Let's Burlesque! [Athena]
Posted: 17 Oct 2015, 00:19
--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--
<Athena> It wasn’t often now that she spent anytime at home. She was either at work, with her Cosimo or with her siress and maybe the woman’s boyfriend. Well, her soon -to be- husband to be exact. For the most part she carried her bag around and kept essentials at Cosimo’s apartment. The woman practically lived there. While she didn’t officially, she slept by his side as often as possible, trying to spend as much time with him despite the fact that she had two jobs. Nothing nor noone in her lifetime had ever made her slow down but with her love for Cosimo she had given up at least one of her previous three jobs. She no longer worked at the bar in a little hole in the wall club, a place for local bands to rock out. Instead, she would occasionally show up to help her friends bartend or to even just hang out while Cosimo needed space to perfect his thieving. She was a distraction he said.
She would say the same about him. They had a routine down. Athena always did yoga in the early night hours while Cosimo still slept. While she danced, stretched, and moved Cosimo would be sound asleep. On nights like these. The nights that she didn’t work at the auto shop but instead the burlesque club she would have to leave him with just a lipstick kiss and a love note on his nightstand. She assumed that he would simply assume that she was working under a car, or she was running off to do her own thing as she so often did. Never did it occur to her to open up about her little secret. A secret that she was mistakenly secure would be kept and all her own. Athena never thought to cover her tracks.
<Cosimo Alessi> Athena was right. Cosimo most often assumed that she was at the garage, if she wasn’t with him. Either that, or with her family - none of whom he had met yet. He didn’t know whether he should be offended, or put-off. But it was still early in their relationship, and otherwise, these things were not a requirement. He didn’t spend too much of his time overthinking it; when he was in Athena’s company, all such things seemed not to matter. So long as she was by his side.
He had, of course, noticed how often she came to stay. Where once her sleepovers were scattered, now she may as well live there. As Cosimo rolled over to the note on the nightstand, he played with the idea. It wasn’t formal. But maybe he should make it formal? Maybe he should ask her? Would she…? Even if she did seem fond of her current housemate. It was something he could throw on the table.
As he showered and dressed, the idea continued to niggle at the back of his brain; he decided he’d go and see Athena. Surprise her at the garage. There were a couple of records he picked up on the way - he’d ordered them in especially. Records he thought Athena might like. Except, when he got the garage, she was not there; he asked at the front desk if they knew whether she’d been in, or whether she was due in later - one of them mentioned something about a club. Handed Cosimo a card. They seemed uncertain, but they said Athena had left the card behind. And there was something that she had said that made them think it was a place she went regularly.
So, perplexed, Cosimo found himself back on the street and catching a train; getting off in a busier district of the town, and making his way into the Burlesque club. He stopped just inside the door; the place was thriving with customers. He stood to the side and took stock of his surroundings. If she was here… where would she be?
<Athena> It was a long story if you ever asked her why she would end up in a Burlesque club willingly. Why, even when she would most surely slap a man for looking at her too long why she’d let them now. Why, after being faithful to one man and then only opening up to one other man after years and many tears later, she’d allow strangers to pay to watch her dance around half naked on a stage. The woman was an artist in her own right. She played the drums, if she wanted she could even draw or paint. But this is how she choose to express herself. Her drums and her dance. It was the way that both activities allowed her to feel the music vibrate throughout her entire body. The energy. That’s what Athena thrived on. It was what motivated her soul. It kept her trucking on forward.
And trucking on forward is what Athena did best. When Cosimo arrived at the club Athena was already on the stage. The place was crowded, it was dark, but the stage was lit just enough. The atmosphere was casual despite the crowd of men there. Businessmen that probably shouldn’t be there where infact there and intently watching while they enjoyed their beverages. It was smoky and dim but the place was just right for the entertainment. And just right for the woman dancing on stage. The music was loud, it bumped throughout the classy [ despite maybe the entertainment ] club and you could feel it move deep in your chest. The song? Ironically it was a song that Athena had requested for her group to dance to. It spoke to her. It was most assumed that the drummer in her only allowed her to like heavy metal and the like but the song she choose to danced to? It was quite the opposite. Beyonce’- Partition blared throughout the club’s surrounding speakers and a blonde dancing on stage was most certainly Athena.
<Cosimo Alessi> The first thing that Cosimo noticed was the music. He wondered why Athena would come to a place that played music that was just… not like her. Maybe she was meeting someone? But the employee at the garage had said it sounded like she came here often… A friend, maybe? Maybe one of her family members worked here? Cosimo started to move toward the bar, where he’d ask the bartender, see if he could find anything out. Although he glanced toward the stage, it was only to clarify that he was, in fact, in a place where he would never go. He may have, in the past. But now? There was no point. Even if he wasn’t with Athena, it made no sense. The female body didn’t anything for him. Unless it was Athena’s, he’d realised.
And that’s what made him look twice. The blonde on the stage was familiar. Too familiar. At first it was the blonde hair that he didn’t notice - he was still getting used to it on Athena. But the body? He would recognise that body anywhere.
He waited until she was facing the room - and there was no doubt. His heart, though unbeating, sunk to his gut. His mouth fell open, and his immediate urge was to leap up onto the stage and wrap his jacket around her. Haul her out the back and ask her what the hell she thought she was playing at. There were too many bouncers, though. Too many thick-set men who’d stop him before he even hit the first step.
So instead, he readjusted his course and shoved and pushed his way through the men; there was a space at the front. Toward the side of the stage that Athena was currently headed toward. He stood in her line of vision, shifted, until there was no way she couldn’t not see him. Only when he felt her eyes on him did he lift his arms, palms spread upward in a violently inquisitive shrug. His mouth hung open, still - and his eyes looked like they were about to fall right out of his skull.
