Souless [roderic]
Posted: 21 Feb 2015, 03:35
Beverly StClaire sat quietly. She was in the last row of the empty cathedral, head bowed, the wooden beads of a non-descript rosary one by one slipping through her fingers. The silence was complete within the arch roofed sanctuary. So quiet it seemed to the woman as though she could hear the small rivulets of blood tracing trails down her thighs slowly drying. Her voluptuous body was hidden deep within the folds of a coarse woven habit. The bite of the cilice had been a constant companion for the last eighteen years. Slowly her mind slid back through the years. Tracing how her life had become what it now was, all for a kiss.
Eighteen years. Eighteen years ago, it had all begun. Eighteen years ago her friend Natalie had been over, studying for an exam. They had been at it for hours, and it was time for Natalie to head home. They had been tired, and had had a few sips from the small bottle of Stolichnaya Natalie had slipped from her parents liquor cabinet. Beverly had stood to give her friend a hug as she left, a thank you for helping her with the test preparation. They had both turned their heads the same way as they hugged, an accident to be sure, but when their lips touched, a spark jumped. Not as in static electricity, but as in a prairie fire that raced through all her synapses, heat pooling in places it never had before. As her arms had slipped around her friend's waist drawing her nearer, the door to her bedroom had swung open, her father framed in the opening.
He had not said a word, just stood there as they quickly disentangled, blood rushing to bring a pleasant red hue to cheeks and throats. Natalie had given a small nervous laugh as she turned to follow Beverly's father down the stairs and out to his car. Beverly dropped to her bed, one hand lightly touching her lips as the other slowly slid over the front of her shirt feeling the pebbled buds beneath it, straining to be touched. Her mind raced, between fear of what would happen when her father got home, and the tingling that still lingered from where Natalie's soft lips has pressed against her own, and the trail of fire that had ignited as her friends tongue had traced the outline of her accepting mouth. Beverly had never felt anything like it before. It had been heaven, three minutes of heaven as Natalie had explored her mouth.
Beverly slowly released the rosary with one hand, almost of its own will her hand had slid down her thigh, pausing over the cilice, then pressing down on it, penance for remembering, penance for enjoying. Beverly had never seen Natalie again. Had never taken the test. Had never seen any of her friends again. She had stayed in her room that night torn between the memory of the kiss, and the look on her father’s face. Her father had never been one to ‘spare the rod’. More than once as she was growing up, she had felt the sting of his belt on her thighs and buttocks, and she knew that she was not too old yet in his eyes….. It had been years since she had last been ordered to bend over and raise her skirt, but the look of disgust in his eyes had been easy to read, too easy. She glanced at her armoire, wishing that there was a pair of jeans in it that she could slip into, but both her parents insisted that women, Godly women, did not dress as men, so her wardrobe consisted of skirts and dresses, and nothing that was shorter than mid calf.
When her father had come home that night, he had not said a word. He had come immediately up the stairs and looked in on her, but then had shut the door and gone to his office. Although Beverly could not hear anything he was saying, she could tell by the indistinct murmuring that he had been on the phone most of the night. Call after call. He had still been talking in his office when the young brunette had finally drifted off to sleep, a smile on her face as one hand slid quietly under the covers moving stealthily lower till it came to rest over her core, gently massaging to the images of Natalie that danced in her head.
Morning had come with a bang, literally. Her door had flown open hitting the wall, as he father stepped into her room, “Up. Get dressed. You have an appointment. We leave in fifteen minutes.” An appointment? What was he talking about? Beverly slid from beneath the covers as her dazed mind tried to focus. She shut the door against her brothers’ prying eyes before slipping out of the ankle length cotton nightie, and opening her top drawer. No fancy lingerie, no colors at all. Plain white briefs, black socks, and two white cotton bras. Functional , nothing that was not functional, nothing fun, nothing colorful. Quickly she slid into her under garments making a mental note she would need to talk to her mother soon. She was only seventeen, but already the C-cups of her plain bras were struggling to contain what had started developing when she was twelve. A pale blue long sleeve shirt buttoned to the neck and calf length black woolen skirt completed her ensemble. She hurriedly dragged a brush through her dark tangled locks, then rushed for the stairs. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew she did not want to upset her father anymore.
