s k e l e t o n s
Posted: 08 Apr 2016, 12:44
I . s k u l l
They told me in a phone call. I was on my way to Milan for fashion week in one of the family's private jets. I'd been flipping through some trashy magazine filled with modern couture. Soft lines juxtaposed with garish and bright baubles. At an eye roll a minute, I tossed the pages aside when they brought me the on flight phone. Something about the electrical system. For some reason, I couldn't use my cell. Wasn't that the point of owning your own plane? To set your own rules? Inferior quality if you ask me. Whatever. I'm over it. I put the phone to my ear, and I heard the words. But I didn't really hear them. I kept waiting for more, saying nothing. I'm not normally like that. Quite. I have things to say, and I say them. But how do you comment on the death of your parents? A car crash. Bam. The end. Nothing. The only people who had ever mattered to me even tangentially. They were taken away, and what the **** did that even mean?
My uncle kept talking to me, saying things that didn't matter. I let the words flood over me, and then I just hung up the phone because I needed silence. So I called for another magazine, and that was how I finished out my flight. I went to Milan, and I watched the runways and ignored the insistent buzzing of my phone the entire time. I didn't need to think about the impending funeral. I was twenty ******* years old. How was I supposed to cope with that loss? So I didn't.
Flash.
I dressed in black. I wore a veil. Some of the cousins were scandalized I had shown up like that. But if I need to make my best Daisy St. Patience impression to make sure nobody notices the fogging in my eyes, then that's my business. So I stood like a statue in front of their coffins. Closed casket because they had gotten really mangled in the crash. I ran my fingertips over the smooth wood. They were buried a short time later. I took the black veil off and threw it into their shared grave, donned a pair of Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses for men. Then I turned and I left.
Flash.
I was back home. New York, New York. I was raised there. I knew the streets, and I knew Broadway and I had cut my teeth on mommy's diamond crusted bracelets. She liked to wear dozens of them. So tacky. But that was who she was. Extravagance. At some point, you go so far out of the norm for fashion that you create your own little universe for haute couture. She did that. Easily. A wave of the hand, and she set new trends. She was a model at one point. Years ago. Then she went into design. Daddy was a lawyer, and they got along about as well as fire and gasoline. They were constantly fighting. Always bickering. Always angry, because they were constantly doing these stupid little power plays. They loved each other more than any two people in the world. More than they loved me. I accepted that when I was growing up. The past. History. Over it. They loved each other more than I think I can love anyone.
So there I am, back home, and I'm trying to get back into my own life. I graduated from high school at seventeen, and they gifted me with my own apartment. It was their not so subtle way of saying they were going to keep me at home no matter the cost. Which was fine. I was used to their little manipulations. I wanted to go to NYU anyway. I had just gotten my bachelor's degree in business a few weeks before the trip. The vacation itself was my little treat...to myself. Victory. Victori Spolia. Words to live by.
Flash.
I'm standing behind that big mansion house in the middle of the woods. They're putting up a pillar on a cement block with some words on it. It's a tribute to my parents. The one year anniversary of their death. They deserved a tribute, the way they bailed the family out of debt after...well. That's a story for another time. The ceremony was brief. I thought I was going to cry at some point, but I never even got the urge. I guess by that point I really was over it all. They were my parents. They gave me life. Then they died. Maybe I just can't connect to people the way I should. Stonefaced. One of the family members said some nice words, and then I turned to leave again. Because I barely knew most of those people. Because I only saw most of them once a year. Good memories, but they always featured my parents. So I didn't want to think about them, or how much they reminded me of both of them.
Flash.