<Athena> Athena would never have thought in a million and one nights that Cosimo would find her here. That he would find her under the line of vision of men she didn’t know just watching to see her body move. To sexualize her further than she was already doing to herself with every move she made. To see the beads of her corset sway with every move that she made. The matching ruffled underwear tight, barely even there while she worked those long legs of hers. While there were strict lines that even she wouldn’t cross on this stage the dance matched the song. Every pop, lock, and groove of her body went with the beat of the song and nothing about it was homesome. Athena couldn’t sing, she didn’t even like to lip-sync so when it came to formation Athena wasn’t the attraction but she was infact the main dancer. This much was obvious with how much skill she expressed with every little move she made.
When she finally saw Cosimo she was too deep in. There was nothing that she could do- while they were near the end of the song she couldn’t just stop now. The dance had to go on. It had to be danced to the very last second. Well, maybe it wasn’t that she couldn’t- it was that she wouldn’t stop. Her embarrassment was only obvious with the quick but spare guilty look she spared her lover. After that, she continued like the professional she was when she was working. Instead, while they were at the raciest part of both the song and her dance she and the small group of girls moved to the smaller stage that occupied a space by the bigger one decorated with bars for the women to dance with. Despite her uncharacteristic shame, despite everything she was pushing down she grabbed onto those bars and just like the song and the dance called for- she used the poles to her advantage. The way she moved, the way she’d sway her ***, her hips, using the pole to shamelessly insinuate features of her body. Using her hands, the beat of the song, it was all about sex with this dance. If you could call the way she was moving dancin at all.
<Cosimo Alessi> Cosimo watched. He was too shocked to do anything but watch. To follow Athena with his eyes, his feet soon following. As if he wanted to shout at her from the audience and demand some kind of answer. How long had they been together? Why hadn’t she told him about this? Was he confused… no, was he angry because she’d kept something from him, or was it because of what she was doing? When she started to dance with that pole as if it were giving her the best sex she’d ever had… no, it was when the man next to Cosimo wolf-whistled at Athena, he realised he was just a little pissed off about the action, not about the secret. Maybe it was a bit of both.
Before Cosimo could even think about what he was doing, he’d laid a hand on the guy’s shoulder. Confused, inquisitive, the guy turned to Cosimo; he was wearing a suit. He was half balding. Young, but old. Cosimo could smell the sweat on him, the long day at work. The arousal. Could one smell arousal on another person? Didn’t matter. It was there. Within half a second, Cosimo had completely wiped that confused, pleased look from the human’s face. He did so with his knuckles. He even felt the satisfying crack of a nose breaking.
Yeah, there were other women on the stage. But Cosimo was taking this personal. He couldn’t see any of the other women. He had eyes only for Athena, as if she were the only one up there. All these men were looking at her, and only her.
The suit man’s buddies shouted; they surged, coming for Cosimo like a herd of angry gnats. For all of his seeming sweetness, Cosimo’s past was dotted with violence. To assume that the lanky, smiling Italian did not know how to defend himself would be a mistake. He was doing quite well, too - there were at least three man writing on the ground before the bouncers finally got there, using their brutish height and strength to haul Cosimo away. He shouted at them in abrasive Italian, finally shaking them off and telling them he’d find his own way out.
<Athena> It wasn’t her crushing guilt that had her look over at Cosimo again while the song ended. No, it was the sounds that were suddenly just as loud as the music. The sounds of a fight and automatically she just wanted to see that he was okay. That’s when she saw Cosimo. Her once smiling, her naturally happy and her loving Italian being escorted towards the exit by the club's bouncers. Only seemingly after him getting into a fight. Athena panicked and she didn’t exit along with the other dancers. No, not exiting the stages as what’s appropriate instead she let go of the pole’s she was dancing with and ran down the stairs towards the club’s main floor area. This was the exact reason the girl’s who danced here were always encouraged not to bring their partners around. The jealousy. But Athena never before now would have pegged Cosimo as a jealous partner. Infact, she could and had been jealous enough for the both of them even over the simplest of things sometimes. At the very least, her love for Cosimo wouldn’t be questioned most of the time.
With every hit of her heels on the ground, she was walking faster. The outfit of hers didn’t slow her down, the looks from both the customers and her coworkers didn’t slow her down. Athena made quick work of closing the distance between herself and her life partner. “Cosimo!” she shouted, her blue eyes wide on him while her hand stretched out to seek his out. Was he okay? Athena was still panicking that he was hurt, that he wasn’t okay and this would be all her fault.
<Cosimo Alessi> Cosimo was nearly at the door when Athena reached him. He was forced to stop when her hand slipped around his. He reacted without thinking, without even knowing what he was doing - he pulled his hand away, as if he had no idea who the person was who tried to take it. The bouncers were still lingering - still trying to escort the Italian from the building. They didn’t want his sort there - the kind that started brawls.
When he turned, there was not a scratch on him. The men he’d been fighting with were not fighters. They were bankers, or accountants. They were men who fought with words or numbers rather than with their fists or their bodies, and they had no chance against a vampire. They were the ones who suffered. Cosimo even vaguely remembered breaking a wrist.
Before Cosimo could say a word, he was nudged by one of the bouncers. “Take it outside, man,” he said. Cosimo’s mouth snapped shut. What was he about to say, anyway? There was too much to say. Too many questions. It wasn’t just this. It built, from the small things. The family he had not met. The housemate he had not met. The house he was never invited to. Now this. What else was she hiding from him? Why? He shook his head and continued toward the exit. Out on the pavement, the wind, slightly chilled, blasted his skin. He gulped it into his lungs, wanting to rid himself of the scent of the club, and all its sweaty, aroused men.
<Athena> Athena would never be able to deny how badly his rejection hurt. It was written on her face. It was the way she paused and stood there like he just had turned and slapped her across the face instead. That he didn't just pull his hand away from hers - just like she rightfully deserved. While she stood there frozen she didn't hear the bouncer talk. The new song that was playing. Smell the smoke in the air. Or even see anything else around her but the view of Cosimo walking out. Her lips parted for a moment and she thought she was going to scream something but instead her lips quickly closed and she was struggling not to cry. Athena was silent. Closing her eyes tightly for a moment she calmed herself and despite everything she ran after him again. With a tone she never used, she found herself near her lover and she begged. "Cosimo, please." But what was she begging for? Her unbeating heart sank to the bottom of her stiletto's and felt suddenly lost to her. Just like the solution to this. How badly had she fucked up this time? Even she wasn't sure.
