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Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 29 Aug 2015, 08:20
by Peter Parkman
Peter didn’t quite know how to react to Keara’s speech. Lips pressed tight together, he did his best not to succumb to the panic swirling through his body. She had said the words; his life could be different. As soon as he heard the words, he imagined what it might be like, had he never met Keara. He’d still be in his cabin out in the woods with his dogs. He’d still be working at the University. He’d still be able to go for his runs in the mornings, just as the sun was climbing over the horizon. He almost sobbed, in that moment, wishing that his life was different. That it was back the same way it was before. He had a routine then, too. And it had been a good one.
But with the way that Keara was trying to comfort him, he had to bite back the words on the tip of his tongue. He managed to bite back most, but not all. In the attempt to hold back the first onslaught, the second broke through his defences.
”But I am not you and I don’t have an Enver and I don’t have anything I need to know. I don’t want to be a different man and I don’t need conversation!” he said, his voice rough. He shook off Keara’s touch, and started to pace again. It wasn’t rage that he felt. It wasn’t resentment. There were no grudges, that he knew of. But he was stuck in his ways and he didn’t understand how that should matter.
”Things can always be controlled if we try hard enough. I lost control before and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the man that I became when I lost control and you say it’s all natural and that violence is in our nature but it’s not in mine. I don’t want any part of it. And that’s who I am if I am not this. That’s who I can become if I lose control so why can’t you just let me be me? Why do I have to be different?” he asked, his voice rushing forth, vehement and wracked.[/font]
Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 23 Oct 2015, 12:46
by Keara Aithne
When Peter pulled away from her she let him; briefly at least. His words cut her deeper than he had perhaps intended so the male was soon to find his sire standing before him again. This time she took a hold of his right hand, which she held securely in both of hers. A part of her wanted to pull him into her arms but that instinct was not so strong that it could not be ignored. Instead she held his hand to anchor him to her and vice versa.
"Oh darkling. My heart break you do. Wish I do not for you yourself to forsake. We each our own Path must take. Only worry I do that you yourself isolated have. From this world. From me. Like that I do not. Desire I do not for you the darkness to embrace. Need you do not for to fight. Violent your path need not be, if desire that you do not. At least sought that is. Violence upon us all brought can be without permission. But hide from that you need not."
What she said perhaps made little sense in some ways, as she was talking about violence as if it were an entity in and of itself. This was how Keara saw it at times perhaps but she merely meant to tell him that he could choose a peaceful path if he desired. That was something he could control for himself. What he couldn't control was the path of others. He might be unable to escape violence completely, as all creatures had the ability to walk that darker path and some people struck out at others with little to no reason behind their actions. For a moment she considered slapping Peter to get her point across but she didn't want him to fear her for any reason. Enver was one of few people that she loved and cared for that she was happy to strike. Somehow she didn't believe that Peter would appreciate the same treatment. Not that Enver likely appreciated it at times either, but he'd never run from her; she wasn't so sure that the same was true for her son.
"Be who you are Peter. But from the world hide you should not. Worse off we all shall be, if you this do. Enjoy I do your company. Deprive me of your conversation you would?"
If she said this to Enver, he'd think she was playing games and trying to guilt trip him and perhaps he wouldn't be wrong, for as much as Keara didn't play games, she had learnt much from Enver in their time together and was more than capable at holding her own against him. With Peter the words were not meant to illicit a specific response. No. She simply wanted her son to understand how she felt. She wanted him to know that she missed seeing him, even if their encounters were brief. She wanted him to know that by keeping to himself, that he was missed and that his withdrawal had been noticed. She wanted him to embrace life. It was as simple as that.
Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 31 Oct 2015, 11:33
by Peter Parkman
”I am not going to embrace any darkness! I don’t like the dark, not really,” he said. It was honest enough. He liked sunrises and sunsets. He liked the patterns the sun made on the ground as it filtered through the trees. He had loved Autumn best, as the leaves were changing colours. It was magical. That kind of colour wasn’t available to him anymore, but that didn’t mean he would turn to a darker place. It meant that he would lament the loss of the daytime hours but he would seek those colours elsewhere. He would reach for them and hold on to whatever he could find.
Within limits, of course.
He balked at the accusation. That he would fade away or give up on living. That was what she was referring to, wasn’t it? His body tensed as he looked down at Keara, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. He shook his head.
