The Unsendable Letter (Wolf)
Posted: 04 Sep 2014, 22:27
Leiren perched upon the chair, her eyes looking at the bookshelf with the letter on it. She'd written it ages ago, but she couldn't get herself to send it. Months had gone by. Months of nothing. But she couldn't send that letter. It was like staring down a barrel of a gun knowing that the other person could fire if you gave them the ammo, and **** she didn't want that. it was too raw. To real. To much to deal with.
Damn it all to hell. Why did it have to be like this? Why was she even considering sending that piece of mail? Where would she send it too, even? It was only address with the words 'Wolfgang West' in the neatest penmanship she had. She'd spent hours practicing writing it over and over to get it perfect before she wrote it on the front. Truly, she had no life anymore lost in her obsessions. Everyone she loved was gone. Completely. And that made her feel hollow. But Wolf could at least get the letter. He could at least read it and maybe understand. Maybe. That was a lot of nothing but faith to send a letter on.
What she wanted was reassurance that he'd read it. That he wouldn't just throw it away like the trash she felt like to him.
Leir pulled herself up to her feet, fingers tracing the front of the envelope over his name. Even just the sight of his name hurt a thousand times worse then she thought it could. She'd tried to be heartless when they met that last time, to hurt him, but it hurt her just as much. Leir was a two edged sword, unable to hurt those she loved without hurting herself worse, and this one stung all around. Her chest tightened and she felt the pricks of tears at the edges of her eyes as she picked up the letter.
She swallowed thick feeling blood rise to her throat like bile. She couldn't really do this, send this, it was too much, but she would because there was nothing else she could do but get rid of it, and she'd no more throw it in the trash then she would want Wolf too. Even if it meant giving it to him. Leir left it where only he would find it, Paragon. Even if he didn't see it - ever - she'd have given it to him the only way she knew how, and that to her was acceptable. She pushed back her fear, swallowing it down, as she made her way there.
----
The letter sat in a crisp white envelope that felt like satin, the curve of each letter handcrafted to be beautiful in the script of his name, the back sealed with wax and the symbol of I'laned. Leir had already left, but her marvelously sweet sent was easily upon the air, as if it was attached somehow permanently.
----
Wolfgang West
The things I have said to you are cruel as are the things you have said to me. We are beyond such things as beings, but still I aimed only to hurt you as you hurt me. I am sorry for my outburst, I am sorry I wanted to throw you head into a wall, I am sorry for instead throwing your ring. I had hoped that without them we would no longer be pulled to each other, but I still feel you as if a part of me is simply missing from the place it belongs. I don't understand these magics, but it doesn't matter. I want you in my life, even if it is as nothing but your pet, nothing but that which you destroy, because not having you is already destroying me. If that is not acceptable, then I will respect your wishes, but I ask you find some way to remove this blessing from us both so it can no longer be to me as a curse. If there is any way or kindness towards me in your body I hope you will agree to release me. Even death does not stop this empty. I need you, or I need your help. So I beseech thee to find a way. For I still love you like the moon loves the tide, miss you like the sun chases the moon through the sky, and yet it is like being without the moon at all, because it is gone and the sun has scorched the earth in all its misery so that nothing may ever grow. I am begging you, Wolf, find a way to heal this pain.
Your Eternal Bond,
Leiren Eir I'laned
Damn it all to hell. Why did it have to be like this? Why was she even considering sending that piece of mail? Where would she send it too, even? It was only address with the words 'Wolfgang West' in the neatest penmanship she had. She'd spent hours practicing writing it over and over to get it perfect before she wrote it on the front. Truly, she had no life anymore lost in her obsessions. Everyone she loved was gone. Completely. And that made her feel hollow. But Wolf could at least get the letter. He could at least read it and maybe understand. Maybe. That was a lot of nothing but faith to send a letter on.
What she wanted was reassurance that he'd read it. That he wouldn't just throw it away like the trash she felt like to him.
Leir pulled herself up to her feet, fingers tracing the front of the envelope over his name. Even just the sight of his name hurt a thousand times worse then she thought it could. She'd tried to be heartless when they met that last time, to hurt him, but it hurt her just as much. Leir was a two edged sword, unable to hurt those she loved without hurting herself worse, and this one stung all around. Her chest tightened and she felt the pricks of tears at the edges of her eyes as she picked up the letter.
She swallowed thick feeling blood rise to her throat like bile. She couldn't really do this, send this, it was too much, but she would because there was nothing else she could do but get rid of it, and she'd no more throw it in the trash then she would want Wolf too. Even if it meant giving it to him. Leir left it where only he would find it, Paragon. Even if he didn't see it - ever - she'd have given it to him the only way she knew how, and that to her was acceptable. She pushed back her fear, swallowing it down, as she made her way there.
----
The letter sat in a crisp white envelope that felt like satin, the curve of each letter handcrafted to be beautiful in the script of his name, the back sealed with wax and the symbol of I'laned. Leir had already left, but her marvelously sweet sent was easily upon the air, as if it was attached somehow permanently.
----
Wolfgang West
The things I have said to you are cruel as are the things you have said to me. We are beyond such things as beings, but still I aimed only to hurt you as you hurt me. I am sorry for my outburst, I am sorry I wanted to throw you head into a wall, I am sorry for instead throwing your ring. I had hoped that without them we would no longer be pulled to each other, but I still feel you as if a part of me is simply missing from the place it belongs. I don't understand these magics, but it doesn't matter. I want you in my life, even if it is as nothing but your pet, nothing but that which you destroy, because not having you is already destroying me. If that is not acceptable, then I will respect your wishes, but I ask you find some way to remove this blessing from us both so it can no longer be to me as a curse. If there is any way or kindness towards me in your body I hope you will agree to release me. Even death does not stop this empty. I need you, or I need your help. So I beseech thee to find a way. For I still love you like the moon loves the tide, miss you like the sun chases the moon through the sky, and yet it is like being without the moon at all, because it is gone and the sun has scorched the earth in all its misery so that nothing may ever grow. I am begging you, Wolf, find a way to heal this pain.
Your Eternal Bond,
Leiren Eir I'laned