<Cosimo Alessi> As soon as he heard the stilettos on the cement, Cosimo began to remove his jacket. A gaggle of party-goers were passing the club at the same time - he could see the way they were looking at Athena appreciatively, even though Cosimo wasn’t yet facing her. A growl rumbled in his throat as he turned around, immediately wrapping the heavy trench around Athena’s shoulders. It looked ridiculous. It was far too big for her. But at least it covered her up.
“What else are you hiding from me?” he asked. It was the pertinent question, wasn’t it? “I went to the garage. They gave me a card. I came here. I did not expect…” somewhere in the back of his mind he recalled the records he had bought. They were no longer in his hand. He had dropped them somewhere inside. A sigh huffed from his nose, his chin tucking toward his chest as he roughly pushed his fingers through his hair.
“Why?” he asked. “Why…?” he asked again. Like they were supposed to be two different questions but he was too flustered to form them properly. Now they were getting looks for a completely different reason, but this was far preferable in Cosimo’s opinion. Why. It summed up every question that he had in one small word. He bit his tongue to keep from attacking Athena with a barrage of meaningless sentences; instead he waited for her response.
<Athena> He put his jacket around her and she didn't even notice others looking at her. The fabric hitting her bare shoulders brought her crashing back to reality. Just like he only had eyes for her she only had eyes for him. Even if she did just finish dancing in front of a bunch of strange sweaty aroused men. But she heard that growl that left him and that was the only clue that tipped her off. Oh. Her face flushed with further embarrassment and she just stared up at him with pleading blue eyes. She was already begging him in her heart not to leave her. She loved him. And in that moment, she realized how much that really meant. That she needed him too.
Athena swallowed down hard at the questions. The first hitting her much like his rejection did. Hard and unforgiving. With another hard swallow she listened to his repeat of questions and she wanted the night to engulf her and then lose her. Her lips parted and still she didn't know what to say. Where did she even start with something like this? Keeping down a pathetic whimper for just all of this to go away she answer him. "I'm not hiding anything else from you, Cosimo." While it wasn't exactly her intention to keep something of this size from him. She did. Unblinking and without guilt before. Why? It was a valid question but her answer just wasn't good enough and even she knew it. "I. . I like to dance, Cosimo. I. . . Everybody has a way of expressing themselves sexually without their partner. This is mine." What did that even mean? Even if she wasn't totally sure, she sure did hope to God that Cosimo understood. Otherwise? She was fucked and certainly not in the good way.
<Cosimo Alessi> The answers that she gave were in no way satisfactory. He wanted to believe that she wasn’t hiding anything else from him, but in that moment it was hard. At the tail end of discovering a secret, it was hard to believe that there couldn’t be more. But he didn’t question her any further on that point. He was far too distracted by the rest of her answer.
“Everybody… that is ****! I do not express myself sexually with anyone but you. What I do with my sex is no one’s business but yours!” he says. It crosses his mind that Athena will have had this job before Cosimo was in the picture. That before, this was her only way to express herself sexually, and maybe it was something that she needed. But now, all he can think about are other men’s eyes, and how much he wants to go back into that club and poke them all out with a barbeque skewer. He was waving his hands around, his anger visible in his body just as it was detectable in his tone. But, the jealousy seemed only to be secondary; his mind kept pulling him back around to the other question. Why.
“Why did you keep it from me?” he asked. Maybe his reaction was the answer. She didn’t want him to be angry. But he would have been far less angry if he at least been warned. Far less aggressively jealous if he’d known never to walk into the club in the first place.
<Athena> She knew that for now her first answer was empty to him. Of course, she didn't expect him to believe her right now. Maybe she did have more secrets that she just didn't give a second thought about. Ones that would end them up at this point again. Something that Athena both thought harmless and hadn't even thought out thoroughly being something she should have. And ending devastatingly with Cosimo angry at her again. Maybe her answer wasn't something that he wanted to hear or even the right thing to say but she stood by it. It was the only way she outwardly expressed her sexuality without making love to Cosimo.
If he asked she would have told him that he was right. She had worked here long before she met him. That while her fiancé had been gone she was still a woman with needs. "It is not ****!" Athena shouted back, suddenly finding her voice. "It is not **** that people express themselves sexually. It's human nature, Cosimo! If you recall before you- I didn't make love to anyone. I had only been with Hunter and I thought I would die that way. Then I met you. Then I fell for you. I make love to you, to only you Cosimo. You know it too. I don't usually let men watch me. How did I react to you touching me before I wanted you to? I'll answer for you! Badly!" Her voice was raising, and her little body was shaking despite how broken she felt. Her hands were waving too, she wasn't angry. In fact, she didn't even know what she was. But she was on the verge of tears. Was he going to leave her? She didn't know. But then he asked her why again and her answer came without thought.
"Shame!" She shouted, those big blues wide on his face as they glistened. Athena felt shame.
<Cosimo Alessi> “It is ****! It is true for you, maybe, but it is not true for everybody,” he said. There was no argument if it was how she felt. He couldn’t tell her that he reasons were wrong when she so thoroughly felt them. But he could argue that he didn’t like it. It didn’t matter why she did it - he didn’t like it. He fought with himself, chewing on his tongue to keep from saying it out loud. If she still felt the need to express herself sexually beyond him, was he somehow not enough? Was he not giving her enough?
“It is your job. You do not usually let men watch you? They are in there all of them, and they have watched you. How many nights a week do you let them watch you? Do they come back? Are they regulars? Do they know you by name?” he asked, the questions now coming thick and fast. How could they not? The more he thought about it, the more questions he had. He shook his head. Even though the wideness of her eyes and the heavy tone of her voice told Cosimo that she was telling the truth about her shame, Cosimo still struggled to understand.
