, I probably wouldn't have sunk so low. But, at the same time, it was a lesson. One I’m not especially keen on repeating.

It came later than I would have liked, but at least it came. Just entering the auction with the contract I did should have been the alarm bell. I supposed I was too focused on the auction and the fallout of the rift. But then, we, Amara and I, had discussed the idea and had come to the conclusion it was a good idea. Beneficial. At the very least, it did raise some money for the charity. The threat of a nervous breakdown during the auction should have been another warning and in some ways, it was. I was just too determined and focused to heed it. The desire to satisfy the need I had was blinding.

Some would point to the fact that I had started therapy before the auction as the point I realized a change was needed to climb up from the bottom. Which is only partly true. That was just me recognizing that mental illnesses need proper care so they don’t grow into huge issues (again, in my case). But, it wasn’t a realization of the larger scale change needed to climb out of the pit I had found myself in. Just merely a step forward. I guess in my mind, they’re two seperate things. Two different pits that needed to be climbed.

No, that second realization came after the auction. Unexpectedly. In the middle of Every’s living room. At least this time there was no panic attack. Just a random lightbulb moment that I must have fallen so low to offer up the contract I had and to bid as I had. The starkness of what could have been to what I had gotten was a true wake up call.

Having started therapy after the first realization was a real help. It let me sort what reality and fiction were. To see things with logic instead of feelings. Having Every on hand to talk was an amazing tool as well. Especially since she had either been there in person or had seen what had occurred through Locyrn’s eyes. But really, what helped the most, was to be able to watch the events through her eyes as an objective outsider.

That was the kick I needed to realize that I wasn’t the only one that was accountable for Theo and neither was Every. Every person that had entered that chamber had played a part in her being released. Each choice had led to that point. It didn’t fall on me alone.

It was truly like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I certainly felt freer than I had in months. Despite that, I was upset knowing people had watched a version of that ‘video’ supplied by Ari and couldn’t see the same. That they were focused on the ‘who done it’ and the result. Nothing else matters to most. I know this. It sucks. I hate that they forget to see the picture as a whole. But there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t force them to do so. There’s no magical way to make them realize it.

There’s nothing I could do about what other people think, I realized. I could nudge them a bit, subtly, but outright telling them they were wrong or pointing out things wouldn’t work. To them, the ‘video’ is gospel. It’s tempting to destroy it, but too many have seen it and too many copies have been made. The only way to work against it is to prove it’s been tampered with which I still don’t think would do any good. I figured they’d probably figure I tampered with it in the first place, if I was even able to prove it had been altered.

It took a couple days, but I finally came to peace with the fact that my family knows what happened and still supports me. That is what matters. They may not agree with what occurred and that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, after all. I wouldn’t deny them that. But the fact that they didn’t turn on me or abaddon me is everything that counts. Their opinions, if they choose to share them are the only ones that truly matter.

That is what I decided I needed to focus on. Those that care. And on finding better outlets than an open-ended auction for what I need. Or rather, on using the ones I know are available to me. Amara was right when she said I was likely punishing myself. In some ways, that’s alright, but not the extent I felt it needed to be. Especially now that I realized that not everything fell to me; I was taking on too much of the blame and was trying to make the ‘punishment’ fit that. It never will, honestly. Too many people want their pound of flesh for whatever to fit. But I had come to learn that I needed to let go of the excess guilt and scale back the ‘punishment’ to fit.

I also came to realize that while I wasn’t the only one responsible for the rift, Theo, or what happened to the city, I still wanted to help out where I could. Not with any grandiose gestures; I’m not that type of person. I don’t need to do things for the recognition. I want to do them because they’re the right thing to do. Like the Foundation that I quietly started before the auction. It’s where everything I got from it went and I don’t regret it. I rather see people supplied with housing and security than have more money added to my bank account.

I may not totally be out of that pit, but I’m working on it. Step by step even if it’s baby steps. Focusing on family and their support. And supporting them in return. Taking days one day at a time. Doing things for myself for once instead of what’s expected. Working to better the city quietly. Learning to stand up for myself and not take on every guilt laid upon me. That one’s been key, honestly. Just because someone places it upon me does not mean I have to accept it.

