♪ New Year. New Plans. Fresh Start. ♪ 01 / 01 / 2015
Oops. I almost forgot I had plans with Jules. Dillon’s really been pushing hard for me to spend some quality time with him and the guys. I’d of loved to have spent the night with them. I would have too considering what happened last night. I’d of gotten blind drunk most likely. So maybe it’s a good thing I already had plans, eh? She’s nice people actually. Jules that is. I’m kinda glad Ric suggested I get to know her better. I don’t usually do the whole female bonding thing. I mean yeah I kinda get on with Charlie and that’s new, so it’s probably because of her that I agreed to this in the first place. Women usually drive me ******* postal. I can only stand the girlfriends in my usual circle because the guys are there as buffers.
So… I gotta confess… My staying away thing didn’t work so well. I’m writing this in his bed. You know what? I haven’t been home in a while. Not since I got injured. I was planning on staying at Ellie’s tonight -give Ric some space - but then he emails me and practically asks me if I’m coming back. I swear I don’t get him at times. I don’t know why he feels the need to run off when things get uncomfortable for him. I guess I should use it as a sign I’ve gone too far. Only I haven’t because today he’s the one asking where I am. I’m pretty sure he knew where I was too. It’s not like I didn’t tell him I was going to hang out with his sister for a bit.
((Also on this page: A pencil sketch of Juliet, seated at a bar.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
I pulled off the impossible and **** me if I know how I did it. I didn’t mean to bring any of this up tonight. I was just so… angry. I was angry because I couldn’t get a reaction from him. Most guys would love that kind of attention but not Ric. I guess I literally have to be naked and kissing him to get that kind of effect. I guess we’ll see. It’s a watch this space kinda thing I think. I mean I don’t exactly have a lot of data to work from here. But yeah. Strange night. I basically accuse him of being molested as a child and the conversation goes from there, to me blurting out the fact that we are dating. Weirder still, he agreed. Eventually. But still. I expected him to fight me on it. To tell me we were nothing more than friends or something. I mean yeah he tried but you can’t really argue with what’s before your face. He seemed surprised, but I think I expected that.
I do really have to stop writing this stuff down. I should be more focused on my carrier, on my hobbies. I need to pay Dillon some attention before he starts acting out or something. And I can’t believe I’m even thinking about Dillon right now. I guess I feel guilty because I can’t have him over. Not yet. This is still Ric’s space and I want to give him some time to get used to everything before I start inviting people over.
Oh… I know I said I should stop writing this stuff down but I can’t sleep. I have maybe ten minutes before I pass out. The party was good. Doc can suck it. His advice wasn’t needed. Not at all. I obviously know what I’m doing with Ric. I got this far without his advice. Still. I can’t decide if it’s sweet or creepy that he seems to have taken an interest in me. Maybe he just wants to befriend me to piss off Ellie. ****! Ellie. I have to tell Ellie that I’m dating a member of that faction. I best do that soon too. There were a lot of people at that party he took me too. Which reminds me. I need to teach Ricky some new moves before the next one. Though you know what, he seemed like he was actually having fun. That was nice to see. Oh and I need to explain my showers. At least I don’t need to teach him how to kiss. Cos… Damn. On that note. I’m going to sleep. I should have some interesting dreams tonight.[/size][/color][/font]
((Also on this page: A sketch of a woman doing a lap dance for a confused/frightened looking guy who is asking; “Err… What are you doing?”))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
I picked up the rest of my stuff from Ellie’s. I’m not sure what Dillon was more upset about really. The fact that I was leaving such a great place, or the fact that I was moving somewhere I wouldn’t give him the address to. He practically pleaded with me to know where I was moving. I told him I’d tell him in time. Till then I’d keep my phone on. I’m never all that far away. Especially since he has a tome too. One phone call. Read the piece of paper. Poof. Face to face. It’s probably a little too quick if you ask me. For seeing Dillon that is. Good job I can use the thing to get around and see a certain someone else too. Pi was real doll for changing that portal for me. Well not just for me. Still. Ding dong, the witch is dead. I kinda like her better as mama bear.
Oh I should ask Ellie if he minds me hanging on to the key to his place. Not that I’m expecting things to go wrong, I mean Dillon’s couch is available at short notice, I’d just like to be able to pop in and use the recording studio from time to time. He’ll probably be cool with that. But first I should tell him about Ric and me. And soon too. I don’t want him finding out from anyone else.
((Also on this page: Random lines of lyrics from various songs.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
I’ll start with the good before I get to the bad, then probably swing around to the good again because I want to end my entry on a high.
So… hahaha. I told Ric he was sexy when he’s being demanding. He looked at me like I was crazy. I don’t think he’s been told that before. Still. It’s true.