”I am not depriving you of anything…” he said. But he replayed his own words in his head, and now he knew that was how it sounded. He didn’t need conversation. Maybe he’d gone a bit too far, saying that. He did want company. He needed company. He took solace in the company of his dogs. But he was still there, still around.
”I’m not going to refuse to see anybody I’m just… I’m just… trying to create a new routine. A new schedule. A new way to be comfortable in my own skin so I don’t constantly feel like it’s going to fall off,” he said, wondering if he was making any sense. But then he shuddered, wanting to pace again but held in place by Keara’s clutching hand.
”I only make things worse between you and Enver. You might want me around but I’m not too sure he does and if I keep to myself then there will be no problems,” he said. But really, it was just an excuse. He wanted to hide away and he wanted to stick to a schedule because Keara was right. He was missing something in his life now, and he hadn’t grieved. This was his grief. This was how it manifested.
Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 19 Nov 2015, 21:55
by Keara Aithne
The female's brow crinkled slightly as Peter rather emphatically stated that he didn't like the darkness. She wasn't entirely sure how that was possible since he was a vampire and one born to the path of the shadow at that. Darkness should call to him and sooth his soul in some ways as it did hers. At least this is what she expected. Yes, she hadn't been speaking of actual darkness before, it had been a metaphor for their darker impulses but Peter's words seemed to have taken the conversation in a different direction, having given the words a more literal interpretation.
As her son had made no move to retrieve his hand from hers, she gently rubbed the back it his hand with the thumb of the hand that covered his. Once more, just who this tender act was aimed at was anyone's guess, as Peter's words were cutting and yet she wanted him to know that she was there for him, that she would always be there for him. She just needed her son to turn to her when all was lost. She'd shaken her head when he said he was not depriving her of anything, as she felt otherwise and yet she didn't interrupt or argue, choosing rather to let him finish his train of thought. As he disclosed a truth that Keara would have rather have dismissed, she reached out with her upper hand, the lower hand still holding his, her now freed fingers running down his cheek as she looked into his eyes.
"Handle your father I can. Enver complicated is. Or perhaps complicated is not." She sighed softly as the hand she'd freed dropped to her side. "Know you do that Enver and I deeply connected are. Too deeply, perhaps. Strong our emotions are. Irrational our jealousy can be. Blame him I cannot for emotions that he in me also stirs does." She wasn't entirely sure if she was expressing herself quite right or if her words would comfort him at all, but as always they were the truth. "Worry you never should for how you the relationship of your father and I you do effect. Believe I do that nothing us apart can pull. Nothing wrong is there between us for his fears founded to be. See that in time he shall. But learn that he shall not, if away from me, from us, stay you do."
As always her focus had narrowed into the one area that concerned her husband. It wasn't something she did on purpose, it was simply second nature to the raven haired female. Enver was as much her life source as the blood she drank on a daily basis. His presence fortified her soul, as the blood strengthened her body. With a slight shake of her head, she re-focused her thoughts, a hint of a smile on her lips.
"Want I do for you a new routine to have. Only asking I am, that cut those that care for you, you do not from it. Independent my childer often are. Adults we all are, with our own schedules for to keep. Close with so few I am. Desire I do not for your company to loose. Selfish perhaps my motives ultimately are, but help that I cannot. Care for you I do. Know this you should. Know you should that here for you I am. That desire I do, for here for you to be."
Her free hand clutched at the material of her skirt as she finished speaking, something she did in an effort not to crush the hand she held. She wanted to support her son and let him know how important he was to her but she didn't want to frighten him off or drive him away by being overly needy either. Why she hadn't had this conversation now in the comfort of their own home, she didn't know. Had it been such a good idea to drag her son from his room and pull him across the city? Should she have perhaps sought a middle ground and taken him to her crypt instead? These were thoughts she would not dwell on for long, as what was done, was done, only the future ever mattered.
Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 21 Nov 2015, 08:30
by Peter Parkman
Peter had some small idea of what Keara was asking of him. To change nothing, to be and do as he was, and to ignore every hint that he got that he was unwelcome. To do so for Keara’s sake. Did she know what it felt like to feel unwelcome? It wasn’t a feeling that Peter enjoyed and nor was it something that he wanted to prolong. Ultimately, he did know what he had done to spark this conversation, and for it to be had in such a way. He had become a recluse but he was still within the Asylum. His door was open to Keara whenever she wanted to visit, and he knew that she would just be outside somewhere – or a phone call away – if he needed her.
