December 28th 2011
Dear Willy,
People are A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G. And stupid. Equal measures of both, most of the time. I swear to God... This is annoying, frustrating and just plain gross (and I do mean that cowardly little ********). Leave. Me. Alone. Or. I. Will. Kill. You.
Until you're dead.
I'm happy. I like hunting. I don't necessarily like killing, but it clears my thoughts. I understand being upset, angry even, when your close friend gets killed for a masquerade violation. I can even be sympathetic and hold hair when people sob at me for doing it (which I have done; I'm not a heartless *****, Willy-you-asshole). Accusing me of doing it for ulterior motives, though? Nah. If that were the truth, a lot of people would be dead while I hid behind the excuse of the masquerade. That's what was done to me; I wouldn't readily do it to anyone else. All in all, I understand upset.
What I don't understand is the incessant need to *****, moan and complain about every minute little thing. I don't understand threats and violence just because the mistakes of one person had to be repaired, even if they couldn't be erased, not even by death. So I killed your idiotic masquerade breaking relative in your apartment? A) I didn't have anyone traipse through your goddamn living room to kill anyone; it was just me following a tip. I wasn't about to waste my time or resources summoning a mystic, teleporting them out and whatnot when I could just... kill them there. B) It's not like I went in there all bloodthirsty against you or your house. Holy ****; it's a bunch of coincidence, you paranoid freaks. I do not give a **** about you until you start accusing me of harassing you. Which is insane. Duh.
If people want to snap at me, they should find something that isn't completely irrelevant and nit picky to do it over. I mean, come on! Hell, I could probably come up with a list of my flaws as long as my arm, so why not pick at the obvious... But no... you choose to pick at stupid, insignificant details. I've never been the most... agreeable person when I feel like I'm being attacked, but hot ******* damn! Come up with a reasonable, logical rebuttal and I'll not resort to wanting to stab your ugly face in. Not you, of course, Willy. Names shall be withheld in case this magical book of journalism falls into the wrong hands.
DUN DUN DUN
Scary.
In case this does fall into the wrong hands, though, it might be nice for people to actually realize I don't kill people for money. That's just a pretty bonus at the end of the monochromatic, red rainbow. What I like is not getting mobbed by humans; I've heard enough about the Holocaust to know I don't want a repeat. And if I wanted money, I'd take up some kind of skill... like hacking. But I don't. I give away the majority of my bounty shares, so it's not exactly greed that's driving me, here; if it were, it would probably be pretty obvious.
Anyway. I need cuddles before I tear my hair out... and Mal wouldn't like me much if I went bald, I don't think.
Ta,
Phoenix the Philanthropist
Ashes to Ashes
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
December 28th 2011 {Again}
Dear Willy,
I almost forgot and this should be recorded somewhere so I never forget AND so I can flash it in his face later. I saved Asher's ***. He owes me like... his life and stuff. Mal probably won't be all that happy about it, but I feel like I did my one positive-Karma-giving thing for the day.
Go me,
Nix
Dear Willy,
I almost forgot and this should be recorded somewhere so I never forget AND so I can flash it in his face later. I saved Asher's ***. He owes me like... his life and stuff. Mal probably won't be all that happy about it, but I feel like I did my one positive-Karma-giving thing for the day.
Go me,
Nix
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
July 6th, 2012
Dear Willy,
I just found you in the oven after forgetting you existed for like 6 months. Oh ****. I'm really sorry and stuff, but I don't have the time to write in your fleshy little pages right now. Don't ask me why I was looking in the oven, just be glad I didn't accidentally bake your sorry ***.
I'll write something synoptic - is that a word? - tomorrow. Or the next day. But probably tomorrow. I kinda missed a lot and I think if I start writing, I won't be able to stop, so I'll do it when I have the time to do it properly... and no audience to watch me cry.
Love and apologies,
Phoenix Altaire
Dear Willy,
I just found you in the oven after forgetting you existed for like 6 months. Oh ****. I'm really sorry and stuff, but I don't have the time to write in your fleshy little pages right now. Don't ask me why I was looking in the oven, just be glad I didn't accidentally bake your sorry ***.
