And Today Is?
Posted: 14 Apr 2017, 11:02
[ATHENA] Athena didn’t wake up this time when her alarms went off, instead maintaining consciousness only long enough to snooze her alarms and to curl back up. It was far unlike Athena to bail out of work, or to bail out of anything that wouldn’t consume her day and keep her nose deep in something busy to do. But tonight was different, she stayed under those covers and didn’t give a second thought to it.
[COSIMO] Cosimo was already out of bed. One would smell the soap drifting in from the shower, which he'd finished fifteen minutes ago. The man had a debt to repay, but even after it was repaid he doubted he'd stop working at Queen of Tarts. He'd found the work lifted his spirits, and he'd been far happier the past couple of weeks. It had something to do with being social, around other people, rather than spending the majority of his nights alone. He'd heard Athena's alarms and had noticed she wasn't getting up -- he slammed the drawer from which he grabbed his socks, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull them on. "You are going to be late," he said to the unmoving body beneath the covers.
[ATHENA] Athena jerked under the covers after the slam of the dresser drawer, pulling the covers down from covering her face and turning her head to the sound of the man’s voice. “I know, I figured they could deal without me tonight.” she murmured, her voice rough from being asleep just a few minutes previously. Slowly but surely, she used both of her palms to rub the sleep from her eyes and sit up in her spot in the bed. “Are you leaving for work now?” she asked soft, almost disappointed.
[COSIMO] For so many weeks, months, even, the woman was religious about going to work. And now suddenly she didn't feel like it. At first Cosimo had been concerned, worried for her wellbeing. Eventually he gave up and let her do what she wanted while he kept himself entertained. Now, his socks were pulled on and he turned to look at Athena, a frown creasing his brow. "Si," he said. "Are you unwell?" he asked. He'd noted the disappointment but had dismissed it. But, as frustrated as he had been, he was still Cosimo. And he still cared.
[ATHENA] “No, I’m not unwell.” she murmured now, looking off to the side before she found his face again. Guilty. She couldn’t remember the last time she had stayed home, the last time they had spent time together that wasn’t mostly sleep. “I just woke up and wondered.. “ trailing off now, she took an unneeded breath and managed to smile at him, though it didn’t meet the blue in her eyes. “I will see you when you get home from work, yeah? I will buy a bottle of wine.” Athena almost winced then, she didn’t want to know how long it had been. She was scared to know, because no matter how busy she got, or how aloof she was, she knew the importance of time together in a relationship and she even spent that time at work. Her relationship was at the garage and she couldn’t begin to deny that.
[COSIMO] "I cannot drink wine," Cosimo said, turning away to reach for his shoes -- leather ones, with laces -- to tie them up. He could see what Athena was trying to do and once upon a time he might have dropped everything. He might have taken the time she was willing to offer him for all that it was worth. "I do not know how long I will be. I have work at the tart shop, and I have some more parts I need to work on. I need to sell the guns if I am to pay Elizabeth back," he said. He did not like being in debt to anyone, even if he doubted Elizabeth would take the money that he proposed to pay back to her. But, he had her account details, and she would have no choice.
[ATHENA] Athena knew that they couldn’t drink it, she knew it and yet she still said it. She said it because she was grasping at straws here, grasping at something she wasn’t sure she had anymore. She knew surely, she didn’t deserve it. “Alright, I will be home when you get home then.” she murmured quietly after she watched him, a promise to him that she didn’t usually make. if it wasn’t obvious before, it was obvious now, that she was trying tonight after months and months of not being home.
[COSIMO] Cosimo knew that this conversation would come to fruition, eventually. Right now, he knew he had a shift to get to -- so although he had things to say, he wouldn't say them just yet. He would say them when he got home -- if she was still there, like she said she was going to be. Deep down, he wasn't sure that he believed her. Cosimo, who was normally boundlessly optimistic, had let a little pessimism creep in. He was not a fan of confrontation. And it was better that he go to work happy rather than late and cranky. "I have fed Artu," he said. The cat had become a master at tricking one or the other for a second lot of food -- his belly was starting to grow. "Have a good night. I will see you later," he said, standing and retrieving his jacket from where it was draped over a chair. He was going through the motions.