A lone tear slid down the cheek of the nun as she sat quietly reflecting. Impulsively her left hand squeezed again, fresh blood bubbling from the reopened punctures. She did not wear the simple cilice that many wore to irritate the skin and remind them of their sins. Her’s had been made special for her, eighteen long years ago. The spikes had been sharpened to pierce, not irritate. There was no simple buckle to fasten them. Instead, a cam device drew one half an inch out of whatever length the buckle was set. insuring that the teeth would dig deep, reminding her. Reminding her that she was an abomination. An abomination doing penance. For eighteen years she had worn them, twenty three hours a day. She had not had a key to the cam, and the buckle could not be released once the cam had been set. Eighteen years of her blood had soaked into the leather bands that locked the two cilice in place. Her tormentors had known their job, and done it well. Each day when they were removed, then replaced, the steel bands had been in a different spot. Sometimes higher, where her thigh was larger and the teeth would dig deeper, sometimes slightly lower. All depending on any perceived sin of hers the day before. Never in the same place though, every day was a fresh set of holes, while the day before’s scabbed over, the week before’s scabs fell off, and the month before’s scarred. From the middle of her thigh, right up to the crease of their junction to her core, she was a mass of scars. Ring up on ring of holes punctured daily for eighteen years had left not even one quarter of an inch square, of smooth unblemished skin. Releasing her thigh both hands once more slid over the smooth worn beads as she asked forgiveness for the thoughts that ran through her head as she thought of the nun that had held the key to the cilice, and the prioress that had instructed her in her deeds. They were the only two that knew, the only two that had ever seen what was left of her once smooth alabaster thighs.
Her mother and brothers had been conspicuously absent when she got downstairs, no boisterous noise, no smells of breakfast cooking, nothing, as if they weren’t even in the house. Just a plate with two pieces of toast, and a glass of juice on the counter. Hurriedly she ate the toast and had just finished washing it down with the juice when her father stepped into the kitchen. “What is this about father? What appointment?” Her father silently shook his head and took her wrist leading her out to the carport. A look of sadness, followed by regret, and… failure? crossed the man’s countenance as he finally spoke, “Get in, we have a long drive.” Backing out of the driveway, he smoothly and efficiently worked his way to the interstate, and settled into a silent mile eating pace, not talking, not looking at her, just staring straight ahead. For her sake, her mind wandered, first wondering where they were going, why this sudden 'appointment'. Where the rest of her family had gone this morning. All these thoughts troubled her, but she could find no answers in her musings. As time passed and no end was in sight that she knew of her thoughts began to wander. She thought of school and the test she had studied so hard for, and now was missing. She hoped the school would let her take it when she got back, for she did not wish for her grades to suffer. Thoughts of the test, lead to thoughts on the study session, which naturally led to thoughts of Natalie.
Natalie had been her friend since third grade, they had just ‘clicked’ together like two peas in a pod, as the saying went. They had been nigh on to inseparable as the years went by and they passed through the grades up into high school. Natalie had been her buffer against the other children as they grew. Beverly’s strict upbringing and conservative attire, had often brought ridicule upon her from the other children, but Natalie had been there to stand up for her, and when necessary, she had even gone to blows, protecting her friend from the bullying. Natalie was always there for her. Always. A small smile crossed her lips as she remembered the day in seventh grade. Their first gym class of the year. They had been changing in the locker room to play volleyball, when Natalie had let out a small laugh and said “Hey Busty, come ‘ere’’ Beverly had developed over the summer, developed in force. The nickname had stuck, though in all honesty, year after year, grade after grade, Beverly was by far the most developed of her classmates. Beverly wondered what had happened last night when her father had taken Natalie home. Had they spoken? Her father had said nothing when he got back, just looked at her, then on the phone. She wondered when she would see Natalie again, she could find out then. Her hand tightened slightly on her thigh at the thought. She wondered if Natalie would kiss her again.
