Shrouded in Darkness
Posted: 10 Dec 2015, 16:44
December 10, 2015
Kallista is worried.
I can see it in the lines of her face, the tightness of her smile. I never meant to do her harm. I just...
How can I function in this world, knowing the darkness that seeps into it daily? How can I go into the streets and not think about the men and women that I used to work with? I know they are there, I can hear them. Their whispers on the wind, their taunting laughter as they wait for me to make a mistake. I was supposed to die that night, and yet, I was saved. Kallista is an angel, a God send - and I'm letting her down.
I shouldn't put these thoughts into writing. I should keep it all bottled up inside, where I know they will be safe. I know the consequences if someone were to find this journal, yet, I also know that Jersey keeps hers under lock and key. If she can keep her secrets guarded from the world, I should have no problem. I could have asked her about it, I could have had her give me tips - but I can't bring myself to talk to her. Is it selfish of me? Yes. It's selfish, because I still can't forgive her for leaving me. Us. I told her I supported her in all things - and I did. I do. I just can't get over the fact that she let some idiotic handicap rule her life. I know there are others whispering in her ear, telling her that he was worth it, but he wasn't. There is no way to tell her this, though. She's fragile, delicate. She'll crumble beneath the pressure, and I won't do that to her.
I can't.
So, I keep my mouth shut and my thoughts locked inside. Except now they are bleeding into this paper faster than I can handle. In the end, all I know - I need to help Kallista. She spends so much time with me, worrying over me, trying to lure me from the darkness that has taken over my thoughts, and she deserves more from me.
Maybe I'll buy her a gift. No, I'll take her somewhere. That's the best gift I could give her.
I just hope I can make it out the door.
- BLACKHEART
Kallista is worried.
I can see it in the lines of her face, the tightness of her smile. I never meant to do her harm. I just...
How can I function in this world, knowing the darkness that seeps into it daily? How can I go into the streets and not think about the men and women that I used to work with? I know they are there, I can hear them. Their whispers on the wind, their taunting laughter as they wait for me to make a mistake. I was supposed to die that night, and yet, I was saved. Kallista is an angel, a God send - and I'm letting her down.
I shouldn't put these thoughts into writing. I should keep it all bottled up inside, where I know they will be safe. I know the consequences if someone were to find this journal, yet, I also know that Jersey keeps hers under lock and key. If she can keep her secrets guarded from the world, I should have no problem. I could have asked her about it, I could have had her give me tips - but I can't bring myself to talk to her. Is it selfish of me? Yes. It's selfish, because I still can't forgive her for leaving me. Us. I told her I supported her in all things - and I did. I do. I just can't get over the fact that she let some idiotic handicap rule her life. I know there are others whispering in her ear, telling her that he was worth it, but he wasn't. There is no way to tell her this, though. She's fragile, delicate. She'll crumble beneath the pressure, and I won't do that to her.
I can't.
So, I keep my mouth shut and my thoughts locked inside. Except now they are bleeding into this paper faster than I can handle. In the end, all I know - I need to help Kallista. She spends so much time with me, worrying over me, trying to lure me from the darkness that has taken over my thoughts, and she deserves more from me.
Maybe I'll buy her a gift. No, I'll take her somewhere. That's the best gift I could give her.
I just hope I can make it out the door.
- BLACKHEART