ღ shades of gold ღ
Posted: 28 Dec 2016, 14:30
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong, he’s gotta be fast and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
Bonnie Tyler, I need a hero
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He’s gotta be strong, he’s gotta be fast and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
Bonnie Tyler, I need a hero
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I never wanted to believe in the stories my grandmother used to tell. They were better off left around the burning fire with the wind whispering haunting songs in our ears, and not for reality. I felt safer then, wrapped in the warmth of her woven blanket as she carefully ran her fingers through my hair. I knew nothing would happen to me, as my father stood off to the side, his silhouette flickering as the smoke rose to the skies, his eyes glittering in the darkness, as if he knew all of the horrors that waited. He wouldn’t let them near our tribe - or near me.
That was a long time ago.
I’ve often wondered if I made the right choice in leaving to explore the world. I’ve always felt as if something was missing. There was piece of me that even my mother’s love couldn’t fill, a darkness that ached to be nurtured. There was no heartache in my parent’s eyes when I waved to them from the window of that beaten down bus, but I can read it in their letters. They want me home, they want me under the protection of our tribe, but I can’t.
I’ve yet to figure out who I really am.
Am I Sunflower, the beloved daughter of the Cherokee, or am I Saorise, the forgotten orphan from Ireland?
What is this void in my chest, this pain in my heart?
Even though I keep their letters with me always, I’ve yet to tell them the truth of my adventures. If I did, they would come for me. They would wander into this beauty of a life I’ve created for myself and see only darkness. They wouldn’t understand when I told them I’ve found another place that I seem to belong or that I’ve found someone other that Okario to give myself to. It’s like another piece of the puzzle that is my soul clicked into place the moment I met Viper. She welcomed me in with open arms, taught me how to survive in this world - and she offered me a place to rest my head from the troubles that plagued me. My mother can barely stomach the weight of a cell phone - what would she do when she found out I pushed the boundaries of the law - and my life - when I am behind the wheel of a car? She would faint - that is one thing I do know.
Of course, she would accept the car over the truth. I have bound myself with the vampire population. Those are the stories I mentioned earlier, the ones better left untold. They are real, these monsters that feed on our blood. They live among us, walk as we do, talk as we do. They laugh, they cry, they love, they feel. I personally know of a handful. Of course, when I met them, I hadn’t a clue who they really were - but I do now. I’ve witnessed their abilities. I would never wish to become one, but I can’t fault them for who they are. Some did not choose this life, others chose it out of fear of abandoning the ones they loved. Not one that I know has chosen this life for the power. It’s because of this, that I grew to love them more - love them still. They are family.
After the outing of their kind, I’ve found myself wondering, though. Is there a place for me here? I feel something inside still, something begging to be awakened. Something wanting me to listen, but the voice is still a whisper, a cry of the raven in the night. Syler believes that I’ve lost my mind. He tells me time and again that there is nothing missing, but he’s not in my head, in my soul. He’s filled a lot of the void, but there’s still that something that begs for me to listen. A connection that I’ve seemed to missed, a secret that only my blood could tell me - and they are buried beneath dirt and cement thousands of miles away.
It’s nearing midnight now, and my mind is hazy. I should sleep. Perhaps tomorrow will hold more of an answer.
xx,
Sunflower