Uncomfortable Truths

[Charlotte Ruse]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

This RP takes place on Saturday 18th May 2014.

Charlotte: Charlotte was sitting looking at the needles, no, staring at them was more accurate. She'd been using them for years, and now, now they didn't seem to be working anymore. She'd noticed hairs growing on her chin, chest and back. Her voice was becoming harder and harder to keep light and feminine, and was instead dropping down into her 'original' voice. The hair that grew on her arms and legs was becoming more coarse, and things just..... weren't right. The more she thought about it, the more she began to panic and stress, so she'd been ignoring it for now. But waking up this evening and finding proper stubble had her in a complete tizz. There was only one person she could possibly go to with this. And that was her sire. So desperately, she stretched her mind out to Keara and opened a link, keeping it connected so the woman wouldn't have to strain or put herself out to reply. "Keara? I'm so sorry to bother you. But..... are you free? Can.... I talk to you? Somewhere..... private? I..... I need you!" The last three words were whispered and reeked of her desperation.

Keara: Keara had just managed to get dressed, which some nights was more of a chore than others, it all depended on the mood she and/or Enver were in, as they sometimes enjoyed keeping the other to themselves for a while when sunset first came. The voice in her head was neither disturbing to her or unwelcome as she was entirely free in that moment. Able I am for talk darkling. Choose a place and meet you there I shall directly. She thought back, suddenly aware of the fact that Charlotte had managed to maintain a bridge into her mind.

Charlotte: "I can be in the attic in seconds" She replied, throwing the needles to the ground in an outburst of emotion and stress, clearing everything from the table in one swoop. She then pulled out the tome, and carefully read the words Keara had taught her. 3 times it took for her to get the pronunciation right, and she was getting more and more frustrated with each attempt. Finally, the demi arrived in a flurry of wind, caught her up and whisked her away to the bound location to wait for Keara.

Keara: Keara forwent putting on her boots and decided to just go upstairs in bare feet. If they weren’t going anywhere, she really didn’t need to waste the next five minutes lacing up her boots. So she straightened her skirt out, adjusted the bodice and made her way to the elevator. When she arrived, she found Charlotte there and waiting already. “Healing you are yes? Well you are?” she said looking her over to see if she, like herself, was now fully healed from their recent time spent in the raid.

Charlotte: She nodded her head, having finally completely healed from her ordeal in the raid. "Yes thank you" She said meekly, looking into the lift to make sure there was no-one else there with her, as Enver seemed a little like her shadow sometimes. Satisfied he wasn't there, she sighed in relief, though she still couldn't settle and looked around. "Is there..... somewhere private? Here I mean?"

Keara: “This place mostly private is,” she began as she headed off to the right. “Though seems to me it does that no=one but I e’er in the hydroponics room does go. Pretty in there it is. Like I do for so much of nature in our home to see.” She pushed the door open to what was arguably the warmest room in the place, as the skylights allowed natural light in, in the daytime.

Charlotte: She nodded and followed her sire along, a few steps behind her as she worried and went over it all in her head. HOW did you talk about something like this? She walked into the room and blinked at the colours, the heat, the smell. It immediately calmed her and she closed her eyes, taking it in for a minute, before she slid down a wall and hugged her knees to her chest with a shiver of emotion.

Keara: There was definitely something wrong with her daughter, so she knelt before her and placed a hand on her knee. “Charlotte…What wrong is? If well you are. Then physical your problem cannot be. Yes? Feel you unwell? Has someone something to you done? Did Leif you attack again?” Concern could be heard in her voice as she spoke, and her eyes stayed on Charlotte’s face, as if she might see the answers she were asking for.

Charlotte: "Don't..... Don't you see it?" She whispered, looking up into Keara's face with a forlorn expression. "Can't you see? The..... changes? In me, I mean."

Keara: Keara looked her over but didn’t see anything that greatly concerned her but then she was looking for signs of injuries or toxins. “See nothing I should not,” she replied reassuringly, her thumb gently rubbing Charlotte’s knee. “If something wrong is…Tell me you can. Told you this I have many times.”