I'll write something synoptic - is that a word? - tomorrow. Or the next day. But probably tomorrow. I kinda missed a lot and I think if I start writing, I won't be able to stop, so I'll do it when I have the time to do it properly... and no audience to watch me cry.
Love and apologies,
Phoenix Altaire
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
July 10th, 2012
Dear Diary,
I said I'd write, so I decided I would. I suppose I should start with a brief summary of what's happened in 2012.
On January 13th, Malachai and I were married (minus all the Christian/religious hoohah). In three days, we'll be celebrating our six month anniversary. I honestly could not be happier with the partner I've chosen to devote myself to, which is sappy, and he'd better not ever read this, because then he'd know I actually do like him, and I'd rather keep him guessing.
... Then again, I think the marriage ruined that whole illusion of me playing hard to get. Oh well.
I haven't seen him as much lately, but I still love him more than anything else; he makes me a better person when he's around.
On to more sinister things...
Grigori waged a war against DC. We won by... well, we kicked the **** out of them. I was leading, of course. Without getting egotistical, I was in charge... Afterwards, a bunch of stuff just happened. I felt very used and unappreciated after everything I'd done to keep people safe. I mentioned how shitty I felt about not being recognized at all for what I'd done, so Mircea and Habren offered me a position as 'war leader'. It seemed fake and forced and just something done to shut me up.
I was upset. I rejected the offer. I sulked.
When they explained that it wasn't meant to be lip service, I accepted on a few conditions. Until those conditions were met, I felt no obligation to honor their conditions. And then Tristan happened.
I wanted to attack him for a bounty. Habren flipped her nuggets. We fought. I snapped at her and told her I was leaving. I said I quit and I was done with Grigori. I meant it when I quit the position I'd just acquired; I hadn't really meant I was leaving, but Mircea didn't even bother asking me before kicking me out. He hadn't even been there when I'd said it... he walked in later and did his typical Habren-puppet act. "No need to talk to Phoenix about this... Habren said so, so it must be true. She never, ever, ever overreacts/lies/manipulates me to satisfy her own agenda." Stupid, blind man...
So I left. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to lash out and do something and be as far away from everyone as possible... I wanted to be accepted for who I was, for once, and not for who someone thought I should be. So I did something dumb... I talked to Velveteen about joining Tytonidae. She said she'd work with me, and then I did something even more stupid: I believed her.
Then they helped kill me because Hariasa asked them to, over some stupidity at the Necropolis.
And now?
Now... I guess I just don't care.
Then again, who am I kidding? I don't see why I should lie to a book nobody else will ever read. I do care, I just don't want to care anymore. I don't want to be hurt anymore by people who claim to give a damn, but then show their true colors. I did so, so much for Grigori, even after I left, because they were still my friends... but they never did anything for me when I needed it. I let a lot of them into my home, protected them, helped them when they needed it... and yet when I ask for one small thing, I couldn't even get that...
C'est la vie... I guess I just care too much and expect that to be reciprocated.
Now I know better.
Maybe someday things will change, but for now I'm content sitting back and watching everything I ever cared about crumble and burn. Maybe someday I truly won't care.
Yours,
Phoenix Altaire
Dear Diary,
I said I'd write, so I decided I would. I suppose I should start with a brief summary of what's happened in 2012.
On January 13th, Malachai and I were married (minus all the Christian/religious hoohah). In three days, we'll be celebrating our six month anniversary. I honestly could not be happier with the partner I've chosen to devote myself to, which is sappy, and he'd better not ever read this, because then he'd know I actually do like him, and I'd rather keep him guessing.
... Then again, I think the marriage ruined that whole illusion of me playing hard to get. Oh well.
I haven't seen him as much lately, but I still love him more than anything else; he makes me a better person when he's around.
On to more sinister things...
