Refleksyon nan Nanm Mwen
Posted: 08 Jan 2017, 17:36
Mwen pa janm te vle anpil pou tèt mwen nan lavi sa a. Mwen te sèlman tout tan tout tan te vle fè pote kontantman p'ap janm fini an nan fanmi m 'yo. Sepandan, mwen konnen ke doulè se yon aspè nesesè nan lavi, li se nati, pa gen pwoblèm konbyen lajan mwen vle pou moun mwen renmen pa gen fè eksperyans li. Lè m 'te chwazi pou yo avanse pou Harper Rock, li te soti nan dezi pwòp mwen yo elaji mwen konnen nan mond lan pi lwen pase alp la franse, li te youn nan bagay ki kèk mwen te janm fè sèlman pou tèt mwen. Mwen ta kwè sa se yon fason nati a nan pini m 'pou abandone moun mwen renmen soti nan egoyis pwòp mwen. Mwen te vle di ke yo mouri ... Mwen te vle di ke yo mouri e ankò mwen toujou isit la, pa encore yon loa, menm si petèt mwen pa janm pral wè jan mwen te janm pwofite sou pesonn lanmò ... ale kont lanati. Mwen kapab sèlman espere ke tan an ap vini lè m 'kapab deplase sou soti nan mond sa a, jan mwen refize yo dwe imòtèl, yo kontinye defye lwa yo nan lanati, li se pa dwat, li se pa chemen an nan mond lan. Li pa ta dwe. Mwen tande sa yo rimè kap kouri nan rwayom la Lonbraj, yon kote dépourvu nan koulè oswa limyè, dépourvu nan kè kontan. Petèt se pou kote mwen fè pati, fòse yo dwe bloke nan yon linivè fè nwa pou tout letènite pou peche m 'kont nati ... Mwen kapab sèlman espere ke petèt Papa Legba pral montre m' gen kè sansib, pèmèt mwen yo pase sou wout la ke mwen vle di a, jan mwen pa te fè imòtèl pa chwa, pa gen, mwen te mouri san kite kontwòl sou sa m 'te transfòme nan. Mwen sèlman ta vle vin yon sèl ak van yo tèr, nou pa rete madichonnen ak lavi sa a nan sa ki mal. Mwen pral sèvi ak kado m 'lan nan nekromansi ede retounen lavi ki te enjisteman pran, petèt pa sa yo ki nan kalite m' yo. Mwen fè sa pa soti nan espere ke pou padon nan men move lespri yo, men piman pou Bondye vin delivre a nan nanm pwòp mwen. Mwen p'ap janm, tout tan pote domaj nan moun ki inonsan, epi li pral sèlman pran san nan men donatè vle, menm si menm sa a santi l peche. Chak fwa santi a trennen moute nan kè m ', bzwen nan fè nwa pou san, mwen vin rpousèr pa sa m' te vin tounen. Pa gen yonn nan li byen. Mwen p'ap bay nan tantasyon yo nan sa ki mal ki abite nan m '. Mwen pral goumen li. Nan non bondye, mwen pral konsa n'a wete bagay nanm pwòp mwen nan fènwa sa a.
English Translation: I have never wanted much for myself in this life. I have only ever wished to bring eternal happiness to my family. However, I know that pain is a necessary aspect of life, it is nature, no matter how much I wish for those I love to not have to experience it. When I chose to move to Harper Rock, it was out of my own desire to expand my knowledge of the world beyond the French Alps, it was one of the few things I've ever done solely for myself. I suppose this is nature's way of punishing me for abandoning those I love out of my own selfishness. I was meant to die...I was meant to die and yet I am still here, not yet a loa, though perhaps I never will be seeing as I have cheated death...gone against nature. I can only hope that the time will come when I can move on from this world, as I refuse to be immortal, to continue defying the laws of nature, it is not right, it is not the way of the world. It should not be. I have heard these rumors of the Shadow Realm, a place devoid of color or light, devoid of joy. Perhaps that is where I belong, forced to be trapped within a dark universe for all eternity for my sins against nature...I can only hope that perhaps Papa Legba will show me mercy, allow me to pass on the way that I am meant to, as I was not made immortal by choice, no, I was dying and had no control over what I was transformed into. I only wish to become one with the hushed winds, not to remain cursed with this life of evil. I will use my gifts of necromancy to help return life that has been unfairly taken away, perhaps by those of my kind. I do this not out of hopes for forgiveness from the spirits, but purely for the redemption of my own soul. I will never, ever bring harm to the innocent, and will only take blood from willing donors, though even this feels sinful. Every time the feeling creeps up within me, the dark craving for blood, I become repulsed by what I have become. None of it is right. I will not give in to the temptations of evil that reside within of me. I will fight it. In the name of Bondye, I will purge my own soul of this darkness.