“How can you be ashamed? If you are ashamed then why do you come back?” he asked. He was perplexed. It didn’t occur to him that her shame extended only to him. He was finding it hard to wrap his head around all of it, so it was hard to be sure of anything. It was hard to understand, most of all.
<Athena> "Oh, are you trying to win this argument by lying to me?!" Athena gasped, looking rather shocked by this. "You are so full of **** right now! You cannot tell me before me you didn't **** every ***** who would have let you. You couldn't even tell me names, Cosimo! Please do not act like you didn't once express yourself sexually in some way before this happened to you." Now she felt guilty. It was the first time she addressed this with him with anything but absolute understanding and positivity. But she was no fool. He was a good looking man. It was no secret that he had women. It was no secret that he had slept with a bunch more people than she could even manage to imagine. Not that she thought it was a large amount. But because she was much too jealous to address this fact before now.
His sudden rush of questions had her stutter for a moment. Which question to answer first? She at least knew that she needed to answer them all. He deserved that and much more. "Three nights a week at most." When she paused, it was to register another question. To give her a moment to answer him while he simply asked another. "Yes, they come back, Cosimo. It's not always to see me but they do come back." Sighing, her hands raised to rub her palm over her cheeks. "Yes, they are regulars and yes they know my name..." She pressed her lips together. That happened before she met Cosimo but she would surely pay for it now. "I am only ashamed because it is you, Cosimo. I don't much care for what other people think of me shaking my ***." Maybe she was baiting him with that last comment but she knew it. She knew what she was doing and that was mostly it. Shaking it.
<Cosimo Alessi> Cosimo scoffed. He was not trying to win any kind of argument, but nor was he forming his words quite right. He lost his grip on the language a little when he was angry, or emotional.
“Yes. Yes I expressed myself sexually with other women,” he said, not as crude as telling her that he had fucked them, whether it was true or not. “Because I agree. It is natural for people to express themselves sexually,” he added. His fingers had curled and then stretched, his lungs snatching a breath. No. This had happened to him, this thing, and if he didn’t have Athena he wouldn’t be expressing himself anyway. He wouldn’t even think of it. He hadn’t even thought of it, except when he thought it might deprive Athena of something she needed.
Which, clearly it was something that she needed.
“Even if I were not… even if I…” he couldn’t even say it out loud. But he knew that Athena would know what he was referring to. “I am with you. I would not go have sex with other women because I felt like I needed to… express myself more. That would make you feel like you were not enough,” he said. No, he couldn’t really make the comparison. Athena wasn’t sleeping with other man, but the argument was still there. His jaw had clenched.
“Why are you ashamed only because it is me? It is because you think that I will not like it? If it is something that you enjoy then it is something that I will accept but I do not accept that it is because you… you cannot… express yourself enough with me,” he said. He frowned. He hadn’t wanted to say it, but it has slipped out. He reached up, his hands resting either side of Athena’s neck, thumbs grazing at her jawline. “I care most because there is not a single thing that you do not know about me! Not one single thing, and some nights you make me feel like I do not know you at all.”
<Athena> She knew that she was the one to bring up the other women. It was only to make light that everyone is sexual even if in their own way. But of course, it pissed her off. For a moment she was blinded by green. When the fog lifted she was sucking a deep breath of crisp night air into her lungs. Letting out the breath she no longer needed calmed her enough to continue without a hot rage.
Now she felt like he was saying that she was off ******* these men. That was never the case, it would never be the case. If anything, this night helped her realize how much she loved him. And just how much she needed him. "I am not sleeping with anyone else but you. You are enough for me, Cosimo. Our.. It's enough for me." Letting out a desperate sigh, she silently begged him to find some spark of understanding. But did she even understand? When he made the comment that she couldn't express herself sexually with him enough it brought a guilt on her that crushed what was left untouched.
Now the tears brimmed her baby blue eyes and she whimpered. "I do express myself enough with you, Cosimo. I know that I may not.." Trailing off, she wasn't sure how to express herself. Her hands raised then, covering over his as he held onto her. Blonde head tipped back, her watering blues on his face still. "But you know me better than anyone else in this world, Cosimo. I'm trying but I'm terrified! I can't lose myself in a man again." And while she was struggling to find a middle to be the open person that he needed and being her own woman - she finally let the tears fall.
<Cosimo Alessi> It should not have bothered Cosimo that Athena wanted her independence, but there was only one way his brain was allowing him to compute her words. Everything that she had said before disappeared, morphing into a loud, indecipherable buzz in the back of his head. Although he still held her, his grip slackened. Rather than holding her, his hands merely rested against her skin, as if some kind of vital energy had been sapped from him. A quick glance assured him that where once there had been an engagement ring, there was none now. Of that, he could at least be happy. The small circle of metal had created a barrier that Athena may not have been aware of, and which Cosimo felt no need to mention now that it was gone. But this admission of hers? It created a new barrier. An invisible one. Something much more deadly.
His head bowed as he let out a slow breath. All the fight had left him. She did not want to lose herself in a man again. Here, Cosimo felt like he was losing himself in Athena. He knew that he was avoiding other obligations to be with her. He didn’t see his family as much anymore, for one. The only progeny he heard from was Juniper, and she always seemed to happy to hear from him, because it was always so long in between. Maybe he had it wrong. Maybe that wasn’t the point of relationships. But now Cosimo would always think that Athena was holding something back. That she was wearing invisible armour to protect herself from him. That was her prerogative; she had hurt in the past, and Cosimo couldn’t demand that she act in any other way. So instead he smiled. It was a sad smile, but he tried to make it look happy. He pressed a light kiss to Athena’s lips and swiped at her tears with his thumbs.
“You will wreck your make-up,” he said, admiring the costume - what he could see of it - for the first time. He had to be happy that she had given as much to him as she already had. He had to be overjoyed that he knew her better than anyone else. “I bought you some records. They are… I think I dropped them, inside,” he said. “I do not think they will let me back in. Maybe you can look for them,” he said. He didn’t want to argue anymore.
