The Aftermath [Sawyer]
Posted: 31 Mar 2016, 16:59
<Ephraim> Tugging her along, his fist still twisted into the leather of her vest as he dragged her across the street, away from the café. He moved with her, careful not to be too rough, but firm enough to keep her from twisting from his grasp and running off without him. He turned his head slightly, glancing at her out of his peripheral as they walked. “So do you want to explain exactly what was going on in there, Sawyer? You were all over the place, and where you were headed was so far from where you’ve been trying to go.”
<Sawyer> She wanted to dig her feet into the cement, to pull away from him, but his hold was far too strong. ****, it wasn’t even the physical embrace that kept her following after him. It was the power that radiated from within, the steel of his eyes. She had never witnessed him so close to the edge before, and it… frightened - no, enlightened her - no … ****, she didn’t know. “I think you’ve hit your head far too many times, Thor. Nothing was going on anywhere,” she protested.
<Ephraim> Shaking his head, he kept his fist clutched into her vest. He turned his head to the street, watching as a wide truck rushed by with a belch of diesel fumes, thick and black, filling the air before them. Without further hesitation, he pulled her into the street and put as much distance between them and the café as he could manage. “That was a girl in there, Sawyer. A young girl. You and that… whatever you can call him, because I can’t call him a man, were practically groping each other right on top of her. How? In what world can you possibly think that something like that is okay?”
<Sawyer> “If you ruin this, Jenna is going to be pissed,” she muttered. It was a weak retort, and she knew it. How the hell did he get under her skin so easily? Curling her finger around his wrist, she dug her nails into the hard skin - but it was no use. He wasn’t going to give her up that easily. “I don’t know what in the hell has got you so bent out of shape! That girl in there has seen more in her fifteen or what-the-**** ever years than many people have! I’m sure she’s not going to be scarred for life because some man was feeling me up.” Running her tongue along her teeth, she stumbled over a crack in the walk before glaring up at him. “I swear, it’s like you’re the jealous boyfriend or something. Give me a break, Thor.”
<Ephraim> When she stumbled, he held her upright, keeping her on her feet as they walked. He turned his head again, watching the street a second time as they were about to cross the walk at the next light. He turned to her, then, and held her tightly in his grasp. “Jenna will be fine, and while that girl might be fine, Sawyer, what about the next one? What else are you willing to do, who else are you willing to ignore, to throw to the wolves, because of what, exactly? If you were just ‘getting felt up,’ why did you sit in his lap in the first place? Why didn’t you get up when he started in on that? Jealous boyfriend ******** or no, I care about you, Sawyer, and I can’t be asked to just stand there while some douche all but has his way with you right there in the middle of some grimy coffee shop!”
<Sawyer> His words left her stunned, and despite the strength in his pull, she came to a complete and utter stop. She hadn’t heard him speak in anything other than cool, calculated control. His words were always chosen carefully, and yet, in that moment - he seemed almost…normal. No, it couldn’t be. She had to be seriously fucked in the head to think something like that. “I didn’t throw anyone to the damned wolves or whatever you’re complaining about. He was a man and he had his arm wrapped around a damned teenage girl. What was I supposed to do, Ephraim, glare at him until he ran off?” Her words held a bite to them, now, and she slammed her finger into his muscled chest. “Unlike you, I can get information without resorting to violence. I can sit in a man’s lap, feel his heart as it beats, his breath on my skin and know he’s not dead. Even then, though, what creep sits with a child? I was protecting her!”
Clenching her jaw, then, she threw her hands into the air. “I didn’t ask for him to feel me up, for fuckssake, but he did and yeah, I reacted. What woman wouldn’t? It’d be so easy to forget all of this. You have taken everything away from me, and you’re resorting to acting like I broke your heart or wronged you in some damned way!”
