Without Kinney, I Have You...
Posted: 11 May 2015, 12:10
11-5-2015
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It was Mother's Day yesterday.
All I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call her, but I knew I couldn't. Shouldn't. No, I wouldn't. Because what kind of gift would that be? Hey, Mum. Love you lots but can't come and see you. Sorry I haven't been around. Sorry you think I've been raped and murdered. I kind of have been. Not the first part. I was murdered, though. But let's not talk about me...
And if I were to actually see her? I'd just suck all the joy out of the room. I remember what it was like to smile and to mean it. I can't remember the last time I smiled and meant it. Maybe it was that night - before Kinney and I were snatched.
No, okay. I've forgiven the guy. Kind of. He wasn't in his right mind. Wasn't in his own mind at all, and can't remember a goddamned thing. I believe him. I suppose I can't hold that grudge forever. I don't know where Kinney has gone, either. I got lost in the catacombs and I suppose the fact that I was found by Tate was a ******* blessing. She brought me back to... well, I'm loathe to call them family just yet, but it's a bunch of people who I can call, if I need to. We had a bit of a rocky start, there, but some people are better than no people. None at all. It's... more of a reason to stick around, I guess.
But the fact is, I used to talk to Kinney about ****. Maybe I depressed him too much. I leech the colour out of the atmosphere and I'm pretty sure I leech the good humour out of anyone I come into contact with, too. Who'd want to stick around someone like that? I'm a black hole. So, no more Kinney. I'll start writing here instead. Maybe it'll help to get **** out of my head and I can focus on other things.
I'm getting pretty damned good at making swords. That's a win. I suppose.
Happy Mother's Day, Mum. It's your first one without me. I'm sorry I'm not there anymore.