Card Four: Ten of Pentacles
What to Do

Every action is just a stepping stone towards a future outcome, even if it ends up being a step back. It’s still a step. Still an attempt towards reaching that star.
Ten of Pentacles is a great card for this position of the reading. It speaks of arriving at a goal. Of a balance of stability for oneself and future generations. I know it’s main focus is typically monetary, but I don’t particularly think that a goal or legacy has to be financial in nature. Yes, money is nice in that it can provide us a comfortable place to live, the ability to travel to places we’ve always wanted to see, the ability to pursue a dream with the security that if it doesn’t work you’d be out on the streets. But it can’t get you the truly important things in life - friendship, love, sense of worth/purpose, happiness.

Thus, a financial legacy is nice, but I’d rather leave behind something more than that. Something that touches more than just a few people. No, the rift doesn’t count. I would want it to be a positive thing, not something half the city sees as negative and curses my name over. I’ll be the first to admit that I fear no matter what that that single event will be how I am remembered, though. It’s disheartening, honestly, but it gives me something to strive to change. And I need to remember, that in the end, I have no control over what events people choose to remember.

At this point in time, I have no offspring. I wanted one before this whole rift mess started. But now? I’m on the fence. I do but I don’t. On one hand I’m afraid that some would use the child to get to me. I don’t want to bring a child into the world only for it to be used like a pawn in some sick, twisted game. On the other, having a child to teach and help grow would be wonderful. To have someone to pass along Gile’s journals to to learn from. To pass down the businesses so they stay within the family. Then I have to wonder if I only want one because biology makes a woman desire to have children as a survival mechanism. I have to admit, I’m afraid what the child would inherit from it’s grandparents. I don’t want them to go through any of the same things I did. And then there’s the matter of whom the father would be. Especially since the only men I trust are vampires or seeing vampires.

So, yeah, any legacy I leave at this point would be the city, I think. Which is something I don’t have an issue with, really. It’d be something that my family and any offspring would benefit from as well. Of that I would be sure. I have several ideas; some of which I’ve already started on before this rift mess as they take a while to get into place. Ground has been broken on one such project already and I eagerly await its completion. I know I’m being mysterious, but I want this to be a surprise for everyone. It’s something I think a good deal of people will appreciate, even if they never use it themselves. And it’s only one piece of the puzzle. I have a bunch of ideas; the problem is narrowing them down into a manageable number.

Most follow the ideal of giving back to the community which is something that is important to me. I’m not doing it for the recognition, though, so everything goes through a foundation that is anonymous. That the projects exist and are appreciated is enough of a legacy for me.

Card Five: Hierophant
External Influences

I won’t lie… The Hierophant always makes me twitch with its religious-esqe symbolism. Religion and I don’t precisely get along. Well, more like organized religion; mainly the so-called book religions. I’m much more of a nature based religion girl, myself. In reality, it’s more representative of traditions and institutions. Of conformity. (Trust me, it makes me twitch too.) Of not rocking the boat. My favorite is how it speaks of a society that essentially outcasts anyone who acts contrary to how the society believes they should; how that person is always wrong in their eyes. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Not so much the humans in the town, but the vampires. It’s strange that the immortal beings are so resistant to change yet they bring much of it upon themselves. The fall of the Masquerade? Their own doing, mostly. The fallout of the cure? Definitely on them. They have a bad habit of action before research. Don’t get me wrong, I like vampires, but for beings that don’t seem to be for change… yeah. Funny how, if it’s only a person or small group that does something like that, there’s a huge outcry. Reasoning doesn’t make a difference at that point. Just the fact it occurred is enough.

I just wish this card wasn’t so accurate in terms of the external influences on my question. The society I live in, given recent events, isn’t likely to look favorable on things. When it’s just me, I can ignore them; no one’s getting hurt but me at that point. I’m afraid, though that they’ll lash out at anyone connected to me. That is something that is unacceptable to me. But no one ever said that they were reasonable. Far from it.

