I ran out of reasons...
Posted: 28 Jan 2014, 06:35
Karema sat by the river watching the sun set. She took another swig of the vodka she held in her hand. It was over. Twenty five years of living and nothing to show for it. She lit the joint and inhaled deeply savoring the feel of the drug working its way to her brain. “One ******* trick was all I needed.” She said to no one in particular. She continued to smoke and drink as she examined her life.
Life had been good for the girl growing up until her father cheated on her mother. Her father left them for the typical younger woman. Her mother began drinking to ease the pain and began to sleep around. Man after man was paraded through their home. Most were only seen once but some would come back. She didn’t mind so much because at least her mother acted like a mother for the man’s benefit. She cooked and cleaned and paid attention to how school was going. It was just liking having a family again just a new dad quite often.
Then came Mark. Mark was the last man her mother brought home. Surprising her mother stayed with this man much longer than the rest and actually let him move in. Karema had always given him a wide berth. Something about him just wasn’t right. Rarely did she caught with him by herself she felt so strongly about him.
Karema’s mother had worked late that night so she fixed dinner for the two of them. They had a pleasant enough time. After dinner he helped her with her homework. He went in to watch television as she took a shower and got ready for bed. She heard the bathroom door open and figured her mother was home. Calling a greeting out, she stuck her head under the water. Her eyes closed as the conditioner rinsed from her hair. She heard the curtain open expecting to hear her mother’s voice but was surprised as a pair of hands touched her breasts. She screamed, looking to see who it was and saw Mark. She pushed him and told him to get out of the shower and stay away from her. She threatened to tell her mother and he would be kicked out. She did everything she could think of. He grabbed her kissed her, her arms pinned to her side as he forced his tongue into her mouth. She bit him and drew blood. His screamed echoed in the small bathroom. The last thing she remembered was waking up on the tub floor.
Climbing out of the tub she dried off and got dressed, checking to see if the worst had happened to her. She breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t sure what had stopped him but she was thankful. She looked into the mirror to comb her hair and dropped the brush. Her eye was blackening, a bruise on her jaw and her lip busted and swollen. “Damn he ******* beat me up!” she whispered. She couldn’t wait to watch her mother kick him out. She tied the knot of her robe, her body aching from the fall she walked to the living room.
The scene that greeted her was not what she had expected. Her mother and Mark snuggled together kissing, drinking wine. “Mom I need to talk to you.” The couple turned looking at her. No surprise at her appearance showed on her mother’s face at all.
“Yes, I need to talk to you as well. Sit down.”
Karema sat in the chair confused as her mother began to speak. “Look you need to leave. I will not tolerate you coming on to my boyfriend. I was stunned when I saw him fighting to get away from you. This is unacceptable. You will miss school tomorrow and pack your things. You can go live with your father. “
Karema sat there stunned. “Mom he attacked him. I mean didn’t you notice he was naked or the fact that my face is all bruised.” She began to sob. “Tomorrow is my birthday. You can’t do this to me mom!”
“Go to bed Kar. I still love you but its best you not be here.”
The wounded girl went to her room and called her father and told him what had happened. He listened to her and was angry and tried to comfort her. The night turned even worse when her father said she couldn’t live with him. His new wife wouldn’t allow it. He was sorry. He didn’t have an ideas for her but was sure her mother would change. Karema went to bed and began to plan. She had money saved and there was some of her jewelry she could pawn. She’d steal some her mother’s. She deserved it.
The next morning dawned bright. She lay there with her eyes closed deciding to ask for some time. When she sat up there were already boxes in her room. She went to the kitchen to make her last breakfast. She looked on the table and there was several presents on the table. Karema snorted as she walked to the table. Finding a card with a note she read aloud, “Honey I know this is hard but it will be for the best in the long run. I still love you and you are always welcome here to visit anytime. I hope you like the gifts. Don’t be a stranger. Love, Mom”. She ripped the card up screaming. “What the ****? Seriously? Kick me out and treat me like a beloved daughter, oh hell no.”
