Pointless Dribble

[Klara]

“I DON'T CARE!" Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"
"You do care," said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. "You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.” ~ J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Dear Lenore,

I did it. I left him. If it was such the right thing to do like they all said, why don’t I feel better about it? Why do I feel like a huge chunk of me has disappeared?

I have no fight left in me. He wants me it’s his turn to come and fight for me. I’ve always been the one to fight for him now it’s his turn. He has given me words but no action. Every suggestion I gave that had worked for us in the past to talk through our pain he refused.

I’ve told him over and over how much I trust him. He knows I'm unable to lie, I'm cursed with the truth. The couple of people who came to me I told them the same. He thinks because I don’t trust her I don’t trust him. I do trust him but I don’t trust her. I have issues with someone who lies to me, who tells others I said something when I did not and for some reason he translates my distrust to him.

I love him so much it hurts. He is everything to me. All I ever wanted from him was my proper place in his life. I should be first to him and he should be first to me. No one should ever come before our spouses. Not sire, not child, not friend.

He is my best friend, my companion, my mate, my everything. I could have lived my entire life without ever speaking to another person if I had too. Sadly, we both had become so busy we started living our lives separately. Even then, my biggest joy was coming home and waiting for my husband to get home from work, to soothe the strain of the day from him. His biggest joy became going out with friends, rather one main friend, doing things with her, talking to her.

It hurt so bad the night at the bar to find them there, to be invited after the fact, to share something with her at his request that was painful only to get a giant **** you from her as she acted like I didn’t exist, only my husband existed for her. Sitting right there beside him, she wouldn’t even look at me. He was angry about her behavior he told me later. But apparently not angry enough to say I will not have people in my life that show my wife so little respect. Had that been a friend of mine do that Simon, I would’ve said something right then and there and called them out in public and that would have been the last time I call them friend. Especially after they had already snubbed me once before.

Simon was wrong too just do nothing. He made me feel worthless.

It’s all water under the bridge now. The ball is in his court and I don’t think he wants to play anymore though. I can’t take this pain. Doc says it will get easier but right now I do not know how but he says take it one day at a time and time will heal the pain.

Part of me is waiting for him to come but another part is telling me to give up that he won’t.

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. ~ Helen Keller

[Klara]

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~ Author Unknown

Dear Lenore,

I did it. I set him free. I never knew anything could hurt so much. I wanted to die as I watched him walk out the door. I collapsed in the middle of the floor and couldn’t move I laid there for two days crying. If he could’ve have just stopped changing his story and said I’m sorry, it will never happen again I would’ve caved but he didn’t. I told him he was free to go be with Renee but he said he would stay single and just work on his business. Time will tell.

I deserve to have a husband that would go to hell and back for me. Looking back in our marriage, he always stood up for everyone but me. It was always me that fought.

I know he loves me but he didn’t know how to cherish me. He was my life and I feel like a piece of me is missing but Doc is so right, I deserve so much more out of the man I choose to love. As much as I love him, I have to move on. I pray he becomes that man I know he can be but I can’t sit around and wait while he makes me feel like I don’t matter

I love you Simon Cross, I always will, please be what I need you to be.

When we used
To say goodnight
I'd always kiss
And hold you tight
But lately

You don't seem
To care
You close the door
And leave me
Standing there

Oh, honey
That's not fair
That's it
I quit
I'm movin' on

The other night
We had a date
An you showed up
To hours late
And though your hair

Was all in place
Somebody smeared
Their lipstick
On your face

Oh, they smeared it
Every place
Ye that's it honey
I quit I'm movin' on

Ohh

You made me want you
You made me leave you
You made me tumble
And fall

But if I
Can't have you the way
I want you
I don't want you at all

Baby, I can take a lot
Cause I love
Everything you got
Though your kisses

Fill me
So if you got
Someone else
I gotta go

Oh, that you know
Ye that's it honey
I quit I'm movin' on

Ohh

You made me want you
You made me leave you
You made me tumble

And fall, but if I
Can't have you the way
I want you
I don't want you at all

Baby
I can take a lot
Cause I love
Everything you got
Though your kisses

Fill me
So if you got
Someone else
I gotta go

Oh, that you know
So that's it baby
I quit I'm movin' on

Ye that's it baby
I quit now
I'm movin' on

[Klara]

Sometimes you just gotta be your own hero and save your own little heart. Because sometimes, the people you can't imagine living without can actually live without you. ~ author unknown

Dear Lenore,

It’s done. There is no working things out at this point and frankly, I doubt there ever will be. You say you’re sorry I hurt you but to only continue in the actions that caused the hurt is unacceptable. He’d rather have a friend who has been rude in front of his very face over his wife. He says he has no feelings for her but I honestly don’t believe him. His actions betray him at every turn. If I was as important to him as she says I am, we would be together. I gave him every chance to fix things and he refused, he wouldn’t even make a compromise. I am done and I told him that.