When her hand grazed his cheek his eyes closed; the tremor in his body stopped, if only for a moment or two while he tried, mostly in vain, to gather his thoughts. To try to put all this together coherently, logically. To figure out what it was that Keara wanted and try to do what he could to make her happy. But what he concluded, in the end, was that it wasn’t only the fact that he thought his presence was a problem. That wasn’t the only reason he’d become a recluse.
”What if it’s me who feels uncomfortable, and I’m keeping my distance for my own reasons?” he asked, finally opening his eyes.
”I do know how you and Enver are. More than anyone else, I think. I know how violent you both can be and I don’t want to be in the middle. I don’t feel comfortable in the middle. You tell me I shouldn’t worry about him, but maybe it’s my own safety that I’m worried about. Because… because I’ve had enough of my own family attacking me. I’ve had enough violence. Whatever I can do to avoid violence as an outcome, that is what I will do,” he said.
And it wasn’t because he was a coward, that much he knew. No, he didn’t want to get hurt, but the last time family had attacked him, he had turned into a monster. He had done things that would haunt him forever. Things that he could not forget, no matter how hard he tried. Keara would tell him that it was natural, that it was inherent in vampiric nature, but he would always refuse to believe it. If, for some reason of which he was not aware he pissed Enver off, and Enver attacked Peter? Peter worried for how he might react. It wasn’t the hurt that he was afraid of. It was the hurt that he might inflict in return, if pushed too far.
Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 21 Nov 2015, 22:37
by Keara Aithne
Contemplating his initial question, she listened as he spoke. She didn't like that her son felt unwelcome in any way. Yes, she knew Enver could be overly hostile and that he could possibly be described by some as abrasive in nature, but he wasn't like that all the time. Enver just needed to remember that he too loved Peter. He'd even fought with Keara to acknowledge his claim on him in when he was first sired. Unfortunately his jealousy, much like hers, knew no bounds and so the only way she could see for him to change his opinion was for him to see her and Peter together, to see the way they interacted, so that he could see that there was truly nothing for him to be jealous of. There wasn't a person in the world she loved as she did Enver, what they had was unique in her lifetime and the fact that he would not be able to acknowledge that fact, and the fact that she only loved her childe as any mother should, was something that she refused to comprehend. She knew, in reality that it was Peter that Enver didn't trust, but Peter's only crime had been suffering a breakdown and requiring his sire's assistance. Something he hadn't actually even sought, something that she had freely given and yet Enver seemed unable to lay the blame squarely on his wife's shoulders where it belonged.
"Keep your distance from me you cannot. Forbid it I shall, if forbidden it must be," she said with absolute confidence, despite the fact that she knew her son didn't have to listen to her. The words themselves were meant only to show him how strongly she disagreed with him staying away from her. "Know you do Enver and I very well. And allow him to hurt you I shall not. He no fighter is and willing I am for any violence that misdirected is to take. And return. Violence no solution to this issue is. Know that I do. But the chance given he must be for to see that there no reason for his jealousy is. Done nothing wrong you have."
She didn't want Peter to avoid Enver, neither did she want her husband to avoid their son. It might take some convincing on her part, but this wasn't a subject she was willing to drop and while Enver might be stubborn, so was she. If it came to a battle of wills, she was determined to win the war. There was nothing he could deny her if she truly desired it, just as the same applied to him and she wasn't above using every trick in her arsenal to get her husband to see reason. Peter truly wasn't the issue, Enver was, and Keara knew it, but it wouldn't help any of them to continue avoiding one another.
"Ask I must for your patience Peter. Sees Enver does that love you I do. Sometimes act I do not as likes he would, but inappropriate my thoughts and feeling never are. You my childe are. Cherish our connection I do. You ours are. Made by us both you were. So perhaps in some ways, favour you I do. But help that I cannot."
She shook her head, she wasn't sure how to continue this conversation. With a gentle squeeze of his hand, she smiled softly, hoping that the actions would say anything that had remained unspoken. Peter was most definitely the favoured childe due to the way in which he sired and Keara wouldn't change that for the world. But she'd never been drawn to him the way she was drawn to Enver, she'd never been drawn to anyone that way before and deep down her husband knew it. Deep down he knew Peter had done nothing. Perhaps very deep down and hidden under several hundred layers of denial but she knew it was there because it had to be, because it was the truth. Somehow, someway, they would find a way through this. And while Keara knew this wasn't the only reason that Peter had taken himself into hiding, it was the only part for which she knew she was responsible and the only part that she had any hope of fixing, even if it would take time.
Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 03 Dec 2015, 12:16
by Peter Parkman
It was always a little daunting to be told you are favoured not on your own merits or your own personality, but only due to the connection you help to create with another’s loved one. In some ways Peter felt flattered that he could be such a cog. A lot of the time he simply felt like a pawn. Perhaps an important pawn to them, but when does a pawn ever have a choice in how he or she is used? What if it had only been Keara? What if Enver weren’t involved at all? Would Peter be just another branch of the family tree, not favoured in any way? Would he have cared, were he not favoured? Far too many thoughts drifted through his mind, and in the end they threatened to overwhelm. So he just nodded. As if he were a man threatened by something he feared most in the world, he just nodded.
”I’m not keeping my distance from you… on purpose,” he said, though halfway through the sentence he realised that, in some way, he was. But it wasn’t what she thought.
”I mean I am, but I’m not going to refuse your company. Just… don’t summon me, okay? Call me. Plan something. Give me a time and let me fit it into my schedule,” he said. It was all well and good, that she command he get out more. He could try, but he would do it in his own way.
”It’s not as if I never leave. I have the dogs, and they need to be walked. I have the animal shelter – I go to lock up every night. I’m not a complete recluse I just… I just don’t want any trouble,” he said, his shoulders hunching in a haphazard shrug. He agreed with her mostly because he wanted to go home. Somehow, he wanted to get back to what he was doing, rather than stand around in this unfamiliar part of the city. He was happy to spend time with his sire; he was happy to try to make her feel happy.
Peter was happy to be the pawn, but he wanted to be a conscious, willing pawn. He didn’t want to have his choices taken away from him. He didn’t want to be pulled and tugged around and treated like a piece in a game that he didn’t know he was playing. He wanted to be aware of the game; conscious of the moves. So that he could prepare, and adjust his life accordingly.
Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 05 Dec 2015, 21:22
by Keara Aithne
Keara nodded. This she could accept, up unto a point that was, a point she would soon argue, as Keara was nothing if not thorough in voicing her opinion. Oddly, the female didn't so much care if her advice was taken, only that it was listened to. She readily accepted the fact that everyone was different and that no-one could be forced into a way of thinking or acting. It wasn't important to her that her childer obeyed her every command or followed her down the path that she had chosen for herself. No. She valued their differences. She simply wanted to be heard when she spoke, to be understood. All she could do was give them the benefit of her experience, it was up to them then what they did with those words of wisdom. Though Keara would never claim to be wise, only old.
"Try I shall for to remember, to summon you upon a whim not. Though promise I shall not for that never to do. That a promise is that able to keep I may not." She shook her head slightly, dropping his hand as she did so. "Know I do not the future Peter, and necessary for me it may be."
It might have been prudent at this point to explain a few of the reasons that she could think of off the top of her head in which summoning him without first gaining his permission might be necessary, but she figured that he was a smart boy and could likely figure out many of the reasons on his own. The first being accidental summoning; it had happened in the past and while Keara was quite adept at controlling her powers, accidents happened to the best of people. Another good reason to summon him would be if she thought he was in danger. Or if perhaps, she herself was in danger and needed Peter's help. It was unlikely to happen since she was arguably the best fighter in the family, but again, who knew what fate had in store for her.
"Glad I am for to know that indoors always, you are not. Though argue I would that trouble not always bad is. Avoid you should not, what exciting might be. Plan for every eventuality you cannot. Sure I am, that know this you do. Planned your turning was not and change that I would not. Planned I had not for your father to meet, but met him I did."
Her lips quirked as the memories flitted through her mind. No, she wouldn't change anything. Everything happened for a reason, even if the reason wasn't always apparent at the time. Nox knew better and she trusted in her and Helios to keep her on her intended path. Trouble to her wasn't something to be avoided, drama perhaps, but then she and Enver were two of the more dramatic members of the family. Though Keara never saw herself as the drama queen type, Deanna certainly would describe her as such. Though to be fair to the female, she usually only overreacted where Enver was concerned; in almost every aspect of her life she was more than capable of being calm and responded in a perfectly reasonable fashion.
"Ask only I do, that open, you try for to remain."
