A Year of Reflections
Posted: 20 Jan 2016, 22:17
It’s a shame I don’t have to breathe again to survive. For the first time in my life, I feel as if I can breathe again. It’s ironic, sort of, isn’t it? I’ll just take a deep breath in anyways and let it out slowly. There. Just like that.
My life has always been controlled and manipulated by someone. If anyone reads this and knows my story, they’ll probably think I’m a big, spoiled, whiny brat. “Life must have been tragic and difficult for you. With all that money, cars, clothing and jewelry you had growing up.” And maybe I am some of those things. Maybe I am all of those things. But, walk a day in my shoes and see if life is as glamorous as Hollywood and TMZ portrays the daughter of a rich man to be.
I had one singular friend growing up. A cousin. I did not choose for her to be my best friend, or to share the growing up process with me. She was always there. Even when I didn’t want her to be there. It was for my own safety, I was told. One day, I could have the friends I wanted. When I was older and wiser.
I could not date. It was an inconceivable notion. I could not show interest in any men when I became older, or they would have their employment with mi padre terminated. I was not for just anybody, I was for somebody. I was for somebody that mi padre picked. The person with the most appeal for the Delgado household. I was nothing but a bargaining chip for mi padre.
Mi padre was a very bad man. I knew it, but I never knew how bad he was until I met Remington and Godric. I guess when things happen outside your large estate walls, it’s easier to keep your eyes closed and pretend things on the outside aren’t happening. Not while you take trips around the world, and get gifted exclusive designer clothing from a well known designer every few months. Life outside ceases to exist. Until something hits close to home and those pretty eyes that looked through rose tinted glasses started seeing things for how they really were.
Thank you, Godric for opening my eyes. I would tell you this in person, but I do not think we will ever see the other again. And even if we do encounter the other, I doubt I will ever thank you anyways. You were the best thing that ever happened to me then. I don’t know if I ever loved you, but I loved us. The things we did. We had some of the best nights together, even if I wanted to strangle you for your cocky attitude. You gave me my first taste of real freedom, even if mi padre found out about us in the end. Regardless, you opened my eyes to the man I believed could do no real wrong to those he should do no wrong to, and painted a different picture. You painted the truth, but with that clarity, my life had altered.
I don’t know when life changed for the worst. Was it the night I learned the truth about mi padre? When things were put into motion? Or was it the night I was turned into a vampire by Remington? It’s so difficult to tell, as everything happened so fast. It had to happen fast because I wanted it to. Had I died, would my cousin had died? Would all my friends had died? Or was it written, destined, to be the fate of us all? Every person dead during my engagement party? Was it because of mi padre, or was it because of me? Was it my haste and desperation to escape the reaches of mi padre that condemned me to my dark fate?
My life has always been controlled and manipulated by someone. If anyone reads this and knows my story, they’ll probably think I’m a big, spoiled, whiny brat. “Life must have been tragic and difficult for you. With all that money, cars, clothing and jewelry you had growing up.” And maybe I am some of those things. Maybe I am all of those things. But, walk a day in my shoes and see if life is as glamorous as Hollywood and TMZ portrays the daughter of a rich man to be.
I had one singular friend growing up. A cousin. I did not choose for her to be my best friend, or to share the growing up process with me. She was always there. Even when I didn’t want her to be there. It was for my own safety, I was told. One day, I could have the friends I wanted. When I was older and wiser.
I could not date. It was an inconceivable notion. I could not show interest in any men when I became older, or they would have their employment with mi padre terminated. I was not for just anybody, I was for somebody. I was for somebody that mi padre picked. The person with the most appeal for the Delgado household. I was nothing but a bargaining chip for mi padre.
Mi padre was a very bad man. I knew it, but I never knew how bad he was until I met Remington and Godric. I guess when things happen outside your large estate walls, it’s easier to keep your eyes closed and pretend things on the outside aren’t happening. Not while you take trips around the world, and get gifted exclusive designer clothing from a well known designer every few months. Life outside ceases to exist. Until something hits close to home and those pretty eyes that looked through rose tinted glasses started seeing things for how they really were.
Thank you, Godric for opening my eyes. I would tell you this in person, but I do not think we will ever see the other again. And even if we do encounter the other, I doubt I will ever thank you anyways. You were the best thing that ever happened to me then. I don’t know if I ever loved you, but I loved us. The things we did. We had some of the best nights together, even if I wanted to strangle you for your cocky attitude. You gave me my first taste of real freedom, even if mi padre found out about us in the end. Regardless, you opened my eyes to the man I believed could do no real wrong to those he should do no wrong to, and painted a different picture. You painted the truth, but with that clarity, my life had altered.
I don’t know when life changed for the worst. Was it the night I learned the truth about mi padre? When things were put into motion? Or was it the night I was turned into a vampire by Remington? It’s so difficult to tell, as everything happened so fast. It had to happen fast because I wanted it to. Had I died, would my cousin had died? Would all my friends had died? Or was it written, destined, to be the fate of us all? Every person dead during my engagement party? Was it because of mi padre, or was it because of me? Was it my haste and desperation to escape the reaches of mi padre that condemned me to my dark fate?