I still love him and he says he loves me but again his actions show something very different. I do feel bad that he worked so hard to change his reputation but yet that same reputation has reared its ugly head. He is no longer my worry. She created the rumors let her fix them. I am washing my hands of all of this and try to forget the things I know were not the truth.

Doc was right about everything and I should have listened sooner; but the heart wants what the heart wants and I had to see that his words were empty so I could make the break. Simon was a weak man, is a weak, man gets tossed to and fro. I will not be put into a position where I have to compete for my own husband. We had a good marriage until someone came in feeling they had more rights to him than I did. If he can’t see what’s before him, he can find out the hard way.

I can honestly say I was always faithful; I never even looked at another man or wanted him. I can hold my head up knowing I was a good wife to him. I wish him luck. I do hope he’s happy; he gave up security for who knows what. He wants the final divorce he can file for it; I’m not wasting my money to make him happy anymore.

Good my sweet Simon, may life treat you better than you did me.

Klara

[Klara]

Dear Lenore,

My birthday was 2 days ago. I spent it alone. It sucked. Guess I should get used to it. I think maybe a trip is in order so I won't think about being a lone on Christmas.

Klara

[Klara]

Christmas is the spirit of giving without a thought of getting. It is happiness because we see joy in people. It is forgetting self and finding time for others. It is discarding the meaningless and stressing the true values. ~ Thomas S. Monson

Dear Lenore,

This Christmas season did not turn out how I expected. Never in a million years would I have dreamed that my marriage would’ve ended a couple weeks before and I would be alone but out of nowhere a blessing dropped into my lap and I had one of the most precious Christmas Eve’s I have ever had the pleasure of having.


Pi and Elliot invited whoever from the family wanted to come and hang out at the Den for the evening. Not really wanting to be alone I hit Pi up and asked if she minded if I came as well since she welcomed me into her home and as always she was gracious and said they would love to have me. When I arrived, I was able to have the pleasure of meeting Skylar and saw Elliot beneath a hole in the floor with a tree and busy trying to dig a hole. When I asked, what was going on Pi answered matter of factly the tree wouldn’t fit in the bucket so they were putting it there. I just watched until it became apparent this was their Christmas tree. She set Skylar and me to work making the ornaments. Skylar made the flowers and Pi gave me gems to attach to pinecones. Once Elliot was done, the tree decorated, I made a star from twigs and some old barbed wire I found and a light was placed on the ground shoot up through the tree. It was one of the simplest trees but one of the most beautiful trees I have ever seen. Pi gave me the jewels to keep once the ornaments came down from the tree. Her generosity humbled and overwhelmed me. I know Elliot and Doc have their differences but both men have been nothing but kindness personified to me and I love them both. I know it would have been easy for Elliot to just dismiss me but he didn’t, he accepted me for who I was, not who I knew. He’s good man no matter what Doc thinks.


Pi and Elliot will never know what they did for me that night. It would have been easy to have slipped into a depression or go spend the night in gangland killing things and getting myself hurt but instead I now have one of the most precious memories of my life and I have them to thank for it.


Late Christmas night brought its own surprise to my door. I almost didn’t answer the knock and when I did, I was stunned to see Simon standing there. I had texted him earlier to come by when he had time, never dreaming he would show up Christmas night. I had ordered a ring for him months earlier that had been specially commissioned. I thought about trying to sell it but decided I might as well give it to him, we still loved one another and it suited him. He loved the ring and truly was touched by it. I knew he hadn’t gotten me anything but it felt good to just do something nice not expecting anything in return. Then he shocked me and had gotten me a gift, a gift that I had tried desperately to buy myself since college; the original flute used on stage at the premier performance of Mozart’s Magic Flute back in the 1700’s. My college director who was one of Mozart’s ancestors had given it to me on his deathbed and his sister-in-law, stolen it, and sold it. I had never thought to see that flute again. Simon knew I would love the gift but he had no idea just how special the gift was to me. For that, I will always be grateful to him. We actually spent a pleasant time just talking and holding one another, like we used too. It had felt good to be in his arms again. It made me wonder if we would be able to work out our differences in the future.


Over all it was a bittersweet Christmas but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.


