Page 3 of 6
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 31 Dec 2015, 21:37
by Roxanne Ballard (DELETED 7623)
I am there ready and waiting. My glass of wine… My third glass of wine... will have to wait. He is going to lift the couch and I am supposed to look under it. The remote seems to have taken itself for a walk again. Imagine that
“Okay.”
I look like I am ready to start waving signals to the pitcher in the World Series as I squat down and wiggle my fingers for him to start lifting. When he does I don't have a remote to get excited about but I do find evidence of something Lucas has a habit of doing. I could do like I usually do and roll it up and swat him with it but I decide against it. It is New Year's Eve. If I can handle him banging my dentist I can surely handle the skin mags that have no dust on them like the rest of the floor does.
“It’s not under there.” I rise back up to stand. “Just use the controls on the side of the screen. That is what I do when my batteries die in my remote.”
I find my glass still full and waiting for me. It is good to know he still remembers about the wine guide. I watch him with the couch wondering if he will keep holding up the one end. I sip from my glass.
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 31 Dec 2015, 21:38
by Lucas Ballard
I swear to God the remote will somehow be on the table in the morning as though it was never gone. I almost want to accuse her of stealing it, but I know she’d only take the batteries. That’s unnecessarily cruel and for a split second I regret it. Then I remember I can think whatever the **** I want and I’m okay again. I’ve been replaced by Niel before. That was painful. I still wanna tear his head off. Walking in one day to a mechanical thing that looked like a baby’s arm though? Painful. No way to compete with that.
Okay, so we know how to hit each other low and dirty. Not in a good way. But then again, we know how to hit each other nice and low and hot and dirty too. Part of being married, not meaning the ring, but really married, you know? Mind body, soul, all that hippy ******** that it’s easy to scoff at except when she is there in front of you and you are feeling it. Those two things combined pretty much defines us with very little in between. I’m wondering which one tonight will be. “****.”
Ok, I set the couch down and head toward the T.V. to turn it on. “Hey, look how easy this is even without the gadget!”
*click*
“It’s turned on and ready to go. No muss, no fuss”
Ok, let’s see if she is wanting a fight tonight. She’ll either rise to the bait or let it go. Whichever she wants I’m about ready for.
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 31 Dec 2015, 21:38
by Roxanne Ballard (DELETED 7623)
I settle into the spot I always start out on when I am at his place. I admit I love the couch. I wanted it when we were doing the whole dividing furniture the last time we separated but he gave me the bed instead. It was more than fair.
“Best way to be.” I know what he is doing. I can see it, hear it and taste it as the last of the third glass of wine disappears and I swallow it down. “Right?”
Lucas has his game on always. He could be going on 48 hours with no sleep yet he is always ready, willing and able. I set the glass down because it is empty. I also think I need to let the first three glasses settle in like I have on his couch.
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 31 Dec 2015, 21:39
by Lucas Ballard
Glass hits table, Lucas hits Roxanne. Even I’m not exactly sure how I got there so damned quickly but her face is cupped in my hands and my lips are on hers and then my hands are in her hair… I break away cause it’s not midnight and I think she thinks the holiday thing is important. That and I don’t need her knowing how much I want this to be. I swear sometimes she fucks things up just because she knows I want them. So one kiss, a sweet one to start and now it’s back to Avatar. Yeah. Naked ******* blue people. Sexy.
There it is. Right next to the T.V. Staring at me. I know I looked there… the remote. I don’t mention it. Not right now. I simply hit the power button on the DVD player and scoop up the DVD player remote, leaving the T.V. one where it is. I am in control. I am. Seriously.
I sit down and hand her the DVD remote cause I hate messing with the menu screen.
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 31 Dec 2015, 21:40
by Roxanne Ballard (DELETED 7623)
“Any New Year’s resolutions, Lucas?”
I ask because I still have moments where I have to guess what is going on in my spouse’s head just like anyone else does. Twenty years has been a long time on the job with being married to Lucas but not enough to grant me the power of being a mind reader. I think that is a blessing as I look over at him. That brain of his should come with warning labels. I lick my lips and taste the beer from his. Would I ever finally get tired of enjoying it even if I deny it? Probably not.
“There is a lot of blue going on in this movie.”
It was a safe observation to make. I set down the remote. I know I am in charge of it but everything else is usually up for grabs. I really wonder how this will all end. Fine. l know how it will end. I just have a part of me that always hopes the new year that is about to arrive will be different than the others.
