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Introspect
Posted: 19 Jun 2016, 01:00
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
May 8th,
I told him. I told him I was moving to Canada and made an elaborate lie.I can still see the look of confusion in my dad's eyes as he sat across from me at our regular dinner table. I would be confused too, if I was him. Me leaving came from no where, and had no real validation. I was leaving for a new job.
It's not a complete lie.It's not really a lie at all. I am leaving for a new job. A job that I hope opened up because someone changed their career, or moved or something other than what I fear and dread. I didn't ask how this position became available. I think the less I know, the better.
Which leads me to my final thought of the night. How am I going to pull this off? How????
Re: Introspect
Posted: 21 Jun 2016, 01:53
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
May 15th,
I've made it. Safe and sound. I'm exhausted. I don't remember being this tired from flying when I was a kid. Or as a teenager. The flight wasn't terrible. It wasn't even bad. There were no delays, though I secretly wished there would be. A delay that would be forever. No more international flights. I still don't know how I'm going to do this. I'm not a spy, or a very good liar.
There was a guy waiting for me at the airport with a sign. I didn't expect that. He said his name was Tadashi. Maybe it really was, I don't know and I don't care. He gave me two keys. One set for the car I have. A nice, four door, mid-sized car, and one for the apartment that is now mine. The one I'm writing this entry in. He told me that I was going to be receiving a call tomorrow at seven p.m and that I had better answer it for further instructions. He tossed the sign with my last name in the garbage after tossing me a phone and went on his way.
The GPS in the car was programmed to the location of my apartment building. There are not as many floors in most apartments as there are in Japan. I noticed that a couple times. When I got in the apartment there were two sets of eyes staring at me; one near the door and the other on the couch. I have cats. I never had cats or any pets. I had a fish once and he died after a week. I hope the cats last longer.
I went to the grocery store down the block and picked up some semblance of food that could be put in the microwave and some cat food. Only to find cat food in the apartment during my search for a spot to hide the cat food I bought from the cats. I think if I keep it out they might try and eat it all? I don't know.
I'm going to bed to wait for the inevitable call that is coming tomorrow. I can't miss that. Not when the stakes are too high.
Re: Introspect
Posted: 29 Jul 2016, 02:34
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
July 27th,
As if things couldn't get worse, apparently there are VAMPIRES in Harper Rock. I know. My journal seems like a work of fiction instead an actual account of real things going on. First with the Yakuza and now with vampires...
But apparently they are real. And apparently anyone and everyone should believe this and have known about this all the time, according to some not so helpful people in some chat room. So great, they exist, but they're hard to identify and so, carry on with life and just pretend that there aren't people out there that might want to make you a snack.
I don't think I actually know any vampires, which isn't all that illogical being as I spend most my time at the hospital, sleeping from long shifts, doing some hiking, or trying to track Levi down to report something useful to the Yakuza. Which seems like an impossible task. The guy is just not an easy person to collect information from or about.
They said theoretically anyone could be a vampire and if someone should or could be a vampire, Levi would be the best candidate. Out of all my neighbors. Out of anyone I know, really. With that cool demeanor of his, and lips that are tightly locked together. No one would ever know he was a vampire. But, since he's been the target of the Yakuza for a while, it's highly unlikely they wouldn't know he's a vampire and they would have told me if he was. I at least hope so. Otherwise this has turned into a suicide mission more than anything.
I emailed Jude and didn't get a reply back from him. I'm sure he and his cousin are fine. They seem able to handle themselves. Or they were at least fine and alive a night or two ago. I haven't heard of any fights between vampires and humans or some vampires going on some blood thirsty murdering spree. At least, nothing recent anyways. Then again, the news was at least a few months behind in this discovery, so who really knows what is going on anymore? I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones that has seen little to nothing in this place. Which makes me wonder if this is something I should report to the Yakuza and how to approach it.
Better idea. Just pretend everyone is insane in Harper Rock because if you don't finish the task over something that isn't proven beyond a shadow of a doubt...your family is going to end up very, very, dead. Don't feed the troll either.
Re: Introspect
Posted: 30 Jul 2016, 03:41
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
July 29th,
Jude is alive and fine...surprisingly. For everything he's going through at the moment. I don't think I would, or could be fine if I were in his shoes. Sometimes, we all forget that people are going through other things outside of the bigger things going on in the world. Personal things. For instance, he had a wife, who he suspects was killed by a vampire or vampires now that they're actually a thing. However long vampires have been a thing. And a kid. A son, actually. I didn't ask about him because kids are usually a topic shied away from with strangers...and while I would like to get to know Jude more, we are essentially still strangers.
