The Musings of Keara Aithne

[Keara Aithne]

15th February 2014

Full moon his trigger is. Almost certain of this now I am. When full moon in the sky doth hang, weakened he is. Wonder now do if my issue also linked to moon phases is. Need look at that I do. Research that later shall. Though that little sense does make, as affected on same day as him I am not. Hmm…perhaps more thought given to this must be.

Raid well does go. Only upon one trap this time have I stepped. Wonder I do for my progress in here. Miss My Love I do. Understand I do not why I in these things do stay when parted from him it me does keep. Thought to that I should perhaps also give.

[Keara Aithne]

16th February 2014

Raid over is! Stayed I did. Gift for Enver found I did also. Know I do that such things use he cannot yet in his crafting, as so advanced his skills as yet are not, but keep pipe he can for when ready he is for with such things to play. Little have I planned for this day. His side I do not plan to leave. Write this now I do from my bed. Quite content I am for here to stay till the sun does rise and set once more.

[Keara Aithne]

18th February 2014

Little happened has in nights that passed have. Enver and I content are I believe. Argued we have not. Though…worry I do for him me to leave again, as go he does soon to California. Plan I do for my time with him to pass. Feel I do not the call of the hunt today. Tired I am for my mind to have overworked. Though mind this My Enver likely does not, as means it does that more time with him spent I have of late.

~#~

Noticed have that scent altered has. Think this perhaps due is to less time in catacombs. Stench of death upon me no longer hangs. Wonder do if Enver this too has noticed. Likely not. His scent strong is. Smoke overpowering is. Prefer I do his true scent but say that I do not. Appreciate it more perhaps I do when smell it I can. Wonder do if that reason is why he his senses more does not use. Difficult can be for me too if near him I have been when smoking he is. Hmm…Strange. Considered that before now I had not.

~#~

Oh and more traps for the asylum wishes he does to buy. Said this he did after told him I did that Leyna here was. Issue with wraiths I think he has. Know not why. But true enough it is. Hope I do that Deanna these can avoid, if true to his word he is. Like I do not for her trapped to be. Suffered enough she did in accursed realm, even if shows it does not in her as it does in me.

[Keara Aithne]

19th February 2014

Stand I cannot for parted from him to be. Worries me this does. Love him too much perhaps I do. Scared I am for him here not to have. Perhaps worry I do that return he shall not. Perhaps love me he does not and that reason is for why leave me he shall. No. Even as pen that I do, know I do that that wrong is. Return he shall if in his power it is to do so. But…what if it not on his power is? What if hurt he is. Oh bare that thought I cannot. Worry I shall while away he is. Know I do that go he must. Obligations he has. Just as I into raids must go but still…in raids know he does where I am. Know I do not where he shall be. Or with whom. Silly I am being. Trust him I do. Love him I do. Repeat these I must. Sense to myself bring I must before drive him from me I do for so pathetic to be. Know I do not when simpering female of my birth era I became, but become her I have. Recognise myself I do not. Deanna right was; Ven ashamed of me would be.

[Keara Aithne]

20th February 2014

Enver left me has. Yes. Know I do that return he shall but feels that way it does not. Barely gone he has and feel I do as if in this world happy I shall never be. The darkness that me does comfort and nourish, no longer my friend is. Mocks me it does. My mind my own is not when gone he is. Emptiness I feel for with him not to be. Something perhaps wrong with me is for such things to feel. Normal this cannot be. Yes? Seems it does that love the greatest pain with it does bring. Wondering am if this is how balance maintained is? Love so strong an emotion is. Such euphoria only through agony offset can be. Perhaps.

[Keara Aithne]

21st February 2014

Did something awful today I did. Meant to I did not. Know I do not what wrong with me is. Take the life of an innocent I never do…Unless you Peter count and well…Enver that incident did bring about. Blame him in this I cannot. This my fault was. Calm usually I am, when hunt I do. Today…not so much. Blinded I was by rage. Thought that saw her I did and acted did rashly. Notice I did not that which seen I should have. Her walk different was. Her scent, hers was not. Still, took I did her life.

Of course. When realised I did, that mistake made I had. Rectified situation did as best I could. Turned her I did. Knew I did not her name even before mine she was. That unlike me is. Like I do my childer to know. Know nothing of her strengths I do. Her weaknesses. Know I do not why she my blood did deserve. Gifted her I did that which most precious is. Hope I do that wrong I was not for that to do.

~#~

Her name Charlotte is.

[Keara Aithne]

22nd February 2014

Found the vapid blonde I have. Hacked I did into businesses that Enver owns does for her details to obtain. Seems it does that in Italy she is. Go there I must. Caused me she did for the life of an innocent to take. Rectify this situation I must. Before go I do, need I do for Enver to inform. Know I do that this plan flawed is, anything happen could while away I am and yet…quiet I cannot the voice in my mind. Done this must be. To Italy I go.

