Death, A New Beginning [Lancaster d’Artois]

[Shadis (DELETED 7818)]

To Shadis, it felt as if she had fallen through a tear in the world of darkness and her eyes snapped open while she took a sudden breath of air. Something wasn’t right, something had happened and her brain just couldn’t process this. Her brown hues stared at the roof above her and she couldn’t help but think, I don’t remember a roof like this. That was until she felt the weight that was laid across her forehead. Her hand lifted to slap at it, but came in contact with skin? She exploded into action and all of a sudden she rolled off the bed and came in contact with the floor. This all felt far too real for her to be dead and she shoved herself up onto her feet, holding a hand out to steady her weight. Pain exploded like a headache through her skull and she felt a burning sensation at her throat, but she ignored all of that because on the opposite side of the bed was Elliot.

“You! What did you do to me?! There was no way you could have save me!” She ran a hand through her hair as she shook her head, it didn’t make sense, nothing made any sense. She should be dead; she had felt her heart stop, heard the last dying beat echo inside her own head. Her gaze shifted around the room and she saw no paramedics, she didn’t even see any medical equipment. “No… No, no, no, no!” Her bare feet paced upon the floor as she struggled to find a reasonable explanation, the man couldn’t have saved her, no regular bar owner could have and where the hell was she? Had he managed to somehow make her throw up the pills? Did the dealer give her dud pills? That would just be her luck, a phony drug dealer. Just wait till she got her hands on that slimy little...

She paused as she looked back to Elliot, the man that was seated in a chair that had been situated near the bed. “Where am I?” She finally whispered as her hands fell to her sides, he must have carried her here, but why? “I don’t understand… The drugs, they should have kicked in and logically should have killed me before anything or anyone could have saved me. How did you?” She lifted a hand to her chest then and felt… The woman felt nothing, she didn’t feel the beating throb of a heartbeat. Did she really hear and felt her heart die? “I really am dead… but… How?” Had she missed her chance to see her mother? Would she never see her again? Questions bubbled inside the woman and slowly she sank down into a seated position upon the bed, with her hand still resting at her chest.

The only common question that kept cropping up inside the woman’s mind was… Why? Then there were questions as to how she was both alive and dead at the same time, but another thought kept invading her mind. She would never see her mother again. Slowly she turned to view Elliot once more, her eyes pleaded with him to give her the answers she needed. He was the only link that she could recall from the moment she died to being here, so perhaps he could fill her in on the details that she missed. “What happened to me Elliot? All I can remember is taking the drugs, a sweet taste and then complete darkness. What happened?” She whispered as confusion settled in. “Why and how did you save me? I thought you just owned the pub? Where am I?” She repeated softly almost to no one in particular.

[Lancaster]

Lancaster remained seated as Shadis flew away from him. His fingers steepled in front of his mouth, covering half his face as he watched her, as he was hit with her sudden barrage of questions. All very pertinent questions. These were the things that he had thought about while she was sleeping; if she survived. If she was alive. Would she thank him, or would she hate him? Should he have just let her die? Should he have called the ambulance and told everyone there was nothing else he could have done? He had done his best? He could have lived with the guilt. He had enough guilt as it was.

And perhaps it didn’t matter. Perhaps she would hate him, and the guilt would be just the same. He had given eternal life to someone who did not want to live at all. He saw potential in her, however. He saw… what did he see? He just shook his head.

He stood, then, and held out his hands as if trying to tame a wild horse. Though he kept his distance. The last thing he wanted was for Shadis to run screaming bloody murder. He didn’t need that kind of attention brought to his establishment. The only way he could get her to calm down was by answering her questions, as best as he could.

”You’re still at the pub. The backpackers is under our feet. The pub is on the bottom floor. This is… this is where I live,” he said, as calmly as he could. It wasn’t where he lived. Not really. But it helped the explanation.

”The drugs worked just fine. But I… you are dead, but not in the conventional way. I want you to trust me, Shadis. You don’t want to die. There’s nothing for you there. I saved you because I… I didn’t want to see you die,” he said. Which was the honest truth. Maybe it was selfish. He hadn’t wanted that on his conscience. He’d acted on a whim. He hoped it wasn’t the wrong one.