Grigori waged a war against DC. We won by... well, we kicked the **** out of them. I was leading, of course. Without getting egotistical, I was in charge... Afterwards, a bunch of stuff just happened. I felt very used and unappreciated after everything I'd done to keep people safe. I mentioned how shitty I felt about not being recognized at all for what I'd done, so Mircea and Habren offered me a position as 'war leader'. It seemed fake and forced and just something done to shut me up.
I was upset. I rejected the offer. I sulked.
When they explained that it wasn't meant to be lip service, I accepted on a few conditions. Until those conditions were met, I felt no obligation to honor their conditions. And then Tristan happened.
I wanted to attack him for a bounty. Habren flipped her nuggets. We fought. I snapped at her and told her I was leaving. I said I quit and I was done with Grigori. I meant it when I quit the position I'd just acquired; I hadn't really meant I was leaving, but Mircea didn't even bother asking me before kicking me out. He hadn't even been there when I'd said it... he walked in later and did his typical Habren-puppet act. "No need to talk to Phoenix about this... Habren said so, so it must be true. She never, ever, ever overreacts/lies/manipulates me to satisfy her own agenda." Stupid, blind man...
So I left. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to lash out and do something and be as far away from everyone as possible... I wanted to be accepted for who I was, for once, and not for who someone thought I should be. So I did something dumb... I talked to Velveteen about joining Tytonidae. She said she'd work with me, and then I did something even more stupid: I believed her.
Then they helped kill me because Hariasa asked them to, over some stupidity at the Necropolis.
And now?
Now... I guess I just don't care.
Then again, who am I kidding? I don't see why I should lie to a book nobody else will ever read. I do care, I just don't want to care anymore. I don't want to be hurt anymore by people who claim to give a damn, but then show their true colors. I did so, so much for Grigori, even after I left, because they were still my friends... but they never did anything for me when I needed it. I let a lot of them into my home, protected them, helped them when they needed it... and yet when I ask for one small thing, I couldn't even get that...
C'est la vie... I guess I just care too much and expect that to be reciprocated.
Now I know better.
Maybe someday things will change, but for now I'm content sitting back and watching everything I ever cared about crumble and burn. Maybe someday I truly won't care.
Yours,
Phoenix Altaire
Last edited by Phoenix on 19 Jul 2012, 05:14, edited 2 times in total.
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
July 18th, 2012
Dear Willy,
I've come to the unpleasant realization that there are few things I'm truly good at in this life. I think I'm very good at destroying... killing... and it makes me a bit sad. I went into a duel to the death tonight knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would win. What kind of person enjoys watching blood fly and flesh rip and a person, another thinking person, fall dead before them?
I certainly don't know what kind of person that is, but that's me. Maybe I'm sick, twisted and broken, but it's me. My name is Phoenix Altaire and I am good at few things: killing is one of them. I killed Ripper tonight and I liked it.
I don't feel like I'm a bad person for it, though... I think I've accepted that this is how I am: violent and vicious. This is who I am... and maybe now that I know who I am, I can move forward. I'm tired of letting myself think there's something wrong with me for being the way I am; there isn't. I'm perfectly fine, and I'm happy. I don't need anyone else's approval, so long as I have my own.
Love,
PhePhe the Vicious
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
~ Matchbox 20 - Unwell
P.S.: **** Micah; he's an ***.
P.P.S.: I came away from the duel to the death with a scratched arm.
Dear Willy,
I've come to the unpleasant realization that there are few things I'm truly good at in this life. I think I'm very good at destroying... killing... and it makes me a bit sad. I went into a duel to the death tonight knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would win. What kind of person enjoys watching blood fly and flesh rip and a person, another thinking person, fall dead before them?
I certainly don't know what kind of person that is, but that's me. Maybe I'm sick, twisted and broken, but it's me. My name is Phoenix Altaire and I am good at few things: killing is one of them. I killed Ripper tonight and I liked it.
I don't feel like I'm a bad person for it, though... I think I've accepted that this is how I am: violent and vicious. This is who I am... and maybe now that I know who I am, I can move forward. I'm tired of letting myself think there's something wrong with me for being the way I am; there isn't. I'm perfectly fine, and I'm happy. I don't need anyone else's approval, so long as I have my own.