[ATHENA] Athena didn’t want to ruin anymore of his days. She didn’t want to continue to be the cause for his crankiness, or the reason he would be late today. It was hard not to remember how happy he had been when she woke up, or how there he had been when she was asleep only to repay him this way. With her absence again, but worse, she was awake this time and for every single night that passed them since. She got caught up again, lost time again, and she lost time in big chunks. In months, she even had the nagging fear that maybe it had been a full year. A full year of this, again. “I will see you later.” she agreed, looking down now at the blanket that covered their bed and her currently. “Have a good day, Cosimo. I will be here.” she pressed the last few words, she wouldn’t let him down again. Not tonight.
[COSIMO] Cosimo stopped by the door as if he were going to say something, but thought better of it. Artu was entering the bedroom as Cosimo entered, the cat looking up at him curiously. Cosimo bent down to scratch the cat between the ears as he waved a simple goodbye to Athena. He collected his wallet, phone and keys as he left the apartment -- everything else he needed was at the Tower, or at work. Artu watched the male leave, before padding further into the room and leaping onto the bed -- no doubt surprised that there was still someone in it.
[ATHENA] Athena watched him leave, the words she wanted to say stuck in the back of her throat. For once, she felt her will betray her and she couldn’t muster up the strength to fight against it. She knew she was in the wrong here so she couldn’t come into this swinging punches. This is something she would enter in with her tail between her legs and a deep rooted hope that Cosimo would forgive her and that they could love again. But she had to show him first that she was serious and she would. She’d make it up to him, she’d spend the rest of their forever making it up to him if that’s what it took. As Artu came padding onto their bed, she reached over and scratched behind his left ear as she thought hard about her next move. With Cosimo gone she made use of those hours to herself. She cleaned the entire apartment, from top to bottom from left to right. She worked hard to get the place sparkling clean, since the only reason it was ever dirty- was her. After she cleaned the apartment, she spent a good few hours simply pacing. She thought about what she was doing, the life she was living and how she could even face Cosimo later after the way she had been treating him. Not that she had been treating him in any sort of way, anyway, when she was busy working or sleeping and was simply not even there for him. She wondered why she was still in this apartment with him, why he hadn’t kicked her out, why he hadn’t given up on her when she so obviously had given up on anything that wasn’t work. Athena had given up on her life, on her love, and the few friends she had for solitude and endless work. She had a lot of making up to do and that was so sure.
[COSIMO] Athena’s behaviour lingered on Cosimo’s mind the whole night, distracting him from his work. The dimples were shown less, the smile at the shop less frequent; he made sure he was able to work out the back, baking the tarts instead of out front serving the customers. It was better to focus on menial tasks, mind-numbing repetition.
When his shift at the Queen of Tarts was over he took off the apron and pulled out the tome that would take him to Ivory Towers. By habit, he walked straight to the crafting table. All his things were still there, as well as a few new parts left behind by, he assumed, Elizabeth. How many hours did he spend hammering away at the different parts, making them fit together in ways that would only make the gun more powerful, with better aim? This, too, took his mind off everything else, requiring all his focus. By the time he looked at his watch it was late. Or early, depending on how one wanted to look at it. Sunrise wouldn’t be too far away -- and he knew Athena was waiting for him. Or, she had said she would be home. Was he avoiding the confrontation?
With a heavy sigh he packed away his tools and tagged the guns he was going to sell, putting them away in a locked box. In order to get back to the apartment he had to take a portal and then walk the rest of the way. The fresh night air washed away some of the scent of baked goods and metal shards, but the evidence of his night would still be there, clinging to his clothes as he walked through the front door. The apartment was clean -- cleaner than it already was. He wondered what was different, and he supposed it was the absence of dust, some of the clutter put away. He cleared his throat as he locked the door behind him, hanging his bag on the nearby rack. Artu came trotting around the corner and Cosimo held out his hands, the cat jumping up into them. It never failed to make Cosimo smile, which he did now, cooing at the animal who started to purr happily.