Perhaps this will be the one where we will tear down this wall we have between us and act like adults. Finally treat each other right and maybe we can finally make it work with us inhabiting the same space. Is that too much to ask for? It would make our lives and those around us a lot easier to live.
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 01 Jan 2016, 01:46
by Lucas Ballard
I try and read into what she says. A lot of blue. Does she mean something about cops? Too many cops in our lives? Is she saying that me being a detective is a problem? It’s hard to get a read on her sometimes. She can throw out what seems like an offhand remark and really it means the world to her. Or sometimes she can tell you exactly what she wants and you go to do it only to find out it’s the opposite of what she wants. A walking contradiction. I ignore the blue comment for now. Maybe she’ll give more clues to what it means if it means anything.
New Year’s Resolutions have been a sore spot before. We’ve both made em, fucked em up and hurt each other with them, both fulfilling them and leaving them unfulfilled.
“You know Roxie, I’ve decided not to make any. Figure it puts pressure on me to do things that really aren’t in my power to do. I figure I’ll just try and take life as it comes and see where it goes.” There. That’s a safe answer I guess. Can’t be any worse than telling her I resolve to fix us and her finding a way to twist that into me saying she is broken. She doesn’t always, but when she wants to do it, she can be more than her fair share of *****.
I guess that’s only fair ‘cause when I flip the asshole switch to ‘on’ I can pretty much win a dickhead contest hands down.
“How about you?”
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 01 Jan 2016, 04:04
by Roxanne Ballard (DELETED 7623)
I should have some new ones but I don’t. I realized those resolutions are a sure fire self set-up for failure. If you have to wait till the end of the year to accomplish a goal or to make your mind up on doing something then chances are you don’t have what it takes to see it through to begin with. Lucas stopping his smoking habit would be a good example. I don’t say this out loud. He didn’t remind me of things I failed to do that I said I would.
“I have one.”
I smile a little making sure my eyes are on his. And I actually do have one. Same one I have had for the better part of twenty years. To a better person in the year to come. To try a little harder at what I have with Lucas. Even if it is just being a friend who doesn’t **** on his day and gives him room to breathe. He deserves that and I should be there already but I know where I need to improve.
“I will let you know next year if I finally make it happen.”
I want to hear what he isn’t saying. I can tell something is on his mind but he is holding back. I have no right to know anymore. I lost that the first time we had it out and split up our house. Instead I try to change the subject from me reflecting on how difficult I have been since we got together.
“Want me to make some popcorn?”
I figure there is going to be lots of blue in the movie judging from what I seen so far. I doubt it will be a huge loss if I make the effort. I pull off the top sweater of my outfit so I am in the tank top underneath and I leave it on the arm of the couch. I don’t wait to hear if Lucas wants the popcorn or not. I am in the mood for some so I will make it myself and make it happen. Just to be sure he knows I am not bailing out on the choice of his movie I lean over and kiss him just as I make my way around him and to the kitchen.
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 01 Jan 2016, 04:42
by Lucas Ballard
She isn’t really into the sci-fi thing. Not really. She likes some of the movies and shows, but not like I do. ****, I liked Starship Troopers. No one liked Starship Troopers. I let the topic of resolutions die. She seems to let the topic of blue go. I wonder if we should ask… there is a minute while she is looking at me and I can tell there’s something I’m meant to say and then that moment is gone and she’s off to get popcorn. I’ve already gotten the situation handled, there are five different types of popcorn in the pantry. Extra butter, aged cheddar, sweet and salty, regular and movie theater… which to me tastes the same as extra butter but I guess is different somehow. Whatever. **** popcorn and its intricacies. I like my things simple. I like my coffee to taste like coffee. My cigarettes to taste like cigarettes and my popcorn to taste like popcorn. No reason to have 50 flavors of something. I don’t get the whole menthol cigarette thing. They have breath mints. They are minty. They give you the mint flavor ~and~ they cover the smell of the smoke. Minty cigarettes only do half of that. Damn I need a smoke. I get the pack out of my pocket, get up and head to the balcony after pausing the movie.
Seems this flick is very much an alien version of cowboys vs Indians only the cowboys are the bad guys. Maybe the cowboys were the bad guys in reality but they have cool hats. Beats feathers in your hair I guess. I’m a little confused at the whole Avatar movie though. They connect their hair to animals to control them, they connect their hair to their women to **** them… are they ******* their animals when they do that? If Avatar is saying the humans are the white man invading the Indian’s land then is it also saying the Indians screwed horses? I’m a little lost on Jame’s Cameron’s meaning here.