Someone in his family died recently, I didn't pry for details either. It's not really my place, again, but i still feel empathy for the situation. I don't know how I would feel or what I would do if my sister died. Or my dad. Mom. Step-mom. I try not to think about these things because it just keeps reminding me about how terrible I am at this job I'm supposed to be doing. Did I mention he knows a vampire? The jury is still out on that one. He seems nice enough, but everyone has a dark side; vampire or not. Jude says he'll be careful, but what if he is being careful and one night it's too late?
Adam is trying to kill me. I need a day off. I know one is coming up, but one every two weeks just isn't enough. No wonder the last person quit, and the person before them transferred to another part in the hospital. I could use some wine. A glass. Or a bottle. And a bath. With bubbles. And a movie to rot my brain for a while.
P.S. Pick up another cat clipper, because I have not found it the last two nights. And some sticky notes. They've seem to have grown legs too and vanished off the face of the earth.
Re: Introspect
Posted: 15 Aug 2016, 22:10
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
Backdated
July 30th
Of course I would find the cat clippers after I buy one and take it out and use it. So, now I have two, in two different places just in case I can't find the other one where it's supposed to be. I'm finally getting this cat thing down decently. Feed them twice a day, once in the morning and at night. Amarillo is the more affectionate of the two, while Marmalade prefers her independence and things on her term. I'm okay with that. She tends to stay in one of the bedrooms and comes out to investigate things, while Amarillo follows me just about anywhere and everywhere in the apartment. Is it wrong to have a favorite? I feel as if it is, but I can't help it. He's a big cuddle beast while I'm watching the shows I've programmed during the week and catch up on them.
Which reminds me, Levi is a total puzzle. I've had no luck, but Takano gave me a suggestion. As flimsy as it is, I really have no choice but to follow through with it. Great. I've become Hannah the crazy cat lady, I guess. And errand runner extraordinaire. If it gets me some information, then I'll do what I have to do, without it being borderline creepy or stalkerish.
Enough about cats, because I do have a life outside of cats and work. It's rare, I know, but I do have one. In fact, I'm meeting with Jude in a few hours and I'm still deciding what to wear. While the summers are hot here, they aren't anywhere near as humid as they are in Japan, so everything for summer is just about sleeveless and short. I don't think any guy minds that, but it's sort of not the impression I want to give to someone either. I should have bought or even brought more things with me and just paid the extra fee. Or bought something new. But since I don't have the time, I won't be able to add anything new to my collection or tailor down what I'm wearing.
Re: Introspect
Posted: 16 Aug 2016, 03:11
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
August 2nd,
I sort of lost my crap last night with the cats. I don't know who did it, but one of them did it. I came home after work to find a book that I've read at least ten times...destroyed. One of the cats decided that the novel was theirs to work their teeth on and so the top cover, along with the first three or four pages are pretty unreadable.
I know how the story goes, I probably don't need those three or four pages, but that's not the point. My mom gave me that book to read when I was back in Galena for vacation from the school semester. I love the book, which is why I still have it and refused to pass it on to a second hand shop. It's weird because I don't really connect with it on the fact that I'm not of Hispanic descent, I just think it's really well written. It introduced me to the world of realistic fiction. A story that hasn't happened, but it's based off things that did happen, meaning therefor it could happen in some alternate reality or something.
And so, when I came home to find The House on Mango Street chewed apart, I grabbed it up and scolded both the cats and even shoved the dirty deed in each of their faces. As if they could tell me who did it, or fess up to it. I'm a horrible pet owner. I mean, I didn't hurt them, but I definitely wanted them to know that they had been very naughty. I would be a terrible parent, I'm absolutely positive. I don't know how Jude does it, but then again, he seems to have the patience of a saint. Maybe that's what parents have to have. Extreme patience. I have it with my work, but I've never come home to chunks of book on the couch, on the floor and near the litter box and two cats that seem very pleased with themselves for their crimes committed. I suppose I was shocked.