<Ephraim> “Or, maybe, I give a **** about you? Maybe? You think?” He shook his head and watched her as she slammed her finger into his chest. He shook his head and brushed her hand aside. “You got your information, and just look at how. Look at what you had to do, and what people had to watch you do. Do you even ******* understand? I really don’t think that you do, because it’s clear that this isn’t sinking in. You’re reckless. You throw yourself into any old situation that’ll tempt you to slide back into the past, into the very thing that you told me you don’t want to be a part of again. So which is it, Sawyer? Are you ready to actually do something with yourself? Are you ready to actually be a woman or are you still going to be a slave? That choice isn’t anyone’s but yours. I can help you, but I can’t do it for you.”
<Sawyer> Shaking her head, she gave an exasperated sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. He was so ******* infuriating. “For a man of God, you sure cuss a lot,” she muttered. It was another weak defense, but she was scrounging for just an inkling of control in this. She knew she didn’t deserve it, she knew that she should just shut up and walk away, but she couldn’t. She shouldn’t give a damn what he thought about her, but he was tearing her down, and she couldn’t feel less like gutter trash than she did in that moment. “I didn’t do **** but what any good spy would do,” she pointed out with a roll of her eyes. “The only reason you see issue in it is because you follow some holier than thou ethical code that sets you apart from everyone else!” Turning her attention away, then, she grit her teeth and worked her jaw. “You care about me? Please, give me a break. You only want another shining ******* star for your God’s workbook!”
<Ephraim> “A good spy? You’re not a ******* spy, Sawyer. You’re a regular person. An amazing person, but a person. And a spy? Really? Is that where your mind will go there? Because I can tell you the things he was thinking about you, and not a single one of them was, ‘Damn, this girl is one excellent ******* spy.’ No, Sawyer, he was thinking, ‘Well ****, this ***** is easy. I’ll have her back at my place by lunch and be done with her before dinner.’ What the **** did you think was going to happen when you sat in a man’s lap? There’s absolutely nothing here that you can say, Sawyer, besides that you fucked up.” He shook his head and flexed his fingers, clenching a fist as he took a slow breath. “You try my patience to no end. A man of God I might be, but I was a hell of a lot before that was ever a part of the picture. So let that sink in, too. I’m more than my religion. I’m more than the god I serve. I’m a man, with my own way of doing things, and my own thoughts and opinions. So don’t try to shove this off on my religion. This is me.”
<Sawyer> “I know I fucked up! This isn’t even about that! I fucked up, Thor, it’s what I do. It’s in my blood, but stop and ask yourself why you care. You don’t know me. Literally, you know nothing about me, but what you want to see in me and I can’t be that girl.” Clutching her hair in her fists, she took a step back, her foot nearly slipping off the edge of the walk as a car zoomed past, his horn blaring to warn her back into place. She didn’t even seem to notice. “You couldn’t name one thing about me, could you? Favorite color? Food? Book, movie, song? There is nothing you know about me, and you’re sitting here acting like you have any right to lecture me!” Her voice rose higher and higher, and her eyes blazed. “You are your religion, Thor. You might have been some bad *** before you found the light or whatever, but you’re not now. You don’t understand my world. You look at me through righteous eyes and condemn me just as everyone else does.”
<Ephraim> Shaking his head, he reached out and gripped her shoulder again, yanking her back as she nearly got herself crushed by an oncoming car. He shoved his hand through his hair and took a slow breath again, fighting to keep himself calm. He clenched his fist, his fingers coiled into the long, golden curls as he kept her upright long enough for her to regain her balance. “I don’t need to know a single damn thing to care about you, Sawyer. I don’t have to know your favorite food, or the color of your tricycle when you were five, or when you lost your first baby tooth, just to know that shoving that **** in your body and acting like a ******* whore is hardly the best that you can do. You’re a ******* person, just like the rest of us. It’s your choices that make you what you are, not mine. All I’ve done, all I’m doing is to ******* help you, Sawyer. I’ve got no reason to do it, and that’s just the kind of person I am. I help people that need it most. If you’d seen yourself in a mirror lately, you’d know you needed it pretty ******* bad.”
<Sawyer> ******* whore.