Charlotte: "I......" And now was the moment she needed to say something. To somehow find the words to explain to her what was going on. Slowly, carefully and haltingly - she tried to choose her words to explain. "I..... was on..... medication. Before. When..... I was human. Well..... it's..... kinda.... stopped working. Now." She sighed, hoping this was making sense and that she wouldn't have to go into too much detail. She wasn't ready for that. Not yet. Maybe not ever. "So..... well..... what I was taking it for..... is coming back. And.... well.... I don't want it back... How.... I mean.... is it possible..... can the medication work? Why? Why is this.... happening?"

Keara: Keara stroked her cheek and smiled at her kindly. “You a vampire are darkling. Human illness affects but a few once turned we are. Weakness to such things you must have. If changing you are, the returning you are to what you once were. Your true form. Heard I have of those that blind were their sight regaining after changed they have been. Seen you have how heal we do. Knew we did not before what this about did bring. Now believe I do that DNA the reason is. Know our body does what we should be and seeks it does for us always to health to restore. Does that sense make?”

Charlotte: Unfortunately, it did. The look of horror, fear and abject terror on her face, stared into Keara's own. The blood drained and she paled, as if she'd just been delivered the worst news EVER. Which really, she had been. Tears sprang to her eyes and flowed down her cheeks as she goldfished at Keara, totally at a loss as to what to say. Keara had just told her that she'd change back.... back to a man..... like she'd been born. Her whole body quivered and quaked and she felt ill. The illness built and built within her until her whole head swam. Before she threw up on Keara - she turned her head and an unfortunate plant got the contents of her stomach, the blood bag she'd drunk earlier. She was an absolute mess and a complete wreck, and there was nothing she could do to stop her reaction.

Keara: Keara rubbed at her back, her reaction strange to behold, as she’d believed she was delivering good news. “Charlotte? This illness of which you spoke. The reason that you medication did take. What it is it? Should I worried for you be?” There was something more going on with the girl, she knew this but what it was she had no idea.

Charlotte: Her arms tightened around her knees as she rocked back and forth, banging her head against the wall as hard as she could while she was still shaking with the news. She was completely overwhelmed, and unfortunately, her power kicked in without her meaning to - and fired off at Keara. It wasn't focussed, it wasn't intentional, it was just instinct and a loss of control in that moment as the tears streamed and finally she found some words that crept out in a gravelly whisper. "I'll kill myself!"

Keara: Keara cupped Charlotte’s face in her hands and forced her to look at her. “Help that shall not. Tell me what wrong is. Please? Help I cannot if tell me you do not what wrong is.”

Charlotte: Her eyes were dead, looking beyond Keara and not at her as if staring into some middle distance. She wasn't really there, something having snapped in her head for now as she whispered her thoughts in an eerie manner. "I won't change.............. My DNA is wrong............ I'll die first............ I won't let it happen.......... I can't............ No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.No. No.

Keara: “What mean you that your DNA wrong is? Charlotte. More words require I do.” She didn’t hold out much hope that the woman would be able to provide them and she began to wonder if she should call Enver to pacify her as she had obviously worked herself into a state for whatever reason.

Charlotte: "No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No." It was all she had left in her just now. She was in complete denial and yet panic. She was still sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth, lost in her mind somewhere as she just couldn't comprehend what Keara had just told her and what it meant for her.

Keara: She didn’t have the power to calm the woman down and so she did the only thing she could think of, she struck her across the face. “Charlotte,” she gripped her shoulders and shook her a little. “Talk to me. Please?”

Charlotte: That certainly did something. And Charlotte's eyes widened and stared into Keara's, finally focussing on the woman in front of her. "You...... hit me!" She stammered, tears again falling from her eyes as she tried to scramble away, to stand up - but Keara was so much stronger than she was, and had hold of her shoulders - and she couldn't get away. All of the fight left her and she slumped down again, only being supported and kept upright by Keara's hands now.

Keara: “Yes. Hit you I did. That most effective tool is that I in my arsenal now have. So…Speak to me you should. What wrong is? No lies. No secrets. In pain you are and help you I cannot if talk to me you will not.” She knew she was pushing Charlotte and that hitting her wasn’t the best way to inspire confidence in her but she was broken and sometimes things worked better after being slightly mishandled.

