Path of the Vampire forum

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

<Jesse Fforde> It has been a week since the supposed ‘Fforde’ gathering. I’m growing less and less confident that there is such a thing as ‘Fforde’, and though I am bothered about it, I’m less inclined to throw myself off a cliff as I was. I suppose the moods come and go; but I also suppose that talking to Ursula, Paige, and Renee has given me a sense of purpose. I know I have to talk to Axel. I even told him I wanted to, but he hasn’t made any proactive move to find me. I suppose I’m going to have to track him down. The night is still somewhat early as I pull the phone from my pocket. The raid has finished, and I find myself at a loss. I sit on a bench on a random street, having just fed. I type out the message:

“Would love to have that chat if you’re free to meet.” Maybe if I’m a little more forceful he’ll come out of hiding.


<Axel Rosen> The phone goes off in the dim lit room of the West apartment and he slowly turns his head in the direction of the device. On the ground before him is what used to be a human, can't really call it a corpse anymore. It's got too much flesh missing, to many of its organs pulled out and devoured. His whole body is covered in blood, but at least his eyes are that bright blue again. He moves to grab the phone. The blood smears the luminescent screen as he flicks his thumb over it. His eyes read the text and he thinks for a moment. A chat would be nice, he supposes, the last 'meeting' with his sire left him rather disappointed. Some one so strong, submitting himself to beating after beating for sport. At first it was inspiring until it just got sad.

The blood moves around some more. "Of course... allow me to better prepare myself." He doesn't go into details, leaves that to speculation as to what he means. "Where?"


<Jesse Fforde> The question comes: Where? I glance around. That's the thing about being vampire. The usual spots don't occur. No point going to a nice quiet pub somewhere if neither of us are going to drink. I shrug my shoulders and reply: "True Love." I figure, why not? It's been a while since I've been there. As soon as the text is sent I stand and stretch my arms over my head. I grab the helmet from the seat beside me. The leather of my pants squeaks as I walk, the heavy thud of boots on the pavement alerting others to my movement. Most people veer right around me. That's fine with me. I pull the helmet over my head when I find the bike, throw a leg over, and slam the ignition.


<Axel Rosen> True Love.. the place he wakes up every evening; however, it's not as much as a nightmare that it used to be. It's quiet now and hes gotten rather used to it. It just sort of happens, and most of the time he's summoned back anyway. Axel looks around the room, strips down and looks at the maggots squirm beneath his skin. They wiggle and move then rest some more. He shrugs his shoulders and then makes his way to the bedroom. Darker in here, but he can find clothes. Black, black and more black. Finally making it there, the door opens and he sits down in the chair that he wakes up in.


<Jesse Fforde> It doesn't take too long for Jesse to make it back to his old parlour. He still has the keys to the back door, through which he walks. He flicks the lights--they come to life, surprisingly enough. Dust covers all the surfaces; it's kind of sad, but I know that I've moved on. This is a past that I have let go of. And that's fine. Axel's already there. I shed the leather jacket and leave it hanging over a chair. Underneath I'm wearing an old band t-shirt. I walk around Axel, pulling up a stool. I give a nod. "Axel," I say in greeting. "No shock cages tonight?"


<Axel Rosen> "No. Don't know why someone would just throw one of those things in the sewers." He shrugs his shoulders a little bit but looks at his sire, a bit more receptive to conversation at the moment. Leaning off the chair he cracks his neck and then frowns. "I do apologize for not being able to make it the other night." It's an honest statement. Since then he's talked to Paige and tried to get a hold of Ursa. She's always so busy. As for Renee he's in constant communication with her.


<Jesse Fforde> I cross my arms over my chest, eyes hard as I watch Axel and listen to his explanations. I give a nod. "That's part of the reason I wanted to talk to you," I say after a brief silence. "The only people who showed up to that meeting were your three. The way they were talking - just wanted to let you know they're feeling a bit neglected," I say. There is no judgment in my tone. Just smooth statement, perhaps with a hint of enquiry.


<Axel Rosen> The fact that anyone in that group would feel neglected is remarkable to him, though given the way that Ursula complains, it wouldn't surprise him if she were the major part in this. He keeps this thought to himself but takes the moment to think about Renee. "Renee has been having issues with this voice in her head. Or voices. I fear they've gotten worse. I speak with her daily. Not sure how it goes with her, she tells me nothing more than that she has voices." His shoulders heave. "I do need to make more time to hunt with Paige."


<Jesse Fforde> I nod again. I sigh as I glance toward the floor; as my gaze slides to the front window, before returning to Axel. "I'm not the best sire myself. I know that much. I've been going through some heavy **** and I was a bit preoccupied. I have no ******* clue where the rest of them are. I messaged Abigail a few times, but she's being... evasive. The others I haven't seen in months. I half think it's because I didn't take the time to look for them, to make sure everything was okay. Just wanted to chat to you, to let you know. So the same thing doesn't happen to you. Mistakes don't have to repeat themselves," I say.