<Athena> It wasn’t often now that she spent anytime at home. She was either at work, with her Cosimo or with her siress and maybe the woman’s boyfriend. Well, her soon -to be- husband to be exact. For the most part she carried her bag around and kept essentials at Cosimo’s apartment. The woman practically lived there. While she didn’t officially, she slept by his side as often as possible, trying to spend as much time with him despite the fact that she had two jobs. Nothing nor noone in her lifetime had ever made her slow down but with her love for Cosimo she had given up at least one of her previous three jobs. She no longer worked at the bar in a little hole in the wall club, a place for local bands to rock out. Instead, she would occasionally show up to help her friends bartend or to even just hang out while Cosimo needed space to perfect his thieving. She was a distraction he said.
She would say the same about him. They had a routine down. Athena always did yoga in the early night hours while Cosimo still slept. While she danced, stretched, and moved Cosimo would be sound asleep. On nights like these. The nights that she didn’t work at the auto shop but instead the burlesque club she would have to leave him with just a lipstick kiss and a love note on his nightstand. She assumed that he would simply assume that she was working under a car, or she was running off to do her own thing as she so often did. Never did it occur to her to open up about her little secret. A secret that she was mistakenly secure would be kept and all her own. Athena never thought to cover her tracks.
<Cosimo Alessi> Athena was right. Cosimo most often assumed that she was at the garage, if she wasn’t with him. Either that, or with her family - none of whom he had met yet. He didn’t know whether he should be offended, or put-off. But it was still early in their relationship, and otherwise, these things were not a requirement. He didn’t spend too much of his time overthinking it; when he was in Athena’s company, all such things seemed not to matter. So long as she was by his side.
He had, of course, noticed how often she came to stay. Where once her sleepovers were scattered, now she may as well live there. As Cosimo rolled over to the note on the nightstand, he played with the idea. It wasn’t formal. But maybe he should make it formal? Maybe he should ask her? Would she…? Even if she did seem fond of her current housemate. It was something he could throw on the table.
As he showered and dressed, the idea continued to niggle at the back of his brain; he decided he’d go and see Athena. Surprise her at the garage. There were a couple of records he picked up on the way - he’d ordered them in especially. Records he thought Athena might like. Except, when he got the garage, she was not there; he asked at the front desk if they knew whether she’d been in, or whether she was due in later - one of them mentioned something about a club. Handed Cosimo a card. They seemed uncertain, but they said Athena had left the card behind. And there was something that she had said that made them think it was a place she went regularly.
So, perplexed, Cosimo found himself back on the street and catching a train; getting off in a busier district of the town, and making his way into the Burlesque club. He stopped just inside the door; the place was thriving with customers. He stood to the side and took stock of his surroundings. If she was here… where would she be?
<Athena> It was a long story if you ever asked her why she would end up in a Burlesque club willingly. Why, even when she would most surely slap a man for looking at her too long why she’d let them now. Why, after being faithful to one man and then only opening up to one other man after years and many tears later, she’d allow strangers to pay to watch her dance around half naked on a stage. The woman was an artist in her own right. She played the drums, if she wanted she could even draw or paint. But this is how she choose to express herself. Her drums and her dance. It was the way that both activities allowed her to feel the music vibrate throughout her entire body. The energy. That’s what Athena thrived on. It was what motivated her soul. It kept her trucking on forward.
And trucking on forward is what Athena did best. When Cosimo arrived at the club Athena was already on the stage. The place was crowded, it was dark, but the stage was lit just enough. The atmosphere was casual despite the crowd of men there. Businessmen that probably shouldn’t be there where infact there and intently watching while they enjoyed their beverages. It was smoky and dim but the place was just right for the entertainment. And just right for the woman dancing on stage. The music was loud, it bumped throughout the classy [ despite maybe the entertainment ] club and you could feel it move deep in your chest. The song? Ironically it was a song that Athena had requested for her group to dance to. It spoke to her. It was most assumed that the drummer in her only allowed her to like heavy metal and the like but the song she choose to danced to? It was quite the opposite. Beyonce’- Partition blared throughout the club’s surrounding speakers and a blonde dancing on stage was most certainly Athena.
<Cosimo Alessi> The first thing that Cosimo noticed was the music. He wondered why Athena would come to a place that played music that was just… not like her. Maybe she was meeting someone? But the employee at the garage had said it sounded like she came here often… A friend, maybe? Maybe one of her family members worked here? Cosimo started to move toward the bar, where he’d ask the bartender, see if he could find anything out. Although he glanced toward the stage, it was only to clarify that he was, in fact, in a place where he would never go. He may have, in the past. But now? There was no point. Even if he wasn’t with Athena, it made no sense. The female body didn’t anything for him. Unless it was Athena’s, he’d realised.
And that’s what made him look twice. The blonde on the stage was familiar. Too familiar. At first it was the blonde hair that he didn’t notice - he was still getting used to it on Athena. But the body? He would recognise that body anywhere.
He waited until she was facing the room - and there was no doubt. His heart, though unbeating, sunk to his gut. His mouth fell open, and his immediate urge was to leap up onto the stage and wrap his jacket around her. Haul her out the back and ask her what the hell she thought she was playing at. There were too many bouncers, though. Too many thick-set men who’d stop him before he even hit the first step.
So instead, he readjusted his course and shoved and pushed his way through the men; there was a space at the front. Toward the side of the stage that Athena was currently headed toward. He stood in her line of vision, shifted, until there was no way she couldn’t not see him. Only when he felt her eyes on him did he lift his arms, palms spread upward in a violently inquisitive shrug. His mouth hung open, still - and his eyes looked like they were about to fall right out of his skull.