”You’re not going to believe me at first. I didn’t believe it at first. You’re thirsty, right? You’re craving blood. Only blood will make you feel better. I’m… I’m a vampire. The sweet thing you remember tasting was my blood. You’re it, now. You’re like me. I saved you the only way I knew how,” he said, expression twisting as he heard the words come out of his mouth. He was already trying to circle toward the door. Trying to cut off her exit, if she tried to call him insane. He had seen the way she had grasped at her chest; she had no heartbeat. Surely that had to be proof enough that he was telling the truth?

Any relief that he’d had that the blood had worked - that she was alive, and not truly dead - was replaced by a sudden anxiety. Why did he always have to try to save everyone?!

[Shadis (DELETED 7818)]

Laughter, uncontrollable laughter bubbled up to her lips and she folded in half laughing. A vampire? She was a bloody vampire? Dead, yet not dead and for some reason she couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that he had just called both of them a vampire. Seeing as she had been a professor of Occult Studies, she believed… To an extent, but she had never dreamed that such things actually existed. After the laughter had died down, she straightened her position and watched Elliot’s form, he was serious. She thought back for a moment as she remembered the sweet coppery taste and she couldn’t help but think that he really was telling the truth. Blood held iron and most people described iron as coppery tasting. This man before her couldn’t bear to see her die? They had only talked for a few moments before she had taken off and he had cared enough to check on her? To save her?

The smile slipped off of her face and she lifted a hand to rub at her burning throat, was that the thirst that he was talking about? Shadis shook her head as a simple sigh found its way to her lips and she ran her fingers through her hair. Thinking about everything with a clear mind, she realized that her mother had probably wouldn’t have wanted her to commit suicide, that she would have wanted her to live. Elliot had been right, the moment that she had died, there had been nothing, absolutely nothing but darkness on the other side as he saved her. “I guess I owe you for saving my life… I thank you for… Waking me up to the fact that there is nothing for me in death either.” The woman slowly moved to rise from her seated position and she peered up into the man’s eyes. “I’ll leave now; I wouldn’t want to burden you with anything else that involves me.”

She pursed her lips for a moment and she didn’t know what else to say. The burn, no, the thirst that she felt was strong, but she hoped that one day she would be able to control it. Not that she knew anything about being a vampire, she just knew from the look upon this man’s face, that she just didn’t want to burden him anymore than she already had. “Elliot, please stand to the side. I’m grateful that you saved me from my own stupidity, but that is where it should end.” She paused as she turned her head to the side, she didn’t one hundred percent believe him. However, at the moment having been turned into a vampire after having induced so many drugs, was the only logical explanation that she could come up with.

“Elliot, I thank you for saving me, really I do, but I need to go. I can’t just sit here when you look at me like…” She paused as she angled her head to the right and then pointed a finger at him, “like you do.” Shadis didn’t want to be pitied, especially by some man that didn’t even really know her. He had saved her yes, but she didn’t want his pity. Especially considering that what she had found out when she was dead, was that she would never meet her mother ever again. Death was most definitely not the answer that she was chasing, but now that he was saying that she was a vampire, she only felt, well? Thirsty. If she was going to leave this place and if she really was a vampire, then she had to simply believe what this man was saying and eat, well, drink to satisfy her thirst.

[Lancaster]

Lancaster didn’t move.

Shadis accused him of looking at her in some way that she didn’t like, and he had to lift his hands to cover his face. That was the only way he could keep the expression from his face - one he didn’t even know he was wearing. How was he looking at her? He shook his head, and when he wanted to speak he removed his hands. But he didn’t look at Shadis. He looked at the ground.

”What kind of man would I be if I just let you go to deal with this on your own?” he asked. She’d laughed at him. She’d laughed at the very idea of being a vampire, and so she should. Asking to get out could just be a request to get away from a crazy man; to figure out on her own how it was that she had survived. What if she went to a doctor? What if she was seen feeding? What if she avoided feeding because she didn’t believe what it was she needed, and lost control? She could kill. She could kill innocent people, and that kind of guilty conscience was not something he would want to burden her with.

