Letters to Me

[Every]

Dear Every,

Belonging. The word itself still sounds strange to you, but not for the reasons that they would have when you were in high school. Back then, despite being an athlete, you weren’t someone that really liked the idea of hanging out with the majority of the others in your classes and they thought you were a little strange anyway. Rather than strive to be beach blonde like the other girls, you liked adding pink or blue hair extensions in so they would stand out against your brown hair. When other girls focused on their weight, you were comfortable eating fried foods with your brothers knowing you’d work it off running, surfing or spending your time in the gym. And when you had your nose ring, you liked it despite the fact it hurt like hell the first time you had it in when your hands slipped off the bars and your face connected with the mat. Academically, you weren’t a genius, but you weren’t stupid either. You knew that you needed to be a good student to get into the University of your choice, so you studied hard.

Back then, you’d thought you’d heard it all: nerd, freak, weirdo. The strangest one you ever heard was probably freakshow. And, despite the fact you tried to let it brush it off your shoulders, you never could quite them out of your head at fourteen, fifteen and sixteen years old. Deep down, you wanted to belong and you kept making your brother help you socially. Michael never really understood it because he thought that those that were really worth it would accept you for who you were and in the end, he was truly right about it, but he helped you because he cared about you. He even made whatsherface help, although, she didn’t stay around very long after an incident in the lunch room where she would join in with her bitchy friends to harass you. It always sucked, honestly, because there were times where you would lock everyone out of your room, climb out your window and just stare down at the ocean, crying. And one thing that I really wish that we would have known back then is this:



Do you see the owl, the words being said? You should really keep them in mind, always, because that owl means a lot to you. Tytonidae has become something significant in your life. You’ll hear everything under the sun about you and your friends, your family, and because of Tytonidae, you know now that you shouldn’t let words or uncreative insults get under your skin. You’ve been called a bully, an asshole, a murderer (this one really has never bothered you, you accept it because of what happened), and the ever so clever “owl turd.” Velveteen told you in the beginning that those that don’t know us don’t matter, and she was right when she said it because you’ve learned that everyone has their own opinion of the faction that you’ve involved yourself in. And, the only opinion that matters about the faction is yours.

The masses aren’t fond of you guys because you take a firm stance in what you believe in: protecting the masquerade. When you were a little girl, your daddy used to tell you that you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet and in this case, there’s an endless supply of eggs. You do what you have to do to keep those that you love safe because in the long run, it isn’t what matters to what happens to you personally, but to them. The faction and your bloodline. You don’t want to see your friends and your family end up never coming back or being stuck under a microscope in some laboratory. You don’t want them to have to worry about being killed in their sleep by some hunter after they break into their home.

And, in some ways, you think that it’s a necessary thing for humans, too, to be protected from vampires. And, that’s not to say you’re pro-human, either. You appreciate that you were human, but you understand the difference between what you were and what you are now. Normal humans – at least not what the norm consider to be sane – don’t drink blood, they don’t have supernatural abilities, and in your case, they don’t have black blood that disappears like a shadow. And with the exception of vampirism, they don’t return when they die. And for the most part, you don’t think normal humans would be able to handle the truth of things nightmares are made out of escaping into reality.

It goes both ways, even if your reason is to selfishly keep humans ignorant about vampires to make sure your loved ones are safe. You’ve been told by those that believe humanity can handle it because they’ve fallen in love with the concept of vampires, but all you can think about is how off their lore is when you find yourself unamused watching a television screen. The masquerade is something that you think that needs to be protected, even if people form their opinions and insult and criticize you. With each insult and comment, you remember that Velveteen told you that their opinions don’t matter, that those that do appreciate us are already there.

I guess what I’m trying to sum up, really, is that you shouldn’t be concerned about what others are saying or “fitting in” because you belong somewhere that you’re happy, that you’re happy being a part of. These days, when it comes to this faction, you’ve gotten more help out of them than you ever had as a child from your mom after your dad died, as a teenager after your dad died. If people only want to see monsters that they make Tytonidae out to be, then that’s their prerogative. In a way, it makes you think about how you were taught to not judge others before you got to know them.

Always,
You.