[Keara Aithne]

25th February 2014

Away I went. Like I would for to say that Enver with me was but that untrue would be. Now that home I am, wonder I do how I the courage found for on board the aircraft to creep. Wonder I do why allowed I did myself my fears to ignore for this? Strange it seems that so driven I could be, so focused for the task to accomplish, that ignore I would all that believe I do without anxiety. Now to California go I must. Hope I do that calm Enver me in this can keep…if desires he does for me with him to go. Leave me before then perhaps he shall.

What’s done is done he says. Like that I do not. No way gives he me for to atone for deed. Perhaps none there is. Perhaps wishes he does for me to suffer through no atonement to me to offer. Promised I did for his employees not to kill in future. Without it first with him to discuss but…well…she his employee no longer was. Says he does that she there for him was. When dark times he went through. Ambivalent feel I do when think of that I do. Worried I did…do…for his affection of her. Or rather hers for him. Worry for that no longer I need do but…so sure I was in what I did. Saw he did not what did she to me while gone he was. How reacted she did to what we were. Wished she did for us to study. Allow that I could not. Certain I was of her intent and then…Oh Nox, for to speak with him, believe her incapable you would. Wronged her perhaps I did through her life to end. Doubt myself now I do. Certain I was…Certain…And now? So clear my mind is not. Enver both my sanity and my undoing is. Wonder do if that normal is?

His solution. To the doctors to go. Or vet. Thinks he does that his wife an animal is. Worry I do for him that comparison to make. Though perhaps deserve it I do. Go to such people I cannot. Necessary it is not. Thinks he does still like a frail creature. Not that generally mind that I do, but still…learn he must that his world now different is. Seems it does that knows he does not what in me grows, even though told him I have. Like it too I do not but change I cannot what done has been. Inevitable is what happens next. Only hope I do that quicker with my blade I am, than creature is with teeth and claws.

So calm my words in this seem and yet calm my mind for days has not been. Wonder do if he my mind calm does keep? If being without him the cause of this was. Of course, issue also parasite could be. Wonder do for affect upon that shall have. Knew I did that something wrong was. Only figured out I did that within me it was when returning home I was. Long-time have you in the belly of an aircraft to think when alone in the darkness you wait. Used I am for with my thoughts to sit. Perhaps needed that I did. As with focus gone, able I was my problem clearly to discern.

[Keara Aithne]

26th February 2014

Strange with me being he still is. Touched me as yet he has not. Least not in ways that used to he did. Cried again today I did. Like that I do not. For so weak to be. Know I do not the cause; be it him or the parasite that in me grows. Dislike it I do. The parasite. The situation also. Weak in this I feel.

Says he does that loves me he does…but feel that I do not. In any sense. Know I do not why he so different with me is. Disappoint him I do. True that must be. Though pains me does for that to pen. Killed I did his friend and in doing so killed I did his love for me. Certain of this now I am. Hates me he does. Know I do not how I my marriage will repair.

Wonder do if he me wishes to leave?

[Keara Aithne]

27th February 2014

Confronted him did. And well…Says he does that loves me he does. And that know that I do. Still, always feel it I do not. Mind and heart in disagreement are. If that to me can happen, happen too to him it can. Proved he did that he not afraid was for with me to be…physically…and yet normal it was not. Used he did another pet name which like I do not. Much like the other…only different. Sweetcheeks. Kicked him in the shins I should have. Would have even…if pacified me he had not. Think I do that enjoys he does that power when used upon me it is.

This all yesterday was. Know I do not why he that choose to do. For me to pacify. Possibly as fighting him I was. Think I do that, that power me wrongly does affect. All anger that feel I do…manifests differently does. Though then…seems he does not to mind that rough with him I am. Angry at myself that power me does make. More willpower need I for him to resist. Though perhaps that issue is…Resist him I never wish too. That how I in the problem now have come to be. His fault is. Okay. Mine too. Know that I do but still…Pacification issue is…for me.

Wrote him a letter. Little reaction from him did I get for my efforts. Next time keep I shall my thoughts to myself as seems it does that wishes them to hear he does not. Though learned I did that he jealous of Robert is. Know I do not why. Wait. Did I that today learn or did I that already know? Sure I am not now. Perhaps just suspected as much I did. Still. Silly that is. Even if similar they are in many ways, no feeling do I for Robert have. No feelings have I for any ever had that have I do for him.

~#~

Oh! Heard from Thomas though today I did. That me did make to smile. Miss him I do. See him enough I do not. Learned new power he has, least new that power is for him on me to use. Happy I am that reply he can with his mind. Perhaps more from him I shall hear.