The hand that previously held his, reached up and brushed through his hair before her fingertips trailed lightly across his jawline. This was the sort of intimate gesture Enver would likely disapprove of if he was there to witness it, and yet there was nothing inappropriate in it. Keara wanted to comfort her son and let him know how much she cared about him. She wanted him to take what she'd said to heart and know that she was there for him. The conversation seemed to have gone well and she knew it would soon be time to take him home, so she was simply enjoying the last few moments they had alone together.
Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 11 Dec 2015, 12:11
by Peter Parkman
Keara’s admission caused Peter to twitch. It filled him with an unknown, unbeatable fear that she couldn’t promise him. To think that he would live his life never knowing when his routine might be disrupted. His fingers closed around Keara’s upper arms; at least he was with her now, and he knew that he couldn’t be summoned away. Not now. But, it wasn’t much of a comfort, given that he was already out of his comfort zone. It didn’t help when she, again, called Enver his ‘father’, though he was somewhat mollified knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop her. That he had tried all that he could. It would do nothing to keep arguing the matter. Only somewhat.
The cringe was not only to do with Keara’s description of Enver. She had mentioned Peter’s siring. Would he have changed it, had he the chance? Would it have mattered in this city? If he had not been sired by Keara, if he had not been a pawn in their argument, he might be dead by now. But he could still be at the University, working his normal job. He would be alone, or perhaps he might have made some friends by now. He had often weighed up the pros and cons but he never had enough information. He could never know which life would have been better for him. But logic told him there was no going back. There was no point thinking ‘what if’. It was not an activity that he would indulge in.
Peter wasn’t prone to lying, but he nodded anyway. He could say yes, that he would try to stay open. He could try. He knew that he would fail, but he wasn’t lying, to say that he would try. He was calmer now than he was before. The cogs realigned in his brain, and he did his best to remain calm. To not think about the fact that he wasn’t dressed for this outing, that he wasn’t where he should be. This part of the city was not unknown to him. He recognised it.
”I don’t agree. I don’t think trouble can be exciting. I won’t be open to trouble,” he said, his words belying the nod of his head.
”The last time I had trouble I… I…” he shook his head, jaw clenched. No, he would not go looking for trouble. But he took a deep breath, and let it out again. He was calm. He would remain calm.
”Can we go home now?” he asked, his fingers still curled around Keara’s upper arms.
Re: Something New [Keara Aithne]
Posted: 11 Dec 2015, 14:43
by Keara Aithne
He'd agreed to try and that was all Keara could ask of him. It was all she would ever ask of him, or any of her family. At the end of the day, you couldn't sire an adult and then attempt to treat them like a child. Relationships between sire and childe, would always be more complicated than that between parent and child but that fact didn't worry Keara. Every childe she took was precious to her and every one deserved to use their immortality as they saw fit. Trying to force a connection or control a childe was a somewhat futile task as far as Keara was concerned and so she always focused on letting them have as much or as little contact with her as they desired; that didn't mean however that she wouldn't push for more if she felt it was necessary, and with Peter it had been necessary.
"Thank you Peter. Go home now we may." A soft smile played across her lips and a mischievous twinkle gleamed in her eye as she continued. "Know you should my darkling, that while open to trouble you may not be, trouble open to you might be. Control over everything you cannot have. Immortal we may be, but gods we are not."
And with that parting wisdom, the female disappeared, even as her son clung to her arms. Of course she wouldn't leave him out in the cold in his pyjamas. She might not have told him that she planned to tome home and then summon him to her, but that was what she would do and it was something she assumed Peter would realise quickly enough. Not that the male would be given much time to panic for the fact that Keara had disappeared, or for the fact that he had been left behind, as she would summon him to her the moment she was safely in the asylum.
The moment Peter arrived, Keara threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly before kissing him on the cheek and releasing him. She was happy to have spoken to him. Happy to have at least voiced her concerns. What Peter did with that information was now up to him.
"Go about whatever task pulled you from I did, now you may. Hope I do for more of you, from now to see I do."
With that said, Keara began re-arranging things around the altar. It wasn't clear what she was doing but she was busying herself with something. If Peter stayed to talk, she would make time for him, but if he chose to leave she let him go. The choice was his, as the task she performing was nothing that couldn't wait. In fact it was more for show, to allow the young man to leave her presence without feeling guilty for choosing to do so.