[Every]

Dear Every,

You always had your brothers and sister, but your mother had never been there after Dylan unless she sobered enough to care. Your father had been there until you were nine and he was murdered, framed to look as if he had offed himself. You had two cousins that you were close to, Alexio and Luz, who have since vanished after one was turned; the other still remains a mystery, there isn’t much to go off to suspect that he’s died, either. You have an older second cousin to whom you doubted you would have been able to stand had you been human and known about him, the same, you gather about his now late mother. There weren’t many people in your family that you were open to, not like your older brother, Michael, but the past is in the past.

In high school, you met a girl named Lia that was homeless while you were at the beach. You would later bring her home, give her a place to stay and your mother didn’t mind it. You would consider her to be your sister later, your best friend next to your older brother. She’s the reason that you would end up coming to Harper Rock, too, transferring from your college education at the University of Alabama to where you were working on your Bachelor’s degree in Criminology to take up the courses at Harper Rock University after weeks of pleading. She wanted you to meet someone, hearing that she’d finally found a place to be happy in life. Both she and you were surprised to learn that very someone would find you on his own and turn you after a struggle in a few different alleyways. At first, you weren’t sure what to think about Micah, but you would grow into thinking of the man as a paternal man and best friend.

But, blood doesn’t make you family.

Past Andras, there is a family named Worthington. You have mixed, but mostly negative feelings towards them as for the most part of your early exist, you were insulted by some of their active members and accused of spying for Tytonidae at one time. There are some members that you still consider family, former sisters of the Daughter of Destiny that had fallen apart after most of the leadership had disappeared. Most of the remaining members to you are useless. You told Superbia and the rest of the girls that you would aid those in Worthington upon your digression after the final remarks that had your sire pull your family from that group. You agreed with his decision, supported it strongly and were relieved to wipe your hands of a name you never felt proper to your title.

One of the reasons that you were relieved to wipe your hands was because several of their members insulted Tytonidae, who had done more for you at the beginning than Worthington ever has. It was the faction that aided you in deciding what powers that you should focus on training with, what you should focus on training wise period, really after discussing it with Micah to get his seal of approval. The other reason was that they judged you and frankly, you didn’t give much of a care for the opinions of others after speaking with Velveteen multiple times. Ty was Ty, and several people couldn’t even give you the slightest amount of courtesy to correct it properly even after you pointed out the way it would be said. You were later told that someone didn’t understand why you bothered with them. If you were honest, you hadn’t known either.

To you, Tytonidae had always been more of a family. They accepted you when you were still a fledgling without knowing who you were after a week, and allowed you to grow and learn while fighting for something that you believed in. There wasn’t much that you could do at that point aside from teleport and hit, but it was still something. You were rarely discouraged, but when you were, it came from the one that you wouldn’t expect it from. You weren’t expecting it when Lia would begin to treat you coldly or act differently around you. It had caught you off guard after Phoenix left. You had never been someone to see strongly to just one side, but you had been asked your opinion by leadership of the faction and you had given it only to be attacked verbally. You listened as she said that if Phoenix were to return, that she would leave.

And with Phoenix, you weren’t sure what to think of, either. There are times where you don’t get along with Velveteen. When you two fight, it generally involved heated words exchanged and then you ignore each other until the fight ends. You don’t understand what would make someone change their opinion of a group they were dedicated to a sudden shift of drastic hatred, to the point that they would tell their family to choose between blood and the faction they had brought them in. You don’t understand what would cause her, for lack of a better word, to flip her **** and hate you, and then constantly want back in. You still don’t know how she expected everyone to trust her to not have the past repeat itself.

Tytonidae has taken in a lot of people from different backgrounds, personalities. Not everyone in the faction, admittedly, is family, but there are many of them that are considered that way to you and you would die for them – even in your moments of self-doubt. They’re all a little crazy in their own way, but you have their back because you know that they have yours. You used to be selfish and only care for a few of them, but over time you care for them all. It scares you to think of losing Tytonidae. Of seeing your friends die, to never have them return from the shadow realm. You’ve learned that family doesn’t end in blood, but sometimes the blood or ties that you’ve thought to be family aren’t as strong as they could be.

Always,
You.