Eighteen years. Eighteen years ago, it had all begun. Eighteen years ago her friend Natalie had been over, studying for an exam. They had been at it for hours, and it was time for Natalie to head home. They had been tired, and had had a few sips from the small bottle of Stolichnaya Natalie had slipped from her parents liquor cabinet. Beverly had stood to give her friend a hug as she left, a thank you for helping her with the test preparation. They had both turned their heads the same way as they hugged, an accident to be sure, but when their lips touched, a spark jumped. Not as in static electricity, but as in a prairie fire that raced through all her synapses, heat pooling in places it never had before. As her arms had slipped around her friend's waist drawing her nearer, the door to her bedroom had swung open, her father framed in the opening.
He had not said a word, just stood there as they quickly disentangled, blood rushing to bring a pleasant red hue to cheeks and throats. Natalie had given a small nervous laugh as she turned to follow Beverly's father down the stairs and out to his car. Beverly dropped to her bed, one hand lightly touching her lips as the other slowly slid over the front of her shirt feeling the pebbled buds beneath it, straining to be touched. Her mind raced, between fear of what would happen when her father got home, and the tingling that still lingered from where Natalie's soft lips has pressed against her own, and the trail of fire that had ignited as her friends tongue had traced the outline of her accepting mouth. Beverly had never felt anything like it before. It had been heaven, three minutes of heaven as Natalie had explored her mouth.
Beverly slowly released the rosary with one hand, almost of its own will her hand had slid down her thigh, pausing over the cilice, then pressing down on it, penance for remembering, penance for enjoying. Beverly had never seen Natalie again. Had never taken the test. Had never seen any of her friends again. She had stayed in her room that night torn between the memory of the kiss, and the look on her father’s face. Her father had never been one to ‘spare the rod’. More than once as she was growing up, she had felt the sting of his belt on her thighs and buttocks, and she knew that she was not too old yet in his eyes….. It had been years since she had last been ordered to bend over and raise her skirt, but the look of disgust in his eyes had been easy to read, too easy. She glanced at her armoire, wishing that there was a pair of jeans in it that she could slip into, but both her parents insisted that women, Godly women, did not dress as men, so her wardrobe consisted of skirts and dresses, and nothing that was shorter than mid calf.
When her father had come home that night, he had not said a word. He had come immediately up the stairs and looked in on her, but then had shut the door and gone to his office. Although Beverly could not hear anything he was saying, she could tell by the indistinct murmuring that he had been on the phone most of the night. Call after call. He had still been talking in his office when the young brunette had finally drifted off to sleep, a smile on her face as one hand slid quietly under the covers moving stealthily lower till it came to rest over her core, gently massaging to the images of Natalie that danced in her head.
Morning had come with a bang, literally. Her door had flown open hitting the wall, as he father stepped into her room, “Up. Get dressed. You have an appointment. We leave in fifteen minutes.” An appointment? What was he talking about? Beverly slid from beneath the covers as her dazed mind tried to focus. She shut the door against her brothers’ prying eyes before slipping out of the ankle length cotton nightie, and opening her top drawer. No fancy lingerie, no colors at all. Plain white briefs, black socks, and two white cotton bras. Functional , nothing that was not functional, nothing fun, nothing colorful. Quickly she slid into her under garments making a mental note she would need to talk to her mother soon. She was only seventeen, but already the C-cups of her plain bras were struggling to contain what had started developing when she was twelve. A pale blue long sleeve shirt buttoned to the neck and calf length black woolen skirt completed her ensemble. She hurriedly dragged a brush through her dark tangled locks, then rushed for the stairs. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew she did not want to upset her father anymore.
