Path of the Vampire forum

(the following are entries from a journal kept by one Andrew McGee)

Aug 2014

Well, some one told me once that we should all do one stupid thing on occasion just to break up the monotony of life itself. To which I say ******** cause enough stupid things happen at random, let alone doing something stupid on purpose. But what are you going to do?

Let's try this again.

Hello, book.

.............

Now I am talking to a book. How stupid is that? Okay, we have that out of the way now.

*several lines obscured by pen strokes*

My name is Andrew McGee. Some call me 'Fireball'. Was a name I got during the war from my pals. When all hell was breaking loose I kept the deck gun I was working loaded and ready to fire again like nobody's business. A Navy man. That was a long time ago. Career type. Retired. Never knew much beyond the job. Oh I can't say I never saw things, experiences and places and met some lovely women over the years, but as far as dealing what some would call the 'real world' was a bit of a surprise for me once I did not have the luxury of returning to normalcy (the base). That's when I began to fall apart a bit. 'Fireball' was a thing of the past and old age loves to pounce once you let your guard down. What work I was qualified for was either non existent in the 'real world' or they wanted someone younger (meaning stupid and can pay less money to) It was a slow decline to begin with, but it got fast all too quickly.

Now if you are reading this, remind me to punch you in the face (hard and repeatedly) I know what your thinking. An old guy is gonna punch me? Trust me, I can still do it and better than you think, but I am getting ahead of myself now so be patient. Skippy.

I began to drift around. Taking jobs where I could. Mostly on ships. Older bitches that needed a experienced hand to keep running. Last gig I managed to grab was aboard a yacht down in Frisco. Guy was restoring the old girl and needed a engine man to keep her purring along. Friendly older guy. Never had a problem with him, but he got bored with the idea and put the thing up for sale, but he left a reference for me for the next owner so I began feeling like I was part of the package deal with this tub. Buy a yacht and get an engine man as a bonus.

Went through 3 more owners before the old ***** was tied up in a Canadian harbor in a dump called Harper Rock and left for dead. I lived on board. Managed to get my retirement check routed to my new location and did a whole lot of nothing. Could be worse? Trust me, Skippy. Worse was waiting for me.

I was used to people coming on board to look her over. I knew the right spots to squeeze myself and not be seen. The last few had talked about buying it for scrap and salvage rights. I was beginning to get worried till fate stepped up on the deck. Some fashion challenged nut case in a electric green polyester suit looking like an Elvis clone. He paid cash money for the old girl. Didn't try to bargain or nothing! A true blue sucker the broker managed to snag. I figured the guy would wise up sooner or later, so I ignored the idea this could be my new boss and went about my business.

Excuse me 'book'. I need a fresh cigar and my friend Johnnie Walker Black to assist me in this.


Aug 2014 cont

One night a few days after he bought the thing, I began to hear things. For an old guy my hearing had survived pretty well and down near the entrance to the harbor I heard the sounds of a purring hellcat of a motor. Detroit vintage muscle car in motion. Well cared for as well by the sound of it. 'Elvis' was down on the dock strutting around like a proud pappa. (Idiot!) when another person showed up, followed by a woman. Both of them listened to Elvis rave about the boat and how cool it was gonna be and I smirked as I watched his friends turn green. They knew what they were looking at even if Elvis didn't.

Okay, my dear 'niece' Mini said this would be helpful but I am failing to see it so far. Write it down so you can recall it right and learn from it all. Like she is one to take any advice? Told her and warned her the dogs she was teasing would bite and bite hard one day, but did she listen to me? Hell no! I'd call her Skippy, but I see too much of myself in her even now. All guns blazing and FTW. I never judged her or rubbed her nose in it. Never. As I said, a few less grey hairs, a lot less years and beers and who knows? Last I heard she is seeing someone who treats her right. Good for you, Mini.

I digress...again. Goddamnit

To cut to the chase of it all, they found me down below. Hell, I shot at the tall guy who still thinks having a mullet is kinda cool. Missed him on purpose, but still. I played crazy for them when I was finally cornered. It's good to do sometimes. You learn a lot about the people around you if they think you are still trying to get your head around the idea of 1 + 1 = 2. They seemed an intelligent bunch. Elvis had himself a Priscilla (that woman takes no crap) and mullet head knew his way around motors. Told them the truth. Wasn't me who put this boat in the shape it was in. Outside of the first guy, no one wanted to invest much into it. I could fix it, but I needed the parts.

Elvis wasn't afraid to invest. Between his cash and mullet head and myself we had the thing purring like a kitten again. The cosmetics went up easy enough and pretty soon I was amazed. I had never seen this tub look that good. Elvis and Priscilla even got married on the revamped deck on the stern. (Now that was a wild affair. Some strange gypsy witch doing a ceremony over some damn hunk of rock that looked like something I saw on a Pacific island once, but that's a whole nother story.) The upshot of all of this was, I started feeling like I had a purpose again. Shaking off the dust and rust and actually doing something. Between my pay and the pension check, I started heading into town and accenting my life a bit. New clothes, cleaning up my act. I was convinced I could look just as good (if not better) than the pretty boys and had more to offer. An old man's delusion, of course, but the motivation got me moving again.

And that's when things totally went to hell.

The first time I saw one, I was coming back to the boat. I was basically living on the thing while I continued to repair and patch up the last few details. As I was crossing the parking area, I noticed this kid trying not to obviously pace me along. (I may be old, but some habits die hard. I was in a ******* war and this kid acting like he found a ancient marshmallow to try and rob?) My hand slipped into my pocket and slipped on the set of brass knuckles I always kept. (Souvenir for Syria) and kept moving to where the pair of us would meet. I was ready for the usual deal. 'Give up the wallet or your dead, pops!'