[ATHENA] Athena heard the door open and she stayed put, she stayed where she was on the couch with her book open over her lap and her phone at her side. She had a notepad open with a pen tucked between pages over their coffee table but besides that the apartment looked like no one lived there. It was so clean that she was even scared to touch something for too long and make it dirty again. She didn't know what to say so she watched for him, she waited patiently as she nervously began to drag fingertips over the pages of the book she was only half reading.
During the time he was gone she tried not to stare at the clock, she willed herself to give him time to come home to her. To give him time away, to not panic, to not leave the apartment in fear that if she did she would miss him and let him down again. So she stayed home, she paced, she read, she listened to her music and most importantly she made arrangements to try and make things up to her lover.
“Cosimo,” she called finally, her voice softer than usual, her guilt hiding in plain sight. “Did you have
a good day?” she asked, almostly childish. This wouldn't keep her out of trouble she earned herself.
[COSIMO] The Italian couldn’t even be sure why he was being so stubborn. It was easy enough to say that he hated confrontation, that this was a conversation he didn’t want to have -- perhaps it was why he had done nothing this whole time. He’d just got on with his life and avoided answering if anyone asked him about Athena -- about where she was or how things were. He said nothing to anyone, even to himself. He focused on other things. The last time he’d been upset about Athena’s work she’d quit a job that she loved, and he didn’t want her to think she had to give up everything for him. So he hadn’t complained.
Couldn’t it then be his own fault for not putting up a fight?
Athena called out to him and Cosimo sighed, pressing a whiskery kiss to the top of Artu’s head before putting him back down. The cat followed Cosimo through to the lounge room where Athena sat, and Where Cosimo dropped himself down into the corner of the opposite couch. Normally he’d be heading through for a shower. But the silent treatment would not only be immature, it would get them nowhere.
“It was fine,” he said. “Yours?”
[ATHENA] Athena watched the man walk into the room, her eyes crinkling at the sides with the heartache she felt about this entire situation. It was true, the months blurred together and she never once heard a peep from Cosimo. But she wasn't playing the blame game and he wasn't freezing her out. She would own up to her part in this, the distance she could feel between them even when they were in the same room. It broke her heart to remember that things hadn't always been this way, that they had been in love before and yet all she felt now was frozen.
“It was ****.” She said bluntly, always being a little more on edge than Cosimo. It was always a thought that maybe that's where she lived, on edge.
Athena tried again, she cleared her throat, she looked hopelessly over at Cosimo while she slowly stood, closing the book in her lap. “I miss you,” she
tried, not even sure how to have this conversation, how to start something so painful that they both had been avoiding for months now. “I'm sorry, I don't - I'm sorry.”
[COSIMO] Athena stood and Cosimo wondered what her next move was. Was she going to come sit by him? It made him nervous, somehow. He didn’t know why. He wasn’t sure how much he could give. His eyes narrowed, mouth parted to respond -- the apology assuaged his response a little. But only a little. His tone was a little less clipped than it could have been.
“I have been right here, and yet I have spent most of my nights alone. I finally get a job and find a purpose, and you tell me that you miss me. Is it because I have not been home when you return that you suddenly realise that you miss me?” he asked, genuinely curious. How did this change suddenly come about? Why now? There was more he could have said, words flung out of frustration, but he bit his tongue. He could have asked whether she wanted him to stay home, to quit, whether that would make her happy. But he wouldn’t quit. He wouldn’t stay home. Why bother asking the questions? Another sigh flared his nostrils and instead, his voice softened.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
[ATHENA]
Athena swallowed, she tried to summon some of that spunk, some of that anger that she always had but nothing came up. She came up empty. She felt empty, as if her stomach would fall directly down onto the floor and she would fail again. It made her jerk backwards some, the tone that Cosimo threw at her but she stood her ground and stood there like the idiot she felt she was. Athena didn't take another step towards him, holding onto her book with both hands as if that would steady her.