Love,
PhePhe the Vicious
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
~ Matchbox 20 - Unwell
P.S.: **** Micah; he's an ***.
P.P.S.: I came away from the duel to the death with a scratched arm.
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
August 25th, 2012
Well **** me, Willy,
I forgot my own birthday. Today has sucked. I remembered I forgot my own birthday and realized everyone else did, too. Happy belated 25th birthday to me...? I think I'm going to curl up in bed and... sleep until I forget why I was upset in the first place.
I still miss Mal...
On the plus side, I found this cool nutty acorn thing last week. I don't know what it does, but it looks cool.
See you on the flip side,
Nix
Well **** me, Willy,
I forgot my own birthday. Today has sucked. I remembered I forgot my own birthday and realized everyone else did, too. Happy belated 25th birthday to me...? I think I'm going to curl up in bed and... sleep until I forget why I was upset in the first place.
I still miss Mal...
On the plus side, I found this cool nutty acorn thing last week. I don't know what it does, but it looks cool.
See you on the flip side,
Nix
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
September 15th, 2012
Dear Willy,
I'm a very happy little birdy today. Over the past few weeks, I've managed to do 4 of those raid things. So I've gained two nuts, two fetishes and a buttload of cash. Not that I really need the cash. Or the second set of trinkets. So I gave Lia the second fetish for helping, and Elizabeth [Swift, not Noble], is going to get the second nut when I track her down.
I wasn't planning on going for a fourth raid so soon after the third, with my wounds barely healed, but Velveteen pissed me off. I was poking around on the first floor, minding my own business and hunting for keys - to give to Micah, who'd probably have given it to Tytonidae, since I wasn't all that keen on doing it again - when she waltzes her skank *** in and teleports me out. I mosey on back a bit later only to find she's locked me out.
Being me and all, I texted her wanting to know why. Since, yaknow, I didn't deserve it at all. She was a right ***** about the whole thing, even though I told her what I'd been doing. So, despite us talking (here I thought we'd come to some sort of agreement, too), the next day, she locks me out again. There's this saying about hell hathing no fury like a woman scorned. So I hathed fury.
They wanted to win, so they tried to keep me out. I didn't want to win until they tried to keep me out. I teamed up with Niklaus' group and we were pretty damn awesome.
Moral of the story: let sleeping dogs lie; be a ***** and they'll steal your anima, beat you to the top and steal your ******* nut.
Nix out
P.S. If they try to kill me for the anima crap like they did Robert, I will not be very amused when I get back.
Dear Willy,
I'm a very happy little birdy today. Over the past few weeks, I've managed to do 4 of those raid things. So I've gained two nuts, two fetishes and a buttload of cash. Not that I really need the cash. Or the second set of trinkets. So I gave Lia the second fetish for helping, and Elizabeth [Swift, not Noble], is going to get the second nut when I track her down.
I wasn't planning on going for a fourth raid so soon after the third, with my wounds barely healed, but Velveteen pissed me off. I was poking around on the first floor, minding my own business and hunting for keys - to give to Micah, who'd probably have given it to Tytonidae, since I wasn't all that keen on doing it again - when she waltzes her skank *** in and teleports me out. I mosey on back a bit later only to find she's locked me out.
Being me and all, I texted her wanting to know why. Since, yaknow, I didn't deserve it at all. She was a right ***** about the whole thing, even though I told her what I'd been doing. So, despite us talking (here I thought we'd come to some sort of agreement, too), the next day, she locks me out again. There's this saying about hell hathing no fury like a woman scorned. So I hathed fury.
They wanted to win, so they tried to keep me out. I didn't want to win until they tried to keep me out. I teamed up with Niklaus' group and we were pretty damn awesome.
Moral of the story: let sleeping dogs lie; be a ***** and they'll steal your anima, beat you to the top and steal your ******* nut.
Nix out
P.S. If they try to kill me for the anima crap like they did Robert, I will not be very amused when I get back.