I am no hundred year old ancient, but have been alive long enough to have heard most of it all. You want my ****? Come get it. I roll over for nobody even if it kills me in the process. It had to be a young one. (Fledgling, I think Mini called them) didn't say a word and just jumped me. Trying to pull me down to the ground. I was ready for an attack and put all I had into a sharp left hook that caught the kid square in the mouth. Damn, it hurt. Was like punching a brick wall! I heard something break (wasn't sure if it was me or him) and then I got a good look at the kid. He was holding his mouth where I apparently broke a couple teeth loose. Ha! The Fireball still has it! I was about to mouth off when I saw the rest of his mouth.

A fang! A god damned fang was hanging where a tooth should be. My punch broke the other one loose apparently. The kid was unsure now of what he was messing with (again, had to be recent one because what I saw later on told me a veteran would have ripped me to shreds in heartbeats) He looked worried. I made like I was going to come hit him again, but he ran off into the darkness. I reached down and picked up the broken fang off the dock and looked it over. It wasn't some fancy implant. It was real. By now my fingers were on fire (broke two fingers hitting the kid) so I quick stepped back to the boat and began to play on the internet.

Seems this town was bubbling over with rumors of things no one could prove for a fact. Normally I would laugh things like this off, but that tooth I found made me think otherwise.

I began to stick to the daylight hours till I got a solid grip on things.

Just in case.

Aug 2014 cont

More of this? Why not? Why stop now when I am just getting into the grove of it all?

Keeping low in the nighttime hours was not a major issue. The times of being out all night, raising hell and enjoying the charms of ladies was behind me. Never tripped my trigger to sit in a bar with a collection of other ancient veterans and swap stories of glory days. Ah, Springsteen knew what he was singing about in that lovely little tune. I worked on the boat during the day, did my few errands in the afternoon and stayed on the boat at night. Easy.

Of course, that did not stop me from keeping my eyes wide open and watchful. Took some of my extra cash and invested in a pair of Starlighters. Night Vision binoculars. Pick a spot up on deck and watch what I could see in the world around me. I hated to admit it, but I was worried now. According to the paranoid websites I had checked out, this had been going on for awhile, but of course they were cranks so no one took them seriously. The local news kinda ran in synch with them, but without the assumptions it was vampires. A lot of things were happening and no one had an answer for them.

I began to see them occasionally. Moving from place to place as if they had a rocket strapped to their asses. I saw one female grab a guy and bite him. Not long, but long enough to make the guy run off into the darkness. She looked quite pleased with herself and went on about her business. This wasn't the movies where Chris Lee drained someone dry like a kid sucking a juice box. Sneaky bastards! What the hell had happened? Comparing the time this had been first reported, the dumb *** who left the boat here to rot dragged us both right into the middle of it all. I wondered if he made it out of town or was out there grabbing a night cap with the other fangers. I almost lost it, till I reminded myself I was safe as long as I stayed inside at night, then lost it again as I began to remember a few things.

The wedding (or whatever they called it). How some of Elvis and Priscilla's 'guests' acted. Things I had not paid attention to out of the corners of my eye. One second not there, the next they was. And when I went to the buffet table to grab a snack afterwards during the party, how some of the serving staff kept aiming me away from a couple punch bowls. Some of the boss man's company was drinking it down but I could not have any?

I guess I should center a bit on 'Elvis' in this before I go farther. Now, ignoring the fact my first impression of the guy was he had a few bits of rock where his brain should be, he was a nice guy. Never in the times I talked to him about anything did I ever get a feeling I was in danger. He'd talk, laugh, tell jokes (bad ones, but hey) and was just an all around nice kinda guy. Same for his wifey, but as I said she took no crap from me or anyone but she was equally as pleasant. It could be said the imagination might have been chewing on my brain when I wondered if Mr. and Mrs. Presley were vampires. I laughed that off.

But some of their wedding guests?

This made no sense at all. The living and the undead all one big happy group? And if even that, that did not explain what I was catching sight of in the Starlighters. Something was totally going on and either 'Elvis' was too blind and good natured to see it, or......

I didn't want to think that. I suddenly felt like some 'long pig' sitting in the cook pot while the cannibals were dancing away around him. This was screwed up. I wanted to ask, and several times I almost did but I had to wonder was ignorance safety. If he was (and honestly, I don't know even now) and I said something, would I be insulting a good guy or suddenly be seeing another side of him. Either way it sucked.

I started spending some of my free time in the day looking for a place of my own. If I was wrong, oh well. No harm done. I was getting a tad bored being squeezed in that one tiny cabin anyways. I was coming alive again and it was time to stake out some real estate. A man needs a place to be a man, if you know what I mean. Not a closet where anyone could stick their head in and complain over the volume of my TV or the fact I chose to relax in my boxers. I'd come work during the day and be home at night. Now how simple could that be?

One thing I learned in this dump? Simple has nothing to do with this place.

Aug 2014 cont

Things settled into a routine after that. Elvis had questions of course. Thought he did something wrong. We talked it out and being a man (Priscilla hadn't neutered him. thankfully) he got it. We didn't see much of each other after that. I'd show up, there'd be a list of what needed to be done and the items I requested the day before. When finished, write the boss a reply what was done and not and why and a list if anything else was required. Once a week I found my pay waiting for me. Simple.

The fact I did not see him or her during the day just added to my suspicions. Wasn't bad stuff like becoming a vampire supposed to happen to jerks and not nice people? I still had no proof, of course. I knew they both worked nights at times, but outside of that I had nothing. 'They got night jobs and sleep all day-simple' I told myself. Still didn't explain the rest of it, like their friends and some of the people I noticed when I walked into their shops. (Pris makes some damn good chicken!) I guess it was my paranoia in high gear. Began to wonder if someone was staring at me too long what they were thinking. Who'd want to drink from me? Seriously! Old guy blood probably tastes like **** for all I know.

