I just have that headache now. The rest of me is ‘a okay.’ Ric isn’t into cuddling today. I think now I’m healed he thinks I don’t need it. If I have to start walking into these things just to get a bit of attention from him, things are going to go downhill fast. Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen. And that, that’s not necessary. While we can take a good ole lickin’ and keep on tickin’, I’m really not all that into pain. If only I were a masochist right?
Oh and get this diary. Ricky reckons he’s never been drunk! I mean wtf! Right? How the **** did he die before like practically drowning himself in alcohol at least once in his life? I so wish I’d met him when we were both human. I’d of shown him the highs and lows of drinking.
Hahaha. Dillon says I am a masochist. Only I’m like an emotional one or something. Like I don’t like pain but I like metaphorically banging my head against the wall. According to him I like to choose guys that drive me crazy. Well, I guess he’d know. I mean he’s met a fair few of my exes. Hell, he introduced me to most of them. The ******. Haha. Emotionally masochistic. I love it. I’m gonna tell Ellie that. See if he rolls his eyes.[/size][/color][/font]
((Also on this page: A woman is surrounded by an angry crowd that are all yelling horrible and abusive things at her; rather than sitting there crying however, the woman actually seems to be smiling like she’s enjoying herself.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
So… Let’s start at the beginning. He asked me how many times a day my itch needed scratching. And well, I couldn’t help but wind him up. I told him I could have sex 3 times a day and twice that on Sunday and still want more. I mean yeah. It’s probably true. I mean I could. I don’t particularly want it that often but meh. So yeah. That’s how this all started. Ric was then his usual arsey self and pissed me off. I wanted to know if he’d been bored when we’d hooked up in the shower – cos he told me before all this that sex was boring to him – and he gave me some ******** reply I think he must have heard in a movie, telling me I was the best he’d ever had in the most sarcastic tone he has. He was teasing me. I know. That’s our thing. But still. It pissed me off cos I really wanted to know the truth. Eventually – because everything with Ric is a marathon and not a sprint – he tells me sex wasn’t boring. That was like literally all I wanted to know. And while it wasn’t exactly an overwhelmingly enthusiastic reply, it was very Ricish. (< New adjective). It was probably the best answer I could hope for from him if I’m honest. And wow. I just read some of this and it’s sounding really passive-aggressive. Oops. So anyways. We banter back and forth and next thing I know, he’s dragging me to the bedroom. I mean… Him. His decision. I think he was just trying to prove a point but whatever the reason… I’ll take it.
Oh and side note: I wrote a kick arse song today. I know pain and misery is supposed to inspire you and stuff, but I really shouldn’t be writing this well. I mean besides the literal pain I’ve been in, my life is pretty damn good. Though I guess Ric is a great source of inspiration since he can piss me off, confuse me and make me want to jump him all in a single conversation. I don’t know if I’ve always been this way around guys or if this is some allurist PMS thing. Dillon thinks Ric’s like every other guy I’ve dated but I both do and don’t see it. Something’s different, and it’s either him, me or combination of the two. God I’d love to have known him while I was human and still in control of my emotions.
((Also on this page: Abstract art. There’s no rhyme nor reason to this page; it’s just blocks of various colours and sizes.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
Wow. What a day. I mean things started out good. Calm even. I asked Ricky what feeding from a vampire is like, cos well… I’m curious. I mean I really don’t feel compelled to drink my own blood or anything as it doesn’t smell right. Human blood calls to you. It’s like you smell it and suddenly you’re craving it and have to have right there and then. Hmm… I think I made blood just sound like some tricky little whore. Haha. Not the point though. The point is, I got more info from him. Apparently he used to drink vampire blood as a human – the practice has a name but I forgot what he called it - and it made him learn powers quickly or something. That’s kinda interesting. That those kinds of people exist. I mean it means he knew about vampires before he died. I didn’t. Well I did, but I didn’t think they were real. Oh and apparently drinking vampire blood as a vampire, doesn’t do the same thing. In return, he asked me what it felt like to be bitten. So… I told him the truth. I enjoy it. I mean he’s hot - I left out that part though - and having him bite me feels great. After telling him that the ****** bit me, hard; like harder than normal. I think he was hoping I wouldn’t enjoy it then, but I did, so screw him. Ha.
Right. Now for the exciting part. I got stranded with momma bear, FKA the witch. I asked her to explain rituals to me. I mean I know Ric has dealings with one and I know Pi’s into it, so I thought maybe it would be a good way for us to bond, for me to learn something and a good opportunity for me to apologise again for springing her traps. So yeah. There we are up in the abandoned mansion in the North of the city - a place I know well from my childhood - and this ******* freak storm hits. I swear it was insane. The weather went nuts. I’ve never seen anything like it. If people want to talk about acts of god, this has to be one cos it was ******* insane. So yeah, long story short, got stranded with momma bear and a few others in the mansion, didn’t think I’d make it home, then Ricky does his summoning act and bibbidi bobbidi boo, I’m back home. I ******* love that power.