Going to her room she packed the important things. She tried to keep the boxes to a minimum since she didn’t know where she would be living. “Oh hell where am I going to live?” Kar went and opened her gifts to see if there was anything worth pawning. Standing there in shock she looked at the top and pair of jeans and Chuck Taylors and a car key. They said it wasn’t much but it was hers but she would pay for the insurance. Well now she had a home.
The boxes all loaded in the car, at least it was a jeep. She grabbed the afghan her grandmother made and took all the food she could that didn’t need cooking or could be microwaved at a convenience store. Karema took one last look and walk out of the door. Knowing it would be the last time. She drove to school showing up late and took the punishment for skipping class. She determined she would get her education. She was determined to get her diploma and stay out of foster care.
Karema quickly found her stride living in her car, where to shower, how to eat. Staying in the college library because it closed later than the public library. She found a job that would pay for gas. Her cell was prepaid for the next year. She convinced her dad to buy her plates and insurance. He said it was the least he could do. He would put money into her account from time to time. It was hard but she was making it.
As time went by she got good at being a street rat. Only the closest people knew that she lived in her car sometimes. She was always clean, her clothes neat and she always had a smile on her face. There were times she could get enough money to keep an apartment for a while but during those times it was either feast or famine. She was ashamed that she had to stoop to it prostitution at times but if a man was willing to pay her a $100 to do things, she’d take advantage. Sometimes life didn’t give you choices you just had to take what was handed to you. She was cautious, got herself checked every week and was selective. It had surprised her how many men just wanted to talk to her and be held. Their wives ignored them and they just wanted someone to listen, to cry with. She dreamed of the day she could get a better job, get a college degree or find a husband and not have to struggle so hard.
The one luxury that Kar allowed herself was The Pentacle Teahouse. She had gone in during their grand opening and it reminded her of something her grandmother would have loved. Somehow there she felt almost civilized and she adored the teas they sold. She would allow herself a cup of hot tea once a week. If it was a good week she would get two. Sometimes when she was desperate and had nothing and needed something to warm her she would ask to do some task to pay the debt. Sometimes she mopped the floor. Other times she would wash dishes. She always noticed a beautiful young woman who looked important noticing her but she would never say a word. Just nod and move on. Other times someone would hand her some food because they said she did more work than the cost of the tea. Thinking back, this shop had saved her from giving up numerous times.
But now was different. The car and broken down and there was no money for repairs. She had missed work when she got sick and was too sick to work and lost her job. The tricks didn’t want her being sick and the one last man who said it didn’t matter never showed up. She had been evicted from her apartment. It was winter and a broken car was no place to live. She couldn’t start over again. It was time to just give up.
Karema finished the joint and pulled out a pad of paper and began to write.
“To whoever owns The Pentacle Teahouse I will forever be grateful for you kindnesses towards me. You were the bright spot in my life and gave me courage to keep living.”
The paper was folded neatly as she began to write again.
“Whoever finds this…..Life’s a ***** and she ate me.”
She pulled out the pills she had stolen from the woman’s cart. Karema had overheard the woman talking to the pharmacist and knew enough to know they would kill her. Just to be sure she bought a bottle of Tylenol. There was no way she was going to wake up from this nightmare. She emptied the bottle on her lap and picked up handful of pills, chasing them down with the vodka that was also stolen. It continued until her lap was empty. “Well that’s that.” She sighed. Now just wait until it happened. For a brief moment she thought she had made a mistake and then looked around her and realized she truly had nothing. She laid down on the bench pulling the blanket up around her. It didn’t take long before a drowsiness began to pull at her. The weather was cold and snowing and the booze and drugs in her system were doing what she wanted.
The distraught woman laid there, tears began to flow wondering why she couldn’t have had a dream life, or at the very least parents who cared. She kept her eyes open for as long as she could, watching the lights as they came on as the sky darkened. She mourned her lost family, she mourned the family she would never have. She mourned her life. “God forgive me for what I’ve done. If you want me alive you’re going to have to provide a miracle.”
