Hopefully this will help....
Posted: 26 May 2014, 02:39
Dear…Book…
I was never one to keep one of these things before. Often when I was the one to just voice what was on my mind and handle whatever consequences would come. But…I have heard that these things help in cases like my own. So, I figured what the ****, right? Can’t hurt.
It’s not like I could go and get some help. I could seek out Doc, but he is not really that kind of doctor and I am not sure I want to burden him with my ****. At least not yet…
Anyway, where do I begin?
Perhaps at my loss of faith? That seems to be a good place to start. Now, even though I did my best to rebel at every possibly moment in my life there was something about God always being there that was a comfort to me. When I was first turned, I was still able to enter churches, I could still pray and I would get the same sense of peace, calm and tranquility that would wash over me.
When my…mother took me…she…it was the first thing that she took from me. Told me that I was evil, that God no longer loved me…
Of course I did not believe her, how could I? That was stupid beyond all hell to think that God did not love! Who was she to claim such things!
…..
Then she cut me, my arms…then marked me across the chest… then she cut her own hand and spoke in Latin. I could feel…something with each word that left her lips, I could feel as if something was being pulled from me. When whatever it was she was doing reached the end she…she…stabbed me. Right in the heart and the world went black.
I think that I died…which does not make any sense as we don’t really die…right? But…I think she killed me or perhaps killed my soul. Whatever it was, I just remember that it was dark and cold. When I awoke later I felt empty inside, like a piece of me was now missing. Even still I had faith that I was still within God’s graces, that he still loved me.
I was wrong…very wrong…
When she placed my cross back around my neck….it…it burned. I had to beg her to remove it.
I’m home now…with Asteria… the woman I love more than life itself. We are to get married soon, though when that will be I have no clue if only because I suck with the planning thing. Sometimes I wake up at night and I think I am back there, captured and away from her. Or, that they managed to get me to talk and reveal her location. So, instead of me being tortured it was her. Hopefully, these dreams will stop or at least lesson so that I can get some rest…the sensation of always being exhausted is…well…exhausting.
I was never one to keep one of these things before. Often when I was the one to just voice what was on my mind and handle whatever consequences would come. But…I have heard that these things help in cases like my own. So, I figured what the ****, right? Can’t hurt.
It’s not like I could go and get some help. I could seek out Doc, but he is not really that kind of doctor and I am not sure I want to burden him with my ****. At least not yet…
Anyway, where do I begin?
Perhaps at my loss of faith? That seems to be a good place to start. Now, even though I did my best to rebel at every possibly moment in my life there was something about God always being there that was a comfort to me. When I was first turned, I was still able to enter churches, I could still pray and I would get the same sense of peace, calm and tranquility that would wash over me.
When my…mother took me…she…it was the first thing that she took from me. Told me that I was evil, that God no longer loved me…
Of course I did not believe her, how could I? That was stupid beyond all hell to think that God did not love! Who was she to claim such things!
…..
Then she cut me, my arms…then marked me across the chest… then she cut her own hand and spoke in Latin. I could feel…something with each word that left her lips, I could feel as if something was being pulled from me. When whatever it was she was doing reached the end she…she…stabbed me. Right in the heart and the world went black.
I think that I died…which does not make any sense as we don’t really die…right? But…I think she killed me or perhaps killed my soul. Whatever it was, I just remember that it was dark and cold. When I awoke later I felt empty inside, like a piece of me was now missing. Even still I had faith that I was still within God’s graces, that he still loved me.
I was wrong…very wrong…
When she placed my cross back around my neck….it…it burned. I had to beg her to remove it.
I’m home now…with Asteria… the woman I love more than life itself. We are to get married soon, though when that will be I have no clue if only because I suck with the planning thing. Sometimes I wake up at night and I think I am back there, captured and away from her. Or, that they managed to get me to talk and reveal her location. So, instead of me being tortured it was her. Hopefully, these dreams will stop or at least lesson so that I can get some rest…the sensation of always being exhausted is…well…exhausting.