Out of everything he said, it was those two words that she clung to. Oh, she knew exactly what he meant by them - but that still didn’t mean ****. Her mother’s face flashed in her mind, her lips twisted into a feral sneer as she tossed insult after insult after her - and she snapped. Before she knew what had happened, her hand was cracking against the side of his face, her imprint burning on his skin as she then shoved both hands against his chest. “**** you.” Stepping back, then, she gave him a cold, lifeless laugh as she held her arms open to her sides. “This is who I am, Ephraim. This is what I do. I ****, I lie, I drink, I steal. It’s all I know. There is no ******* saving me, but that’s not all it is for you, is it? No, there’s something else there. **** if I know what, but you can’t even admit it to yourself, so how the **** am I to know?” Swallowing whatever else she had to say, she threw her hands up and turned to head down the walk. She wasn’t ending the fight - oh, no, she knew he would follow her like the shadow he was.
<Ephraim> He saw her hand coming, the way her shoulders moved had all but announced that she was going to try and hit him. He supposed that, in his brash choice of words, he had all but deserved it. He stood perfectly still, letting her land her blow as solid as she could. The blow cracked across his face, a sting more metaphysical than physical. He shook his head, his hand pushing through his hair as he closed his eyes for a short moment, opening them on her again. He slowly clenched and unclenched his fingers again. “Exactly. You said the words yourself. It’s all you ******* know, so why don’t you get your head out of the sand and learn something new? You say there’s no saving you, but again, you’d hardly know that now would you? You’ve no idea what kind of darkness someone can bounce back from, what things someone can see, and turn their entire lives around. You don’t have a damn clue, Sawyer, and trying to stand here and tell me that you’ve got it so bad, that yours is just the worst story of them all, you know exactly what that is, Sawyer, and it’s a ******* excuse, because you either do or you don’t want to put the work into making yourself better. It’s a cop out, and it’s not even a very good one.”
<Sawyer> “I never said my story is the worse. I’m not that type of person, but if you knew me at all, you’d know that, wouldn’t you?” Her arguments were running loose, and it only seemed to anger her all the more. He acted like he was so justified, so perfect, but they knew the truth. Before this, she might have believed it to be true - but the cracks in his armor were beginning to show, and it was tarnishing his image. Though not in a bad way. Pushing the thought from her mind, she gave another bitter laugh and kept walking, her hands curling into the pockets of her vest. “You don’t know the darkness that I’ve seen, Ephraim. I’ve witnessed how it can hold someone, how it can manipulate and morph them. I can’t explain it, other than I watched my mother succumb in ways no child should have to. Does that make my life the worse? No, but it does make it pretty fucked up.” Glancing over her shoulder, then, she raised a brow. “Again, though, none of this is about my drug habits or my downward spiral. You still refuse to explain to me why it really ******* bothered you that he had his hands on me.”
<Ephraim> Shaking his head, he fought the urge to shake her like a ragdoll. Instead, he grasped his shoulder and squeezed. “That’s exactly it, Sawyer, that’s the very problem right there, and you don’t even see it. It’s all a part of the slide. You start here, then it’s not much worse to do this next thing, and since you’ve already done that, you may as well go ahead with the next, until you’re back at the bottom, right back where you started, if you don’t stop and really think about the consequences of it all. And let’s just face it. You knew the guy not even five minutes, and you were ready to follow him home like some kind of a lost puppy. Does that sound safe to you at all? Does that sound anything like good decision making? And again, back to the kid. Does that sound like a good example to set for people who might very well be looking to you one day for guidance? I mean come on, Sawyer. You were ready to do whatever that guy asked you, and you know even less about him than you claim I know about you.”
