through the looking glass
Posted: 27 Feb 2016, 23:45
DATE: 27TH FEB. 2016OOC wrote:The following is Dawes' journal stored in an encrypted file on her old personal computer seldom used for anything other than her Sims games or entries. As always, anyone who wants to use any information read in this must have my permission, thank you!
I think about my parents from time to time. I think about what type of people that they would think that London and I have become. One a shut in with video games, the other preferring to work and escape. I think that’s how both of us choose to escape, choose to cope with our loss. We used to be different, but now we only have each other. I try to kick her out of the house every now and then. It’s been only a couple of years and the wounds are still fresh. I’ve considered looking into therapy for us both - London’ll probably roll her eyes and scoff at me, insisting she’s fine and then bury herself back into her games. I know I still avoid the shadows, I don’t go anywhere without my gun. Vampires… they’re such vile creatures, cruel, merciless. We have our scars that mark our survival, but we hide them as we continue on with our lives, with our day to day activities.
It’s all a front, a lie, a masquerade to the truth.
I look on the forums often between working and the occasional game. I don’t see why some insist on pushing the nightmare onto the innocent, the unwilling. There are those that think they’re crazy, but those that believe, I suppose they’re the ones that have lost or seen things that have yet to be explained. If one wishes to be oblivious, it’s their right to be. At least, that’s how I choose to look at it all. I’ll never understand those that believe we can co-exist. It’s a disease spreading among those in our city and it’ll only bring death upon us all if they remain here in Harper Rock. Life isn’t like the movies, you don’t just move on when someone is taken from you, you don’t move on when you watch someone die. It sticks with you and it can fog up your mind if one doesn’t pay attention to it. A plague.
I wish there were something that we could do to change it.
♫ SALIVA - HATE ME ♫
I suppose I should get ready to tell London that I quit - again. I wonder if I could drop a hint and see what game that she’s been wanting not that she ever really complains when I’m that inconsistent. I have a limited amount of patience when it comes to idiots that come into the restaurants, those that think that they can act a certain way that they please. This time, Ricky the cook, decided to slap my ***. I’m not really sorry that the hot plate of fries were shoved into his face, nor was I sorry when the cherry coke was splashed into his face. The manager looked in on shock, but I gave him warning and accepted the tips that he left me before leaving. Unlike Ricky, he knows about the Ashmore name and that yes, I could afford an attorney to fight anything to do with sexual harassment.Maybe this time I should actually look for something long term, something that I can apply this degree with so that the years I spent in University won’t be a waste. I enjoy being a hacker, I enjoy being a graphics designer, but this is such a pain at times. I should start a career rather than a job so I don’t end up wanting to strangle the next creep that decides to get a little handsy. I thought about looking into opening an internet cafe, or managing one. At least that way, I’ll be able to coax my sister out without threatening to break her game systems. Cruel, but effective. Especially when you’re prone to actually follow through with threats - not that I’ve actually done it to her. Exes, yes.
I just want to get us back to a normal functioning life. I don’t want to be afraid of what lurks within the shadows, I don’t want us to dwell on the past. I want the memories to numb, I’d hide them like I could my scar behind a tattoo if it was possible. It’s not even about being normal.
I want us to be functional.
Unbroken.
Unafraid.
Healing, rather than wounded.