<Axel Rosen> The statement almost stuns the male at a part of him he might recognize as his 'core'. This creates a look on his face that he can't even dismiss and is probably easy to read. "I haven't seen Abigail in a while. I can't even sense any of them anymore." He frowns, because he has tried. His hands go into his pockets. "I understand..." He nods his head and then takes a breath. He needs to be more aggressive when it comes tos peaking to his childer.


<Jesse Fforde> "Good," I say, canting my head to the side a little as I watch Axel. Is he being agreeable just for the sake of being agreeable? Will he actually follow through? I have to assume that he will. I have to have that kind of faith. In the mean time, I'll be sure to keep in contact with the three women myself, just to be sure. There are other things I could talk to Axel about, too, but it's not my place. I clear my throat. "How's everything else?" I ask. This is as good an opportunity as any to check in. I'm striving to be better in all aspects of my life - maybe if I strive to be positive, the yawning, suicidal darkness might **** off.


<Axel Rosen> Everything else. That's a rather broad discussion topic, and he's not sure what to say. Where to start, is probably the best. His fingers dig into his leg, not drawing blood, but messing with it. He frowns and then has to ask, "Where would you like me to start?" He would ask the same thing, but Jesse did ask first.


<Jesse Fforde> My brows furrow into a frown. It sounds as if Axel has quite a few things on his mind. I haven't bothered asking because I assume he'd go to Phoenix for help these days. A state of affairs that I have learned to come to terms with. But I am concerned. I give a shrug. "I've got all night. Start where you want," I say.


<Axel Rosen> The idea that he would got exclusively to Nix about things isn't even something he's thought of. "Where to start is hard because most of it is personal distaste." Another shrug rolls from his shoulders. The list of things is rather long, but still they're little things that serve no importance.


<Jesse Fforde> Personal distaste. Nothing else, no clues. My jaw tightens, and my fingers flex even though my arms are still crossed over my chest. I take an unneeded breath, and release it. "I'm the last person who's gonna push you to talk about your problems," I say. I can't. I'd be a hypocrit, if I did that. The amount of people I pissed off because I refused to tell them what was wrong? "I'm not forcing you. Just showing an interest, is all."

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

<Axel Rosen> "I understand, just some people irritate me. And it's little things that keep building up." He frowns and then continues to speak as much as he hates doing that. It's not that he's mute like his sire once was, but rather that he hates speaking. "For instance, the lack of bloodshed. It bugs me." Another pause. "Some people in Ty bug me, but I keep quiet because it's better for group cohesion."


<Jesse Fforde> "So go cause some bloodshed of your own," I say with a shrug. There was that thread on the Ty Crownet - I didn't like what Axel had written. It was disrespectful. "I have this habit of starting fires," I say. It's my way of trying to satisfy that chaos within. It helps, to a small extent. "Velveteen's doing her best. I know I wouldn't like to be in her shoes," I say, almost daring him to argue with me.


<Axel Rosen> "It's not a matter of being in someone's shoes if things were more open, but that's not for me to say." He shrugs. "I just follow." Other things in Ty irritate him, such as policy at the moment, which he assumes is due to things with Crow or some ****. He breathes out and then thinks for a moment. "It's really not my place, just irritable."
<Jesse Fforde> I give another shrug. "If it's not something you agree with anymore, then leave," I say. Again, without judgment or disappointment, just vague interest and curiosity as to how Axel might react. "Any other reason why you're irritable or just...people?" I ask. Is there some underlying factor?


<Axel Rosen> "I won't leave. I'll just suck it up and hope things get better in my case." He means better for him specifically. It might be a long wait, but hey, **** happens right. He takes a moment and then leans his head back, falling into the chair. He's starting to feel like he's at another therapist. The leather feels like home in a way. "Just people and situations. Little things that are piling up and making for a weight on the flood gates."


<Jesse Fforde> I'm sure there's some kind of fire in my eyes as Axel responds and leans back, as if it's all fine and dandy. I roll my shoulders, straightening just a little. "So long as those flood gates don't burst during a hunt. Or something more important," I say, tone hard even if the voice is still husky. "Ever think your disinterest is starting to show? That it's affecting others?" I ask, still highly inquisitive.


<Axel Rosen> "It's not disinterest." He says flatly. "Still just as interested as I once was, just some little things irritate me. Such as chatter in hunt conferences." He lists off another thing that bugs him. He knows its impossible to stop all the chatter, but to bring it to a minimum would be nice. "And if it affects others they shouldn't allow it to. It's just my personal feelings."


