A Neglected Tape Recorder
Posted: 30 Nov 2015, 20:23
"They come, crawling, fighting through the wood. Gripping, grasping, biting, deeper and deeper. They don't care, don't know better, only think of basic things. Born, eat, live, make more, die, born again. Over and over. Shouldn't hear, but so many. So many with the same voice, the same thing over and over and over it becomes a tinny whisper under the surface. I don't hate them. I don't like them, but they don't know. All they know is flesh on flesh under flesh. Every one I dig out becomes ten more, but never more than a single number. Too many and there'd be nothing left, nothing to eat, to live. They know this without knowing they know. I should get a bird, make it eat, but that would hurt. So I leave them, let them live, and their voice, their noise, hides under every other noise. God they itch..."
“I’m forgetting, why... Because I forget. That’s why. Keep it here. Remember what needs to be remembered. So few things remembered, so easily drowned out by the noise. Good, bad, I just need a place. Somewhere to remember. A small, black box, hissing as I speak, but it’s quiet. It doesn’t scream like everything else, demanding to be heard. Soft, silk hands, caressing, loving, eyes lying, know he’s cheating... No, focus. Remember... Need to keep them safe. Need to remember. My name. Otis. I am Otis. Names... No, I don’t know their names. She was there, but her name... She married him, loved him, and then he was gone. The war, missing, and she left with me. Sick, so sick, so disappointing. Should have died like him. Like the one who died before me, one of same blood, born and died, all at once. They’re dead. All dead. She died. I was dying. But there was love, somewhere.”
“I remember love. Love taken slow, soft hands holding, reassuring words, promises impossible to keep. Love had a name. I remember it, soft on lips, whispered promises. Marina. I see her where she shouldn’t be. In there. Darkness, pressing, demanding. It eats like them, eats away at life, hungry, always hungry. I was like them, eating, tearing, chasing life, but I escaped. She’s there, only in my nightmares, but I know she’s there too. She chases me, sheets soaked with sweat, screaming, oaths on lips, begging, pleading, why couldn’t you save me? Why did you do it? Blaming me, always angry, but not my fault. Couldn’t have known. Just wanted, wanted those first days after escaping, after remembering, to be hers. Together, she didn’t care what I was. Love, true and honest, wanted to stay, maybe be one too. Eternity together. A perfect promise. But one night together breaks the dream like a dropped mirror, scattered shards bubbling blood and angry tears. Woken, screaming, something wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG! Grabbing sheets, flesh, tearing, blood everywhere. Growling, hungry, screams silenced, dead eyes begging, finally free. Darkness, a true black, here were limbs should be, the absence of light. Flashing fangs, flesh that’s wrong. Can’t save her, it’s over. Reaching for the necklace, for a piece of her, but it’s fast. It reaches out, and the metal shatters under it’s claw, and I’m running, running and running and can’t look back. It doesn’t follow. It’s busy, eating, gulping down her flesh...”
“Gulping down, slick, slimy, tastes of tomato and earthy things. Laughter, clinking china, high spirits, happy, congratulations. Didn’t want it, just the money, unhappy, want, want, need...Remember. The first time, crawling free from the darkness. It wanted to keep me, they were coming, hot breath on the back of my neck, fingers like smoke, pulling and tearing, breaking free. First breath of air, shivering, cold, always cold, air on my skin, nothing but air. Hands, sympathetic noise, pulling, leading, dressing. Unfamiliar, so much noise, new noise, can’t think, can’t feel, who am I? Sun rising, tired, hiding, soft blankets, smell of mold, but safe. Waking, sun setting, empty room. Mat’s spread so close there’s no floor between. Stink of age, neglect, pity. One figure, alone, curled in the corner. Quiet, only his is the noise. Begging, can’t speak, no tongue, it hurts. Hurting, pain, want to end, see only blurs, cloudy whites seeing nothing. A figure, me, closing in. End it, please angel let it end, he begs, and only I can hear. Only I can be that angel. I’ll help you. Need to help, need to feed, both needs cleared in a single action. Drinking, crimson life clearing confusion. I can think, and he is dead, and I have helped. Helping him, and now I can have the strength to stand. To sort out the noise, to walk away. Memories, so many of them, lost in the noise, but some remain. Precious few, need to protect them. Keep them here... Safe. They’ll be safe in this box, this hissing, moving scroll.”