So anyway, back to the point, I had gotten into a pattern and it was working out for me. Work, home, relax. Sometimes keeping things simple is the best way. Do you see where this is going, Skippy? No matter how many times I think I have things nailed down, something happens. (and another punch in the face for reading this without asking me.)

One day, I was heading to work and was checking out the new toy Elvis had given me. A Android phone. Android? Wasn't that them robot people I saw in late night bad movies fighting the spacemen or something? Damn logo didn't look like an Android, looked like a robot so why not call it a robot phone? fuckwits!

Anyways, Elvis figured this would be easier than leaving notes. And to be honest, it was. Wake up and my to-do list waiting for me and when he got active my reply waiting. Money began to be direct deposited and I could check on that too with this thing. Little robot had some stuff going on inside of it. I was checking the sports page (The Lakers were sucking *** this year) on it when someone bumped into me. They apologized and so did I (stuff happens) but my heart sank to the depths of me as I lost my grip on the phone and watched it fall right between the grates into the sewer. Sunavabitch!

I could see a manhole not far away from where I stood so I waited till the street got empty and went over to the lid. There was a time I could have yanked this open with no problems, but was forced to get my pry bar out of my tool bag to manage it. I got it open, climbed in, and pulled the lid back into place. I paused on the ladder and took my bearings where I was as I climbed down. Took out my flashlight and began to walk back to the area where my robot should have fallen. Thankfully it hadn't raided much so no danger of it being swept away with the drain flow.

And there it was. Sitting on top of a pile of fungus that reeked. I picked it up and, would ya know it?, it still worked. Go fungus! Thanks for the save. I would have hated to tell Elvis I busted his gift not even a week into having it. I began to turn back in the direction I had come from.

'Hello'

I nearly jumped out of my skin. Had to be some city worker, but that did not feel right. A city worker would be screaming at me what the hell was I doing down here. I turned slowly. (There was a chance it was one of the fangers. It was pretty dark down here) and let my flashlight show me who was talking and my jaw dropped.

Now before I go on, let me say there was a voice in my head screaming 'Fireball? Naked bald headed babes in the sewer are not the kind of women you should even be talking to!'. It did. Very loud and several times, I swear! Her eyes found mine and she smiled at me.

'Hello' I answered back as I dropped robot back into my coat pocket. 'Are you in some kind of trouble or something?' She shook her head no and smiled as she beckoned me closer. Why I even took that first step was a mystery even now. Was it ego? A woman smiles at a old has been and suddenly he remembers things. Remembers when girls smiled like that at him for other reasons. Never mind that was years ago. I couldn't help but feel better about myself suddenly. I won't even go into the more obvious bits about her. Gorgeous breasts, great little backside (the kind most guys would love to sink their teeth into) and not a spot of hair on her. The light shined off her head and even that was somewhat interesting.

The tats were another matter. Girl looked like a road map to bizzaro-ville. I had a couple myself. Navy days inspired, but nothing like this. Maybe her biker boyfriend got mad and dumped her and she was hiding down here till it got dark. (Must have been one hellava party. The kind I used to go to back in the day.) I was getting ready to offer her my coat and the use of robot when she spoke again.

"I can teach you things"

'Lady, you are 20 years too late," I managed to answer. She laughed, but it wasn't mean laughter. I began to relax a bit till she started talking to me again.

'I can teach you how to be strong again. Younger, faster. Push you back into your youth again so you can be of service in the great fight.'

'Great fight?' Now I was confused.

'I can tell you have seen them. A war is brewing and most do not even know it is happening. It will be us or them in the end." she insisted.

'You mean the..' I hesitated to admit it. Bad enough I was wondering about it let alone to admit it to some broad in the sewers who was probably crazier than I was.

'Yes. Them.' she held me in a no-nonsense gaze. 'Show me you are worthy, good sir, and I shall bless you and help you to become what we need to win this war.'

'What do I have to do?'

Better to humor crazy people.

'Bring me proof of your courage and valor. Slay ten of the walking dead and show me you have done it.'

"What? You mean like on the TV show?" now I wanted to laugh. "You want me to kill Walkers? Fine. Where do I find them?"

'You know this town? Go to Wickbridge. On the other side of the barricade the military has put into place you will find them.'

"And how do I get in there? You got a pass for me to show at the gate?" I knew the area. Three mile high fences and a river that would be hard to cross unnoticed.

'Down here,' she explained a way to get from outside the Met to there. 'Once inside you will see them. Be careful in there and if you begin to tire-leave. Do not rest in there. There is more than zombies about that would take the opportunity to attack you if found resting in there. You do know what I mean.'

I nodded like a school boy.

"Do this and return to me," she smiled again and suddenly I was alone. After I quit freaking out I explored a bit. She could not have ran that fast, but I came up dry looking for her. (I did find an old coin and someone lost a wedding ring down here) Eventually I gave up and returned to the ladder back to the surface. A quick peeks to see if the way was clear and I climbed out and dropped the cover back into place. Crazy woman! I packed my tools back into my bag and headed to the harbor. As the day wore on I put the entire event into the skippy pile and relaxed. Now we got zombies as well as vampires. Whose next? The Creature from the Black Lagoon?

But on my way home, I got off at the Wickbridge station and took a long look at those fences again. That was another thing the websites had been going crazy about. Why was the Army keeping this section of real estate blocked off like it was? I had made up my mind to actually go in and see what baldy locks was talking about. Hey, the worst that could happen was the Army boys catch me, yell at me and toss me on my old backside, right? A little adventure. Of course, I would have to plan for it. I doubt bare fists would do the job, if there actually was a job to do.

I started to head up the street to the pawn shop to see what they might have laying around. I pulled out my wallet to check on my cash and that's when I realize baldy had rolled me.

Aug 2014 cont

Now, this was not a odd happening. It had happened to me several times in my life when I played with the ladies. Woke up in a two bit motel, the girl was gone and so was my cash. It happens. That's the potential price for playing the game with sex for money. Some women think they are so damn good they need extra compensation for their 'work' while others do what they must to keep themselves and whoever alive. Again, I can understand this to a point, but whispering in my ear about zombies and some secret war does not equal draining my goddamned back pocket in the process!