Before I could leave, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I knew it was time. Time for the thing I had been running from. So they sat me down and they talked to me about responsibility. The Aegis. They used phrases like 'time honored' and 'family duty'. I just wanted to escape the whole thing, because I didn't really get it at all. The Aegis. That was what they had called my father. Protector of the family. The lawyer. He had kept any number of them out of trouble over the years. But I had zero interest in law. But that's not how it works apparently. Inherited. The next thing I know, I'm being sworn in, and being given my 'emblem of office'. That's what they call it. Emblem. It's a shield. They say it's this great honor. They tell me my father would be proud. They say to me that I look just like he did at my age, and that I will grow into it. The desire to protect my family.
Flash.
I went back home to New York. I ran away. Sell your religion to someone who's buying.
My uncle kept talking to me, saying things that didn't matter. I let the words flood over me, and then I just hung up the phone because I needed silence. So I called for another magazine, and that was how I finished out my flight. I went to Milan, and I watched the runways and ignored the insistent buzzing of my phone the entire time. I didn't need to think about the impending funeral. I was twenty ******* years old. How was I supposed to cope with that loss? So I didn't.
Flash.
I dressed in black. I wore a veil. Some of the cousins were scandalized I had shown up like that. But if I need to make my best Daisy St. Patience impression to make sure nobody notices the fogging in my eyes, then that's my business. So I stood like a statue in front of their coffins. Closed casket because they had gotten really mangled in the crash. I ran my fingertips over the smooth wood. They were buried a short time later. I took the black veil off and threw it into their shared grave, donned a pair of Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses for men. Then I turned and I left.
Flash.
I was back home. New York, New York. I was raised there. I knew the streets, and I knew Broadway and I had cut my teeth on mommy's diamond crusted bracelets. She liked to wear dozens of them. So tacky. But that was who she was. Extravagance. At some point, you go so far out of the norm for fashion that you create your own little universe for haute couture. She did that. Easily. A wave of the hand, and she set new trends. She was a model at one point. Years ago. Then she went into design. Daddy was a lawyer, and they got along about as well as fire and gasoline. They were constantly fighting. Always bickering. Always angry, because they were constantly doing these stupid little power plays. They loved each other more than any two people in the world. More than they loved me. I accepted that when I was growing up. The past. History. Over it. They loved each other more than I think I can love anyone.
So there I am, back home, and I'm trying to get back into my own life. I graduated from high school at seventeen, and they gifted me with my own apartment. It was their not so subtle way of saying they were going to keep me at home no matter the cost. Which was fine. I was used to their little manipulations. I wanted to go to NYU anyway. I had just gotten my bachelor's degree in business a few weeks before the trip. The vacation itself was my little treat...to myself. Victory. Victori Spolia. Words to live by.
Flash.
I'm standing behind that big mansion house in the middle of the woods. They're putting up a pillar on a cement block with some words on it. It's a tribute to my parents. The one year anniversary of their death. They deserved a tribute, the way they bailed the family out of debt after...well. That's a story for another time. The ceremony was brief. I thought I was going to cry at some point, but I never even got the urge. I guess by that point I really was over it all. They were my parents. They gave me life. Then they died. Maybe I just can't connect to people the way I should. Stonefaced. One of the family members said some nice words, and then I turned to leave again. Because I barely knew most of those people. Because I only saw most of them once a year. Good memories, but they always featured my parents. So I didn't want to think about them, or how much they reminded me of both of them.
Flash.
Before I could leave, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I knew it was time. Time for the thing I had been running from. So they sat me down and they talked to me about responsibility. The Aegis. They used phrases like 'time honored' and 'family duty'. I just wanted to escape the whole thing, because I didn't really get it at all. The Aegis. That was what they had called my father. Protector of the family. The lawyer. He had kept any number of them out of trouble over the years. But I had zero interest in law. But that's not how it works apparently. Inherited. The next thing I know, I'm being sworn in, and being given my 'emblem of office'. That's what they call it. Emblem. It's a shield. They say it's this great honor. They tell me my father would be proud. They say to me that I look just like he did at my age, and that I will grow into it. The desire to protect my family.
Flash.
I went back home to New York. I ran away. Sell your religion to someone who's buying.