<Jesse Fforde> I nod. I'm good at keeping quiet, and there are still some things that I could say, but I won't. Chatter in conferences irritates a lot of people, not just Axel. "So long as you're respectful. Velveteen and Micah work too ******* hard and deal with so much ****, they don't deserve disrespect on top," I say.


<Axel Rosen> "The only disrespect that I have given Vel was when the whole Nix thing originated." He states, because that's the only time he feels he's disrespected her. He was rude, brash, and apologized. He stepped out of line and he knows it. "I agree that that they deserve respect."


<Jesse Fforde> "Good," I say. I'm still watching Axel closely, gaze barely shifting from his progeny's face. "How's Phoenix?" I ask, shifting the topic of conversation. Last I talked to her she was pretty torn up about Juliet. Though when she left me she was smiling, I don't believe that our conversation in any way cured her misery.


<Axel Rosen> "She's in hiding at the moment. I think I'm the only one 'allowed' to visit." He shrugs and then looks to his sire, leaning up on his elbows. She's torn up about a few things but it's not really his place to talk about her issues. What is said to him in private is meant to stay in private, like any good relationship, a lesson he hopes that another vampire has learned. His head rolls, bones popping. "Supposed to go there later. Apparently. I'm watching a marathon of Disney movies. I'll pretend to enjoy it, for her benefit."


<Jesse Fforde> "Have fun with that," I say with a smirk to my lips. "She asked me why I seemed to have a problem with her being in a relationship. I had to explain it to her. I'm going to explain it to you, too. I don't know how much she tells you. You're the only one of my progeny still around and you went off to be with her. At the time I was pissed because of how she'd treated me. It's fine now, we've talked about it. I wasn't in my right mind at the last fight night and two people who I probably hoped would care were too busy canoodling with each other. I'm fine now. I've talked to Micah, and Velveteen. I just need you to know that I really don't give a **** that you're with her, now," I tell him.


<Axel Rosen> While the statement that he doesn't care that Axel and Nix are together is nice, it is the way the statement comes out that makes Axel a bit wary about what has been said. The profanity isn't entirely necessary. His mouth opens a bit and he looks into Jesse's eyes. "If I had known why you were being so self-destructive I would have come and helped you up after each fight. Wanted to have a go with you myself, but you were already pretty fucked up."


<Jesse Fforde> "I don't go around tellin' people I'm feeling slightly suicidal, let alone why. It would have been pretty fuckin' idiotic if I'd got myself so messed up for no reason," I say. For a writer, I thought Axel might be a little more observant. I guess not. I give a shrug, though. "Doesn't matter. I wouldn't have let you help me, regardless. You can have a go with me next time," I say, a promise to my tone.


<Axel Rosen> "I've had a few 'suicidal' moments for 'no reason'. My first skirmish with Madison. I could have easily told the faction that I'd been hit instead of going live with her." He states, "But something in me kept me going until she ran off." He shrugs his shoulder. He's unsure of if he got any hits in or not, just knows that he was fucked up. "Next time." He says this though he's unsure about the way of things are looking.


<Jesse Fforde> Now curious, I roll the new information around in my head. "Any reason why you were feeling suicidal?" I ask. Maybe it's not just me. Maybe it's a thing. Some kind of disease that maybe I've passed on. Maybe there's a cure for it. Maybe if we findout more... but I don't let my head get away with itself. Maybe Axel was just morose. Maybe I'm just insane, regardless of whether or not Velveteen reckons I'm not.


<Axel Rosen> "Just... despite my knowledge and warnings that she's far more powerful a vampire. I refused to back down. Not really a suicidal urge, so much as... a mix of rage and pride." He shrugs his shoulders and then leans his head back again, the chair is nice. "Even if it meant death, I wanted to keep going."


<Jesse Fforde> I give a grunt. There was no pride in it for me. I wanted Micah to rip my head off because I thought I deserved it. At the same time, I wanted it. When I sleep, I drift into the Shadow Realm and it scares the **** out of me not because of where I am, but because the further I sink into the mire, the more I want to stay. Even in that burning building I wanted to stay in the middle of the inferno and let the heat eat me up. "Well. I'd prefer you didn't go getting yourself killed," I say.


<Axel Rosen> "I realize that after. I realize that people care about me and that it's best I not die.. but in combat... I lose myself." He's not sure if the statements are being given in the correct manner or order. Or if they're given in the right tone. Axel hopes that Jesse understands what he's getting at and isn't really mad or anything. It's not something he can help..


<Jesse Fforde> I nod. I don't judge. It's a pride thing. If you lose oneself, there's not much that can be done. I know it well. Except I don't do it in battle. I do it in ordinary, every day interactions. I act without speaking and it backfires enormously. That's just a personality thing, I suppose. "Then don't do it alone," I say. "Make sure you have backup," I say. And then I smirk. "Or just make sure you're always better than the other guy so death isn't a possibility," I say.