“I am okay Cosimo but we are not okay.” She said this clearly, as if that would make him stop asking her if she was bloody okay or not. Athena wasn't ill, she knew this much but she half wished she wasn't so okay, that she had something solid to blame this distance on. She didn't though. This was all on them.
“This has nothing to do with you not being home, Cosi. You're not some… housewife, I don't expect you to be waiting here for me. I want you to have a purpose, I want you to have happiness…” trailing off, she swallowed, mustering up the strength that she needed to continue this fight. “And I want to be a part of that again, I want to be a part of your happiness and your day. I miss you, and I'm sorry for never being home. I'm sorry for working so much and never giving a damn about anybody but myself… “ Athena swallowed air now, a gasp that showed just how much she felt the words she was saying, it twisted the features on her face and she looked close to tears. She didn't even know… could she cry?
“But please, don't pretend like you've said a whisper to me. I'm willing to do what I can, Cosimo.”
[COSIMO] Cosimo shook his head.
“No, we are not okay,” he said. The distance had grown between them, turned into a gaping yawn, a crevasse over which they would struggle to leap. It would take work, which Athena admitted to being willing to put in. And now it was up to Cosimo to agree to the terms. Could he do what needed to be done to close the gap or had he grown too cynical? Would he constantly be waiting?
“I said nothing to you because I should not have to. I said nothing because I am not going to demand you stay home any more than you will ask me to. It is not the first time that it has happened. You are happy in your work,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. Her work meant more to her than other things. That was something he had learned to accept.
“How long? We can be better again, but for how long will it be?” he asked. Cosimo was not a man generally prone to self-loathing or low self-esteem, but since the incident before his turning he had become more sensitive, more prone to a general lack of self worth. It was something he was able, most often, to hurdle over and push aside. He fought back with prowess, his optimism far too great to allow the voices in his head to get him down. This, he realised, was why he was avoiding this conversation with Athena. Listening to himself, he hated the way he sounded, he hated the thing he wanted to say, and to ask. And so he said nothing. He banished the bad thoughts from his mind, he called them untrue, even if there would always be that lingering doubt.
[COSIMO] Cosimo was already out of bed. One would smell the soap drifting in from the shower, which he'd finished fifteen minutes ago. The man had a debt to repay, but even after it was repaid he doubted he'd stop working at Queen of Tarts. He'd found the work lifted his spirits, and he'd been far happier the past couple of weeks. It had something to do with being social, around other people, rather than spending the majority of his nights alone. He'd heard Athena's alarms and had noticed she wasn't getting up -- he slammed the drawer from which he grabbed his socks, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull them on. "You are going to be late," he said to the unmoving body beneath the covers.
[ATHENA] Athena jerked under the covers after the slam of the dresser drawer, pulling the covers down from covering her face and turning her head to the sound of the man’s voice. “I know, I figured they could deal without me tonight.” she murmured, her voice rough from being asleep just a few minutes previously. Slowly but surely, she used both of her palms to rub the sleep from her eyes and sit up in her spot in the bed. “Are you leaving for work now?” she asked soft, almost disappointed.
[COSIMO] For so many weeks, months, even, the woman was religious about going to work. And now suddenly she didn't feel like it. At first Cosimo had been concerned, worried for her wellbeing. Eventually he gave up and let her do what she wanted while he kept himself entertained. Now, his socks were pulled on and he turned to look at Athena, a frown creasing his brow. "Si," he said. "Are you unwell?" he asked. He'd noted the disappointment but had dismissed it. But, as frustrated as he had been, he was still Cosimo. And he still cared.