Was I angry? Livid doesn't even come close. Oh yes, I would find Baldy again and demand some answers as I shoved zombie parts down her throat.

I had never been in one of those shops before, but I was impressed. Grabbed a nice SMG with ammo and a good blade. Figured even if there were no zombies, I could have fun shooting at baldly as I asked for a refund. (stop laughing, Skippy!)

So I went home, grabbed a nap, and then set out on my adventure. The entrance was easy to find. All I had to do was watch the area. I saw a lot of people popping in and out of that hole. Were they friends of baldy or the others? I made sure the safety was off before I took the plunge.

I got twisted around once, but found where I made my error quick enough. Found the ladder along with some other junk along the way and peeked out.

Compared to the rest of the town, this was a ghost haven. As I slipped out, you could feel it. Just beyond the fence life went on as normal, but in here? I swear you could hear frogs fart (if there were any frogs). Like time had frozen for this place while the outside world moved on. I decided to do a quick look around and get the hell out of here.

I approached what was possibly a movie theater. The doors were standing wide open so I turned on my flashlight and began to explore inside the foyer. The tip of the light caught someone with their back to me, so I spoke before they freaked out.

'Hey, how's it goin'?' I asked, trying to sound calm, but when that walking puss bag turned around I screamed like a little girl. HOLY HELL! Baldy-locks wasn't kidding! A honest to God walking dead guy! It came at me and I froze for a second. Of all the weird things I had seen and done in the military or civilian life-nothing had prepared me for fighting a walking dead guy. I lifted my SMG and a let a few rounds fly finally. I kept shooting till the gap between us vanished and I dropped the gun and pulled out my sword.

***

I leaned against the cinema wall panting when I had finished. A couple bits still quivered and tried to move, but it was down for the count. What had I gotten myself into? Part of me was screaming '**** it! Let's go home!' while another part still was pissed over the money. I had to show up with something when (not IF!) I tracked down baldy girl.

I pulled a plastic bag from my tool kit and stabbed into one of it's ears and pulled it free. I dropped it in the bag and tied it shut quickly. (This thing literally reeked!) I remembered her words about not hanging out in this place for too long and got back on my feet. I ran into two more on my way back to the sewer entrance. I added two more ears to my bag.

It took me a couple of nights to get all ten like she asked for. Old guy was running on fumes most nights as it was and zombie hunting was a young man's game, not mine. But I managed it. I saw some of the fanged ones having fun out here as well. They could take these guys down like crazy. There was some other critters out here as well. Ferals (I got the names later on) are a *****! Not much smarter than zombies but fast and strong. I ran away a few times when I found those guys, but even they weren't crap when you saw the Moon monster stumbling about. I was cussing myself for not bringing a camera with night vision on it and getting some photos. Some of this was just too wild to be taken seriously (until one of them grabbed you and you was fighting for your life anyway. Shut up, Skippy! Back in your cage!)

Remind me later to tell you all about Skippy. Okay?

I waited the weekend and rested up (while my ten little trophies sat in the freezer) and come Monday after work I went back to where I had seen the bald headed naked chick. Again, I made my way down and began to wander the drains. I had gotten a small map of the layout down here and was pretty good with directions, so I was not too worried about getting lost. I rounded a corner that would take me South, then cut East again back into Wickbridge when I heard her again.

'You have returned'

Someone tell me what the hell is up with people sneaking up on people in this damn town? I swear it's a national pastime here! No one walks up and says Hi, they prefer to see if they can toss you into the ICU with a heart attack.

I turned around and saw her. Still naked. With a smile.

I threw the bag of ears at her. 'Now tell me where...'

'I knew you could do it,' she began to talk as if I had not said a thing. 'You have proven yourself well.' She made a gesture and suddenly several more just like her, male and female, suddenly appeared and grabbed me. I'd like to say I put up the good fight, and if I was back in the day I probably would have, but I felt like a bug trapped between two fingers. Squirming away and getting nowhere fast. My clothing was removed and I found myself held down to the ground as two of them began to tattoo me. This was nothing like getting a tat like I had before. I know what that feels like. This was nothing but liquid fire being pushed into my skin. I screamed. Baldy knelt by my head and stroked my brow as she began to whisper something. The others began to echo her words. This was it, I decided. Decorate the main course for the banquet. They never stopped. Every time I thought I could catch my breath they started again. First my front, then I was rolled over and they began there. Nothing was sacred in this.

I managed to catch Badly's eye and I asked. "What the hell did I do to you?"

I never heard her answer. I passed out from the pain. What a sick, weak pussy I had turned into.

Aug 2014 cont.

How long I was passed out I could not say. I found myself dressed again. My toys and work bag were with me as well. Robot was low on battery power so it had to be for a time. I managed to climb back out and stagger my way home. Once their I stripped and hit the shower and inspected the damages.

I didn't even want to think how much laser removal would cost just to make me look somewhat normal again when I saw the extent of their work. I was puzzled as to why they avoided my old Navy tats. Respect? Hardly. If the naked idiots had any respect at all they would not have done this in the first place.

When I finally felt somewhat clean again, I sat down and checked robot's messages. Elvis was worried about me. Several texts asking if I was alright since I missed work yesterday. Okay, I was down for close to 24 hours. Least I had some perspective now. I still felt like crap, so I sent him a reply. Basically told him I was sick, was seeing the doctor today and would let him know when I would be back to work while apologizing for not texting.

I laid the phone on the table, laid back on the couch and was out of it again. Just felt so weird.