”I’m not sure the way I’m looking at you is a reflection on you, honestly? I’ve had a rough few weeks and I wear my emotions on my sleeves,” he said with a shrug and a half-hearted smile. His palms were held face up, the smile a mere ghost of what it could be. Something was missing, Elliot recognised. Every time he visited that foul place, that dark and grievous place, he lost a part of himself. Reality had lost its texture. He still didn’t feel whole. Like this was all a dream, and he’d wake up any second.

Like he’d woken up, so many times in the Shadow Realm, without being awake at all. Could this just be another dream?

His hands came together in front of him, the nail of his strumming thumb digging surreptitiously into the palm of his other hand. The sting was there, the pain real. Of course it was. It had hurt when his teeth had ripped into his wrist when he’d fed Shadis. He rounded his shoulders and stood up straight.

”I’m not going to disallow you your independence but you can’t leave yet. Or… if you’re determined to leave, I have to come with you. There are things you need to know, and there are things that I can offer you to help,” he said. This woman, he knew, was not a burden. She wasn’t going to be a burden. He did not see her as a burden, not at this moment. If he’d wanted to avoid the responsibility he’d have let her die.

He wondered, vaguely - a thought that didn’t make it to the surface, one that meandered at the back of his mind without solid form - whether he might need her more than she needed him.

[Shadis (DELETED 7818)]

Shadis rocked back upon her heels and a soft sigh fell upon her lips, she could tell that he would probably go through with what he had said. A frown creased her forehead as she thought back to when she had been dying, when he had burst through the door and cried out. In all her life, she never really thought that a complete stranger would do that for anyone; except call an ambulance straight away. He had said that he hadn’t wanted to see her die, but the truth is, no one wanted to see someone else die unless they were a killer. A killer would probably have just let her die with laughter or something and she would have been trapped in that dark emptiness of nothing. Shadis angled her head to the right as her gaze flickered over the man’s form, noting his posture. The way he had covered his face and then looked at the floor, was probably an indication of awkwardness… Or, bad experiences.

Whatever it was, he was offering to help her out, to show her the ropes of her new life. What sane person… Or in this case, a newly turned vampire, would turn down such an offer? “You’re right about one thing, you kinda do wear your emotions on you sleeve. It’s a bad habit you should break. If you’re telling the truth and that’s an if, then I take it that vampires have much more worst enemies out and about than a human would. You kinda need to shake that habit.” For some reason or another, death had brought out her normal self, shaken her up and wrung her out. It had opened her eyes and scared her out of her grief. Her mother might be gone, but killing herself wasn’t the answer. “If you’ve had a rough couple of weeks, maybe you should try doing something fun for a while. Shake it up and get a little loose, at least… That was what my mother once told me when I had found myself at an unhappy road block.”

She shook her head, “Hell, what do I know. If mother was here, she’d probably chastise me for years for pulling the stunt I just did.” Her gaze did drop to her feet then and she remembered the fact that she had kicked off her shoes and, god forbid her clothes were in the room that she had died in. “I don’t know if all the other newly vampires ask this, but I do kinda need some new clothes, I kinda want to stop wearing the ones I died in.” The woman had no idea as to why she was trying to be nice, as she had mostly been someone that enjoyed her work but she never really had spent time with people. However, now she had time to make friends, now that she was dead and had forever to make them.

“I’ll try to be a good learner, but I’ve never really been good at that. I more or less like to read, study, teach and be a bit pushy. However, I’ll make an exception for you, just because you saved my life.” She managed to smile at the man, “How about, we make a deal. I’ll try not to be who I truly am, a pain in the ***, if you give me a hand with…” She held her left hand out wide then before continuing, “With this new life. You know, show me the ropes a little and I promise to pay you back. I hate owing someone.” Shadis held her right hand out towards him in an offer to shake his hand. “Deal?”

[Lancaster]

Elliot could only purse his lips and shake his head. This was a battle he’d been fighting for nigh on four years. Every since he’d been turned in that back alleyway, ever since he’d been saved from death, he’d often wondered whether he might not have preferred it. Every now and again the thought crossed his mind, and he had no idea why he continued to condemn others to this existence that he hated. With Sia, he had tried something new. He had revealed everything to her. He had given her the choice. He had vowed to gather those around him who wanted to be there.