This whole holiday has been an interesting time. I’ve met some new people that are all interesting in their own right. A human named Dragon who I ran into at Lancaster’s one night. I was drunk and pulled a sword on him but we are to have drinks again as an apology. I did feel bad about my behavior. He’s different, very blunt and to the point. It was annoying while drunk so curious to see if it’s still as annoying when I’m sober. If I pull a sword on him this time while sober, it may end up embedded in his heart. I met another man named Stefan Franco. He is a childre of Elizabeth. I haven’t talked to her for ages. Sounds like there are some issues there but he seems to love her and I’m sure it will all work out in the end. He had found my email somewhere and asked if I knew of a graphic artist and had some questions so we met for drinks instead of trying to explain things the long way. He seems like a really nice guy. I was so embarrassed having worn my sweater from the ugly Christmas sweater party Mortll threw but I didn’t have time to run home and change. He laughed and took it good-naturedly. I found myself enjoying talking to him once I got past my initial feeling that I was doing something wrong. Then I met Mortll’s soon to be new child Leonitus though I’m not sure he knows what’s coming. Apparently, he’s in town looking for his cousin who had was a rancher and disappeared. I get the feeling Mortll knows something about it. I also got the feeling Mortll would be playing matchmaker once he was turned, I do have to admit he’s a looker and could keep a woman happy and satisfied in more ways than one.


I’m not sure what my future will hold. I do think Simon and I were undermined by someone who either had friends help or used their friends without them knowing but ultimately it was our choice to listen to others. One day the truth will all come out and if they truly did what I think they did it shows the kind of person they really are. One truth I do know is that relationships will never work when you put another over your spouse. I hope Simon has learned that because until he does, he will never have a relationship that will work.


I am taking it one day at time and meeting some really nice people but most of all I’m thankful for the Christmas I had. Now if New Year’s Eve would turn out to be half as nice but I have a feeling I will be going to bed early.

[Klara]

If someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll make an effort to be in it. So don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn’t make the effort to stay. ~ author unknown

It’s better to have nobody than to have someone who is half there, or doesn’t want to be there. ~ author unknown

Dear Lenore,

I thought New Year’s Eve was going to be horrible but yet again, I was surprised. Maybe I should get used to this. I received a text from Crissy which to be honest shocked me. I figured I was the last person she wanted to talk too. I met her at the Metronome. She wanted to know how I was doing since the break up and I have to admit, it really meant a lot to me that she cared enough to ask. She gave her a good pep talk, which I needed desperately. She is right, I am more than just someone’s wife. I can be a wife and do all kinds of things. She also came up with the idea of a divorce party. I wasn’t sure at first, it seemed a little in your face but he did move on publically and Crissy is right, I do need something to mark the ending of one thing and the beginning of my life as a single woman.

She also told me to get in touch with Aurelius Zietsaf. She felt we would hit off and could become friends. I sent him a text and he texted back. He seems nice enough so we’ll see. I’m always in the mood for new friends. Just not sure about romantic involvement yet.

Overall, the night was enjoyable and it made me think of a few things of what I truly wanted for my future. I’m looking forward to party. I hope people show up, it could be fun to just let loose. Crissy is being kind enough to help me some. I owe her.

Life is turning out to not be what I expected. I really hope things continue to look up.

[Klara]

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. ~ Seneca

Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be. ~ Unknown

Dear Lenore,

Tonight was my divorce party, my ‘Happily Never After Party’. I was surprised at how many people came and many of them I did not know. It was a lot of fun to meet some new people. Nix pissed off Doc and something upset Kenlie but otherwise it was a wonderful party. It was bittersweet though as I know I have to put Simon in my past. I’ll always love him and I will always miss what we had but it’s in my past now. At first, it was really, odd being at a party without him but Aurelius was a total sweetheart and gave me confidence. If Simon wants to be friends, he will contact me and if he doesn’t then I know I was right all along.

Aurelius coming to the party meant a lot to me. I could tell parties aren’t his favorite thing but it was really sweet that he’d be willing to do that for me. I’m beginning to really like him a lot. We’ve spent a lot of time together lately. There is just something about him that I can’t get enough of. He’s almost too good to be true.

Stefan showed up late as well and it was good to see him. He’s so thoughtful and sweet and becoming a good friend and important part of life. I know he was busy but he made time to come and support me. I do think he’d like it to turn into more but he respects that I’m not interested in a relationship. When it’s time I’ll know.