There are reasons why he does it alone, reasons why he doesn't bring 'backup', and a reason he doesn't make sure he has the upper hand. If he were to be completely honest, he doesn't exactly like attacking people in their sleep for their violations, but those people would hardly agree to come out and face him one on one anyway, or any member of Tytonidae for that matter. That is the only reason he attacks them in their sleep. Were it not for the justice that comes along with the act, he would say that it has no honor; however, in the name of justice and protection of vampire kind there is a difference. He brings a breath into his lungs and then can feel the critter in his lungs moving around, chewing at the alveoli that transfer, or would rather, the oxygen to his lungs. It moves it's legs and if it weren't for being used to it, the movement would tickle. Brushing it off, he still doesn’t know what to say to his sire. Axel doesn’t think the male would understand, though at one point he thought he would. This almost makes him upset, but he allows it to pass.

If Axel were to die in bed or at True Love he would be utterly pissed off in that place that everyone talks about. The fact would be that he died without anyway to defend himself. It’s something that he would extend to anyone else if they asked. If it were, ‘come out and fight or we’ll hunt you’. He’d prefer fight and hopefully come out of it alive. Though how does he convey this message in a way that doesn’t seem suicidal. Perhaps he could just say his piece and not be judged for it, or otherwise lashed out at about it. There were things said the last of the two of them had met that had scared him on a deeper emotional level than he’s really willing to allow his sire to see at the moment. The fact that he didn’t want to speak at him, regardless of the circumstance. He knows there are things that he has done that seem as if he hadn’t cared about Jesse at that point, but he’s glad that now Jesse see’s the change in Nix and has spoken to her himself.

Regardless of how much ‘change’ there is, he’s sure that Jesse still doesn’t trust Nix. It’s clear in the hostility in the way he says he doesn’t ‘care’ that Axel sees her. It’s clear in the way that he acts when the subject is changed to her. The male is almost sure that if he were to keep up a conversation about his Grandsire, that it would quickly and exponentially degenerate into yelling and squabbling over things that have since past. Only a few seconds have passed since he gave him the advice about how to handle battles with others. He still doesn’t have an answer that suffices to himself and would go without an argument, he thinks, so he opens his mouth and finally speaks. “I will keep that in mind.” Though if he were to think about back-up, it would likely be Nix.

I don’t take my eyes from Axel. Though he doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, it’s as if I can see the cogs turning in his brain; I’ve never known Axel to be overly conversational, and that’s always suited me just fine. Words are flimsy things. They are changeable. They are meaningless, without the action to back them up. I have to remember this before I judge Axel too harshly; the conversation thus far has not gone as I had expected it to, though I wonder why I should have expected any different.

I try to remember every other interaction that I have had with the male in front of me. Even after I turned him, without rhyme or reason, without warning, he had not reacted as I thought he might. In fact, I’m not sure I have ever seen Axel react to anything, and I begin to wonder whether he really does feel much. I suppose that would explain the ways he has acted; that would explain how he could go to Phoenix, could sleep with her, after the way Phoenix had treated me. I was furious, then. I am not so furious now.

There are things that I cannot chance. Things that I should have done but which I didn’t. Perhaps Phoenix had managed to persuade Axel, so that he now finds me wanting. In my current state of mind, it doesn’t seem like too far a stretch. The conclusion I finally come to, after Axel’s very short and agreeable answer to my concerns, is not that Axel is an unfeeling man. The conclusion I come to is that Axel never did like me. Never did really respect me. That he has found someone who he can respect; and that’s probably what has happened to Felicity, to Abigail, to Ishaq. Angelique, even, though I have not seen or heard from her since the night of her turning. Maybe instinctually she knew there was no point in even trying to continue to live, and so crawled off into some corner to die properly.

Maybe that’s what I should do. Find some corner within which to die properly. Then Axel would be free of having to pretend.

There was something Phoenix had said, when I talked to her. Something that caught me off guard. As if she does not wish me to go to the Shadow Realm; to die a permanent death. I believe now that she can’t have meant it. None of them could really mean it, could they?

It’s only after half a minute of silence that I realise I have descended into a dredge of unhappiness; a foreign feeling of depression and self-loathing. I growl, the sound a harsh rumble of air in my throat, before roughly ruffling the hair at the back of my head.

”Good. You command respect from your progeny, or you did. It’s something you shouldn’t lose, if you can help it. Take it from someone who knows,” I stand, I pace toward the door, though I do not yet leave, as much as I might want to. I am furious at myself and the way that I feel; I am furious at the way Axel’s lack of emotion pains me. I am furious that I care so much, and that it’s a vicious cycle that I can’t get out of. I’m trapped on tumble dry in a circle of hell, and I refuse to ask for help.