((Also on this page: A sketch of the mansion as a storm kicks up about knocking down trees, pulling off roof tile, etc.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
Facepalming just isn’t gonna cut it this time. You’d think I’d know better by now but apparently I don’t. I must have some mental block that stops me from pushing him too far. I swear I used to be better at it. I really hate freaking him out but apparently I have a talent for it. It’s kinda his fault though. He told me we’d be having sex tonight - which he’s technically punked out on - and I tried to hold him to it. Kinda. I might have suggested he learn something new, you know, like foreplay, since he doesn’t seem all that experienced. So yeah. I showed him a little of what I can do for him and he said it was different, felt wrong and bailed on me. Oh and at some point before he disappeared, he basically told me that he thought sex not being boring with me the last few times may have been a fluke. I mean wtf! Who needs enemies when you have a boyfriend - and I loathe that word btw - like Ric? I mean man that guy seriously knocks my self-esteem. Good job I’m not as “fragile” as some women.
((Also on this page: Nothing, the rest of the page is blank.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
It’s a good job I’m an artist and not a writer else this diary would start looking more like an extract from 40 Shades of Grey rather than the diary of some love sick teenager. Not that I’ve read the books – I’m waiting for the movie – or that I’ve actually admitted to being in love with him. I’m not ready to admit that. I’m still well in the fuzzy stage – which I still haven’t named – between like and love. I guess – and I roll my eyes as I write this – but I guess I’m in the process of falling for him. Oh god. I sound so a sappy. I should just hide this thing after I’ve had a few drinks. Play hide and seek with it or something. Maybe give it to Blackie. Teach him to guard it from drunk me. Probably shouldn’t even be writing in this with Ricky about. Though I guess it kinda looks like my lyric book. I’ll lie and say I’m writing songs. If he asks. Which he probably won’t. So what to report besides my drinking? Hmm… Well Ric learned it’s okay to have sex on the floor. I mean I didn’t exactly think someone needed to be told that but then I never thought I’d have to explain a lot of the stuff I have to explain for him. Aside from that... I think Ricky might be drunk, or high or something. He says it’s not possible but he’s acting like one of the guys. I’ve been around enough drunk people to recognise one. Takes one to know one and all that. So yeah. Interesting. Oh and just to backtrack for a moment. The thing, on the floor. Hot as all hell. We’ll def be doing that again.
((Also on this page: A picture of a dog, resting on a diary with his paws over his eyes. Whatever the black boxer doesn’t want to see is happening “off screen.”))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
We trial ran our bank robbing plan today. Only we didn’t so much break into a bank, as we did a hospital. And we didn’t so much steal money as we did a couple of sets of scrubs. It was super fun! Ric is a very naughty boy with mad skills. But why did we do this? Because apparently – and prepare yourself now diary cos this will shock you – Ric has a kinky side. Who knew?! I certainly never saw that coming. Apparently he wants me to dress in them for him. How cute is that! I’ve not done much roleplay, never kept a guy long enough to feel the need, so yeah colour me surprised. I’m not gonna tell Dillon about this, or anyone for that matter, so no blabbing you chatty little page you. Hmm… I’m in a weird mood. It’s so ******* weird that I’m even recognising I’m in a weird mood. Oh well, I’m happy and that’s all that matters.
Sold another sword today. It got me thinking. It’s my better ones that sell and yet my best stuff is all laying around the forge waiting for a family member to claim it. I don’t know why I’m bothering to stock-pile weapons when no-one seems to want them. I’d be better off paring the list down again and selling the rest. Not that I sell all that many. One or two a month but that’s more than enough to live on. Add in what I make with my ebay shop and I really shouldn’t be freezing my arse off on the streets every night busking. Well… I should… I ******* love playing to people on the street. There’s not a feeling like it in the world. Though I guess the guys and I could schedule a few more rehearsal hours. I’ll talk to them. See what we come up with.[/size][/color][/font]
((Also on this page: A couple playing doctor, only they’re playing it wrong, as one of them is laying on a table, while the other one leans over them, scalpel in hand.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
So diary… question; Am I supposed to be out killing things? Don’t get me wrong. I know there are people and things out there that want to kill us. I just don’t believe I personally have to go out there and you know… kill ‘em. I can’t even feed off of people properly what with not having fangs and them remembering I did it and all. I mean. That would be bad. So yeah. I mean I’m grateful to those that do want to go out there and “protect” us, but I really don’t want to be a part of that whole. Doc made me think about this a while back but I just don’t see myself ever being able to end someone, or something’s life. As I told someone, Aliyah I think, I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’m trying to do my part. I am. I make some pretty kick arse swords. Of course I prefer to think of them as weapons of protection, rather than weapons of killing. Though it’s a little more difficult to think that way these days, what with Ric telling me he’s been out killing things. He actually enjoys it. I don’t get it though I kinda wish I did. I mean this is one thing I don’t think we’ll ever be on the same page about. And since he does kinda like wielding a blade, it would make more sense for me to try and learn that, than for him to give it up. Not that I’d ever ask him to. I like him just the way he is; arsedness and all.