***

Six hours later, I was eating like a starving man at a buffet. I was eating PB and J while I was waiting on the pizza guy to show up. Suddenly my appetite was in overdrive. I had come to the point in life where eating was something mechanical. Nothing fancy but now I felt like I hadn't eaten in weeks. While I munched and waited, I went over the news on the internet. Went through several pages before I rubbed my face and noticed I didn't have my glasses on. I hadn't thought about it but should have noticed on the first story I read. They sat on the table next to my laptop waiting for me.

Well WTF? Pizza guy finally showed up. I got up and did the transaction and sat back down and began to gorge, only to pause again. Ya see, kids, when you get old your knees are a constant reminder of that little fact. You feel like the Rice Krispies kids are living inside of them all snap, crackle, pop along with pain. I stood up again and sat back down and not a single snap, crackle or pop at all, Maybe I could explain the eyes away, but not the knees. Something had totally changed in me. After finishing a second slice I made sure the door was locked and stood in the middle of the living area and looked down at the floor.

"Master Sergeant McGee, drop and give me twenty," I said to myself as I assumed the position. I don't even remember the last time I dropped, let alone do twenty push ups but there I was. I wasn't the dynamo I was as a kid but I was moving smoothly with no aches and pains and not feeling like I was gonna die in the process. Holy hell, I felt good again. I did a few other sets and was honestly amazed. I hadn't felt this good since.......40?

I hit the mirror again and looked my face over. There wasn't a major change to my appearance, but there was a few subtle ones. A couple less wrinkles and I would swear some of my hair was growing back now and it did not look so grey suddenly. I sat down in a state of shock now. 'Them naked bitches did voodoo on me'. I said. I seen enough strange **** in the Pacific not to come to that conclusion. It had to be. Suddenly getting rolled for money and feeling this good did not seem like such a bad trade off.

I ate another slice while looking around the net. ('Surfing' is such a stupid term for this, Skippy.) I could find nothing that would explain going from zero to hero in just over 24 hours.

"Was I one of them now?" I wondered. Had one of the vampires got me? I pulled the curtains on the window next to my net table and let the sunlight fall on me. If the rumors were true I should be sizzling like bacon about then but not even a whiff of fat frying so that wasn't it. I kept searching around and paused at one of my favorite 'exotic' sites. (Hey, just because you are old doesn't mean you quit enjoying the view. Skippy) I took a break and clicked on the free vid of the moment and sat back as 'Miranda' did her thing as she danced. What happened next is a bit beyond what I would normally decide to put on paper with a pen but to make it brief I discovered other parts of me suddenly was feeling it again loud and clear. 'Ten hut and welcome back' I laughed.

I made a decision then as I got up and put the rest of the pizza away for later. This whole experience felt too good to just waste it sitting inside my dump of a apartment.

***

I walked to the mall. Walked. Screw the transit! I was feeling too good to just sit and watch the scenery float by. The sun was out and I was feeling it all and was not going to waste a moment more of it. I wore long sleeves to hide my new body art but that was about the only change I had done. Sipping coffee and enjoying a nice Havana along the way. My first stop was a haberdashery I had seen there. Too long had I just lived in work boots, jeans and flannel shirts. It was time to dress as 'Fireball' again. I made my selections and then went to see a woman who worked in a stylist shop Elvis had mentioned once or twice. She was in and asked how could she help me.

"Darlin', its time to see if you can put a shine on this old classic Cadillac. Show these pretty boys what its all about," I smiled as I sat in the chair and crossed my legs.

The girl did as good as she could with what she had to work with. The experience made me feel a couple more years had suddenly melted away. A bit of hair color and some grooming. Even had the nails done. When she was finished, she let me use the bathroom to change into my new threads. When I finally came out, I asked her. 'Please, the truth?'

"Not bad," she smiled. I left her an extra twenty.

Aug 2014 cont



So with the image (or illusion) of a sharp dressed man firmly in place, I began to explore the town more. I still stuck to the daylight, of course. The mental court was still out on the subject of the night people. If something was going on, I was not sure I wanted any part of it all. The last few years of life had been one big CYA game for me, so I wasn't ready to come out and challenge whatever it was going on after dark here.

It wasn't a bad little town. Was in the stages of expansion. Lots of new features and places were popping up all over the place, despite the rumors a lot of the older businesses were giving up and shutting down. Well, stuff happens.

As the days went on, I discovered this resurgence of mine showed no signs of fading away. It was puzzling to me. I mean, yeah, a guy can get a surge for a day or so, but this was weeks now. The 'Fireball' was rolling again so I was milking it for every moment I could. Making up for lost time, so to speak. One thing about this place, seemed the cops were on the payroll outside of city hall. Saw a few places emerging that normally would not be tolerated by the God fearing sort.

What? IS there a God, Skippy? All I can say is I have seen too much and too many things that could only be explained by something bigger than all of us putting a finger into the middle of a situation. From the war and everything else till now. I can't say I have seen him, but I have seen what happens when he/she/whatever takes a firm interest in things the rest of us skippys are doing.

Back to the debauchery. Trust me, Skippy. You'll like this part.

I was curious. I avoided the high end places that had begun to appear (for now) and focused on a more low key establishment. Announcing yourself in neon fire to the world did not equal what I considered privacy. I was going out on a limb here. Curious was one thing, but failure was another. I didn't need to be the joke video of the week for someone's amusement if this was all in my head.

Ladies of the evening were an interesting sort. You were paying for an illusion. You knew it was BS and so did they. The pay was for making you think she was truly enjoying your attentions. Didn't matter if you finished the job or not-she got paid, but a considerate one made you feel special regardless of biological malfunctions. All I wanted was some consideration and privacy. Her name was 'June'. Real or not, that wasn't what I was paying for. She made me believe the illusion from the moment she opened the door, and once we got down to actual 'business'......

In the words of the prophet- 'Boy Howdy!'

I was in shock as I sat on the side of the bed afterwards. 'June' wrapped around me from behind as her fingers trailed the lines of my new tat collection on my back as she purred softly while she nuzzled the nape of my neck. Just like bicycles and riding. Some things you don't forget. Only it had been ages since I could 'ride' like that.