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
October 7th, 2012
Dear Willy,
I'm tired. I just got home from this little event thing with Tytonidae. Shockingly, I had fun.
I think I've changed a lot over the past little itty bitty bit and I feel... good. It's been a while, but being calm and level-headed almost suits me. Almost; I rather like it. Mainly because of Micah, I sucked it up and tried to work things out with Velveteen. She was nice about it and that seems to be going well - much better than last time, anyway.
Like I said, I'm home, curled up with the husband thing and happy. And tired. He'd better be asleep, 'cause I'm pretty sure he doesn't know I keep you hidden around various places, William. You're my dirty little secret. Then again, he should be glad I'm just mind-boning a book instead of a real person after his vanishing act. The ********.
At least he still loves me. I love him too. Even when he's a dickface.
Before I pass out and get ink smudges everywhere, I'm just going to stop writing. May add more tomorrow.
Yours,
PhePhe
Dear Willy,
I'm tired. I just got home from this little event thing with Tytonidae. Shockingly, I had fun.
I think I've changed a lot over the past little itty bitty bit and I feel... good. It's been a while, but being calm and level-headed almost suits me. Almost; I rather like it. Mainly because of Micah, I sucked it up and tried to work things out with Velveteen. She was nice about it and that seems to be going well - much better than last time, anyway.
Like I said, I'm home, curled up with the husband thing and happy. And tired. He'd better be asleep, 'cause I'm pretty sure he doesn't know I keep you hidden around various places, William. You're my dirty little secret. Then again, he should be glad I'm just mind-boning a book instead of a real person after his vanishing act. The ********.
At least he still loves me. I love him too. Even when he's a dickface.
Before I pass out and get ink smudges everywhere, I'm just going to stop writing. May add more tomorrow.
Yours,
PhePhe
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
October 8th, 2012
Oh my god. So... about that Ty thing? Micah and I had a bet; I thought Velv was going to be all mean about me wanting to play nice. He said she wouldn't.
I lost the bet by a landslide...
My punishment (his reward?) for losing the bet? He picked my Halloween costume for me... It's this hideous thing; I found a picture online and printed it for posterity's sake. It's that awful.
Yeah. **** life.
Phoenix
Oh my god. So... about that Ty thing? Micah and I had a bet; I thought Velv was going to be all mean about me wanting to play nice. He said she wouldn't.
I lost the bet by a landslide...
My punishment (his reward?) for losing the bet? He picked my Halloween costume for me... It's this hideous thing; I found a picture online and printed it for posterity's sake. It's that awful.
Phoenix
-
Phoenix
- Registered User
- Posts: 3932
- Joined: 27 May 2011, 21:43
- CrowNet Handle: Anonymous
Re: Ashes to Ashes
October 22nd, 2012
Dear Willy,
Why the hell did I glue that picture in you!? I opened your fleshy little pages and saw it and was filled with HORROR that I have to wear that monstrosity. At least Muffin's wearing the gangsta costume to match...
I won Asmodeus in the auction; don't think Mal's too happy about it, but he'll manage. I have to contact him and set up the first play date... which I'll do tomorrow. I think I have everything I need to torment the perverted fuckhead.
I kinda forgot why I opened you in the first place, so I'll just stick you back in the oven until I remember so I don't end up rambling on and on and on and on and on and... well, you get the point.
Love,
Nix
P.S. Mal found you in the oven. Hide better you little booky ***********.
Dear Willy,
Why the hell did I glue that picture in you!? I opened your fleshy little pages and saw it and was filled with HORROR that I have to wear that monstrosity. At least Muffin's wearing the gangsta costume to match...
I won Asmodeus in the auction; don't think Mal's too happy about it, but he'll manage. I have to contact him and set up the first play date... which I'll do tomorrow. I think I have everything I need to torment the perverted fuckhead.
I kinda forgot why I opened you in the first place, so I'll just stick you back in the oven until I remember so I don't end up rambling on and on and on and on and on and... well, you get the point.
Love,
Nix
P.S. Mal found you in the oven. Hide better you little booky ***********.