It’s a real shame that time travel isn’t a thing. I’d love to go back to before those random rifts began appearing all over town. With my memories of events, of course. The trick would be convincing people not to absorb them which would be difficult given the boost they gave. But I suspect that’s what started to make the rift unstable and started the downward spiral of the Masquerade. At the very least, it’s a solid point where vampires started to become more reckless in their actions, placing it into jeopardy. Ironic that it was ok for them to destabilize the rift by absorbing it, but release an ancient to open it and hell breaks loose. Go figure.

Hell, I’d even settle for someone waving a magic wand that mysteriously repens all the zombies and Theo while putting the Masquerade back in place. Again, as long as I get to keep my memories. In either case, I don’t think I’d make large, overt changes. I think I would lean towards gentle nudges here and there as not to rock the proverbial boat. I remember well how the majority didn’t take kindly to a human giving them her opinions on things, particularly on human-vampire relations and how to keep themselves hidden. Yes, I’m still a little bitter about that. Just because I’m human doesn’t mean I don’t know jack **** and it doesn’t mean I’m a security risk that shouldn’t exist. A thrall is more of a risk that I ever was, honestly. A true thrall acts different than before they were enthralled. The process takes away their free will so they’re essentially slaves that need to be told what to do.

I think I’d find my family and tell them the tales and enlist their help. Perhaps society would listen to one of their own better. I’m not sure if it’d be wise to tell them of the past (or possible future, depending) though. But at the same time, it would likely be the only way to ensure the Masquerade didn’t fall a second time. I honestly think that event is the linchpin to the chaos.

Now, I’m not saying that even with the Masquerade in place something like the cure wouldn’t have emerged. The timing on that suggests that that had been in development for a while. Either that or that they had inside help be it from the sirens, a disgruntled vampire (Pratt comes to mind), or a paladin. But, without vampires being ‘out’, they would have to work in secret or risk looking insane to their constituents. How much of an uproar would it be if someone found out that a vampire cure was being developed without there being any vampires? Especially when those funds could be better used for housing, schooling, or other life-saving drugs.

I would certainly advocate for getting friendly people into positions within major companies, public services, and the government. Eyes and ears, mainly. To provide a subtle nudge here or there, as needed. Something that would give insight into just how much each of these entities knows about the undead citizens of the city. Information that could prove invaluable if the Masquerade dropped a second time. Forewarned and all that jazz.

Personally, I think I would open my businesses sooner, especially Crimson and Sanguine, though both would require the utmost in secrecy from their employees. I’d probably keep my ‘only Dragomir or suggested by family’ hiring policy to help with that. Thralls as well. With uninitiated human employees being kept to a minimum to keep the risks at an acceptable level. I’d also stay at the Necropolis/Dungeon. I always enjoyed my work there and taking leave from there was a mistake.

I’d also focus on relationships with my family rather than waste time with those that turn on me. If I’m being given a second chance at things, I’m definitely grabbing it here. Of course I had some good times with the others, but those times aren’t worth much when you get turned on. And I’d be a fool to give them a second chance to do so. No, I rather form deeper relationships with fewer people than be a social butterfly cultivating mere acquaintances. Quality over quantity.

There would be more care taken in interactions with the undead outside the Necropolis or the family. Not because I think that they would betray me, but simply out of prudence. Their safety and mine. More escape and backup plans, as well. Things that would help keep myself and those I care about safe. I’d definitely work up a plan in case **** hit the fan if (when) the Masquerade fell that second time. Even if it had to involve mindblocking and drugging a few vampires and kidnapping them for their own good. No cages though. Just a safe haven.

I’m not sure about Theodosia, though. I can’t decide if I would be for releasing her again or not. Certainly, I would be sure that the circumstances of her first release weren’t repeated. I refuse to allow those two to die again. If vampires were still secret, and the circumstances could be controlled, I think I would be for releasing her again. There’s benefits to the rift expanding that I’m not sure most have realized yet. I walked by one the other night. An elder I had never seen before. If it had been one, I wouldn’t have paid it no mind, but a mere day later I passed another. I haven’t heard of two escaping so close together since the initial split of the rift by Cobb when Amara and the others found their way out. I have to assume it has something to do with Theo expanding the rift which is kind of what makes me waffle on releasing her. There was some bad with the zombies, but allowing elders to escape hell is priceless. But, I truly think it would depend on the state of the city. And whatever plan the family could come up with. I wouldn’t dare make that decision on my own again.