I continued to see her, but curiosity encouraged me to discover had she convinced me of the illusion or was I actually all guns blazing again. It's a male thing. We can't help it. The universe just put us all that dumb assed together that way and any man who says he ain't is...........just not right. I don't mean gay or anything like that. He is just lying.

I made calls on a few more ladies over a period of time, but when it really got interesting was when I found myself with a REAL lady of the darkness.

But between all of that, I made a decision.

I needed to do some specific shopping.

Aug 2014 cont

I felt the need to be armed now. Sad truth, but what could you do? I had found ways to conceal a gun properly with ease, but my encounter with Miss 'June' raised her eyebrow when I slipped off my coat and the sword I had strapped behind my back came into view. Her reaction, while calm, had a ring of fear to it, and the last thing I wanted to do was scare someone who didn't need to be afraid of me. I needed something more discreet to work with. The shops didn't have what I was looking for. Oh, they had small stuff, but I wanted some space between me and whatever. I had to explore other options.

An antiques dealer finally got me what I was looking for. Wasn't really an antique, of course, but this type of store had its fingers in enough different pies to find what I wanted quickly.



I wasn't hep to the dragon head, but the rest of it was perfect. A elegant accent to my look that served more than one purpose. Now I could move about more freely and with less stares from 'June'.

Speaking of.... Vampire hookers. Who would have thought it? Wasn't there a movie like that once? I think there was. Some 80's flick I think. For some reason it was hard for me not to notice when there was a vamp around. Like some little radar had suddenly been set up inside of me that was tuned to detect fangs. In my travels around the town, I began to get a feel for how much this had spread around. They had their fingers in everything! It wasn't hard to see. All I had to do was walk in a business and just browse while watching what was going on. The owners, workers, customers. When I got that weird feeling, I knew. Some of the places were fronts for whatever the real business was, but for everyone of those I found, I found a legitimate business as well. This confused me. I thought these guys were all take over the world/enslave humanity types (that is if you accept bad horror films as cannon on the subject) It made me think the situation out deeper the more I noticed things. Did everyone who had fangs want them? Did they see their chance to become a new master or mistress of evil and jump on it, or were some of them simply victims themselves? I wasn't used to thinking this heavy and at the time I had not figured out what exactly I was yet, let alone find the Order, so I was working blind. Perhaps some of these former people were just doing what they used to do and trying to live their own lives? Hell, I work for one now myself. If it wasn't for my inner radar you would never know it. Nice little lady. Seems to think Victorian fashion is the new black, but we all have our quirks.

Anyway, sorry Skippy. I'll get back to the hookers now, so calm down.

Bordello of Blood! That was the movie!

When I showed up for my 'appointment'. my inner radar was ringing off the hook. One was here, or had been around recently (again, all guesswork at this point in time) but when she opened the door, it kicked up a few notches. I wasn't sure what I expected to see. Blood slick from feeding, eyes of fire, tentacles, bat wings? But no, she looked like a normal woman would. Very lovely (perhaps too lovely) so warm and inviting. That all changed when I took my shirt off. Her display hadn't changed a bit, but her eyes held a hint of panic.

'I admit, it's a bit much, but it wasn't my idea,' I jested. 'You know how it goes. Drunk with drunk buddies who think it would be a funny prank.'

She wasn't buying it. I could tell by the way she was looking at me. She knew something about all of this Baldylocks and friends had done to me. I wanted to ask her so badly, but she was already tense in a 'fight or flight' type of manner. I continued to undress slowly as I spoke. 'I don't want to hurt anyone, or be hurt. Can we agree on that much?'

She relaxed and nodded and began to undress as well. That radar was sounding off like a fire bell inside of me when I slipped into her arms, so I did the only logical thing I could think of in the current situation. I channeled all that aggression I was feeling into my hips. Result? Happy vampire hooker. (Happy me too, actually. Yowza! Shut up, Skippy!)

We spend a bit of time together past the main events, and I left without a scratch (from fangs anyways) but I finally had a clue to work with now thanks to her pillow talk. A word.

Paladin.

Sept 2014

Now to me, Paladin was a character Richard Boone played on the old 'Have Gun, Will Travel' TV show. What the hell was a paladin?

I returned to the cesspool of all human learning, the internet, and began to wade through the mire. I wasn't finding much of practical value (and Richard Boone wasn't even mentioned till page 5 of the search! How soon some forget!) Most of it was centered on fantasy movies or table top games which to me meant squat. Sorry kids, I did not climb down into a sewer and climb out into a episode of Dungeons and Dragons. I started playing with how I phrased the search a bit.

Paladin Knight

Paladin Warrior
Paladin Lover (hey, you never know.)

The Order of Paladins

Bingo!

Historically there was mention of them, but I found a fringe page on the subject as well. Talking about something called the 'Order of St James' and how they had set up in Harper Rock. Lots of talk about some ancient vampire hunter and such. Supposedly the members were 'paladins'. I was guessing they smoked a lot of dope too.

I hadn't thought about organized religion in years, but what I remembered did not involve people going to war. Not on the world scale, Skippy! They do that all the time. I am talking about a single church in a set area. Somehow I was doubting these guys went out ringing little bells and singing to dispel the evil and all of that. And what church approved bald headed naked people to be part of the flock faithful? This was smelling more cult than church to me.

But before I walked into the hallowed hall of insanity, there was another point I would have to mention that has a bearing on my current dilemma. It was a woman. (STFU, Skippy!)