[ATHENA] “No, I’m not unwell.” she murmured now, looking off to the side before she found his face again. Guilty. She couldn’t remember the last time she had stayed home, the last time they had spent time together that wasn’t mostly sleep. “I just woke up and wondered.. “ trailing off now, she took an unneeded breath and managed to smile at him, though it didn’t meet the blue in her eyes. “I will see you when you get home from work, yeah? I will buy a bottle of wine.” Athena almost winced then, she didn’t want to know how long it had been. She was scared to know, because no matter how busy she got, or how aloof she was, she knew the importance of time together in a relationship and she even spent that time at work. Her relationship was at the garage and she couldn’t begin to deny that.
[COSIMO] "I cannot drink wine," Cosimo said, turning away to reach for his shoes -- leather ones, with laces -- to tie them up. He could see what Athena was trying to do and once upon a time he might have dropped everything. He might have taken the time she was willing to offer him for all that it was worth. "I do not know how long I will be. I have work at the tart shop, and I have some more parts I need to work on. I need to sell the guns if I am to pay Elizabeth back," he said. He did not like being in debt to anyone, even if he doubted Elizabeth would take the money that he proposed to pay back to her. But, he had her account details, and she would have no choice.
[ATHENA] Athena knew that they couldn’t drink it, she knew it and yet she still said it. She said it because she was grasping at straws here, grasping at something she wasn’t sure she had anymore. She knew surely, she didn’t deserve it. “Alright, I will be home when you get home then.” she murmured quietly after she watched him, a promise to him that she didn’t usually make. if it wasn’t obvious before, it was obvious now, that she was trying tonight after months and months of not being home.
[COSIMO] Cosimo knew that this conversation would come to fruition, eventually. Right now, he knew he had a shift to get to -- so although he had things to say, he wouldn't say them just yet. He would say them when he got home -- if she was still there, like she said she was going to be. Deep down, he wasn't sure that he believed her. Cosimo, who was normally boundlessly optimistic, had let a little pessimism creep in. He was not a fan of confrontation. And it was better that he go to work happy rather than late and cranky. "I have fed Artu," he said. The cat had become a master at tricking one or the other for a second lot of food -- his belly was starting to grow. "Have a good night. I will see you later," he said, standing and retrieving his jacket from where it was draped over a chair. He was going through the motions.
[ATHENA] Athena didn’t want to ruin anymore of his days. She didn’t want to continue to be the cause for his crankiness, or the reason he would be late today. It was hard not to remember how happy he had been when she woke up, or how there he had been when she was asleep only to repay him this way. With her absence again, but worse, she was awake this time and for every single night that passed them since. She got caught up again, lost time again, and she lost time in big chunks. In months, she even had the nagging fear that maybe it had been a full year. A full year of this, again. “I will see you later.” she agreed, looking down now at the blanket that covered their bed and her currently. “Have a good day, Cosimo. I will be here.” she pressed the last few words, she wouldn’t let him down again. Not tonight.
[COSIMO] Cosimo stopped by the door as if he were going to say something, but thought better of it. Artu was entering the bedroom as Cosimo entered, the cat looking up at him curiously. Cosimo bent down to scratch the cat between the ears as he waved a simple goodbye to Athena. He collected his wallet, phone and keys as he left the apartment -- everything else he needed was at the Tower, or at work. Artu watched the male leave, before padding further into the room and leaping onto the bed -- no doubt surprised that there was still someone in it.
[ATHENA] Athena watched him leave, the words she wanted to say stuck in the back of her throat. For once, she felt her will betray her and she couldn’t muster up the strength to fight against it. She knew she was in the wrong here so she couldn’t come into this swinging punches. This is something she would enter in with her tail between her legs and a deep rooted hope that Cosimo would forgive her and that they could love again. But she had to show him first that she was serious and she would. She’d make it up to him, she’d spend the rest of their forever making it up to him if that’s what it took. As Artu came padding onto their bed, she reached over and scratched behind his left ear as she thought hard about her next move. With Cosimo gone she made use of those hours to herself. She cleaned the entire apartment, from top to bottom from left to right. She worked hard to get the place sparkling clean, since the only reason it was ever dirty- was her. After she cleaned the apartment, she spent a good few hours simply pacing. She thought about what she was doing, the life she was living and how she could even face Cosimo later after the way she had been treating him. Not that she had been treating him in any sort of way, anyway, when she was busy working or sleeping and was simply not even there for him. She wondered why she was still in this apartment with him, why he hadn’t kicked her out, why he hadn’t given up on her when she so obviously had given up on anything that wasn’t work. Athena had given up on her life, on her love, and the few friends she had for solitude and endless work. She had a lot of making up to do and that was so sure.