But he had not heard from Sia in months, and he couldn’t seem to help himself. He felt, and he felt deeply. His emotions were a part of him; they were his armour, and his downfall. His humanity was not something that he wanted to lose. It was not something he would ever lose. He tried to make things balance; he tried to be comfortable in his own skin. It was something Pi had down to an art form, comfort in her own skin. It was something his childer all seemed to get the hang of, and Lancaster was always left in the dirt.

He could not blame them. He could not judge them. He was happy to be there for them, in the beginning. He liked to think that he was their training wheels before they moved on to bigger and better things - even if they weren’t things that he himself approved of. So long as they were happy. They were comfortable, in their own skins.

Even after he shook his head, however, he laughed. IF he was telling the truth? If only Shadis knew. If only she knew how utterly, absolutely impossible it was for him to lie. Something she might find out in time. But he also laughed because of her advice; advice that Shadis herself had ignored. Weren’t they all good at ignoring advice, every once in awhile? A person had to make their own mistakes, in order to learn.

”Deal,” Lancaster said, taking Shadis’s hand firmly within his, giving a good shake. There was plenty more he could have said, but he didn’t. Instead, he stood aside to hold the door open.

”Nobody’s really needed new clothes. I don’t think. You don’t have any spares? You… didn’t come here, with anything else?” he asked, gesturing down the stairs. As he did so, he glanced at his watch. Shadis had been passed out for a while. The Winter nights were longer, but they didn’t have too many hours to play with.

”There’s a lot to get through. Tonight, we’ll get you settled. Tomorrow, we can get into the nitty gritty. Okay? You can decide later whether or not you’ll still thank me for saving your life,” he said. Although he smiled, it was a sad smile.

[Shadis (DELETED 7818)]

There was a time when she would never have made such a deal to allow help from anyone, she was a very prideful person. To admit that there was something she didn’t know and needed someone to help guide her through it wasn’t exactly something she was very big upon. However, this was different. She had died, seen what death was like and had come back again, so she didn’t doubt him because it seemed logical. He was going to show and tell her everything she needed to know, that they would get into the nitty gritty and she couldn’t wait. However, she had to disagree that she would take back her words of appreciation for thanking him, because she wouldn't. Her worst fear, her very worst fear, was being alone in complete darkness. That was something that she would never admit to anyone. She kind of saw it as a weakness that no one would understand, because although she loved her books, she also liked listening to the sounds of people in the background.

It was then that she realized that if this was all true, she wouldn’t be able to return to her apartment in the US and she wouldn’t be able to resume her teachings as a professor. This was a realization that she wasn’t particularly happy about, but, all actions had consequences. The price of committing suicide? Was giving up all that she ever knew, or so it seemed. Even if she did return, she would have Elliot looking over her shoulder and just imagine how that would look to the university? Shadis angled her head as her gaze slide over his form, lost in thought. While he was kind of handsome, he didn’t seem like he was at all interested in things such as a relationship, not that she was either. She had vampire problems now, a fact that sooner or later, she was going to have to admit. Relationship and vampires, probably didn’t mix too well.

A smile crossed her lips as she remembered when Elliot had laughed and she shook her hand. Over the whole night, she hadn’t seen him laugh or so much as muster up a real smile until then. He held open the door and she shook her head, “No, I brought along some clothes from the United States, but not a great deal. What I really meant was that, I need a change of clothes. I have a feeling that I’m going to end up burning these clothes. Well, I had that feeling when I had bought them originally, they are just not my style” Shadis moved to walk past him, but she stopped the moment that he looked at his watch. Was there something else that he had to be doing?

She shrugged it off and she lifted a hand to rest upon his shoulder, her brown hues staring up into his own eyes. “You should laugh more often; I have to say it looks better on you than the expression you were wearing when I walked into the pub.” A simple smirk crossed her lips then and she moved past him and through the door so she could go back to her room and change. What she didn’t realize at the time, was how much her life had changed in just those handful of hours. She also didn’t realize how much it would change in the future or in the next few hours. For now, though, she was tired and she felt the constant burn at the back of throat. An apparent thirst, was what Elliot had called it.

Her old life had died and her new life was going to be different for Shadis Divinus.