Charlotte: "I.... can't" She whispered. "You'll hate me. Like the rest. You'll throw me out, cast me aside. I can't..... do it. I'm better off dead!"

Keara: “Hate you I shall not. There nothing is that tell me you cannot. So quick to anger I am not…Unless you Enver are. Then perhaps struggle I might for my temper to control. Strange effect my husband upon me does have,” she admitted. She’d still yet to work out just how deep her feeling for Enver run but with every passing week she was getting closer to figuring out that their attachment to one another possibly wasn’t as healthy as she currently thought it was. “Tell me anything you may. This I promise you.”

Charlotte: Charlotte just reached out and took Keara's hand in a light grip. She found her eyes and held them, and then used her power to actually project images into the woman's mind. She showed her time and time again where she'd been hunted by people, caught, beaten to a pulp, tortured with cigarettes. The images were horrific, violent, bloody and the looks on the faces of those hitting her were of complete and utter hatred. Time after time, different groups of people, different locations, her in different outfits.... each one was obviously a different time and occasion. "This is what happens when people find out" She whispered to her sire, once more shaking like a leaf.

Keara: The images made Keara cringe, not because of the violence itself but because each and every one was a snapshot of what Charlotte had endured. She waited for the images to stop, her eyes closed so that she could focus upon them and then as her eyes opened, she pulled Charlotte into her arms and hugged her tightly. “Hate you with that intensity I could not. Not unless…” she paused, that wasn’t likely to ever happen and even then she’d likely focus her rage elsewhere.

Charlotte: She didn't hug her back, because there was an 'unless' in there that she needed to clarify. "Unless.....?"

Keara: “Worry on that you need not. That situation unlikely is and even if happened it did, you the focus of my rage likely would not be.” She said moving and adjusting Charlotte in her arms until she had her in a more comfortable position.

[Keara Aithne]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Charlotte: "No... you have to tell me. You have to" She said, almost desperately as she leant in against her unwillingly

Keara: “Tell you I shall, if you promise for your secret unto me to tell,” she looked down at Charlotte, a serious look in her eyes.

Charlotte: "I'll.... try" She looked back, just as serious and concerned.

Keara: “Only one thing me so much rage does cause…and that my husband is. He the best and worst of me out does bring. Knows he does this. If you and he,” she couldn’t even finish that sentence, not because it was preposterous to think that either of them would hurt her that way, but because saying the words alone would have hurt. “Matters not. Then likely it is that I my rage upon him would focus.” Admitting this was a huge thing for Keara, as she didn’t like admitting her jealousy nature existed, it showed weakness in her mind. But Charlotte was family, and she was sure that she could trust her.

Charlotte: She blinked and looked horrified again - but this time for a completely different reason. "Me? With Enver...... I mean. No. I would never..... I mean..... No.... just...... ew."

Keara: Keara couldn’t help but find herself laughing at the outburst. Everything that had happened before it had been kind of tense but this guttural and honest response from Charlotte amused her. There was a small part of her that wondered what was wrong with her husband, but she was far happier with women finding him repugnant than attractive. “That good to know is. So quite safe from me you are then. Of this we can be certain.” She released Charlotte and gave her a little room. “So perhaps now tell me you shall why you this medication did take?”

Charlotte: "I.... does it stay between us? Forever? It can't.... I mean..... not even Enver. You can't tell ANYONE!" Her eyes were desperate as she stared into Keara's face, panic already starting to creep in.

Keara: It was going to be hard to keep a secret from Enver and she wasn’t sure she could keep that promise if she made it. “Like I would for to say that I your secret to another would never tell but lie I cannot and if asked I was, a chance there is that your secret revealed would be. Promise I can that I your secret will not to another reveal. Unless that person Enver is and then only if forced I am for the truth to reveal. Know I do that that answer perhaps not good enough is, but that the truth is and lie to you I cannot.” She hoped that somewhere in all of that it would be obvious that she wasn’t going to go blabbing about whatever it was that Charlotte wanted to keep secret.