[COSIMO] Athena’s behaviour lingered on Cosimo’s mind the whole night, distracting him from his work. The dimples were shown less, the smile at the shop less frequent; he made sure he was able to work out the back, baking the tarts instead of out front serving the customers. It was better to focus on menial tasks, mind-numbing repetition.
When his shift at the Queen of Tarts was over he took off the apron and pulled out the tome that would take him to Ivory Towers. By habit, he walked straight to the crafting table. All his things were still there, as well as a few new parts left behind by, he assumed, Elizabeth. How many hours did he spend hammering away at the different parts, making them fit together in ways that would only make the gun more powerful, with better aim? This, too, took his mind off everything else, requiring all his focus. By the time he looked at his watch it was late. Or early, depending on how one wanted to look at it. Sunrise wouldn’t be too far away -- and he knew Athena was waiting for him. Or, she had said she would be home. Was he avoiding the confrontation?
With a heavy sigh he packed away his tools and tagged the guns he was going to sell, putting them away in a locked box. In order to get back to the apartment he had to take a portal and then walk the rest of the way. The fresh night air washed away some of the scent of baked goods and metal shards, but the evidence of his night would still be there, clinging to his clothes as he walked through the front door. The apartment was clean -- cleaner than it already was. He wondered what was different, and he supposed it was the absence of dust, some of the clutter put away. He cleared his throat as he locked the door behind him, hanging his bag on the nearby rack. Artu came trotting around the corner and Cosimo held out his hands, the cat jumping up into them. It never failed to make Cosimo smile, which he did now, cooing at the animal who started to purr happily.
[ATHENA] Athena heard the door open and she stayed put, she stayed where she was on the couch with her book open over her lap and her phone at her side. She had a notepad open with a pen tucked between pages over their coffee table but besides that the apartment looked like no one lived there. It was so clean that she was even scared to touch something for too long and make it dirty again. She didn't know what to say so she watched for him, she waited patiently as she nervously began to drag fingertips over the pages of the book she was only half reading.
During the time he was gone she tried not to stare at the clock, she willed herself to give him time to come home to her. To give him time away, to not panic, to not leave the apartment in fear that if she did she would miss him and let him down again. So she stayed home, she paced, she read, she listened to her music and most importantly she made arrangements to try and make things up to her lover.
“Cosimo,” she called finally, her voice softer than usual, her guilt hiding in plain sight. “Did you have
a good day?” she asked, almostly childish. This wouldn't keep her out of trouble she earned herself.
[COSIMO] The Italian couldn’t even be sure why he was being so stubborn. It was easy enough to say that he hated confrontation, that this was a conversation he didn’t want to have -- perhaps it was why he had done nothing this whole time. He’d just got on with his life and avoided answering if anyone asked him about Athena -- about where she was or how things were. He said nothing to anyone, even to himself. He focused on other things. The last time he’d been upset about Athena’s work she’d quit a job that she loved, and he didn’t want her to think she had to give up everything for him. So he hadn’t complained.
Couldn’t it then be his own fault for not putting up a fight?
Athena called out to him and Cosimo sighed, pressing a whiskery kiss to the top of Artu’s head before putting him back down. The cat followed Cosimo through to the lounge room where Athena sat, and Where Cosimo dropped himself down into the corner of the opposite couch. Normally he’d be heading through for a shower. But the silent treatment would not only be immature, it would get them nowhere.
“It was fine,” he said. “Yours?”