((Also on this page: A list of the pros and cons of killing; the list of cons is longer than the lists of pros.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
I guess I should have seen it coming what with Ric being all blade happy and all. He took a stab at Dillon today. Cut him up pretty bad actually. He sliced him across his stomach and practically gutted him. Dillon’s being pretty cool about it actually. And I think I’m being calmer than could be expected. I still have no ******* clue why Ric felt the need to take a swing at him like that. The ****** accused me of actually helping Dillon or some ****. Like I told Dillon where he was. I never ******* know where Ric. When he’s out and about he’s here, there and everywhere. I mean for a creature of habit, he’s pretty ******* hard to pin down routine wise. Maybe I’m just seeing habit in his tics. I dunno. Not the point. The point is, my boyfriend attacked my best friend and neither of them will tell me why. I could force Dillon to tell me, make it an order but I really hate doing that. I feel like I’m messing with free will. I don’t know how they can say it has nothing to do with me. I mean I’m the only thing they have in common. It has to involve me somehow. Yes. I know that sounds big-headed but it’s true. I am the only common denominator, so somehow this must involve me.
It worries me that I’m not more pissed at Ric. For one, he attacked my friend. For two, he’s keeping secrets. Why aren’t I making more of a fuss about all of this?[/size][/color][/font]
((Also on this page: A personified question mark that appears to be shrugging its shoulders with confusion.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
Dillon’s pissed. You’d think he’d be bitching about the gut wound but he’s not. He says he’s fucked off with “coming to” walking the city. Whenever one of our kind feeds from him, he like blacks out or something. I didn’t realise he did that the night I fed from him but I guess he must have done. Thing is… He can’t tell me who it is that’s doing it to him, so I can’t exactly ask them to stop. It’s someone in the family and the only people there that I can rule out with any certainty are Ellie and me. I’ve told him not to hang around in the den, he should go in there, do what he has to and get the hell out. If he stayed at his place, he wouldn’t be having these issues. I’m really not sure what I can do accept listen to him gripe. He started saying he hates vampires. Me being the only exception, of course, well me and maybe some brunette he saw in the den. He doesn’t know her name. I think he’s talking about Charlie but I dunno. Maybe she’s the reason he’s hanging around there so much. I don’t see her there all that often myself, but you never know. I’d introduce them but I don’t really want to be held responsible when their relationship blows up, which it would knowing Dillon.
((Also on this page: A caricature of Dillon with the comical swirls and stars going around his head to denote his confusion.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
Okay. So it’s technically the 26th but this all happened yesterday, hence I’m writing it under the correct date. I’d of written this up last night but I didn’t go home. I stayed at Dillon’s. Mainly cos Ric’s an arse, but probably more so because he’s socially inept. His “thing” showed up and basically insulted me by calling me “that”. I mean that’s just ******* rude. The woman doesn’t know me from Adam, and yet she walks into our home and is rude to me. And what does Ric do? He ******* congratulates her on a play on words she used, that’s what he does. So yeah. I get annoyed - understandably so I think – say a few choice words and leave. Ric should have more control over his spawn. If I talked Pi like that in front of Ellie, I’d get an earful. I went to Dillon’s to get drunk. It’s my go to move and I know Ric hates it, so two birds, one stone. Perfect. Of course Ric and I don’t stay quiet - we trade emails - and instead of calming me down, he winds me up more. He had the nerve to tell me that only idiots swear. I’m paraphrasing but that was the gist. I basically told him to **** off at that. Swearing is part of how I express myself and if my parents couldn’t get me to stop, I doubt Ric can either. Besides, swearing is also good for stress relief or something. I saw an experiment where people had to swear while in pain and I kid you not, it helped. I don't really worry about Ric and me; we have a good thing going and we sort our **** out pretty quickly. I on;y spent the night at Dillon's to give him a night off and some time to do whatever he wanted to do without worrying about me.
Before all this happened though, things were good. Ric gave me something. I don’t know what it is but it’s shiny and seems different. I can’t tell how or why but it is. And did I mention it was shiny. It’s gorgeous, I’d describe it but I don’t have the words. I have no idea what it is, so for now I’m just going to save it for a special project. Ric really can be a sweetheart when he wants to be. I think he tries to hide that side of him, but every once in a while he lets it slip out. It’s cute. He’s cute. He’s more than cute. And I’m gonna stop writing there before I piss myself off with my school girl crush routine.
((Also on this page: A drawing of the shard Ric gave her.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