So the bad… I told Ellie about Ric and me. That went fine. What didn’t go so well was me telling him about Ric’s faction. I swear I never thought Ellie was capable of that kind of outburst. He was downright rude. I mean we talked it out a bit, mainly because I didn’t listen – as per usual – when he told us to get out. I’m gonna need to go talk with him again I a few days. See if we’re really cool. It sucks. It does. I mean yeah I probably shouldn’t have dropped that info on him the way I did but then I was expecting him to have questions and stuff. I was hoping Ric would be able to ease his mind, but it seemed like the moment he knew what faction Ric was in, that the conversation was over. Oh well. Live and learn. Next time I’ll handle Ellie differently. Alone, maybe.
So, back to the good. Ric behaved brilliantly. I mean he was super calm, while Ellie lost his ****. He kind of admitted he cared about me too, to Ellie; he basically said that if the world goes to **** he’ll look out for me. Though Ellie did then **** with my head by telling me Ric would kill me if I fucked up. Ric and I talked that out. I’m pretty sure he’d try and help me cover any mistakes I made before killing me. And he pretty much said he wouldn’t be able to stand there and watch people attack me. So… I’m going to take that as a plus point. If he doesn’t want to watch people hurt me, he must care about me.
So yeah. Sucky night. A lot of arguing. But it all kind of sorted itself out. Ricky even came home when I asked him to. After we exchanged a few texts and cleared stuff up that was. So yeah. Cheques and balances. Everything’s out in the open and Ric and I can get on with being Ric and I, which is brilliant.
((Also on this page: A sketch of an angry looking Elliot hulking out while small children run for cover.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
So. I spent the night with Dillon tonight. Well. Part of it. He was getting crabby at me for all the time I spend with Ric. I think he misses me but his male pride won't let him admit. I could have forced him to tell that I guess but that just seems wrong. I don't much like misusing that bond thing we have. He calmed down after a few drinks and we quickly fell into our usual patter. He kinda already knew I was dating Ric, so I didn't have to break that to him at least. Apparently Dillon's met some girl but he didn't want to talk about her. I managed to coax a rough description and her name out him but that was about it. I think he kind of likes her. He's only secretive like this if he's worried what I think. And he only worries what I'll think if he actually wants to spend more than one night with her. He can keep his secret for now. I don't mind. I things get serious he'll introduce her to the rest of us.
((Also on this page: A peace sign constructed out of various musical instruments.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
I kinda love the way he talks. Protocol. Dating protocol. I don’t know how he always makes dating sound so… unappealing. lol. I guess it’s his mind set. I don’t know why French kissing freaked him out like he did. We’ve done it before. Though to be fair, I think it was the fact that he didn’t realise what I was going to do before I did it. I tried to explain that I can’t always warn him when I’m going to kiss him, but I don’t think he understands spontaneity. I think, he thinks that I like making him uncomfortable too. I don’t. Well, not really. I mean I have no problem making him a little uncomfortable, as it’s the only way to get him past his issues but I don’t want to make him so uncomfortable that he bolts for the door every time I come near him. Which he did. Again. But he says he’ll be back later, so I’m not gonna stress over it.
((Also on this page: A picture of a family. At the centre of the image is a small child struggling to get away from their nan as she’s trying to kiss him.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
Ha! I knew he was wrong. Though I really shouldn’t gloat. The guy is crazy. No. Scratch that. He makes me crazy. No. Scratch that even. He makes me worse than crazy. He makes me sound like some love-struck fourteen year old. Give me a few more months and I could probably change the names, edit the material and turn these entries into a ******* romance novel. What a depressing idea. lol.
So. Let’s get this over with. I probably should have carried on yesterday’s entry but I’m writing it up today because, well… I didn’t have time last night to update you on things. So diary. I knew it would happen. I knew it was inevitable. Despite his protests. And you know what. I didn’t even ******* start it. He did. Of course I’m not discussing any of this with Ric. The fact that we had sex at all is a ******* miracle. I’m pretty sure if I tried to talk to him about it he’d spazz out or something and try to deny it’s happening. Much like he tried to tell me we weren’t dating. I’m not sure what world that guy lives in but I sure hope it’s nice there.
Still. No need to be bitter about it. I mean after the kissing thing he came home. The first words out of his mouth being that we’re never getting married. I swear I don’t know where he gets this **** from or why he thinks the five month mark is when it happens but whatever. I set him straight. Shortly after that, he runs out on me again. Seems to be his thing. Several emails later he returns. Or rather I return, cos sitting around waiting for him to come back just isn’t my style. So… things got heated and weird and kinda silent. Then somehow we end up in the shower again. Only this time we end up doing a lot more than just kissing. It’s a good job I was prepared for that kind of thing because seriously the consequences were bad enough as a human. Now if you get pregnant, you don’t get a spawn to love and look after for the rest of your natural life. Nope. You get a time out in the netherworld after being ripped apart. Well the woman does. The guy gets off scot free. ******* nature. Sometimes I swear the female of the species is cursed. But anyway. Moving on. I wasn’t disappointed. Not at all. So he got that wrong too. Which is good. Because things can only get better. I just wish I kind of knew how he experienced it. Since sex is apparently “boring” to him. He didn’t seem bored though and I didn’t get that vibe from him. Though Ric is a difficult person to read, so I guess you never know.
