November 13th, 2012
Dear Willy,
Happy 10-month wedding anniversary to me... or it would be if I hadn't pretty much separated from Mal a few nights ago. I don't feel bad about it because even though I love him, I've been whiny and miserable for months. I need more from my partner and he's just... either not willing or not able to be what I need anymore. That sounds selfish and unfair, but it's just how things are. I've pathetically cried enough over this to drown myself, so I think I've hurt enough, mourned enough to not need to feel guilty about it. C'est la vie.
Last night I pissed him off, but he'll get over it. He said he missed me being a rabid *****, so he got his wish; I just don't think he meant he liked it directed at him. I kind of feel like I should apologize... but I doubt I will. If he can be an unapologetic jerk, so can I.
I think overall I'll be happier in the long run.
I just need to find a better hiding place for you, Mr. William Booksington.
Love,
Alicia
Ashes to Ashes
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Phoenix
- Registered User
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- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
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Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
January 16th 2013
Dear Willy,
It's been a rough past two months, but I've survived. He was a lying, cheating piece of **** all along and I really am better off. He'll pay for it someday, when I'm ready to dish out vengeance with a cool head. Am I lonely? Surprisingly, not really. I have Calix and Adam and Mav to keep me company (which sounds way more pervy than it is). I have Ty to keep me busy. I'm pretty damn good.
Oh right, I officially became a full member of Tytonidae on January 9th - figured I'd jot the date down before I forget. Surprise, surprise. I don't think anyone would have seen that coming a year ago, but here we are. Things change a lot in a year, and I couldn't be happier about this one.
Here's hoping things keep getting better,
Nix
Dear Willy,
It's been a rough past two months, but I've survived. He was a lying, cheating piece of **** all along and I really am better off. He'll pay for it someday, when I'm ready to dish out vengeance with a cool head. Am I lonely? Surprisingly, not really. I have Calix and Adam and Mav to keep me company (which sounds way more pervy than it is). I have Ty to keep me busy. I'm pretty damn good.
Oh right, I officially became a full member of Tytonidae on January 9th - figured I'd jot the date down before I forget. Surprise, surprise. I don't think anyone would have seen that coming a year ago, but here we are. Things change a lot in a year, and I couldn't be happier about this one.
Here's hoping things keep getting better,
Nix
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Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
June 2nd, 2013
Dear Willy,
So here I was about to turn the oven on again and figured I should check. Lo and behold, there you were, hiding under the coils like a ninjabook.
Well hello!
My last entry was a while ago and my life has turned around. It's been absolutely, infinitely better than it was before. Not only have I established myself a lovely little family line, I've found the one person I've been missing all along. Legion is my other half, he's the ice cube to my firecracker.
Yeah.
Not to mention I have the best bunch of childer.
I'm not going to get into crazy details right now because I don't have the time, but suffice it to say, my wedding was ridiculous and perfect. I'm a happy birdy.
Love,
Nix
Dear Willy,
So here I was about to turn the oven on again and figured I should check. Lo and behold, there you were, hiding under the coils like a ninjabook.
Well hello!
My last entry was a while ago and my life has turned around. It's been absolutely, infinitely better than it was before. Not only have I established myself a lovely little family line, I've found the one person I've been missing all along. Legion is my other half, he's the ice cube to my firecracker.
Yeah.
Not to mention I have the best bunch of childer.
I'm not going to get into crazy details right now because I don't have the time, but suffice it to say, my wedding was ridiculous and perfect. I'm a happy birdy.
Love,
Nix
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Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
June 12th, 2013
Dear Willy,
I'm permitting myself to skip over some momentus momentuous momentous life events in order to comment on tonight's little brawl.
It was the first time I've opted to use Lazarus in a while and, quite honestly, I've found I'd missed the feeling of lopping off limbs far more than I thought I did. That swish, splat, THUNK is just so... satisfying. It gives me chills in naughty places.
Serendipity got herself a bounty, so Ty kind-sorta-had fun. Then Sliver and Momento showed up, after everyone else left, which left me to deal with them all on my lonesome. Which I did, quite admirably. I kind of hurt everywhere and Sliver poked out my eye, but fun was had all around.
Momento made/sent me a badge; I told her I'd print it and keep it all safe, so here it is:
Safe, sound, and taped in for eternity (or until I forget to remove your bookish self before turning the oven on - still need a new hiding place for you).
Legion won't be happy about the wounds, but at least Every's giving me a spiffy eye patch. We can play pirates and I'll shiver his timbers or something.
Yay!
Phoenix
Dear Willy,
I'm permitting myself to skip over some momentus momentuous momentous life events in order to comment on tonight's little brawl.
It was the first time I've opted to use Lazarus in a while and, quite honestly, I've found I'd missed the feeling of lopping off limbs far more than I thought I did. That swish, splat, THUNK is just so... satisfying. It gives me chills in naughty places.