A lone tear slid down the cheek of the nun as she sat quietly reflecting. Impulsively her left hand squeezed again, fresh blood bubbling from the reopened punctures. She did not wear the simple cilice that many wore to irritate the skin and remind them of their sins. Her’s had been made special for her, eighteen long years ago. The spikes had been sharpened to pierce, not irritate. There was no simple buckle to fasten them. Instead, a cam device drew one half an inch out of whatever length the buckle was set. insuring that the teeth would dig deep, reminding her. Reminding her that she was an abomination. An abomination doing penance. For eighteen years she had worn them, twenty three hours a day. She had not had a key to the cam, and the buckle could not be released once the cam had been set. Eighteen years of her blood had soaked into the leather bands that locked the two cilice in place. Her tormentors had known their job, and done it well. Each day when they were removed, then replaced, the steel bands had been in a different spot. Sometimes higher, where her thigh was larger and the teeth would dig deeper, sometimes slightly lower. All depending on any perceived sin of hers the day before. Never in the same place though, every day was a fresh set of holes, while the day before’s scabbed over, the week before’s scabs fell off, and the month before’s scarred. From the middle of her thigh, right up to the crease of their junction to her core, she was a mass of scars. Ring up on ring of holes punctured daily for eighteen years had left not even one quarter of an inch square, of smooth unblemished skin. Releasing her thigh both hands once more slid over the smooth worn beads as she asked forgiveness for the thoughts that ran through her head as she thought of the nun that had held the key to the cilice, and the prioress that had instructed her in her deeds. They were the only two that knew, the only two that had ever seen what was left of her once smooth alabaster thighs.
Her mother and brothers had been conspicuously absent when she got downstairs, no boisterous noise, no smells of breakfast cooking, nothing, as if they weren’t even in the house. Just a plate with two pieces of toast, and a glass of juice on the counter. Hurriedly she ate the toast and had just finished washing it down with the juice when her father stepped into the kitchen. “What is this about father? What appointment?” Her father silently shook his head and took her wrist leading her out to the carport. A look of sadness, followed by regret, and… failure? crossed the man’s countenance as he finally spoke, “Get in, we have a long drive.” Backing out of the driveway, he smoothly and efficiently worked his way to the interstate, and settled into a silent mile eating pace, not talking, not looking at her, just staring straight ahead. For her sake, her mind wandered, first wondering where they were going, why this sudden 'appointment'. Where the rest of her family had gone this morning. All these thoughts troubled her, but she could find no answers in her musings. As time passed and no end was in sight that she knew of her thoughts began to wander. She thought of school and the test she had studied so hard for, and now was missing. She hoped the school would let her take it when she got back, for she did not wish for her grades to suffer. Thoughts of the test, lead to thoughts on the study session, which naturally led to thoughts of Natalie.
Natalie had been her friend since third grade, they had just ‘clicked’ together like two peas in a pod, as the saying went. They had been nigh on to inseparable as the years went by and they passed through the grades up into high school. Natalie had been her buffer against the other children as they grew. Beverly’s strict upbringing and conservative attire, had often brought ridicule upon her from the other children, but Natalie had been there to stand up for her, and when necessary, she had even gone to blows, protecting her friend from the bullying. Natalie was always there for her. Always. A small smile crossed her lips as she remembered the day in seventh grade. Their first gym class of the year. They had been changing in the locker room to play volleyball, when Natalie had let out a small laugh and said “Hey Busty, come ‘ere’’ Beverly had developed over the summer, developed in force. The nickname had stuck, though in all honesty, year after year, grade after grade, Beverly was by far the most developed of her classmates. Beverly wondered what had happened last night when her father had taken Natalie home. Had they spoken? Her father had said nothing when he got back, just looked at her, then on the phone. She wondered when she would see Natalie again, she could find out then. Her hand tightened slightly on her thigh at the thought. She wondered if Natalie would kiss her again.