Charlotte: She shook her head, because that wasn't good enough. She couldn't believe she was willing to tell Keara - but then, there was something about Keara that meant Charlotte just couldn't say no to her. But the thought of Enver knowing, made her feel sick again. "No. I..... can't. Enver, he can't know. Just..... no..... please!"

Keara: “Tell him I shall not. Unless guesses he does that something wrong is that know he must. Then, and only then tell him I would. Of course try I would for to say that the secret mine is not. Think I do that he that would respect. So long as assured him I did that it affected him not.”

Charlotte: She sighed, shaking her head and trying to find the words. She couldn't deny the woman, not ever. She was totally devoted to her and would do anything for her. However, she just couldn't find the words to tell her - and it killed her a little inside as she tried. "I..... have to kill myself. I can't.... I can't let my DNA change me back.... Back..... to..... to....." Her voice failed her, and instead, she sent it telepathically. "A man"

Keara: Keara’s expression changed to one of confusion at the revelation. Of course she’d heard of such things, it was a little difficult to live in this day and age and not know of such things but still…Charlotte was a man? “You… Hmm… Thought I did that I better able was for such things to discern.” This was her initial response, as it then took a further few moments for the problem to become clear. “Oh! Charlotte. Reverting you are to that?” Keara’s expression changed and now she looked concerned for her childe. “Need we do for a way for this to stop…If wish that you do not.”

Charlotte: She nodded her head. "I won't..... I can't..... Not again..... I'd rather die than be a man again!" She was looking at the floor beneath them, under the counters with the plants growing on them, and then she spotted something that made her frown. A little pot with a plant in it, that looked like it had been cast aside as it wasn't thriving, and was in fact dead.

Keara: “Then think on that I shall have to. Difficult it would be for you for surgery monthly to have to undergo. Expensive too that would be.” It hadn’t clicked for her yet that Enver possessed a trait that might be of use to charlotte but then she couldn’t very well ask him about it having been sworn to silence and even if she could; it likely wouldn’t do any good as vampires didn’t always control the traits they acquire.

Charlotte: She nodded her head, not really listening as she'd already resigned herself to killing herself. However, the little dead plant..... She reached out and took the pot, cradling it in her lap and covering the plant with both of her hands, scrunching it into the soil. She sat there for a moment, concentrating hard, and then removed her hands - to reveal a healthy, bushy, green plant. She offered it to Keara, her voice very small as she spoke. "Something to remember me by...."

Keara: Keara quickly set the pot to one side, the girl’s gifts not having gone unnoticed, even if it seemed that way. “Have you I shall for you to remember by. Only need we do for a little research to do. Perhaps there something is that done can be.”

Charlotte: "But.... you know everything." She sighed. "So, if you don't know..... it can't be done. I know this. I accept it. I'm sorry I..... am broken"

Keara: Keara couldn’t help but laugh. “ Mistaken in that you are Charlotte. Know I do a lot perhaps. But know everything I cannot. Only need I do for time to think. For over this problem to think. Say I cannot that there hope is, but neither can I say that there none is.”

Charlotte: She just nodded her head, curling in on herself

Keara: “Think on it we shall. Sure you are that I this My Enver cannot tell? Thinks he does differently to me. Perhaps he idea would have that think of I would not.” Keara wasn’t going to push it if Charlotte said no, but she didn’t want to leave any stone unturned if she could help it.

Charlotte: "NO!" She just about screamed, panic in her face as she looked at Keara and shaking her head furiously. "You PROMISED you wouldn't tell him. Or anyone! You can't! Please. Please don't! Please don't Keara. Please!"

Keara: “Okay. Worry not. It an idea was darkling. Nothing more.” She said in calming tones. “My promise I shall keep. Though…Hmm…” There was something bubbling away in the back pf her mind. “Enver scars has…heal they do not…Tattoos too…That not normal is for our kind. Though know I do not how keeps them he does. Little thought have I on that subject given.”

Charlotte: "So?" She hadn't quite made the link, thinking Keara was just extolling the virtues of her husband. Yet again. As usual.