<Athena> Athena would never have thought in a million and one nights that Cosimo would find her here. That he would find her under the line of vision of men she didn’t know just watching to see her body move. To sexualize her further than she was already doing to herself with every move she made. To see the beads of her corset sway with every move that she made. The matching ruffled underwear tight, barely even there while she worked those long legs of hers. While there were strict lines that even she wouldn’t cross on this stage the dance matched the song. Every pop, lock, and groove of her body went with the beat of the song and nothing about it was homesome. Athena couldn’t sing, she didn’t even like to lip-sync so when it came to formation Athena wasn’t the attraction but she was infact the main dancer. This much was obvious with how much skill she expressed with every little move she made.
When she finally saw Cosimo she was too deep in. There was nothing that she could do- while they were near the end of the song she couldn’t just stop now. The dance had to go on. It had to be danced to the very last second. Well, maybe it wasn’t that she couldn’t- it was that she wouldn’t stop. Her embarrassment was only obvious with the quick but spare guilty look she spared her lover. After that, she continued like the professional she was when she was working. Instead, while they were at the raciest part of both the song and her dance she and the small group of girls moved to the smaller stage that occupied a space by the bigger one decorated with bars for the women to dance with. Despite her uncharacteristic shame, despite everything she was pushing down she grabbed onto those bars and just like the song and the dance called for- she used the poles to her advantage. The way she moved, the way she’d sway her ***, her hips, using the pole to shamelessly insinuate features of her body. Using her hands, the beat of the song, it was all about sex with this dance. If you could call the way she was moving dancin at all.
<Cosimo Alessi> Cosimo watched. He was too shocked to do anything but watch. To follow Athena with his eyes, his feet soon following. As if he wanted to shout at her from the audience and demand some kind of answer. How long had they been together? Why hadn’t she told him about this? Was he confused… no, was he angry because she’d kept something from him, or was it because of what she was doing? When she started to dance with that pole as if it were giving her the best sex she’d ever had… no, it was when the man next to Cosimo wolf-whistled at Athena, he realised he was just a little pissed off about the action, not about the secret. Maybe it was a bit of both.
Before Cosimo could even think about what he was doing, he’d laid a hand on the guy’s shoulder. Confused, inquisitive, the guy turned to Cosimo; he was wearing a suit. He was half balding. Young, but old. Cosimo could smell the sweat on him, the long day at work. The arousal. Could one smell arousal on another person? Didn’t matter. It was there. Within half a second, Cosimo had completely wiped that confused, pleased look from the human’s face. He did so with his knuckles. He even felt the satisfying crack of a nose breaking.
Yeah, there were other women on the stage. But Cosimo was taking this personal. He couldn’t see any of the other women. He had eyes only for Athena, as if she were the only one up there. All these men were looking at her, and only her.
The suit man’s buddies shouted; they surged, coming for Cosimo like a herd of angry gnats. For all of his seeming sweetness, Cosimo’s past was dotted with violence. To assume that the lanky, smiling Italian did not know how to defend himself would be a mistake. He was doing quite well, too - there were at least three man writing on the ground before the bouncers finally got there, using their brutish height and strength to haul Cosimo away. He shouted at them in abrasive Italian, finally shaking them off and telling them he’d find his own way out.
<Athena> It wasn’t her crushing guilt that had her look over at Cosimo again while the song ended. No, it was the sounds that were suddenly just as loud as the music. The sounds of a fight and automatically she just wanted to see that he was okay. That’s when she saw Cosimo. Her once smiling, her naturally happy and her loving Italian being escorted towards the exit by the club's bouncers. Only seemingly after him getting into a fight. Athena panicked and she didn’t exit along with the other dancers. No, not exiting the stages as what’s appropriate instead she let go of the pole’s she was dancing with and ran down the stairs towards the club’s main floor area. This was the exact reason the girl’s who danced here were always encouraged not to bring their partners around. The jealousy. But Athena never before now would have pegged Cosimo as a jealous partner. Infact, she could and had been jealous enough for the both of them even over the simplest of things sometimes. At the very least, her love for Cosimo wouldn’t be questioned most of the time.
With every hit of her heels on the ground, she was walking faster. The outfit of hers didn’t slow her down, the looks from both the customers and her coworkers didn’t slow her down. Athena made quick work of closing the distance between herself and her life partner. “Cosimo!” she shouted, her blue eyes wide on him while her hand stretched out to seek his out. Was he okay? Athena was still panicking that he was hurt, that he wasn’t okay and this would be all her fault.
<Cosimo Alessi> Cosimo was nearly at the door when Athena reached him. He was forced to stop when her hand slipped around his. He reacted without thinking, without even knowing what he was doing - he pulled his hand away, as if he had no idea who the person was who tried to take it. The bouncers were still lingering - still trying to escort the Italian from the building. They didn’t want his sort there - the kind that started brawls.
When he turned, there was not a scratch on him. The men he’d been fighting with were not fighters. They were bankers, or accountants. They were men who fought with words or numbers rather than with their fists or their bodies, and they had no chance against a vampire. They were the ones who suffered. Cosimo even vaguely remembered breaking a wrist.
Before Cosimo could say a word, he was nudged by one of the bouncers. “Take it outside, man,” he said. Cosimo’s mouth snapped shut. What was he about to say, anyway? There was too much to say. Too many questions. It wasn’t just this. It built, from the small things. The family he had not met. The housemate he had not met. The house he was never invited to. Now this. What else was she hiding from him? Why? He shook his head and continued toward the exit. Out on the pavement, the wind, slightly chilled, blasted his skin. He gulped it into his lungs, wanting to rid himself of the scent of the club, and all its sweaty, aroused men.
<Athena> Athena would never be able to deny how badly his rejection hurt. It was written on her face. It was the way she paused and stood there like he just had turned and slapped her across the face instead. That he didn't just pull his hand away from hers - just like she rightfully deserved. While she stood there frozen she didn't hear the bouncer talk. The new song that was playing. Smell the smoke in the air. Or even see anything else around her but the view of Cosimo walking out. Her lips parted for a moment and she thought she was going to scream something but instead her lips quickly closed and she was struggling not to cry. Athena was silent. Closing her eyes tightly for a moment she calmed herself and despite everything she ran after him again. With a tone she never used, she found herself near her lover and she begged. "Cosimo, please." But what was she begging for? Her unbeating heart sank to the bottom of her stiletto's and felt suddenly lost to her. Just like the solution to this. How badly had she fucked up this time? Even she wasn't sure.