It wasn’t much long before she began to lose consciousness. Her eyes fluttered, fighting to stay awake, she saw turned to see someone walking to sit down but she couldn’t move had she wanted too. Her last thoughts were wanting to say to whoever it was walking to her bench.
Life had been good for the girl growing up until her father cheated on her mother. Her father left them for the typical younger woman. Her mother began drinking to ease the pain and began to sleep around. Man after man was paraded through their home. Most were only seen once but some would come back. She didn’t mind so much because at least her mother acted like a mother for the man’s benefit. She cooked and cleaned and paid attention to how school was going. It was just liking having a family again just a new dad quite often.
Then came Mark. Mark was the last man her mother brought home. Surprising her mother stayed with this man much longer than the rest and actually let him move in. Karema had always given him a wide berth. Something about him just wasn’t right. Rarely did she caught with him by herself she felt so strongly about him.
Karema’s mother had worked late that night so she fixed dinner for the two of them. They had a pleasant enough time. After dinner he helped her with her homework. He went in to watch television as she took a shower and got ready for bed. She heard the bathroom door open and figured her mother was home. Calling a greeting out, she stuck her head under the water. Her eyes closed as the conditioner rinsed from her hair. She heard the curtain open expecting to hear her mother’s voice but was surprised as a pair of hands touched her breasts. She screamed, looking to see who it was and saw Mark. She pushed him and told him to get out of the shower and stay away from her. She threatened to tell her mother and he would be kicked out. She did everything she could think of. He grabbed her kissed her, her arms pinned to her side as he forced his tongue into her mouth. She bit him and drew blood. His screamed echoed in the small bathroom. The last thing she remembered was waking up on the tub floor.
Climbing out of the tub she dried off and got dressed, checking to see if the worst had happened to her. She breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t sure what had stopped him but she was thankful. She looked into the mirror to comb her hair and dropped the brush. Her eye was blackening, a bruise on her jaw and her lip busted and swollen. “Damn he ******* beat me up!” she whispered. She couldn’t wait to watch her mother kick him out. She tied the knot of her robe, her body aching from the fall she walked to the living room.
The scene that greeted her was not what she had expected. Her mother and Mark snuggled together kissing, drinking wine. “Mom I need to talk to you.” The couple turned looking at her. No surprise at her appearance showed on her mother’s face at all.
“Yes, I need to talk to you as well. Sit down.”
Karema sat in the chair confused as her mother began to speak. “Look you need to leave. I will not tolerate you coming on to my boyfriend. I was stunned when I saw him fighting to get away from you. This is unacceptable. You will miss school tomorrow and pack your things. You can go live with your father. “
Karema sat there stunned. “Mom he attacked him. I mean didn’t you notice he was naked or the fact that my face is all bruised.” She began to sob. “Tomorrow is my birthday. You can’t do this to me mom!”
“Go to bed Kar. I still love you but its best you not be here.”
The wounded girl went to her room and called her father and told him what had happened. He listened to her and was angry and tried to comfort her. The night turned even worse when her father said she couldn’t live with him. His new wife wouldn’t allow it. He was sorry. He didn’t have an ideas for her but was sure her mother would change. Karema went to bed and began to plan. She had money saved and there was some of her jewelry she could pawn. She’d steal some her mother’s. She deserved it.
The next morning dawned bright. She lay there with her eyes closed deciding to ask for some time. When she sat up there were already boxes in her room. She went to the kitchen to make her last breakfast. She looked on the table and there was several presents on the table. Karema snorted as she walked to the table. Finding a card with a note she read aloud, “Honey I know this is hard but it will be for the best in the long run. I still love you and you are always welcome here to visit anytime. I hope you like the gifts. Don’t be a stranger. Love, Mom”. She ripped the card up screaming. “What the ****? Seriously? Kick me out and treat me like a beloved daughter, oh hell no.”
Going to her room she packed the important things. She tried to keep the boxes to a minimum since she didn’t know where she would be living. “Oh hell where am I going to live?” Kar went and opened her gifts to see if there was anything worth pawning. Standing there in shock she looked at the top and pair of jeans and Chuck Taylors and a car key. They said it wasn’t much but it was hers but she would pay for the insurance. Well now she had a home.