In the grand scheme of things, the book is replaceable. I could probably find it on Amazon, or Ebay or something. I don't know, I was just shocked and surprised. But I learned a valuable lesson too. Put everything that I care about either up, or away and out of the reach of naughty cats.
But, on a positive note, I found a book restoration place. It's called Once Upon a Time, and the owner assures me they can repair it. She sort of took me aback, I thought she was dressed as a character in some book, but I genuinely think she dresses like that all the time. It reminded me of my sister. Beating to the sound of her own drum. I should face talk Misao tonight. I'm sure she's up to her typical antics and I could use the smile. Which also reminds me to get in touch with dad and see if they're coming here for Christmas, or if I'm going back home.
Re: Introspect
Posted: 23 Aug 2016, 03:00
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
August 21st,
I unintentionally met a vampire today. It wasn't a positive experience, but I walked away knowing that they do exist. That what I'm writing isn't some crazy horror meets mystery or suspense story. I was on my phone looking for directions when....it sounds crazy, but it's not. He tried to bite me. But before he could finish what he intended, I looked up from mapquest and saw him. Fangs primed and ready to go. Then I realize that what I saw a month or so ago was the same thing. Not some guy giving some girl he was with a massive hickey or something. He was a vampire too.
I don't know how to feel. I think it's a little rude, but then again...I don't ask the chicken or cow I'm about to eat to die nicely or something. It just took me off guard as I've been here a long time and never came face to face with a vampire. With someone who...I guess wanted to snack on me? He could have asked. Should have asked.
Re: Introspect
Posted: 29 Aug 2016, 02:37
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
August 28th,
With the camping trip only a few days away, I thought it best to grab some basic supplies. It seems unfair of me to expect Jude to bring just about everything, even if he said don't worry about it. What if he forgot something? On the bright side of things, at least I'll have the basics here so in case I want to go on my own for a few nights, I have most of everything I need. Well, remind me to never think something is best ever again. Ever.
Low and behold when I got to the Outfitter's store, Mr. Dick was there. In case you forgot who that was, that was the guy in the airport that grabbed your bag instead of his, and you grabbed his bag instead and got some key snippets into his private life that you could have seriously done without. Only, he wasn't so dickish this time. He was pretty tolerable, minus the snide remarks. Don't worry, I gave them back in spades.
Somehow, between getting hit on by some guy who was probably ten years younger than me, and getting daggers shot in my direction, I got through the process of getting a tent, a red sleeping bag, special ordering some rope and some fishing supplies. And some medal or something. Mr. Dickly dropped it on his way out. At least I think he did. I would have given it back, but he was long gone. When I see him, I'll give it back. It might be a few months, but hopefully not until next year at the earliest.
Adam says that the lull at work is a very temporary thing. When the weather starts to get snowy and wet, we'll have so many patients. He's talking about getting rid of...michelle if she doesn't want to work at least twenty hours a week. He says we can't cut it with just the three of us this winter. But that's all we're budgeted for. Three full-time employees. Michelle needs to get on board, or get out, is his stance. I don't mind the extra money, but I'm hoping Misao can come here for Christmas. Which means I don't want to be stuck working over time while she's here. Did I tell you that I talked Dad into letting her come over? That is, if she can pry herself from...I forget his name already. Chances are it's not worth remembering. Misao loves being in a relationship, but gets bored with it quickly too. She's young.
And lastly, this whole thing with Levi is crazy. Even more crazier than I thought or anticipated. It's almost like I'm living a double life. It's hard to explain. I feel like I can't be me with him. I shouldn't be me with him. That some things need to be omitted from my life. Which is probably smarter and better for me and my family all around. I can't be who I am with Jude. I can talk to Jude about anything and everything under the stars, but I know I can't do that with Levi for the obvious reasons.
Speaking of the two men in my life, it's probably terrible of me to think that they both are cute in different ways. I'm not really into the bad boy scene...been there and done that and look where it ended me up at, but minus the bad things Levi did to get on the Serpents radar, he's not really that bad looking. His personality is a little flat, but the occasional Italian words he says makes his personality forgivable and a little more tolerable. Sure, I don't know what he's saying, but I'm a sucker for other languages. And then there's Jude, who is definitely cute, with a million dollar personality. It's strange how easy it is to talk to him about a variety of things. Even religion, which is something I haven't talked about or even thought about in a long time until him. Since before I was a teenager. That much I'm sure about.