<Cosimo Alessi> As soon as he heard the stilettos on the cement, Cosimo began to remove his jacket. A gaggle of party-goers were passing the club at the same time - he could see the way they were looking at Athena appreciatively, even though Cosimo wasn’t yet facing her. A growl rumbled in his throat as he turned around, immediately wrapping the heavy trench around Athena’s shoulders. It looked ridiculous. It was far too big for her. But at least it covered her up.
“What else are you hiding from me?” he asked. It was the pertinent question, wasn’t it? “I went to the garage. They gave me a card. I came here. I did not expect…” somewhere in the back of his mind he recalled the records he had bought. They were no longer in his hand. He had dropped them somewhere inside. A sigh huffed from his nose, his chin tucking toward his chest as he roughly pushed his fingers through his hair.
“Why?” he asked. “Why…?” he asked again. Like they were supposed to be two different questions but he was too flustered to form them properly. Now they were getting looks for a completely different reason, but this was far preferable in Cosimo’s opinion. Why. It summed up every question that he had in one small word. He bit his tongue to keep from attacking Athena with a barrage of meaningless sentences; instead he waited for her response.
<Athena> He put his jacket around her and she didn't even notice others looking at her. The fabric hitting her bare shoulders brought her crashing back to reality. Just like he only had eyes for her she only had eyes for him. Even if she did just finish dancing in front of a bunch of strange sweaty aroused men. But she heard that growl that left him and that was the only clue that tipped her off. Oh. Her face flushed with further embarrassment and she just stared up at him with pleading blue eyes. She was already begging him in her heart not to leave her. She loved him. And in that moment, she realized how much that really meant. That she needed him too.
Athena swallowed down hard at the questions. The first hitting her much like his rejection did. Hard and unforgiving. With another hard swallow she listened to his repeat of questions and she wanted the night to engulf her and then lose her. Her lips parted and still she didn't know what to say. Where did she even start with something like this? Keeping down a pathetic whimper for just all of this to go away she answer him. "I'm not hiding anything else from you, Cosimo." While it wasn't exactly her intention to keep something of this size from him. She did. Unblinking and without guilt before. Why? It was a valid question but her answer just wasn't good enough and even she knew it. "I. . I like to dance, Cosimo. I. . . Everybody has a way of expressing themselves sexually without their partner. This is mine." What did that even mean? Even if she wasn't totally sure, she sure did hope to God that Cosimo understood. Otherwise? She was fucked and certainly not in the good way.
<Cosimo Alessi> The answers that she gave were in no way satisfactory. He wanted to believe that she wasn’t hiding anything else from him, but in that moment it was hard. At the tail end of discovering a secret, it was hard to believe that there couldn’t be more. But he didn’t question her any further on that point. He was far too distracted by the rest of her answer.
“Everybody… that is ****! I do not express myself sexually with anyone but you. What I do with my sex is no one’s business but yours!” he says. It crosses his mind that Athena will have had this job before Cosimo was in the picture. That before, this was her only way to express herself sexually, and maybe it was something that she needed. But now, all he can think about are other men’s eyes, and how much he wants to go back into that club and poke them all out with a barbeque skewer. He was waving his hands around, his anger visible in his body just as it was detectable in his tone. But, the jealousy seemed only to be secondary; his mind kept pulling him back around to the other question. Why.
“Why did you keep it from me?” he asked. Maybe his reaction was the answer. She didn’t want him to be angry. But he would have been far less angry if he at least been warned. Far less aggressively jealous if he’d known never to walk into the club in the first place.
<Athena> She knew that for now her first answer was empty to him. Of course, she didn't expect him to believe her right now. Maybe she did have more secrets that she just didn't give a second thought about. Ones that would end them up at this point again. Something that Athena both thought harmless and hadn't even thought out thoroughly being something she should have. And ending devastatingly with Cosimo angry at her again. Maybe her answer wasn't something that he wanted to hear or even the right thing to say but she stood by it. It was the only way she outwardly expressed her sexuality without making love to Cosimo.
If he asked she would have told him that he was right. She had worked here long before she met him. That while her fiancé had been gone she was still a woman with needs. "It is not ****!" Athena shouted back, suddenly finding her voice. "It is not **** that people express themselves sexually. It's human nature, Cosimo! If you recall before you- I didn't make love to anyone. I had only been with Hunter and I thought I would die that way. Then I met you. Then I fell for you. I make love to you, to only you Cosimo. You know it too. I don't usually let men watch me. How did I react to you touching me before I wanted you to? I'll answer for you! Badly!" Her voice was raising, and her little body was shaking despite how broken she felt. Her hands were waving too, she wasn't angry. In fact, she didn't even know what she was. But she was on the verge of tears. Was he going to leave her? She didn't know. But then he asked her why again and her answer came without thought.
"Shame!" She shouted, those big blues wide on his face as they glistened. Athena felt shame.
<Cosimo Alessi> “It is ****! It is true for you, maybe, but it is not true for everybody,” he said. There was no argument if it was how she felt. He couldn’t tell her that he reasons were wrong when she so thoroughly felt them. But he could argue that he didn’t like it. It didn’t matter why she did it - he didn’t like it. He fought with himself, chewing on his tongue to keep from saying it out loud. If she still felt the need to express herself sexually beyond him, was he somehow not enough? Was he not giving her enough?
“It is your job. You do not usually let men watch you? They are in there all of them, and they have watched you. How many nights a week do you let them watch you? Do they come back? Are they regulars? Do they know you by name?” he asked, the questions now coming thick and fast. How could they not? The more he thought about it, the more questions he had. He shook his head. Even though the wideness of her eyes and the heavy tone of her voice told Cosimo that she was telling the truth about her shame, Cosimo still struggled to understand.