The boxes all loaded in the car, at least it was a jeep. She grabbed the afghan her grandmother made and took all the food she could that didn’t need cooking or could be microwaved at a convenience store. Karema took one last look and walk out of the door. Knowing it would be the last time. She drove to school showing up late and took the punishment for skipping class. She determined she would get her education. She was determined to get her diploma and stay out of foster care.
Karema quickly found her stride living in her car, where to shower, how to eat. Staying in the college library because it closed later than the public library. She found a job that would pay for gas. Her cell was prepaid for the next year. She convinced her dad to buy her plates and insurance. He said it was the least he could do. He would put money into her account from time to time. It was hard but she was making it.
As time went by she got good at being a street rat. Only the closest people knew that she lived in her car sometimes. She was always clean, her clothes neat and she always had a smile on her face. There were times she could get enough money to keep an apartment for a while but during those times it was either feast or famine. She was ashamed that she had to stoop to it prostitution at times but if a man was willing to pay her a $100 to do things, she’d take advantage. Sometimes life didn’t give you choices you just had to take what was handed to you. She was cautious, got herself checked every week and was selective. It had surprised her how many men just wanted to talk to her and be held. Their wives ignored them and they just wanted someone to listen, to cry with. She dreamed of the day she could get a better job, get a college degree or find a husband and not have to struggle so hard.
The one luxury that Kar allowed herself was The Pentacle Teahouse. She had gone in during their grand opening and it reminded her of something her grandmother would have loved. Somehow there she felt almost civilized and she adored the teas they sold. She would allow herself a cup of hot tea once a week. If it was a good week she would get two. Sometimes when she was desperate and had nothing and needed something to warm her she would ask to do some task to pay the debt. Sometimes she mopped the floor. Other times she would wash dishes. She always noticed a beautiful young woman who looked important noticing her but she would never say a word. Just nod and move on. Other times someone would hand her some food because they said she did more work than the cost of the tea. Thinking back, this shop had saved her from giving up numerous times.
But now was different. The car and broken down and there was no money for repairs. She had missed work when she got sick and was too sick to work and lost her job. The tricks didn’t want her being sick and the one last man who said it didn’t matter never showed up. She had been evicted from her apartment. It was winter and a broken car was no place to live. She couldn’t start over again. It was time to just give up.
Karema finished the joint and pulled out a pad of paper and began to write.
“To whoever owns The Pentacle Teahouse I will forever be grateful for you kindnesses towards me. You were the bright spot in my life and gave me courage to keep living.”
The paper was folded neatly as she began to write again.
“Whoever finds this…..Life’s a ***** and she ate me.”
She pulled out the pills she had stolen from the woman’s cart. Karema had overheard the woman talking to the pharmacist and knew enough to know they would kill her. Just to be sure she bought a bottle of Tylenol. There was no way she was going to wake up from this nightmare. She emptied the bottle on her lap and picked up handful of pills, chasing them down with the vodka that was also stolen. It continued until her lap was empty. “Well that’s that.” She sighed. Now just wait until it happened. For a brief moment she thought she had made a mistake and then looked around her and realized she truly had nothing. She laid down on the bench pulling the blanket up around her. It didn’t take long before a drowsiness began to pull at her. The weather was cold and snowing and the booze and drugs in her system were doing what she wanted.
The distraught woman laid there, tears began to flow wondering why she couldn’t have had a dream life, or at the very least parents who cared. She kept her eyes open for as long as she could, watching the lights as they came on as the sky darkened. She mourned her lost family, she mourned the family she would never have. She mourned her life. “God forgive me for what I’ve done. If you want me alive you’re going to have to provide a miracle.”
It wasn’t much long before she began to lose consciousness. Her eyes fluttered, fighting to stay awake, she saw turned to see someone walking to sit down but she couldn’t move had she wanted too. Her last thoughts were wanting to say to whoever it was walking to her bench.