<Sawyer> She was tired. Tired of him, tired of the situation, tired of life. Not in the ‘woe is me, I want to jump off the Empire State Building’ tired but the ‘**** everything, I need a drink’ kind. She really did, too. A ******* huge bottle of vodka. The effects of that would be far better than anything that was going to come of this conversation. “Tell me, Thor. In that holy head of yours, are you a mind reader? Does that come with your avenging angel costume?” Her tone was exhausted, and the fire in her eyes dimmed as she gave a harsh laugh. “You’re acting like you are, you’re acting like you’re in my head, like you knew what I was thinking. Did I want to? Yes. No. Yes, I wished I could. Yes, I was thinking of how it would feel to just give in one more time, but I didn’t. I didn’t want his hands on me, I didn’t want to go home with him.” She knew she wasn’t making sense - to her, it was clear. ******* crystal, but to him, he’d probably think her talking in circles like a mad woman. Maybe she was. “I wasn’t going to, though. I wasn’t going to let him do a damned thing. I was ready to slit his throat if he did something wrong. I touched him, to feel his heart.” Sighing, then, she ran her fingers through her hair. “You don’t know **** about me, Eph, stop thinking you can figure me out.”
<Ephraim> If she was tired, he was worn to the point of exhaustion. His entire frame screamed sleep, his body dead on his feet. He lifted his hand and ran his palm across his face. They were going in circles now, and this was likely where the conversation died. He let his hand slide from his face to run his fingers through his beard, an absent-minded tic as he sighed. “Do you think you can stop flinging empty insults around long enough to think?” He asked, his eyes finally moving to her again. Tired, but still with an intensity and startling power. He shook his head and sighed again. “You’re stepping all over your own argument. You basically answered your own questions for me. I’m not a mind reader. You aren’t either. None of them were, so far as we were aware. So how did any of us know anything, when you were melting in his hands like butter? There was next to nothing he wasn’t ready to do to you, and you just sat there. Actions, Sawyer. Actions will do more than words every time.”
<Sawyer> “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Without bothering to glance either way before stepping off the corner, she walked headlong into traffic. Tires squealed as a truck slammed on its breaks, and she distantly heard the shout of a man as he slammed his hands against the wheel. It didn’t bother her, though, and instead she kept her steps at a leisure pace as she made her way across the road and headed towards Coastside. She was more comfortable there. The dirt and crime kept her occupied, and she loved to watch the thieves as the slipped in and out of the buildings unhindered. “You keep pointing out my faults, my actions - what about yours? You have still yet to admit what else is bothering you, Thor. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that something other than my carelessness has your nuts in a twist.”
<Ephraim> He sighed, and fought the urge to simply, openly punch her square in the jaw. Just thinking it felt incredibly satisfying. It would likely have done less damage than the car would have. Almost certainly. Definitely. And yet she was entirely fine with just waltzing into the street, without a care in the world. He ran his hand along his throat as she again pushed at the subject. “Like a broken ******* record, Sawyer, I’ve already told you that I care about you. How many times do you need me to say it before you get it?” He lifted his brow as he watched her continue to try to work her way beneath his skin. He pushed his hand through his hair, his fingers dipping to his beard again as he shook his head. “What I keep pointing out is what is actually pertinent to the situation. You are trying to deflect the subject.”
<Sawyer> She didn’t miss the irritation in his expression, and she found herself wondering what exactly went on in that mind of his. He usually oozed charm and calm, yet he was showing something far more to her now. Was his mind as twisted as hers? Was his holy act just a front? Shaking her head, she laughed then, and ran her fingers through her hair. “There you go again, attempting to turn **** around on me. Fine, whatever. There’s nothing else and you’re right. You win, happy now?” Clenching her jaw, she glanced above them to the street signs and turned right, her steps hurried as she tried to put distance between them. It’d be no ******* use, but a girl had to try, right?
<Ephraim> He watched as she turned on her heel, heading around the next corner. He moved with her, keeping her pace with ease. Actually, he was thankful that she’d sped up, the pace before was painstakingly slow. He moved in silence for a long moment, eyes darting from the street to her, and back again. He shoved his hands into his pockets, his head ducked down as he ran his thumb along the edge of the coat pocket, his elbow pushing the weight of his knife against his ribs before he finally spoke. “No, not really.” He answered her question, still close behind but not entirely sure why it was, exactly, that she had decided to try and rush away now. “I’d say that hardly would seem satisfactory to much anyone.” He shrugged his shoulders, then, and moved to walk beside her. “And, maybe I might’ve been a little upset about the whole thing. Not to say that I’d want you to be doing that to me, exactly, but that seeing it with someone else wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, I guess. I can’t exactly explain something that I don’t fully understand.”