*A long line of static*
“What was I doing...? Oh.. Remembering. I’m done, I think...Done... Done with the lies, done pretending, end it, can’t hurt her more, can’t keep going-...”
*A click. The recording ends*
“I’m forgetting, why... Because I forget. That’s why. Keep it here. Remember what needs to be remembered. So few things remembered, so easily drowned out by the noise. Good, bad, I just need a place. Somewhere to remember. A small, black box, hissing as I speak, but it’s quiet. It doesn’t scream like everything else, demanding to be heard. Soft, silk hands, caressing, loving, eyes lying, know he’s cheating... No, focus. Remember... Need to keep them safe. Need to remember. My name. Otis. I am Otis. Names... No, I don’t know their names. She was there, but her name... She married him, loved him, and then he was gone. The war, missing, and she left with me. Sick, so sick, so disappointing. Should have died like him. Like the one who died before me, one of same blood, born and died, all at once. They’re dead. All dead. She died. I was dying. But there was love, somewhere.”
“I remember love. Love taken slow, soft hands holding, reassuring words, promises impossible to keep. Love had a name. I remember it, soft on lips, whispered promises. Marina. I see her where she shouldn’t be. In there. Darkness, pressing, demanding. It eats like them, eats away at life, hungry, always hungry. I was like them, eating, tearing, chasing life, but I escaped. She’s there, only in my nightmares, but I know she’s there too. She chases me, sheets soaked with sweat, screaming, oaths on lips, begging, pleading, why couldn’t you save me? Why did you do it? Blaming me, always angry, but not my fault. Couldn’t have known. Just wanted, wanted those first days after escaping, after remembering, to be hers. Together, she didn’t care what I was. Love, true and honest, wanted to stay, maybe be one too. Eternity together. A perfect promise. But one night together breaks the dream like a dropped mirror, scattered shards bubbling blood and angry tears. Woken, screaming, something wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG! Grabbing sheets, flesh, tearing, blood everywhere. Growling, hungry, screams silenced, dead eyes begging, finally free. Darkness, a true black, here were limbs should be, the absence of light. Flashing fangs, flesh that’s wrong. Can’t save her, it’s over. Reaching for the necklace, for a piece of her, but it’s fast. It reaches out, and the metal shatters under it’s claw, and I’m running, running and running and can’t look back. It doesn’t follow. It’s busy, eating, gulping down her flesh...”
“Gulping down, slick, slimy, tastes of tomato and earthy things. Laughter, clinking china, high spirits, happy, congratulations. Didn’t want it, just the money, unhappy, want, want, need...Remember. The first time, crawling free from the darkness. It wanted to keep me, they were coming, hot breath on the back of my neck, fingers like smoke, pulling and tearing, breaking free. First breath of air, shivering, cold, always cold, air on my skin, nothing but air. Hands, sympathetic noise, pulling, leading, dressing. Unfamiliar, so much noise, new noise, can’t think, can’t feel, who am I? Sun rising, tired, hiding, soft blankets, smell of mold, but safe. Waking, sun setting, empty room. Mat’s spread so close there’s no floor between. Stink of age, neglect, pity. One figure, alone, curled in the corner. Quiet, only his is the noise. Begging, can’t speak, no tongue, it hurts. Hurting, pain, want to end, see only blurs, cloudy whites seeing nothing. A figure, me, closing in. End it, please angel let it end, he begs, and only I can hear. Only I can be that angel. I’ll help you. Need to help, need to feed, both needs cleared in a single action. Drinking, crimson life clearing confusion. I can think, and he is dead, and I have helped. Helping him, and now I can have the strength to stand. To sort out the noise, to walk away. Memories, so many of them, lost in the noise, but some remain. Precious few, need to protect them. Keep them here... Safe. They’ll be safe in this box, this hissing, moving scroll.”
*A long line of static*
“What was I doing...? Oh.. Remembering. I’m done, I think...Done... Done with the lies, done pretending, end it, can’t hurt her more, can’t keep going-...”
*A click. The recording ends*