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In a spirial notebook found in a desk of the Argent manor Emily began writing down her emotional roller coaster of emotions.


So I died... again... that was fun! Not... OK so I was running to get out of the wetness. I wanted so much to get home and take a hot bath and spend time with my Simon. To write that now does not make me smile the way I smiled before when I thought of him. OK seriously? I don't remember what happened. There was a horn, I looked and the nothing.

I was in the ******* shadow realm! That did not stop me from fighting and clawing and trying every weakness I felt. I came home tonight. Opened my door, to the apartment that Simon bought for me as a friend right after I was kicked out of DC. I found my rings and a note.

“Dear Emily, you suck.” Well that is what I read into it. He had no problem screwing me and making me his in every way while I was still bound to the Wolf Rago. But! The moment, I was released and free to be his? Oh no everything changed. He was hurt and scarred from the entire thing. He still love me of course but I would have to show him just how much I was his.

Spent the next 3 days being his Sub Slut. I thought we were going to be OK. I thought. I went the next day to the hunting grounds and that is when I began to get wet. I hate being wet and cold. So I ran. I was going home to him. See in my heart and mind I was his as well. I was going to change my name to Emma Ward. No looking back, like he promised.

You said that three months ago you would have married me in a heartbeat. Now, you don’t know if you can because there is too much pain. I have a little reminder for you. You told your Sire I was your wife. You took me and put a ring on my hand and swore to love me forever. Well Simon, I'm not sure if forever came and went, but you lied. Everyone warned me about you. Not to even be friends because you would do to me what happened to your first wife.

Yeah I'm a whore but I was your whore remember? You You have my put a collar on me, pierced me in places only to be seen by you. Now here I am, alone in my old bedroom in the only place that will take me in because I burned my bridges everywhere else. New face does not mean new heart. Liam and my dog are the only 2 that didn't judge me when I came crying of a broken heart. See Liam is not really my Father but he is as close as I have. He is my mortal ancestor; my great-great-great-great grandfather or something like that he warned me. Grounded me and even died for me but I never listened. I could not stay away. Simon is a curse to me in so many ways because even now as I type this and I am so mad and yes this time I am hurt. I want so much to go home to him, but I put the ball in his court. What he will do is left to everyone to speculate.

I have heard already. He is going to replace me with a new trashy girl. One that fills him with the same sense of the forbidden. Will you fight for me Simon Ward? Will you feel my absence? In 10 Months I have destroyed my life and everything after for you. I guess it hurts knowing you will never read this and I bet you don't care. Even in your note that you left on my table you said you loved me so very much even now. You wanted me to fight for you but I wonder if you will fight for me? Or will that diamond be on someone else's hand next month?

I know some people are making bets. What are you going to do Simon? Are you going to make the city right? I can't think any more, I am so tired. Coming back to life is hard, finding out that what you thought you were coming back for was a lie? The hardest thing ever. I think I need a shower, my face and fingers are stained from my tears. It doesn't matter if this makes sense because it is only my ranting.

Am I Emma Ward or Emily Argent?

Wednesday February 2,2013


I went out last night. Since no one knows what I look like right now, I thought it would be a good experience. To be honest, walking around in the snow dressed like a hooker brought more attention than I wanted. I did run into a friend. We went back to his place. When I left and wanted so much to hit the 3 button and go home. But that's not home for me anymore and it hurt so much.

I kept dry eyes until I got home to the Manor. I decided to warm myself in a hot shower. For about an hour, I just sat in the floor of the shower stall and cried. I cried until I couldn't remember what I was crying for. After I was numb, I left the comfort of the hot water and crawled into bed. I held tight to one of my pillows until day light took me. How am I going to get through this?

I can't help but wonder if Simon would like my new face?

2-12-2013

Turns out I am Emily Argent and I seem to be a forgiving soul. Not really. In my heartbreak, I messaged Simon and let him know that we needed to talk. I even told him that I would leave the daggers out of the equation. Well, he showed up at Argent Manor but he did not come in. Instead I stepped out. I walked to the park with him in nothing but shorts a t-shirt and my coat.

We poured out hearts out to each other. I know the name of his fling. He knows that I was with someone else too. I just waited until we were broken up to do it. It's ok, I looked to him and said the 3 hardest words to say. “I forgive you.” I'm not stupid and I will not forget but I forgave him because in the end he is my soul mate.

He still has my rings and we are going to take everything very very slow. I think we are going to work out and if we don't? I'll just kill the him. Or we will fight to the death! Yeah yeah yeah, I know. I've heard it all. If he did it once to his first wife what made me think he was not going to me? I guess I thought I was different.

I warned him if we made it and he hurt me again I would kill him and who ever he was sleeping with. He smiled, kissed me and then I threw a snow ball at his head. Not the romantic ending you were thinking of. No not yet. The snowball fight was the most fun we had in months. After that we went to his place and played pictionary, using eyeliners and we drew on places the other couldn't see so we had to guess. He is better at guessing than I am but set for another date tonight.

I'm not holding my breath or anything but I think he will put out.

*Emily smiled to herself and drew a smiley face and then a heart before she closed the notebook.*

What day is it? I don't know. I do know that I've shrouded myself in darkness. Why? Because I'm stupid. Just a stupid, whorish girl that wanted to feel needed. Oh yes, Simon... you made me feel wanted and even needed for a very short time but I cried oh how I cried. My tears stung my eyes and you even promised that though you loved me, you were just too afraid to be with me. I'm going to call you on that one. I have heard that you have had more than one lover for months, even at Christmas. You didn't tell me you loved me on Christmas. Who were you with? What whore did you claim as your own?

No... I don't care. It doesn't matter because you would just lie to my face anyway. You Simon are a perfect lesson in pain. You are a incubus Simon. You entered through my dreams and seduced me. I fell so hard for you, I wanted to be yours and your only. Gabriel Simon Ward, I hope when you see me to realize you helped to create this demon. You, my childhood and my mortal blood. I will emerge from the darkness one night and when I do.... I will be known as succubus. There will be no room for love in my heart. I will be driven by that which you forged in me.


I will need only blood and the carnal desires of others.

I haven't looked at a calendar in a long time. I know it is warm out, even at night. I bring people close and talk to them before I drink from them. I guess it is my way of hearing another voice. I have no hate in my soul any longer. I have no anything I guess. I wish I had died the night Lady Drake tried to take me over. I have asked God to erase me but he doesn't answer the prayers of the damned.

Time has slowed to a crawl.