<Sawyer> She wanted to dig her feet into the cement, to pull away from him, but his hold was far too strong. ****, it wasn’t even the physical embrace that kept her following after him. It was the power that radiated from within, the steel of his eyes. She had never witnessed him so close to the edge before, and it… frightened - no, enlightened her - no … ****, she didn’t know. “I think you’ve hit your head far too many times, Thor. Nothing was going on anywhere,” she protested.
<Ephraim> Shaking his head, he kept his fist clutched into her vest. He turned his head to the street, watching as a wide truck rushed by with a belch of diesel fumes, thick and black, filling the air before them. Without further hesitation, he pulled her into the street and put as much distance between them and the café as he could manage. “That was a girl in there, Sawyer. A young girl. You and that… whatever you can call him, because I can’t call him a man, were practically groping each other right on top of her. How? In what world can you possibly think that something like that is okay?”
<Sawyer> “If you ruin this, Jenna is going to be pissed,” she muttered. It was a weak retort, and she knew it. How the hell did he get under her skin so easily? Curling her finger around his wrist, she dug her nails into the hard skin - but it was no use. He wasn’t going to give her up that easily. “I don’t know what in the hell has got you so bent out of shape! That girl in there has seen more in her fifteen or what-the-**** ever years than many people have! I’m sure she’s not going to be scarred for life because some man was feeling me up.” Running her tongue along her teeth, she stumbled over a crack in the walk before glaring up at him. “I swear, it’s like you’re the jealous boyfriend or something. Give me a break, Thor.”
<Ephraim> When she stumbled, he held her upright, keeping her on her feet as they walked. He turned his head again, watching the street a second time as they were about to cross the walk at the next light. He turned to her, then, and held her tightly in his grasp. “Jenna will be fine, and while that girl might be fine, Sawyer, what about the next one? What else are you willing to do, who else are you willing to ignore, to throw to the wolves, because of what, exactly? If you were just ‘getting felt up,’ why did you sit in his lap in the first place? Why didn’t you get up when he started in on that? Jealous boyfriend ******** or no, I care about you, Sawyer, and I can’t be asked to just stand there while some douche all but has his way with you right there in the middle of some grimy coffee shop!”
<Sawyer> His words left her stunned, and despite the strength in his pull, she came to a complete and utter stop. She hadn’t heard him speak in anything other than cool, calculated control. His words were always chosen carefully, and yet, in that moment - he seemed almost…normal. No, it couldn’t be. She had to be seriously fucked in the head to think something like that. “I didn’t throw anyone to the damned wolves or whatever you’re complaining about. He was a man and he had his arm wrapped around a damned teenage girl. What was I supposed to do, Ephraim, glare at him until he ran off?” Her words held a bite to them, now, and she slammed her finger into his muscled chest. “Unlike you, I can get information without resorting to violence. I can sit in a man’s lap, feel his heart as it beats, his breath on my skin and know he’s not dead. Even then, though, what creep sits with a child? I was protecting her!”
Clenching her jaw, then, she threw her hands into the air. “I didn’t ask for him to feel me up, for fuckssake, but he did and yeah, I reacted. What woman wouldn’t? It’d be so easy to forget all of this. You have taken everything away from me, and you’re resorting to acting like I broke your heart or wronged you in some damned way!”
<Ephraim> “Or, maybe, I give a **** about you? Maybe? You think?” He shook his head and watched her as she slammed her finger into his chest. He shook his head and brushed her hand aside. “You got your information, and just look at how. Look at what you had to do, and what people had to watch you do. Do you even ******* understand? I really don’t think that you do, because it’s clear that this isn’t sinking in. You’re reckless. You throw yourself into any old situation that’ll tempt you to slide back into the past, into the very thing that you told me you don’t want to be a part of again. So which is it, Sawyer? Are you ready to actually do something with yourself? Are you ready to actually be a woman or are you still going to be a slave? That choice isn’t anyone’s but yours. I can help you, but I can’t do it for you.”