Serendipity got herself a bounty, so Ty kind-sorta-had fun. Then Sliver and Momento showed up, after everyone else left, which left me to deal with them all on my lonesome. Which I did, quite admirably. I kind of hurt everywhere and Sliver poked out my eye, but fun was had all around.
Momento made/sent me a badge; I told her I'd print it and keep it all safe, so here it is:
Legion won't be happy about the wounds, but at least Every's giving me a spiffy eye patch. We can play pirates and I'll shiver his timbers or something.
Yay!
Phoenix
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Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
June 30th, 2013,
Dear Willy,
I lost a friend today. There's only so much I'll put up with, and nonsensical raging over absolutely nothing is one of those things that just won't fly anymore. After all we've been through, I find it hard to believe I'm just going to walk away, but it's for the best.
He tossed two years of friendship down the drain over someone he's known less than a month, just because he stuck his teeth in her. That's dumb. I won't make him beg or grovel - not that he would - because I know that no matter how many apologies he tosses my way, he'll eventually do the same dumb thing all over again. Granted, next time it probably wouldn't be over someone so completely and utterly irrelevant.
I'm sorry, Micah, but you fucked up pretty badly.
Phoenix
Dear Willy,
I lost a friend today. There's only so much I'll put up with, and nonsensical raging over absolutely nothing is one of those things that just won't fly anymore. After all we've been through, I find it hard to believe I'm just going to walk away, but it's for the best.
He tossed two years of friendship down the drain over someone he's known less than a month, just because he stuck his teeth in her. That's dumb. I won't make him beg or grovel - not that he would - because I know that no matter how many apologies he tosses my way, he'll eventually do the same dumb thing all over again. Granted, next time it probably wouldn't be over someone so completely and utterly irrelevant.
I'm sorry, Micah, but you fucked up pretty badly.
Phoenix
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Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
August 3rd, 2013,
Dear Willy,
We got a pet.
Love,
Nix
Dear Willy,
We got a pet.
Love,
Nix
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Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
August 17th, 2013
Dear Willy,
Legion got an honorable opponent badgey bumper sticker thingy from Momento earlier. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, knowing we both have balls.
Or knowing his are at least as big as mine! Yaaaay!
I also happen to think Enver wants to do really dirty things to my husband. I'm partially amused by this. The other part of me wants to slice him open, strangle him with his own intestines and use them to bind him to my altar. Then I want to call up a demi and watch it eat him from the viscera outwards. Hopefully he'd still be conscious by the time it got to his really painful to eat bits.
Then again, maybe I'm just paranoid.
But then again again, maybe not.
For now, I'm going to assume they're benign play dates like grown men have. They do that, right? Play... dates...?
**** this ****, I'm going to bed. ******* men.
Nix
Dear Willy,
Legion got an honorable opponent badgey bumper sticker thingy from Momento earlier. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, knowing we both have balls.
Or knowing his are at least as big as mine! Yaaaay!
I also happen to think Enver wants to do really dirty things to my husband. I'm partially amused by this. The other part of me wants to slice him open, strangle him with his own intestines and use them to bind him to my altar. Then I want to call up a demi and watch it eat him from the viscera outwards. Hopefully he'd still be conscious by the time it got to his really painful to eat bits.
Then again, maybe I'm just paranoid.
But then again again, maybe not.
For now, I'm going to assume they're benign play dates like grown men have. They do that, right? Play... dates...?
**** this ****, I'm going to bed. ******* men.
Nix
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Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
September 25th 2013
Dear Willy,
October 1st 2013
October 5th 2013
October 29th 2013
Willy, I fucked up something fierce...
November 14th 2013
November 26th 2013
December 5th 2013
December 19th 2013
Dear Willy,
I've been staring at the blank page for the past hour after writing the date, like every other attempt at writing all this out for the past four months. I don't know where to start telling you about how **** has fallen apart. I don't know how to start. My head has been a jumbled mess and I've been scared that even you would hate me for it. And you're a damn book...
But I think I know now that despite my poor choices, not everything was my fault. Some things are beyond my control - this was one of them. I'll never understand why Legion went out of his way to dig me out of his life, but it happened. It hurt and it still hurts, but I've realized that I can't fix what I was never told was wrong. He never gave me any indication he was unhappy until he returned everything and... left. Even then, I don't know what he was thinking. Or if he was thinking. I've not heard from him since.
No matter how much that hurts and how much I wish my partner weren't just outright gone, I'm also angry. I was nothing but loyal to him. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy and he couldn't even give me the courtesy of a proper goodbye. I deserved better than that - I know that now and I don't blame myself for him leaving.
I do blame myself for how I reacted. I can't really say I remember much of the month after that happened. I was numb and scared and hurt and I felt betrayed by the faction that I'd called home... Legion was all I needed, so I was fine leaving. But then he left me... and I snapped. No, I exploded and simultaneously managed to ram my head up my own ***.