I'm only writing this here because I can't say any of this to my sister. I can just imagine the conversation now. She's telling me about some new boy in her life, prying for information on the men in my life. I mention Levi and Jude and she calls me a slut in passing, while laughing. She's not serious, and it's all in good humor, but I can imagine her accidentally letting something slip to dad, and I can't even start that. He would be afraid to lose me for forever here. I'm sure he's thinking I'll be home in six months or a year tops. Hoping it at least.
I do miss Japan, but what I want and what I miss doesn't matter. I'm here until they're done with Levi. I can hope for the best, but I expect it to be a long run.
Re: Introspect
Posted: 02 Sep 2016, 03:09
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
September 1st,
I can't tell if the Serpents are really oblivious, or know that things in Harper Rock just aren't quite right. Case in point, the other night I was walking, minding my own business and suddenly an angry mob ensues. Someone claims I'm a vampire, or pro-vampire, which...so what if I am? I really don't feel one way or another about them, other than they aren't going around trying to lynch people over nothing. Do I look like a vampire?
Okay, maybe that's a bit ridiculous to ask. But all it would have taken is a quick pulse check and ta-da! Not a vampire. Which reminds me that I owe some guy named Kaspar a really, really, really expensive window. Maybe I should try and claim it as a casualty of work (for the Serpents) and see how far I get with that. I cringe thinking about how much it will cost to replace that window.
I really have nothing else to add to tonight's entry. Part of me is thinking about flaking out for the camping trip. It's weird, right? Camping with someone you don't really even know. Sure, he's a pastor, but that doesn't really mean anything these days (and nights)! Really, the little old lady you see at the grocery store every Thursday night could be some lady that sits on her porch shooting rabbits, chipmunks and squirrels with a BB gun, while drinking some boxed wine and has a collection of something strange and creepy tucked away in an old celler. Strange isn't bad, but when it gets to be creepy, then that's when it gets bad. Pastors can be bad people. Just look at WACO and other places like that. Right, note to self...If I DO go, then I should definitely let SOMEONE know. Even if that SOMEONE is in Japan. Not that they could do much at the time, but at least they can do SOMETHING later. It's probably a good idea anyways, just in case a bear, cougar, mountain lion or whatever else makes mince meat of one, or both of us. If I go. IF.
Re: Introspect
Posted: 15 Sep 2016, 11:31
by Hannah Lynn (DELETED 8242)
September 14th,
I'm starting to not mind it here. Okay, so it's a little weird with the whole vampire thing and apparently there are zombies too? I don't know what's next, werewolves, I suppose? Fairies, trolls, and gremlins? The sky's the limit apparently in Harper Rock.
I still have to work (two jobs), but I guess I've made some 'friends.' Or at least people I can relate to and have fun doing things with. Jude is nice and interesting, yet sort of tragic as well. But he doesn't seem to let what happened to his wife, put him down. He's highly optimistic, I guess. Which is a nice way to be. The world is depressing enough as it is, isn't it? Then there's Levi...I don't really know how to categorize him. Work? Neighbor? Acquaintance? It's sort of difficult to tell, because, not a crazy spy lady here in real life. It's different to keep eyes and ears open while working in the hospital and relay that information back to the Serpents, but to try and uproot your life and force it into someone else's? A lot different. Either they're setting me up to fail, or they have a lot more faith in me than they should. And finally Louvel. He was a dick, with a capital D, when we first met, but he's not totally unbearable anymore. I guess we're acquaintances. I wouldn't go so far as to call us friends yet, but I can tolerate him and hold a conversation with him, unlike the first time we interacted. The outfitter's store bump in wasn't all that terrible.
I realize I have a lot of male friends. I ask about Jude's cousin every now and again. Mirella, I think he name was? She seemed...interesting enough. I can't say nice, because she seemed to be upset about something the night we met, but being she's cousins with Jude and maybe even Louvel, it seems like the right thing to do. Make sure she's okay. Oh! I saw this thing in a window as I was walking to work and I thought of Louvel. I'm totally giving it to him the next time we bump into the other. Which isn't all that impossible of a task. Bumping into him or any cousin of his. I guess they breed like rabbits. I'm used to a very small family, so hearing that people live close to their cousins and are close is a foreign concept to me. But I bet it would be nice. Which reminds me to purchase Misao's ticket for December as dad said yes. I'll actually do that now so I don't forget.