I started noticing the girl here and there. Nothing that stuck out that intensely, but in this place one should keep track of faces they had seen before (especially at night) Pretty girl. Bit of a klepto as well. The few times I saw her in the one liquor store I saw her at work. She was good too. Walk up to the counter to pay for a case of beer and have a hundred plus dollars of liquor hiding in her bag. Now don't think me bad here. I was young and did the same **** when I was out and about, so I had no motivation to turn her in. Why should I? She wasn't bothering me. Besides, I liked her smile. A little bright spot in the day. Somehow I had the feeling most people didn't see it that often for some reason.

So a couple months went by. Here and there I'd see her about. I'm pretty sure a few cars vanished from nearby parking lots thanks to her. Never saw her do it, but I know when someone is casing something out and debating the possibilities of it all. How she tried not to be so obvious looking over a set of wheels parked across the street. I knew I liked her. I was getting a couple of bottles of my own (paid for) and she was up to her old tricks. I paid for my own purchases and walked out in time to see the girl rounding the corner. I followed. Not because I was stalking her. Fate had it we was going in the same direction. She was trying to get her shoulder bag filled with ill gotten liquor properly in place when it slipped and began to fall to the ground. I caught it and stood there looking her in the eye. I gave her my best smile.

"It would be such a shame that such noble men like Daniels, Beam, and Walker ended their perfectly aged lives on the cold unforgiving sidewalk." I smiled as I handed the bag back to her.

And that's how I met Ms.Dominique Doe (or Mini Butt as I came to call her)

We began talking. A lot. Occasionally she'd come see me on Elvis' boat when I was working (and sometimes the extra set of hands was welcome too). It wasn't romance or anything stupid like that. We had a few things in common that made us understand each other and that was it. She started calling me Uncle Andy which was fair I guess. We began swapping skills. Girl knew cars like crazy, but a boat was a bit of a mystery to her. As I told her 'One you know the vowels in a new language the rest is easy' and the jump from auto to ship mechanics she picked up on very quickly. I got a refresher course in grand theft auto as well. (reality, not that stupid video game, Skippy)

She asked about my life. Told her about the war and the things that goes with it. Duty, honor. Some might blame me for her current mindsets, but those things were already in place and just needed a nudge. What little she would share with me I doubt most ever heard, so no-I am not writing it in here. It was like having a daughter in a way. Of course, that was before I knew about Mona (which comes later on in this boring monolog so be patient, Skippy) I was Uncle Andy and I saw her smile real smiles.

Eventually, she saw my new collection of tats and asked me if I knew about the Order. I was like 'What Order?' till she rolled up a sleeve and showed me similar artwork. I was confused. Did some bald headed guy roll her too?

I finally was getting a picture of what I had stumbled into from her. That crap I saw hints of on the net was for real and she was hip deep in all of it. I held a few opinions to myself, of course. If the 'fangers' were all evil, then how come Elvis and Priscilla hadn't killed me? I'd been lucky so far. I hadn't become a quick lunch for any of them, so I was failing to see what the big problem was. Hell, some of them was running businesses like normal people. Things intent on destroying the world didn't run bars, curio shops, and other things. Did they? I wasn't doubting there was a potential problem brewing here at all. So far anything Mini Butt had told me proved to be on the money (we promised each other. If you can't talk about it-don't lie about it.)

She invited me to come to a meeting and see for myself. Talk to others and get a broader view of what was going on. I figured why not. Beat sitting at home staring at the TV.

Sept 2014

I was wrong. I missed the Bears kicking the Cowboy's asses for this? (thank God for DVR. No, Skippy, it's not English Football. I will explain it to you later.)

It wasn't as bad as I could make it sound. The first meeting was anything but a round of rousing inspiration. Only a handful showed up, which I can understand. In a world of covert situations, not everyone can drop what they are doing and not be noticed. I also could mention the two attempted meetings previous that turned up a waste of time. I stayed quiet for the majority of it. I was too busy getting a feel for these people and their leader. For a guy far younger than I am, he looked as old as me at times depending on the subject at hand. A job like this is one of those things nothing can prepare you for I would guess. Plus, the super vampire hunter and his two go to guys were gone now. Dead gone. So all of this was falling on this guy's head. I felt sorry for him. Suddenly filling the shoes of a mastermind warrior can be a draining experience on anyone. What they were discussing was not a 'win or go home' situation but a 'win or die' deal. Having been in wars myself, I know how that can affect some. Giving orders that you know can lead to not all of your troops coming home is a heavy deal to cope with.

I also attended a costume party they had as well. Got my Joker on, so to speak. They were a fun group, but I started taking notes on the players. The problem, as I saw it was, these weren't soldiers. They were ordinary people. Some of them the most intense thing they ever had to deal with was their internet not loading their Netflix film fast enough, let alone go out and fight blood sucking monsters. Some got it, others didn't, and some may have had a bit of delusion going on in their minds. (All of this was guess work and educated guesses, mind you. The only one I had a solid concept of, in part, was Mini Butt.) I wondered if some felt they were in a movie. One of my biggest bitches on horror films is how a group of ordinary people suddenly turn into Rambo with years of fighting skills under their belts dealing with the undead horrors attacking them. That is an illusion. Now some are capable of surprising things in a spur of a moment deal. Don't even have to be human to manage that one. Ever see a mother house cat standing up to a wolf in order to defend her kittens? You get the idea.

So now, Mr 'Hey, I am in charge and I did not ask for this job' is stuck trying to lead a group of weekend warriors. And not just us paladins either. First time I laid eyes on a new twist to things in this town as well. They were called 'blood thieves'. Supposedly, they had found a way to steal vampire powers by drinking their blood. So they had the pros of the concept without most of the cons. Rumor had it they were involved with that one business guy. Broussard, I think it was. I never paid much attention. Bad me, but these guys weren't having all that much luck either I was gathering with the night crowd.

So in fairness to Mini, I kept my mouth shut. I would see where all this was going before I committed myself to the project. The only one I had a shred of loyalty to was Mini. I told her once 'You need my help, just ask for it.' and she knew I meant it. Of course, like a typical Skippy she went headfirst into crap and my Robot never rang once. What a waste, but more on that later as it comes out.

