What's left behind. (Concerned Relative RP)
Posted: 28 Aug 2013, 00:27
August 23rd, 2012 – Connecticut
Nyla’s perspective
The sound of her door slamming gave her less satisfaction than she’d expected it would. It was tempting to open her door again just to see if she could slam it harder, but she was sure that would reach the “overkill” point. She was twenty one years old, still living at home and still feeling absolutely suffocated by her parents.
When she’d been younger, she’d made the days go by quicker by reminding herself that once she was done with high school she could go out on her own and make her own path. Yet, here she was. She’d wanted to go off to school, get her own place and just be her own person. That wasn’t something in the cards for her, not if her parents had it their way. She was a “lady”, and should act accordingly. She was meant to marry someone who would do all the work while she was a perfect little wife. It was barbaric.
Barbaric or not, she hadn’t yet been able to find the willpower to really stand up to them. How could she expect to make it in the real world if she couldn’t even do that? She couldn’t afford to go to school without her parent’s help, not without burying herself in loans. If she’d been surer of herself, she might have taken the plunge, but how could she be sure when she wasn’t even ready to stand up for what she wanted?
So instead, when she worked up the nerve, she’d ask oh so politely at the dinner table. “Maybe I could just take a couple of classes…” The question, as with every similar question she asked, was met with complete silence followed by the sounds of glasses being set almost harshly down. The lecture she’d receive afterwards about how going to class, or doing whatever it was she’d asked for, was not a part of her duties and that she should be happy with what she had. They would go on and on about how well she was cared for and it was always ended by letting her know in no uncertain terms that they would not support her through the endeavor. It was ridiculous.
Most parents would be overjoyed that their child wanted to better themselves; that their child was practically down on their knees begging. What she wouldn’t give to switch lives with someone who didn’t want to go to college, who would be over the moon with having their parents happily force them in to a life where they didn’t have to do a single thing. She wanted so much more for her life, how could she ever be happy in the life her parents had mapped out for her?
She couldn’t sit still. She felt like she was drowning and unable to breathe as she paced her room back and forth. She felt like a caged animal, dying to experience the freedom she knew was just beyond her reach, if she could only figure out how to get past the bars. If she could only get an opening, she’d be gone.
Her entire life was a series of cycles. Most of the time she did her best to hide her inner most hopes and dreams. She pretended they didn’t exist, pretended it didn’t hurt that her parents wanted nothing more from her than what she was. She’d keep pretending and blocking out the voice in her head that screamed at her that she wanted to be more until she couldn’t do it anymore. Then, she’d get up the nerve to put her heart out there for them to slice and dice all over again. This led to where she was right now, pacing the room like an exotic animal at a zoo who was sick of being their little house cat; who wanted to roam the jungle and be what she was meant to be.
The next step was just as predictable as all the rest. Nyla grabbed up the gym bag she kept stashed next to her door, then snatched up her car keys and cell phone. She’d go run her energy out in a false sense of freedom, then come back and do it all over again. That was the plan, anyway – the plan that had went smoothly many times before this. How was she to know that nothing was ever going to be the same again?
Nyla’s perspective
The sound of her door slamming gave her less satisfaction than she’d expected it would. It was tempting to open her door again just to see if she could slam it harder, but she was sure that would reach the “overkill” point. She was twenty one years old, still living at home and still feeling absolutely suffocated by her parents.
When she’d been younger, she’d made the days go by quicker by reminding herself that once she was done with high school she could go out on her own and make her own path. Yet, here she was. She’d wanted to go off to school, get her own place and just be her own person. That wasn’t something in the cards for her, not if her parents had it their way. She was a “lady”, and should act accordingly. She was meant to marry someone who would do all the work while she was a perfect little wife. It was barbaric.
Barbaric or not, she hadn’t yet been able to find the willpower to really stand up to them. How could she expect to make it in the real world if she couldn’t even do that? She couldn’t afford to go to school without her parent’s help, not without burying herself in loans. If she’d been surer of herself, she might have taken the plunge, but how could she be sure when she wasn’t even ready to stand up for what she wanted?
So instead, when she worked up the nerve, she’d ask oh so politely at the dinner table. “Maybe I could just take a couple of classes…” The question, as with every similar question she asked, was met with complete silence followed by the sounds of glasses being set almost harshly down. The lecture she’d receive afterwards about how going to class, or doing whatever it was she’d asked for, was not a part of her duties and that she should be happy with what she had. They would go on and on about how well she was cared for and it was always ended by letting her know in no uncertain terms that they would not support her through the endeavor. It was ridiculous.
Most parents would be overjoyed that their child wanted to better themselves; that their child was practically down on their knees begging. What she wouldn’t give to switch lives with someone who didn’t want to go to college, who would be over the moon with having their parents happily force them in to a life where they didn’t have to do a single thing. She wanted so much more for her life, how could she ever be happy in the life her parents had mapped out for her?
She couldn’t sit still. She felt like she was drowning and unable to breathe as she paced her room back and forth. She felt like a caged animal, dying to experience the freedom she knew was just beyond her reach, if she could only figure out how to get past the bars. If she could only get an opening, she’d be gone.
Her entire life was a series of cycles. Most of the time she did her best to hide her inner most hopes and dreams. She pretended they didn’t exist, pretended it didn’t hurt that her parents wanted nothing more from her than what she was. She’d keep pretending and blocking out the voice in her head that screamed at her that she wanted to be more until she couldn’t do it anymore. Then, she’d get up the nerve to put her heart out there for them to slice and dice all over again. This led to where she was right now, pacing the room like an exotic animal at a zoo who was sick of being their little house cat; who wanted to roam the jungle and be what she was meant to be.
The next step was just as predictable as all the rest. Nyla grabbed up the gym bag she kept stashed next to her door, then snatched up her car keys and cell phone. She’d go run her energy out in a false sense of freedom, then come back and do it all over again. That was the plan, anyway – the plan that had went smoothly many times before this. How was she to know that nothing was ever going to be the same again?