I have once again found myself in a city even further from home. If I was capable of feeling pity for the memory of a young and innocent you -- of myself-- then I know that I would. You remain trapped in that house with a man so undeserving of your company. I am sure Mother is rolling over in her grave at the things he has done. He is not the man she married all those years ago...
And I am certainly not the same five year old girl that loved to smile and had a head full of dreams that I write to...
I imagine you would have cried in the last few days. A storm devastated this city about a month ago, and some of the wreckage still remains. Various buildings and homes still remain in pieces, with cracks and faults in the roads and sidewalks. I assume that a lot of work has gone into reconstruction in the last month, but it can't hide the scars nature left behind. Overall, the inhabitants seem to be moving okay. That's something.
But, I think you would have been proud of me, in a childlike way. While I could have ignored all that was around me, I instead offered the idea of a memorial. You always did love flowers and bright color. I practically designed it in my head as I stood there and stared at the scene. I told a man about it, but I never got his name. He claimed he worked for some company.
I haven't quite decided if I like it here. So far, nothing in particular has truly gathered my fancy. But, it is has only been a few days, and I have plenty of time to look around. If nothing comes to me in a month or so, then I will pack up my things and move on. No reason to spend time in a place where you feel you do not belong...which is why you leave home, eventually, Shy.
It's all just a matter of time.
All My Love,
SHYA MARIE FERIS
Emotions aren't that hard to borrow when love's a word you've never learned. Enver's Challenge
Growing up, you will imagine a million ways you might die. Be it an accident, on purpose, or due to the beatings you took almost daily. Somehow, someway...as long as your miserable excuse of life came to an end when it was all over. I know that probably sounds awful to you, and you wouldn't fully understand what would push your mind to that point. But, it will happen. And I am so sorry you will have to suffer the barrage of images involving your death that plague you, even in your sleep.
You can rest easy, though, knowing that your death isn't the end. It will be painful, and you will wonder for a moment if you might just see a glimpse of Heaven...to prove them all wrong. It won't happen, and what does...might actually be worse than if you had. You will wake up. But, you will be dead. You will be a vampire.
The man that made you this way? Enver Marshall. He is apparently some childhood actor, but I don't recall seeing him in any good movies. Maybe it was before our time. But, you won't know what to make of him. His reason? Guilt. Why? He killed you. It will be his fault that you die someday, but you shouldn't be afraid. So far, he has been the only one to offering a helping hand.
There will be these powers...or abilities. It would seem that our mind is capable of so much more. You will be able to assess someone's abilities, read their memories, and even use telepathy. It's so amazing, but so unbelievable, all at once. The world won't make sense, and the more you try to make it, the more absurd it all seems. My advice? Just let it go. The constant headache isn't worth it.
You will be hated. For what, you might ask? Existing.
Enver has a wife, and he refuses to introduce you. There is something between the two of them that leads her to dislike you, and feel that you are nothing more than a waste of space. It won't bother you, not really. You will wonder why, and question the things you've done/ The only answer you will conclude, is that she is jealous. Of what? You will have no idea.
Life gets complicated for you, and it happens pretty quickly. Thanks to your personality, you will have no one. Embrace your isolation, kid. It's all you'll have to cling to.
All My Love,
SHYA MARIE FERIS
Emotions aren't that hard to borrow when love's a word you've never learned. Enver's Challenge
It has been awhile since I have written to you, and even longer since I have thought of those days that you remained forever trapped in. I apologize.
In the recent weeks, your power and strength have grown exponentially. You are continually surprised by the things you will be capable of. The intuitive nature you master as a young girl will stick with you into this life of darkness, and you will master it. The struggles comes from other places, and people...but you have a natural gift when it comes to your powers.
I heard a rumor. That the 'Telepath' population often find themselves going insane due to their mental capacity. There isn't enough information to know for sure, but Shya, you have faced worse in life than this...and you will not allow yourself to lose what little but of your sanity you have left. Somewhere, there is a foothold to keep yourself from falling, and you will find it. I will find it.
Along the same lines, vampires do not experience freak accidents. At least, not from what you have seen, and leads to no evidence. Without evidence, you will have no idea what is happening. The sole person you will tell has no idea what it points to and that leaves you with no stable ground to stand on. And slowly, the 'accidents' are beginning to grow increasingly violent. It requires some research. Even Cirrus has suffered some misfortune.
Which reminds me, you will adopt a kitten. A tiny white creature that you named Cirrus after the category of cloud. He is a good companion, and more than willing to follow you around in the streets. He is still learning the whole hunting thing, though, and Keara has plans to take care of that.
And yes. you finally meet her. Months after the event, but it's better than nothing. There is a lot to learn of each other, but everyone gets there with time. Right?
Shy, there is so much more to see and do than the four corners of the bedroom that harbors you day and night. And one day, you won't have a reason to fear the life you have. Someday, you will shut the fear off...and all other emotions with it. And when there comes a time to let people in, finally...you won't know how.
And to this day...you still don't know how.
All My Love,
SHYA MARIE FERIS
Emotions aren't that hard to borrow when love's a word you've never learned. Enver's Challenge
My last entry mentioned the rumor of Telepaths going insane, and as of tonight, I have to wonder if my encounters are a matter of just that. These freak accidents do not make sense, and nothing seems to stall the events from happening. Is it possible that I have crossed that critical veil, and no longer have the capability to understand how these events happen, and why? Is it my own doing, and I cause my own suffering during momentary blackouts, leaving me convinced that I am...haunted?
Oh, Shya, I am not sure how much more of this I can handle. I think I witness these shadows or blurs of motion, but nothing has given me concrete evidence to their actual existence. Instead, I am starting to convince myself that my mind has begun playing tricks, and is seeking answers it has created on its own. The fact that I have not gotten any other evidence makes it rather easy. But, you won't want to believe it.
Perhaps it is time that I take Keara up on her offer of cameras being placed in my apartment. It would provide some answers, right? Not that you would know...
Yes, I think I will call Keara...
All My Love,
SHYA MARIE FERIS
Emotions aren't that hard to borrow when love's a word you've never learned. Enver's Challenge