And I regret it, not that I have an adequate means of expressing that, but I do. When I finally snapped out of it, I think it was a far cry too late. Have a home again would be nice, but I don't see that happening.
Killing myself Temporarily opting out of living gave me back the perspective I needed and I'm glad I did it. Even though it ultimately was Axel's fault and I kind of maybe still want to beat the ever loving **** out of him. As usual, I do the right thing for the wrong reasons... or the wrong thing for the right reasons. Getting that **** sorted is high up on my priorities list, along with making amends.
Love,
Phoenix
Dear Willy,
October 1st 2013
October 5th 2013
October 29th 2013
Willy, I fucked up something fierce...
November 14th 2013
November 26th 2013
December 5th 2013
December 19th 2013
Dear Willy,
I've been staring at the blank page for the past hour after writing the date, like every other attempt at writing all this out for the past four months. I don't know where to start telling you about how **** has fallen apart. I don't know how to start. My head has been a jumbled mess and I've been scared that even you would hate me for it. And you're a damn book...
But I think I know now that despite my poor choices, not everything was my fault. Some things are beyond my control - this was one of them. I'll never understand why Legion went out of his way to dig me out of his life, but it happened. It hurt and it still hurts, but I've realized that I can't fix what I was never told was wrong. He never gave me any indication he was unhappy until he returned everything and... left. Even then, I don't know what he was thinking. Or if he was thinking. I've not heard from him since.
No matter how much that hurts and how much I wish my partner weren't just outright gone, I'm also angry. I was nothing but loyal to him. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy and he couldn't even give me the courtesy of a proper goodbye. I deserved better than that - I know that now and I don't blame myself for him leaving.
I do blame myself for how I reacted. I can't really say I remember much of the month after that happened. I was numb and scared and hurt and I felt betrayed by the faction that I'd called home... Legion was all I needed, so I was fine leaving. But then he left me... and I snapped. No, I exploded and simultaneously managed to ram my head up my own ***.
And I regret it, not that I have an adequate means of expressing that, but I do. When I finally snapped out of it, I think it was a far cry too late. Have a home again would be nice, but I don't see that happening.
Killing myself Temporarily opting out of living gave me back the perspective I needed and I'm glad I did it. Even though it ultimately was Axel's fault and I kind of maybe still want to beat the ever loving **** out of him. As usual, I do the right thing for the wrong reasons... or the wrong thing for the right reasons. Getting that **** sorted is high up on my priorities list, along with making amends.
Love,
Phoenix
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Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
January 1st 2014,
Dear Willy,
**** Every and her 1920s. I'm having flashbacks to last year's Halloween costume.
Seriously not amused PhePhe is seriously not amused.
Dear Willy,
**** Every and her 1920s. I'm having flashbacks to last year's Halloween costume.
Seriously not amused PhePhe is seriously not amused.
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Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
January 4th 2013,
Dear Willy,
Nothing exciting to report, really. I just kind of wanted to write something because... well, it seemed like a soothing thing to do about 5 minutes ago when I opened the little book of youness. I've been very calm lately - it's nice. Kind of like floating on a surfboard on gentle waves - or what I imagine that would be like, since I've never actually been on a surfboard. Don't think I've ever touched one, either.
Anyway...
I have two dogs. I don't think I mentioned this before, but Enver sent me Dirty Cottonball (Tony for short) a while back. Then I got one at Crissy's Christmas party. It's a rottweiler puppy and I'm pretty sure Every got her sister. She drools a lot and I'm not really impressed with that, but DoppelMe keeps it clean and takes them both out. Tony likes puppy, who I haven't really named yet. I keep bouncing around ideas, but I think I'm sticking with Peanut. She looks kinda like a little peanut...
Okay, not really, but she's Peanut.
Also, some people need hobbies. You shan't rock my zen.
Love,
Nix
Dear Willy,
Nothing exciting to report, really. I just kind of wanted to write something because... well, it seemed like a soothing thing to do about 5 minutes ago when I opened the little book of youness. I've been very calm lately - it's nice. Kind of like floating on a surfboard on gentle waves - or what I imagine that would be like, since I've never actually been on a surfboard. Don't think I've ever touched one, either.
Anyway...
I have two dogs. I don't think I mentioned this before, but Enver sent me Dirty Cottonball (Tony for short) a while back. Then I got one at Crissy's Christmas party. It's a rottweiler puppy and I'm pretty sure Every got her sister. She drools a lot and I'm not really impressed with that, but DoppelMe keeps it clean and takes them both out. Tony likes puppy, who I haven't really named yet. I keep bouncing around ideas, but I think I'm sticking with Peanut. She looks kinda like a little peanut...
Okay, not really, but she's Peanut.
Also, some people need hobbies. You shan't rock my zen.
Love,
Nix