“How can you be ashamed? If you are ashamed then why do you come back?” he asked. He was perplexed. It didn’t occur to him that her shame extended only to him. He was finding it hard to wrap his head around all of it, so it was hard to be sure of anything. It was hard to understand, most of all.
<Athena> "Oh, are you trying to win this argument by lying to me?!" Athena gasped, looking rather shocked by this. "You are so full of **** right now! You cannot tell me before me you didn't **** every ***** who would have let you. You couldn't even tell me names, Cosimo! Please do not act like you didn't once express yourself sexually in some way before this happened to you." Now she felt guilty. It was the first time she addressed this with him with anything but absolute understanding and positivity. But she was no fool. He was a good looking man. It was no secret that he had women. It was no secret that he had slept with a bunch more people than she could even manage to imagine. Not that she thought it was a large amount. But because she was much too jealous to address this fact before now.
His sudden rush of questions had her stutter for a moment. Which question to answer first? She at least knew that she needed to answer them all. He deserved that and much more. "Three nights a week at most." When she paused, it was to register another question. To give her a moment to answer him while he simply asked another. "Yes, they come back, Cosimo. It's not always to see me but they do come back." Sighing, her hands raised to rub her palm over her cheeks. "Yes, they are regulars and yes they know my name..." She pressed her lips together. That happened before she met Cosimo but she would surely pay for it now. "I am only ashamed because it is you, Cosimo. I don't much care for what other people think of me shaking my ***." Maybe she was baiting him with that last comment but she knew it. She knew what she was doing and that was mostly it. Shaking it.
<Cosimo Alessi> Cosimo scoffed. He was not trying to win any kind of argument, but nor was he forming his words quite right. He lost his grip on the language a little when he was angry, or emotional.
“Yes. Yes I expressed myself sexually with other women,” he said, not as crude as telling her that he had fucked them, whether it was true or not. “Because I agree. It is natural for people to express themselves sexually,” he added. His fingers had curled and then stretched, his lungs snatching a breath. No. This had happened to him, this thing, and if he didn’t have Athena he wouldn’t be expressing himself anyway. He wouldn’t even think of it. He hadn’t even thought of it, except when he thought it might deprive Athena of something she needed.
Which, clearly it was something that she needed.
“Even if I were not… even if I…” he couldn’t even say it out loud. But he knew that Athena would know what he was referring to. “I am with you. I would not go have sex with other women because I felt like I needed to… express myself more. That would make you feel like you were not enough,” he said. No, he couldn’t really make the comparison. Athena wasn’t sleeping with other man, but the argument was still there. His jaw had clenched.
“Why are you ashamed only because it is me? It is because you think that I will not like it? If it is something that you enjoy then it is something that I will accept but I do not accept that it is because you… you cannot… express yourself enough with me,” he said. He frowned. He hadn’t wanted to say it, but it has slipped out. He reached up, his hands resting either side of Athena’s neck, thumbs grazing at her jawline. “I care most because there is not a single thing that you do not know about me! Not one single thing, and some nights you make me feel like I do not know you at all.”
<Athena> She knew that she was the one to bring up the other women. It was only to make light that everyone is sexual even if in their own way. But of course, it pissed her off. For a moment she was blinded by green. When the fog lifted she was sucking a deep breath of crisp night air into her lungs. Letting out the breath she no longer needed calmed her enough to continue without a hot rage.
Now she felt like he was saying that she was off ******* these men. That was never the case, it would never be the case. If anything, this night helped her realize how much she loved him. And just how much she needed him. "I am not sleeping with anyone else but you. You are enough for me, Cosimo. Our.. It's enough for me." Letting out a desperate sigh, she silently begged him to find some spark of understanding. But did she even understand? When he made the comment that she couldn't express herself sexually with him enough it brought a guilt on her that crushed what was left untouched.
Now the tears brimmed her baby blue eyes and she whimpered. "I do express myself enough with you, Cosimo. I know that I may not.." Trailing off, she wasn't sure how to express herself. Her hands raised then, covering over his as he held onto her. Blonde head tipped back, her watering blues on his face still. "But you know me better than anyone else in this world, Cosimo. I'm trying but I'm terrified! I can't lose myself in a man again." And while she was struggling to find a middle to be the open person that he needed and being her own woman - she finally let the tears fall.
<Cosimo Alessi> It should not have bothered Cosimo that Athena wanted her independence, but there was only one way his brain was allowing him to compute her words. Everything that she had said before disappeared, morphing into a loud, indecipherable buzz in the back of his head. Although he still held her, his grip slackened. Rather than holding her, his hands merely rested against her skin, as if some kind of vital energy had been sapped from him. A quick glance assured him that where once there had been an engagement ring, there was none now. Of that, he could at least be happy. The small circle of metal had created a barrier that Athena may not have been aware of, and which Cosimo felt no need to mention now that it was gone. But this admission of hers? It created a new barrier. An invisible one. Something much more deadly.
His head bowed as he let out a slow breath. All the fight had left him. She did not want to lose herself in a man again. Here, Cosimo felt like he was losing himself in Athena. He knew that he was avoiding other obligations to be with her. He didn’t see his family as much anymore, for one. The only progeny he heard from was Juniper, and she always seemed to happy to hear from him, because it was always so long in between. Maybe he had it wrong. Maybe that wasn’t the point of relationships. But now Cosimo would always think that Athena was holding something back. That she was wearing invisible armour to protect herself from him. That was her prerogative; she had hurt in the past, and Cosimo couldn’t demand that she act in any other way. So instead he smiled. It was a sad smile, but he tried to make it look happy. He pressed a light kiss to Athena’s lips and swiped at her tears with his thumbs.
“You will wreck your make-up,” he said, admiring the costume - what he could see of it - for the first time. He had to be happy that she had given as much to him as she already had. He had to be overjoyed that he knew her better than anyone else. “I bought you some records. They are… I think I dropped them, inside,” he said. “I do not think they will let me back in. Maybe you can look for them,” he said. He didn’t want to argue anymore.