Once I’m outside I light up my cig and smoke slowly. I always smoke slowly. If you are going to do something that’s gonna kill you you best enjoy the hell out of it I figure. Maybe a chance will come up to ask Roxanne what I want to ask her. Maybe not. She looks damned good in that tank top though. I watch her moving around in the kitchen and I remember back to our high school years. Damn how bad I wanted her back then. Still feel that same way a lot of the time now but there just so much ******** and pain underlying.
I wish I knew what was going on in her head.
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 01 Jan 2016, 11:50
by Roxanne Ballard (DELETED 7623)
Lucas is a very simple creature yet complicated if that makes any sense at all. It must be true because I am coming to that conclusion as I open his cupboards and find he has more varieties of popcorn than the store I usually shop at. Two are open so the other three are not his favorite. I shrug and opt to make one of the three that aren’t open as well as one from two of the boxes that are opened. I listen to the background dialog from the movie while I unwrap and place the microwave package in to cook. I make the one I have chosen to nibble on first so that his is obviously hot when I carry it back into the living room. It is considerate and I am really trying to shrug off all the reasons I held on to that had me less likely to do so in the past.
I glance through the window and see he found his way outside. The years have found him and me as well. I am aware of it as I notice my hand setting down his bowl of popcorn where he will return to sit. I settle back in folding my legs and lean over to take a handful of popcorn. Staring at the frozen image on the screen I wonder just how long the make-up for this film took the make-up artists to apply. I chew slowly and try to guess the species of some big tree that they are hanging around. I find my hand is empty before I can come up with fair guess to either of my questions.
My hands are greasy with butter when his phone rings. I watch the screen flash but ignore the number that appears. Instead I get up and go search in the kitchen for the napkins I forgot to bring out earlier. After a successful search and seize I am back where I was sitting before and this time I stretch out and get really comfortable. I don’t plan on getting up until the movie is over. My hand is full of popcorn again and there is still a massive tree with blue beings around it.
As I sip my refreshed wine I wonder if Bob Ross would be inspired to paint such a tree. Maybe he has seen this movie. If he has I would think he would know what type of tree it is. Where the hell do I think up these things? I decide the wine is working its magic. Why else would I be getting into the tree on the television screen while I wait for Lucas to finish feeding the night air his second hand smoke? His cell phone lights up again and distracts me. I reach over and do the right thing and grab another handful of popcorn.
I never made a habit of checking his pockets, his cellphone or anything else when we did live together. I perhaps should have but I figured if there was something to know it was better coming from his mouth than to have to find it out on my own. Falling into that trap of distrust is one hard to walk out of. Suspicious minds lead to where we are at now which is guessing what the other is thinking and feeling. On second thought...since I am already there. I wipe my hand clear of the butter flavored oil in my palm and answer it while the screen is still illuminating.
“Hello?” Of course there is a pause, a sigh then the caller disconnects.
I hear the door open and close. Now I get to explain answering his phone. If it bugs him he will get over it. I am already. If it is that important they will call back a third time. I reach for the remote and start the movie back up. Something about this tree has to be significant to those gathered around it. With the click of a button I set them free to move once more and hopefully get closer to revealing what makes the tree stand out from all the others.
Re: Crimes & Punishment-(Closed)
Posted: 01 Jan 2016, 15:24
by Lucas Ballard
She has my phone. She’s answered my phone. ****. I flick the smoke out over the city streets below and step in, pulling the sliding glass door closed behind me. I make my way over to the couch and see she’s made me popcorn. I look at her bowl. Win she’s made one that I didn’t already have here.
I know my girl.
Yeah, right.
“Who was it?” It’ll either be work, Andrea, which is doubtful, I spoke with her earlier. I pray it wasn’t the office as I sit down next to her and slide an arm around her, pull her against me so she can cuddle in to watch the end of the movie with me. Right about then I remember. There are other people in the world. Some of them would want to call and wish me Happy New Year. That wouldn’t be a problem if I hadn’t been with them throughout mine and Roxie’s years of estrangement. Or if she hadn’t. Better not be Neil. I’m already sick of him. Suddenly I’m hoping it’s work. Something about a case that needs my attention. Even having to abandon this night to pick it up later would be better than having it abandoned and fucked up now.