<Sawyer> Shaking her head, she gave an exasperated sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. He was so ******* infuriating. “For a man of God, you sure cuss a lot,” she muttered. It was another weak defense, but she was scrounging for just an inkling of control in this. She knew she didn’t deserve it, she knew that she should just shut up and walk away, but she couldn’t. She shouldn’t give a damn what he thought about her, but he was tearing her down, and she couldn’t feel less like gutter trash than she did in that moment. “I didn’t do **** but what any good spy would do,” she pointed out with a roll of her eyes. “The only reason you see issue in it is because you follow some holier than thou ethical code that sets you apart from everyone else!” Turning her attention away, then, she grit her teeth and worked her jaw. “You care about me? Please, give me a break. You only want another shining ******* star for your God’s workbook!”
<Ephraim> “A good spy? You’re not a ******* spy, Sawyer. You’re a regular person. An amazing person, but a person. And a spy? Really? Is that where your mind will go there? Because I can tell you the things he was thinking about you, and not a single one of them was, ‘Damn, this girl is one excellent ******* spy.’ No, Sawyer, he was thinking, ‘Well ****, this ***** is easy. I’ll have her back at my place by lunch and be done with her before dinner.’ What the **** did you think was going to happen when you sat in a man’s lap? There’s absolutely nothing here that you can say, Sawyer, besides that you fucked up.” He shook his head and flexed his fingers, clenching a fist as he took a slow breath. “You try my patience to no end. A man of God I might be, but I was a hell of a lot before that was ever a part of the picture. So let that sink in, too. I’m more than my religion. I’m more than the god I serve. I’m a man, with my own way of doing things, and my own thoughts and opinions. So don’t try to shove this off on my religion. This is me.”
<Sawyer> “I know I fucked up! This isn’t even about that! I fucked up, Thor, it’s what I do. It’s in my blood, but stop and ask yourself why you care. You don’t know me. Literally, you know nothing about me, but what you want to see in me and I can’t be that girl.” Clutching her hair in her fists, she took a step back, her foot nearly slipping off the edge of the walk as a car zoomed past, his horn blaring to warn her back into place. She didn’t even seem to notice. “You couldn’t name one thing about me, could you? Favorite color? Food? Book, movie, song? There is nothing you know about me, and you’re sitting here acting like you have any right to lecture me!” Her voice rose higher and higher, and her eyes blazed. “You are your religion, Thor. You might have been some bad *** before you found the light or whatever, but you’re not now. You don’t understand my world. You look at me through righteous eyes and condemn me just as everyone else does.”
<Ephraim> Shaking his head, he reached out and gripped her shoulder again, yanking her back as she nearly got herself crushed by an oncoming car. He shoved his hand through his hair and took a slow breath again, fighting to keep himself calm. He clenched his fist, his fingers coiled into the long, golden curls as he kept her upright long enough for her to regain her balance. “I don’t need to know a single damn thing to care about you, Sawyer. I don’t have to know your favorite food, or the color of your tricycle when you were five, or when you lost your first baby tooth, just to know that shoving that **** in your body and acting like a ******* whore is hardly the best that you can do. You’re a ******* person, just like the rest of us. It’s your choices that make you what you are, not mine. All I’ve done, all I’m doing is to ******* help you, Sawyer. I’ve got no reason to do it, and that’s just the kind of person I am. I help people that need it most. If you’d seen yourself in a mirror lately, you’d know you needed it pretty ******* bad.”
<Sawyer> ******* whore.