I really don’t know what I want so I am just going to take it slow, get to know people, date around and have fun in life again. I wish things had been different. From now on, no looking back only forward. I can honestly say I’m content right now.

[Klara]

…And the truth shall set you free… ~ John 8:32

Dear Lenore,

It’s taken me some time to process my feelings about my meeting with Crissy. I was faced with confirmation of the truth, the sum of my fears and seeing Crissy in such a state that I was afraid for her and helpless to do anything. Overwhelming doesn’t begin to describe what I felt.

After seeing Crissy’s anger full force I stand even firmer in my conviction that she just needs to let him take his licks. When he comes crying to her that things didn’t work out how he thought, remind him of how hell bent he was in having what he wanted and tell him to get comfortable, it was his bed to lie in. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help or doesn’t see they have a problem and after all of this I do believe Simon is one of those people.

I do appreciate everything Crissy did, though at times she was in the way and hurt more than helped but her heart was in the right place. I wonder if she tells him the things she tells me. Those are the things he needs to hear.

Crissy confirmed my fears about Simon and Renee. I thought I’d be angry at him and I guess a part of me is but it was a relief knowing I was right and all those times I knew he was lying to my face and everything pointed to them sleeping together; I wasn’t crazy. My instincts were spot on.

I have to admit that I feel sorry for him. He gave up a woman who loved him unconditionally and would forgive him for a woman who didn’t care she was breaking up a marriage. How a woman could stay involved or get involved with a man when they knew the wife still loved him, was involved and asks you to stay away is beyond me. It doesn’t say much for her character at all and now she hasn’t even been around the city and can’t be found. Convenient time for a trip.

As much as all this hurt, at least I found out before I’d given him a lifetime. He’s better off to just stay single and **** whom he wants. This would have most likely happened sooner if Lyana had been willing to sleep with him. If Renee thinks she has tamed him, she’ll find out he’ll do the same to her. A beautiful woman pays a little attention to him and all the blood rushes southward and he forgets.

At least I know the truth and maybe in time I’ll even get an apology from him for lying to me but I’m not holding my breath. I really thought he had changed. He has so many good qualities that I hope one day he will.

I’ve moved on with my life and have met some really nice people. They say the truth shall set you free….yeah it really does.

[Klara]

It is risk to love. What if it doesn’t work out? Ah, but what if it does. ~ Peter McWilliams

It wasn’t love at first sight; it took a full five minutes. ~ Lucille Ball

Dear Lenore,

I honestly don’t know where to begin. I was not prepared for this nor was I looking for this. I was content in being single and dating but then he shot me and my world turned upside down. Since that first night I met vada, we’ve been inseparable.

My first instinct when I saw that he had inadvertently shot me was to ram the gun in his mouth and blow his head off but the look on his face spoke volumes. When I slammed him against the wall, telling me I was stunning to look at threw me for a loop. It had been totally unexpected. The man actually admitted and apologized for what he did and then tells me I’m stunning. I hadn’t seen that coming at all but it did a nice job of diffusing my anger almost immediately.

We went for drinks and he walked me home and by time we arrived at my apartment I realized it was going to be hard to live without him and he felt the same. I don’t believe in love at first sight but this is pretty darn close. I love him and I’m not ashamed to admit that in such a short time I could feel this way. I don’t know what the future holds. I’d like to think it’s with vada and will last forever but I learned with Simon it’s better to be content each and not worry about the future.

I’m afraid. I thought I could trust once before and I was wrong but I found someone that speaks to my soul and I’m willing to take a chance again.

[Klara]

Broken trust and anger will close a heart until honesty and love is once again found. ~ Author unknown

Dear Lenore,

Oh. My. Gosh.

Vada

I never knew someone could become so important in your life in such a short amount. The man is more than I ever hoped existed. Just the thought of him makes me swoon…and he’s mine. All mine. He doesn’t even notice the other woman in this city and protective doesn’t even begin to describe how he is with me. I want nothing more than his happiness

I truly feel cherished, special, like a rare diamond and that is because of him. I never thought I would love so completely again but vada owns me heart, mind, body and soul as I do him.

I’m not going to analyze how I feel or if this is smart or not, I’m going to live in the moment and enjoy my man and my life. In the three years since I came to this city I have never been this happy. There was no decisions between women, no sires trying to interfere, no threats, no lies, just a man and a woman falling love and realizing their whole life had driven them to that one moment in time.

I’m out of the fog, the hurt and anger gone; my heart is full of love for this wonderful man. I know there will be difficulties as with any relationship but he seems as committed as I am to work through anything that comes our way.

I’m happy and utterly in love.