So basically now I had the story. I was chosen to help rid the world of the evil vampire menace that was waiting for the proper moment to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Dun-dah-DUNNNN! I suddenly felt like I was in a bad Roger Corman film. And that is exactly it right there. Roger could have made a couple million easy with this plot line! Disorganized egotistical vampires, disorganized bumbling heroes, and no one having a solid clue what in the hell they were supposed to be doing. I would have paid money to see that. On the screen even. IMAX and all.

One of them at the party just had to try and impress me with their 'bad-assed-ness'. (can't remember their name and could care less. He was a Skippy from square zero) and had implied that I was afraid.

Well DUH!

Hell yes I was afraid when the full picture came into focus. I was afraid in the damned war too! "Fear means you are thinking!" my old drill sergeant told us once. "The secret is -pick the right action/reaction and just do it!" I knew what I had to do and I did it. I signed up for it and did my job and yes, there were moments when you came close to pissing your pants considering what was going on around you. (hell, why lie? Some guys did piss themselves!) but you did the job regardless. The differences between those wars and this war was glaring to my view.

Some may say there is no difference. This is more of a 'silent war' the world is unaware of. Harper Rock is the beachhead of an invasion that will slowly spread unless we find a way to stop it. (Another movie plot Roger could use!)

Well, if this was true, the 'invaders' had just as fucked up of a mixed bag of 'invaders' as we had of 'guardians of the free world' to work with. Paladins and vampires from all walks of life and the majority had their own ides of what they wanted to accomplish. Unless some tyrannical leader rose up and managed to meld one side or the other into a organized unit, it was gang fights in the street at best. Invaders and defenders had plans, goals and strategy to work to accomplish such things. Neither side in this seemed to know what the hell they wanted. That was not to say there wasn't pockets of organization to be careful around, but even those were limited on how much control they had over the majority. This situation left most of the 'good guys' acting alone in situations and I saw the results of two of them going toe to toe with the 'fangers'.

Sept 2014

Of course with my luck, I probably had everything pegged 100% wrong with how I was sizing up things in this town. I still wonder about it, but a equal part of me could care less on the matter as well. However, some things remained that could not be ignored. When one of us suddenly did show their face and tried something, every bloodsucker and their momma knew about it and who it was and the hunt was on. That was one point I had to give the vamps. They weren't playing games. Something happened and they acted, as opposed to how some of us were doing. They would go on the offensive while some of us were having slumber parties or playing Uno. It wasn't sinking in apparently to most, but to a pair of us it totally sunk in but in the wrong directions.

I suppose I should add a few lines about Eachann Christie in this. Boy was as crazy as a squirrel in a nut factory. He was in a relationship with Mini for a time there (and how in the **** did she understand half of what he was saying is beyond me). The Flying 'Skippy' Scottsman he was. Boy would wade through a river of chainsaws to get to a good fight. He had the moxie. That's all the good I can think about him actually. Usually those who intend to take on the world at large have some basic ideas and plans in place. Not this Skippy. Balls to the wall kamikaze insanity and dragging Mini along for the ride.

No, not dragging. I'm afraid I understand her too well. She wanted to do something and Each was the only one actually trying to do something so....

He did manage to get several vamps I was told. Who they were or how big I do not know, but I guess the beat downs were getting too much. Point to remember concerning vampires: Once is never enough. They figure you stupid enough to **** with them, they need to beat the lesson into your head 3 to 9 times. Vampires- masters of overkill. Poor Each would get out of the hospital and BOOM!. On his case like flies on **** before the ink even dried on his check out papers. Now what happened to this force of nature I have no clue. A few rumors, but about it. Maybe he finally had enough and died or, perhaps he slipped out of the country to do some serious healing? Rethink things? I don't know, but no one has seen him in ages.

Now Mini? She was a different story. Girl's mouth was shut tighter than a clam but there were clues if one looked properly. I knew she was working. Had a job working for that fruit loop of a gypsy who 'married' Elvis and Priscilla. A couple other members of the Order was working for her too, so I figured she was harmless. But something was going on elsewhere. Too many times I would stop by to say hi only to be told she was on 'medical leave'. Good point about us Pallys: We don't get sick. No flu, common cold, or any other ailments. Someone tried to explain it to me once and it sounded like something off the Sci-Fi Channel but supposedly our bodies are more...better? Our inner defenses are on steroids now. Was part of the reason why I felt younger now I think. So back to point, Mini was sick? ********! Something had happened to her. Lay her up in a hospital? Had to be vampire based.

Part of my at home assortment of toys was a police scanner, and I never heard of a problem at the store she worked at being reported, so whatever was going on was happening elsewhere. I eventually caught her at home and wanted answers. Got none. She was acting like this was a private matter. Some of the others wondered too I would guess but they all had the same answers I had. Nothing. This went on for awhile. I was amazed the woman she worked for didn't fire her *** for being off the job so much. I kept my ear to the ground, trying to hear something about this but no one had anything to say. This was killing me actually. I may have been undecided about working with the Order, but this was someone I actually gave a damn about.

She never told me the names. Never. Prideful little ****! Eventually she lost the fight to, but where there was a grey area concerning the Scottish Skippy, there was none here.

Whoever it was gave her a right hook she may never fully recover from. What's worse than being beaten by the enemy? Being made one of the enemy. ********/***** turned her.

When I saw her at a meeting, I couldn't say much. I was angry at her, but not for this. Besides, I was slowly getting pissed at the others who were suddenly giving their best buddy Mini the eye. I wanted to scream at them. THIS is what happens when we refuse to get organized and back each other up! Everyone so busy planning and preparing instead of stepping up! Dominique paid the full price for what she believed in, and damn any of them that thought she was suddenly a liability or 'one of THEM'. When the meeting was finished, I went upstairs and cleared out my room. I have not returned since.