I think that’s what it comes down to, honestly, if the situations ever arose. Talk to the family and make decisions together. None of us are alone. And we’re all rational people that can have a discussion and come to a consensus on how to proceed. After all, more heads are better than one.

Card Six: Six of Cups
Hopes and Fears

Six of Cups is such an interesting card. Like most cards of the Tarot, at face value, it represents one thing but then has a deeper meaning or message. At first glance it is a card of generosity and happiness stemming from pleasant memories. The warmth of a past memory acting like warm blanket in the cold winter. Deeper, though, is the danger that lingering too long on the past allows the present to flow by you without your participation. There is also the risk that your focus on the past keeps you from finding your happiness in the present or taking steps to find it in the future.

Some would suggest that the Six of Cups coming up in a reading means you have a memory that you have to revisit to feel the emotions you seek… almost always positive. But, it my case, I know that can’t be the case. I have some positive memories, sure, but nothing I need to revisit to feel some positive emotion. I don’t need to live in the past to feel something.

It can also refer to a returning point. Perhaps it’s a return to a physical place that one called home. A run in with someone from your past. Finding delight. And perhaps sharing it.

When I was new to Harper Rock, once I started working at the Necropolis, it wasn’t long before it became home. It was somewhere I was comfortable, content, and felt safe despite being surrounded by vampires each night. Of course, Amara played a big role in that. I can’t deny it. Working there had a huge impact in my life, if I want to be completely honest. It was here I met vampires from all walks. Learned how much I enjoy the role of the blood doll among other things. I learned a lot from Amara and the trust she placed in me to run the Dungeon in her absence. It’s how I got the confidence to jump in and start my own businesses. I learnt a lot about myself during the years I worked with her. Learnt a lot from her. Like what it was like to have someone you could really trust and talk to. It was something novel to me. Something I’ll never forget.

Fast forward a couple years, I still consider the Necropolis one of my homes. But, I’ve grown a bit since then and have learnt that home isn’t necessarily a physical place. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s the people who make a home; not the place itself. I think that’s one of the reasons I always considered the Necro home; it’s where I could (and still can) always find Amara. And her words of wisdom. But, I also have other homes now with the rest of my family. I don’t think one can have too many homes. But I rather quality over quantity so I’m happy with just the few I have.

I also can’t deny I’m pleased as punch that Amara is back in town. I’ve missed her sorely. I’m also very appreciative that she considers me family and took the whole rift thing in stride. But mostly, I’m beyond grateful that she took a lost red-head under her wing and showed her what a real home was like. Without that, I would still be that lost, socially awkward woman with no true family or friends.

Card Seven: Nine of Wands
Final Outcome

I’m not entirely sure what to make for the Nine of Wands being the Outcome card. It typically represents some sort of final stand. Or that some sort of incident is going to come to a head. Or a warning of betrayal (little late on that one). I have this feeling it means I’m going to have to fight for what I want. Which I’m willing to do. It’s well worth fighting for. I just hope it doesn’t turn into a physical altercation.

Somethings, like this, are worth the fight. Some are not. Like the rift and trying to convince people that what they know from a stupid assed ‘video’ isn’t the full story. I tried, at first. Time and time getting the same results. Disinterest, mainly. A picture is worth a thousand words so a video must be worth a million. And what worth is there to the words or explanation of one you believe guilty? None apparently. It was and is an unwinnable battle. I lost a lot because of it. Friends. Relatives. Trust. Respect. A truly vast myriad of things, some which I probably haven’t discovered yet. Most would call that losing and I would agree, in part.

But while I lost, I learnt from the experience. I grew from it. I learned people will believe whatever they want. Interpret events how they like. Even despite being offered evidence to the contrary. People may have walked away due to it, but if they were willing to discard any explanation from me after knowing me for ages, then why would I want to continue to have them in my life?

So yes, I lost the battle. But I think I won something much larger. I learned. I grew. That is priceless.