Out of everything he said, it was those two words that she clung to. Oh, she knew exactly what he meant by them - but that still didn’t mean ****. Her mother’s face flashed in her mind, her lips twisted into a feral sneer as she tossed insult after insult after her - and she snapped. Before she knew what had happened, her hand was cracking against the side of his face, her imprint burning on his skin as she then shoved both hands against his chest. “**** you.” Stepping back, then, she gave him a cold, lifeless laugh as she held her arms open to her sides. “This is who I am, Ephraim. This is what I do. I ****, I lie, I drink, I steal. It’s all I know. There is no ******* saving me, but that’s not all it is for you, is it? No, there’s something else there. **** if I know what, but you can’t even admit it to yourself, so how the **** am I to know?” Swallowing whatever else she had to say, she threw her hands up and turned to head down the walk. She wasn’t ending the fight - oh, no, she knew he would follow her like the shadow he was.
<Ephraim> He saw her hand coming, the way her shoulders moved had all but announced that she was going to try and hit him. He supposed that, in his brash choice of words, he had all but deserved it. He stood perfectly still, letting her land her blow as solid as she could. The blow cracked across his face, a sting more metaphysical than physical. He shook his head, his hand pushing through his hair as he closed his eyes for a short moment, opening them on her again. He slowly clenched and unclenched his fingers again. “Exactly. You said the words yourself. It’s all you ******* know, so why don’t you get your head out of the sand and learn something new? You say there’s no saving you, but again, you’d hardly know that now would you? You’ve no idea what kind of darkness someone can bounce back from, what things someone can see, and turn their entire lives around. You don’t have a damn clue, Sawyer, and trying to stand here and tell me that you’ve got it so bad, that yours is just the worst story of them all, you know exactly what that is, Sawyer, and it’s a ******* excuse, because you either do or you don’t want to put the work into making yourself better. It’s a cop out, and it’s not even a very good one.”
<Sawyer> “I never said my story is the worse. I’m not that type of person, but if you knew me at all, you’d know that, wouldn’t you?” Her arguments were running loose, and it only seemed to anger her all the more. He acted like he was so justified, so perfect, but they knew the truth. Before this, she might have believed it to be true - but the cracks in his armor were beginning to show, and it was tarnishing his image. Though not in a bad way. Pushing the thought from her mind, she gave another bitter laugh and kept walking, her hands curling into the pockets of her vest. “You don’t know the darkness that I’ve seen, Ephraim. I’ve witnessed how it can hold someone, how it can manipulate and morph them. I can’t explain it, other than I watched my mother succumb in ways no child should have to. Does that make my life the worse? No, but it does make it pretty fucked up.” Glancing over her shoulder, then, she raised a brow. “Again, though, none of this is about my drug habits or my downward spiral. You still refuse to explain to me why it really ******* bothered you that he had his hands on me.”
<Ephraim> Shaking his head, he fought the urge to shake her like a ragdoll. Instead, he grasped his shoulder and squeezed. “That’s exactly it, Sawyer, that’s the very problem right there, and you don’t even see it. It’s all a part of the slide. You start here, then it’s not much worse to do this next thing, and since you’ve already done that, you may as well go ahead with the next, until you’re back at the bottom, right back where you started, if you don’t stop and really think about the consequences of it all. And let’s just face it. You knew the guy not even five minutes, and you were ready to follow him home like some kind of a lost puppy. Does that sound safe to you at all? Does that sound anything like good decision making? And again, back to the kid. Does that sound like a good example to set for people who might very well be looking to you one day for guidance? I mean come on, Sawyer. You were ready to do whatever that guy asked you, and you know even less about him than you claim I know about you.”
<Sawyer> She was tired. Tired of him, tired of the situation, tired of life. Not in the ‘woe is me, I want to jump off the Empire State Building’ tired but the ‘**** everything, I need a drink’ kind. She really did, too. A ******* huge bottle of vodka. The effects of that would be far better than anything that was going to come of this conversation. “Tell me, Thor. In that holy head of yours, are you a mind reader? Does that come with your avenging angel costume?” Her tone was exhausted, and the fire in her eyes dimmed as she gave a harsh laugh. “You’re acting like you are, you’re acting like you’re in my head, like you knew what I was thinking. Did I want to? Yes. No. Yes, I wished I could. Yes, I was thinking of how it would feel to just give in one more time, but I didn’t. I didn’t want his hands on me, I didn’t want to go home with him.” She knew she wasn’t making sense - to her, it was clear. ******* crystal, but to him, he’d probably think her talking in circles like a mad woman. Maybe she was. “I wasn’t going to, though. I wasn’t going to let him do a damned thing. I was ready to slit his throat if he did something wrong. I touched him, to feel his heart.” Sighing, then, she ran her fingers through her hair. “You don’t know **** about me, Eph, stop thinking you can figure me out.”