And I guess that brings me to today. So now I can explain why my entry is a little more hostile than perhaps you’d expect diary. Well you see. After dragging him to bed so we could fall asleep in each other’s arms. I wake up and he’s gone. No note. No text. Just poof. Vanished. Where the **** to I don’t know? So yeah. He’s a ******* arsehole is what he is.
Spoke too soon. Oops. There wasn’t any need for me to be all PMSy. Apparently he does this supernatural sleepwalking thing where no matter where he is or what he does, he ends up back in the place he was created when the next day starts. That really has to suck. And lucky for me, I don’t seem to suffer from a similar affliction. If I had to wake up in that attic every night… Well… Well I’d probably move in and make Ellie fix it up. Hahaha. I can just imagine how Ric would feel about that if I woke up in a pub every night.
Almost forgot. Ric’s fear of kissing may have passed. Kinda. He seemed a bit more relaxed today. Even dragged me back in the shower, which I was more than certain he’d avoid doing for the foreseeable future seen as what we did in there last night. Nothing happened this time though. So yeah. Back square one maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s more of a two steps forward, one step back kinda deal. Whatever it is, I’m going to try and not drive myself nuts over it. I already got past two of his nevers. For both our sakes I hope we don’t go breaking that third one any time soon. Married. Me? I don’t see it. I’ve still got to figure out how I feel about him first. I’m probably sitting somewhere in that horrible, unnamed section between fancying and love. It needs a name. I should think on that. Try and come up with something, because “I’m in like with him” just doesn’t seem to cut it and “I’m in love with him” just doesn’t ring true.[/size][/color][/font]
((Also on this page: I list of words written in various styles and colours. Words which can all be attributed to Ric and/or relationships, such as; attraction, desire and intense.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
I think I need to take Blackie to a vet. I think dogs are supposed to get shots of some kind and I’m not sure what he’s had done already. I’m not sure if Ric’s thing even gave him the papers for it. So… yeah. It probably needs looking at. I’d ask Ric to sort him out seeing as he’s his dog and all but Blackie doesn’t seem to like him much. Can’t really blame him for that. Ric’s not exactly a people person, so I can’t expect him to be a dog person. Hell. I’m not really a dog person, but I guess we’re stuck with him. Poor thing.
((Also on this page: A beautiful sketch of Blackie; the black boxer. The dog is sprawled out in his back looking quite relaxed as he’s sleeping.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
Ricky has mad skills. He did something to me today that made me not hungry. It was great. I mean I don’t mind drinking down those blood bags but they aren’t anything like the real thing. Well, I mean it’s real, it’s synthesised or anything. It’s just not warm and untreated and from the veins. I kinda like that power of his. Damn handy.
Urgh! So… I did it again. Only this time it really was entirely the fault of my shoes. The ******* heel broke and I ended up arse over tit in the same set of traps that got me last time. I have such rotten ******* luck I swear. Only this time Ellie caught me and patched me up before I could get back to Ric’s. I’m not burned this time at least but I have a ringing in my ears that won’t quit. It’s annoying. Oh and at least double the amount of bullet holes. Still at least my guts weren’t ripped apart quite so badly, there’s hope for that summer bikini yet. Ow! I shouldn’t laugh at my own pathetic attempts at humour. It hurts. Still, it’s laugh or cry. Laugh is the much better plan.
Probably a good thing though since Ric’s acting a little off. I’m not sure how exactly I just feel something when I’m near him. Confusion or hesitation or something. I’ve still not really figured this super power out yet and Ricky’s harder to read than most anyways. Maybe it was the wounds I got or the fact that Ellie stitched me up that threw him off. He told me my family home is a death trap. I think if he could, he’d forbid me to go there again. Cos yeah. I’d listen to that.
Still all this falling in traps business has me learning new things about him. Like the fact that he’s a sadist. He was poking my wounds. Testing the or something. I dunno. I think he just liked making me squirm with the pain. He kinda made up for it afterwards though. I mean, he joined me in bed. He never does that. I must look a right mess.[/size][/color][/font]
((Also on this page: A woman is being chased by a giant stiletto with razor sharp teeth.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
Today does not exist. I still feel like crap and Ric won’t let me drink to numb the pain. ******! Apparently I’m toughing this one out. I’ve still got that ringing in my ears and my head is pounding like I drank my own weight in jack last night. Oh what a lovely thought. If only.
So yeah. Scrap today. Roll on tomorrow.
((Also on this page: The page is thick with drawing and doodles. Some of the images are intricate in design and colour, and would make lovely tattoos, while others are just quick, monochromatic sketches. The theme of the page seems to be pain with lots of bleeding hearts and wilting flowers, but there’s an odd beauty to it all.))
♪ Am I strong enough? ♪
♪ I wish you well, but desire never leaves ♪ ♫ Available Melee Weapons ♫
NOTE: Sky has Healthy Complexion