[ATHENA] Athena watched the man walk into the room, her eyes crinkling at the sides with the heartache she felt about this entire situation. It was true, the months blurred together and she never once heard a peep from Cosimo. But she wasn't playing the blame game and he wasn't freezing her out. She would own up to her part in this, the distance she could feel between them even when they were in the same room. It broke her heart to remember that things hadn't always been this way, that they had been in love before and yet all she felt now was frozen.
“It was ****.” She said bluntly, always being a little more on edge than Cosimo. It was always a thought that maybe that's where she lived, on edge.
Athena tried again, she cleared her throat, she looked hopelessly over at Cosimo while she slowly stood, closing the book in her lap. “I miss you,” she
tried, not even sure how to have this conversation, how to start something so painful that they both had been avoiding for months now. “I'm sorry, I don't - I'm sorry.”
[COSIMO] Athena stood and Cosimo wondered what her next move was. Was she going to come sit by him? It made him nervous, somehow. He didn’t know why. He wasn’t sure how much he could give. His eyes narrowed, mouth parted to respond -- the apology assuaged his response a little. But only a little. His tone was a little less clipped than it could have been.
“I have been right here, and yet I have spent most of my nights alone. I finally get a job and find a purpose, and you tell me that you miss me. Is it because I have not been home when you return that you suddenly realise that you miss me?” he asked, genuinely curious. How did this change suddenly come about? Why now? There was more he could have said, words flung out of frustration, but he bit his tongue. He could have asked whether she wanted him to stay home, to quit, whether that would make her happy. But he wouldn’t quit. He wouldn’t stay home. Why bother asking the questions? Another sigh flared his nostrils and instead, his voice softened.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
[ATHENA]
Athena swallowed, she tried to summon some of that spunk, some of that anger that she always had but nothing came up. She came up empty. She felt empty, as if her stomach would fall directly down onto the floor and she would fail again. It made her jerk backwards some, the tone that Cosimo threw at her but she stood her ground and stood there like the idiot she felt she was. Athena didn't take another step towards him, holding onto her book with both hands as if that would steady her.
“I am okay Cosimo but we are not okay.” She said this clearly, as if that would make him stop asking her if she was bloody okay or not. Athena wasn't ill, she knew this much but she half wished she wasn't so okay, that she had something solid to blame this distance on. She didn't though. This was all on them.
“This has nothing to do with you not being home, Cosi. You're not some… housewife, I don't expect you to be waiting here for me. I want you to have a purpose, I want you to have happiness…” trailing off, she swallowed, mustering up the strength that she needed to continue this fight. “And I want to be a part of that again, I want to be a part of your happiness and your day. I miss you, and I'm sorry for never being home. I'm sorry for working so much and never giving a damn about anybody but myself… “ Athena swallowed air now, a gasp that showed just how much she felt the words she was saying, it twisted the features on her face and she looked close to tears. She didn't even know… could she cry?
“But please, don't pretend like you've said a whisper to me. I'm willing to do what I can, Cosimo.”
[COSIMO] Cosimo shook his head.
“No, we are not okay,” he said. The distance had grown between them, turned into a gaping yawn, a crevasse over which they would struggle to leap. It would take work, which Athena admitted to being willing to put in. And now it was up to Cosimo to agree to the terms. Could he do what needed to be done to close the gap or had he grown too cynical? Would he constantly be waiting?
“I said nothing to you because I should not have to. I said nothing because I am not going to demand you stay home any more than you will ask me to. It is not the first time that it has happened. You are happy in your work,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. Her work meant more to her than other things. That was something he had learned to accept.
“How long? We can be better again, but for how long will it be?” he asked. Cosimo was not a man generally prone to self-loathing or low self-esteem, but since the incident before his turning he had become more sensitive, more prone to a general lack of self worth. It was something he was able, most often, to hurdle over and push aside. He fought back with prowess, his optimism far too great to allow the voices in his head to get him down. This, he realised, was why he was avoiding this conversation with Athena. Listening to himself, he hated the way he sounded, he hated the thing he wanted to say, and to ask. And so he said nothing. He banished the bad thoughts from his mind, he called them untrue, even if there would always be that lingering doubt.