Keara: “If it possible is for some their markings to keep…possible it may be for you your…” she had to search for the right words, “preferred form to keep. Though sure I am not if that something is that learned can be.”

Charlotte: "Like.... a power?" She asked curiously, calming a little. "But none of the powers I have have been 'learned'. They've all just..... developed. Like, hey were meant to be"

Keara: Keara nodded. A power was the nearest thing it could be equated too, though she doubted it was one that someone could learn or be shown. Her instincts told her Enver’s ability had more to do with his stubbornness and the fact that he clung to his humanity. He didn’t like change as much as one might expect him too and his tattoos and scars all made him who he was. “That possible is. That power develop must. Wish I do that I more of that did know.”

Charlotte: She sighed and nodded her head. It all sounded like a lost cause to her. And if she didn't do something about it, she would revert back into a man. There was no way she could live like that. Not again. And she was completely serious about killing herself if that was the only other alternative.... which it seemed to be. She reached out and took Keara's hand, giving it a squeeze. "Thank you for everything. It was good. While it lasted."

Keara: “Talking nonsense you are,” she said with a shake of her head. “Perhaps desire you must for your form to keep. Reason there must be why some this power develop and others not. Desire some sense would make. When shifted I did into a female lion, willed that change I did as wished I did for as free as Enver to be. Necessity. Perhaps that the answer is. That or fate. But if fate I say, give up you likely shall. Very pessimistic you are.”

Charlotte: "You've no idea how much I desire to be this way. What I've gone through to get here. What it's taken. Believe me. It is a necessity to stay like this and not.... not.... go back and regress." How the woman could think that Charlotte didn't want to stay as she was, was beyond her!

Keara: “Convince me of that you need not. Yourself of that perhaps you must persuade. From what seen of you I have, little self-confidence at times do you display.” She was being as open and honest on the subject to try and help Charlotte, though the truth was, she didn’t really know how to enact that particular power as she didn’t have it; so she had no actual experience of it outside of what she’d seen in Enver.

Charlotte: She just glared at Keara, completely insulted that the woman thought she didn't want her body and wanted to be a man again. She obviously just.... didn't understand!

Keara: “Look not like that at me,” Keara shook her head. “Mean I do that perhaps unworthy you yourself think of such a gift. That perhaps a factor could be. Work I always do for my powers to grow and for my strengths to improve. Know I do that I my boundaries can push and that handle I can all that Nox in store for me has. Tested I believe I have been. Understand?”

Charlotte: "Yes. But you're a religious freak!" She blurted out before she could stop herself, staring in horror as a hand clamped over her mouth. "I'm sorry. So sorry! I didn't.... I wouldn't..... I'm sorry!"

Keara: Keara couldn’t help but give Charlotte a disapproving look at what she said this time. This obviously being a far worse thing to have said to her than being told Charlotte was a man. “Speak I do not often of my beliefs. And only then with those that trust I do. Force I never would by beliefs on another.” She was shocked and hurt by the outburst, that much was clear but then she’d likely deserved it what with what she’d just been saying to Charlotte.

Charlotte: "I.... should go." She scrabbled to her feet like a startled rabbit, looking around for exits and only seeing the one they'd come in through. Slowly, she edged around that way, unable to look at Keara and still mumbling apologies. "Yes. I'll go. I think. It's for the best. I'm sorry.... I bothered you. Just, just forget I said anything. Please. And.... as I said. You've been great and it was lovely getting to know you! I'm just sorry I..... wasn't better!" Her hand had found the handle of the door and with a quick tug, it was open and she was out and running, blinking back the tears as she went and trying to work out what to do and where to go.

Keara: Chasing her down was an option an option but this childe had fawn like qualities and Keara didn’t want to push her further. She’d already learned her darkest secret and more or less slapped her for it; of course that wasn’t how she saw it, the slap was necessary to focus the girl but still, with Charlotte it was likely the wrong move to have made and so Keara just sat there. She picked up the fledgling plant she’d left behind and ran her fingertips over its leaves. “Beautiful,” she whispered to herself.