<Ephraim> If she was tired, he was worn to the point of exhaustion. His entire frame screamed sleep, his body dead on his feet. He lifted his hand and ran his palm across his face. They were going in circles now, and this was likely where the conversation died. He let his hand slide from his face to run his fingers through his beard, an absent-minded tic as he sighed. “Do you think you can stop flinging empty insults around long enough to think?” He asked, his eyes finally moving to her again. Tired, but still with an intensity and startling power. He shook his head and sighed again. “You’re stepping all over your own argument. You basically answered your own questions for me. I’m not a mind reader. You aren’t either. None of them were, so far as we were aware. So how did any of us know anything, when you were melting in his hands like butter? There was next to nothing he wasn’t ready to do to you, and you just sat there. Actions, Sawyer. Actions will do more than words every time.”
<Sawyer> “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Without bothering to glance either way before stepping off the corner, she walked headlong into traffic. Tires squealed as a truck slammed on its breaks, and she distantly heard the shout of a man as he slammed his hands against the wheel. It didn’t bother her, though, and instead she kept her steps at a leisure pace as she made her way across the road and headed towards Coastside. She was more comfortable there. The dirt and crime kept her occupied, and she loved to watch the thieves as the slipped in and out of the buildings unhindered. “You keep pointing out my faults, my actions - what about yours? You have still yet to admit what else is bothering you, Thor. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that something other than my carelessness has your nuts in a twist.”
<Ephraim> He sighed, and fought the urge to simply, openly punch her square in the jaw. Just thinking it felt incredibly satisfying. It would likely have done less damage than the car would have. Almost certainly. Definitely. And yet she was entirely fine with just waltzing into the street, without a care in the world. He ran his hand along his throat as she again pushed at the subject. “Like a broken ******* record, Sawyer, I’ve already told you that I care about you. How many times do you need me to say it before you get it?” He lifted his brow as he watched her continue to try to work her way beneath his skin. He pushed his hand through his hair, his fingers dipping to his beard again as he shook his head. “What I keep pointing out is what is actually pertinent to the situation. You are trying to deflect the subject.”
<Sawyer> She didn’t miss the irritation in his expression, and she found herself wondering what exactly went on in that mind of his. He usually oozed charm and calm, yet he was showing something far more to her now. Was his mind as twisted as hers? Was his holy act just a front? Shaking her head, she laughed then, and ran her fingers through her hair. “There you go again, attempting to turn **** around on me. Fine, whatever. There’s nothing else and you’re right. You win, happy now?” Clenching her jaw, she glanced above them to the street signs and turned right, her steps hurried as she tried to put distance between them. It’d be no ******* use, but a girl had to try, right?
<Ephraim> He watched as she turned on her heel, heading around the next corner. He moved with her, keeping her pace with ease. Actually, he was thankful that she’d sped up, the pace before was painstakingly slow. He moved in silence for a long moment, eyes darting from the street to her, and back again. He shoved his hands into his pockets, his head ducked down as he ran his thumb along the edge of the coat pocket, his elbow pushing the weight of his knife against his ribs before he finally spoke. “No, not really.” He answered her question, still close behind but not entirely sure why it was, exactly, that she had decided to try and rush away now. “I’d say that hardly would seem satisfactory to much anyone.” He shrugged his shoulders, then, and moved to walk beside her. “And, maybe I might’ve been a little upset about the whole thing. Not to say that I’d want you to be doing that to me, exactly, but that seeing it with someone else wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, I guess. I can’t exactly explain something that I don’t fully understand.”