[Every]

Dear Every,

You were never a very loud person in life, but you didn’t blend into shadows. You weren’t one to speak when spoken to, either, but you only spoke up on occasion to make yourself heard when you felt strong towards something. A lot of the time, you didn’t feel as if you should waste your breath. You weren’t comfortable speaking amongst large groups. A lot of that was installed into you from dealing with Dylan and his idiocy. There was no point in arguing with him. You would let Michael or Lia take the lead and were comfortable when it came to lingering back. You were more of an observer, anyway. When things generally took a heated turn, you held your tongue and kept thoughts to yourself. It was easier; there weren’t many people that seemed to handle your temper and the fact that at times, you didn’t have a proper handle on your thought-to-speech process.

It’s still something that you struggle with often, but you’re getting better. You don’t have to be very charismatic, not in your choice of career as a thief or as a Tytonidae member, but when you first joined the faction, you began to come out of your shell little by little. Occasionally, you’d backtrack, but then slowly as you began to become more comfortable it became easier. On the bridge, they wanted to get to know you. They wanted to understand you, to see if they could work with you, if they wanted to work with you. Some of the questions caused you to think, and you rather liked it. The easiest part for you, however, was that you had already worked with Tytonidae before joining, called into aiding by Micah and Lia occasionally. You had already met (and been killed previously) Velveteen and you were familiar with the mindset, slightly comfortable amongst the group of individuals known for their firm beliefs in the masquerade.

After you joined the bridge, it changed quite a bit. The time extension shifted to one month and you were curious to watch others be put through what is referred to the hot seat longer than what you had dealt with. Sometimes, you wonder if you’d even make it back into Ty if you returned to it. But, you know that one way or another, it’d be worth the experience. With the new changes, new candidates were brought in and after a while, you began to ask questions. Sometimes, you would pointedly twist them to be able to get certain answers out of them, hammer in certain points and try to push buttons. It never failed to amuse you when someone would walk right into it, but you couldn’t have been more pleased when it got the proper answer that you were seeking. Other times, you were slightly disappointed or more than that.

And, you always liked it when you would ask something that people were interested in seeing the answer to because it showed you that you weren’t overstepping, or even thinking too far into scenarios. It made you feel easier around those in Tytonidae, it made it easier for you to think and want to speak up more. Around your faction mates.

After a while, too, you began to plan events for the faction. It started out easy, you helped with various things and enjoyed yourself. And as time went on, you began to plan more and more after Sol left. Costume events, hang outs at the Eyrie, fight nights – those were probably your favorites because it allowed you to test your ability to fight against others. One of the most significant ones that you’ve done to date was the masquerade, which everyone really liked. But, your favorite was probably the anniversary event that you ended up planning after it slipped Lia’s mind. Maybe it’s because you’re so used to seeing your faction mates covered in blood and wounds sometimes, but it’s always nice for you to see everyone dressed up, hanging out and enjoying themselves in the Cimmerian or whatever venue that you decide to set it in. And to your surprise, there’s hardly ever complaining for those types of events.

Vocally, you have also begun to speak up more. Or, as Vel has said, sometimes you don’t shut up – which, you’re pretty sure that she’s kidding although you do wonder occasionally if you talk too much. (You do, but you haven’t been told to shut up since Lia left so it seems to be fine).

Lately, there’s been the discussion about fractures that have popped up within the city. During the meeting itself, you were talked over by a couple members – although, you generally find yourself ignoring one of them anyway so your feelings weren’t hurt. But, later on, you did find yourself getting a little frustrated after you stated your opinion and it was rather lengthy, another member commenting that they didn’t need an essay to sway others. That wasn’t the point of it, as it was how you felt and your opinion on the matter itself after Velveteen had asked for it, and as you look back to how you were back then, you’re pretty damn proud of your lengthy post.

Tytonidae has given you a voice towards the masquerade, but, it has also aided you in finding your own voice. You no longer are entirely afraid to speak your mind on subjects – when you are, that’s generally because you have no idea how to word them properly without having to worry in offending someone that doesn’t get how you are. In Ty, it doesn’t matter if you’re charismatic or talented when it comes to speaking out loud. In the past, you never would have found yourself standing in front of people you didn’t know auctioning off items or even introducing the idea of what was going on in the auction. Looking back on it, you wouldn’t even consider the matter. You were never a very loud person and while you still are not the most social, you at least have something you never had before. You have your voice and have found a place to use it.

Always,
You.