Path of the Vampire forum

I could lose my tatts! Seriously. Doc said it. He told me they could just disappear. All that hard work for nothing! How am I going to explain that? Maybe most people won't notice. Dillon already kind of knows enough that it wouldn't be an issue but Russ? Oh god. My parents would be ecstatic, they never liked my tatts in the first place. He mentioned something about force of will. Well I can be stubborn. I'm just going to close my eyes and hope real bad that I can keep them. I'm gonna do it every day from now on. See if it works. See if I can will them into remaining exactly where they are.

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**** You For Making Me Cry!

I knew I was a mistake. I knew it. But he could have waited longer than 10 days to figure it out. 10 days and I've already failed. I don’t care who she is. I don't ever want to see her. What kind of person threatens to shoot someone in the face? ***** has issues. He has more issues. Arsehole! Didn't defend me or anything! Shows how much he thinks of me. Well I'm done trying then. He can take his keys back. And his money. I'm moving back in with Dillon.

Oh god I actually miss Dillon! Here I am. Still bleeding. Alone. Yeah he saw me earlier. Said it would be okay. Whatever. Judas. I'm not trusting him again. He's supposed to have my back. Who have I got in my corner if even the one that made me deserts me? I don’t want this ******* life. I don't want it. I want to go back. I want my old life. I want a heartbeat. Oh god do I want my heart to beat again. Maybe I should just climb inside Doc's incinerator. Two birds, one stone. I get released. Elliot's mistake gets corrected.[/size][/color][/font]



((Also on this page: Another self-portrait only this time she's standing inside an incinerator, flames liking up and around her body as she just stands there and waits for death. Having not actually seen an incinerator though, the image looks more like the final scene of "Return of the Living Dead 3, only she's meeting her death alone."))

So...couple of interesting developments today diary. One. I kind of made Dillon my *****. And two... I patched things up with Elliot.

So first things first... Dillon. I have no idea what happened in all honesty. I half think I brought this about by kipping on his sofa last night. I mean I know this was the plan and I was supposed to make him y ***** the moment I was capable of doing it but still. Planning and doing something are two different things. I don't always follow through with my plans because too many plans spoil the flow of life, but this one...This one seems to have been so important that my subconscious took care of it for me. Seriously. I should have thought this through better. Russ would have been a far better choice as my slave. I can stand him more than Dillon and the guy is hardly ever around. Oh well. Too late now. Guess I'm stuck with him. At least I don't have to worry about him blabbing his mouth now.

As for Elliot. Well... he didn't know what hit him. I was so full of rage about what happened yesterday and it didn't go away while i was unconscious or dead or whatever, so I bit the bullet and rang him. Needed to be done. I found it oddly cathartic. And despite the fact he didn't say anything back before I hung up, I really think our relationship is the better for it. At least he didn't scream at me or anything. I'm starting to think I got lucky really. I could have ended up sired under a complete douche. I kind of like my papa bear. He's very... me-ish. Only I'm not an old fuddy duddy.



((Also on this page: A sketch of Elliot rocking out on stage.))

Okay. So there’s some right dodgy **** that goes on in the city. And while I’m not about to take up arms and do something about it. There are those that will. There’s this gal in my family that like makes guns or some ****. The pictures she’s posted online look pretty bad ***. I hope the site’s secure actually, cos I swear putting up pics like that could get you in trouble otherwise. Anyway. It gave me an idea. I can already make swords. Okay. Props. But now I know where to get some pretty decent parts, I’m sure I could forge something decent. It would involve a little extra work I know, but sharpening the blade before I buff it, shouldn’t take me too long. If I can do that, at least I’d be making myself useful. Elliot would have to appreciate the effort at least. So that’s what I’m going to do today. Today I’m going to see what happens when I sharpen the things.



((Also on this page: A large shield/coat of arms with two crossed swords on it. Around this image are a number of quotes, among them “Never give a sword to a man who can't dance”, “The sword is the axis of the world and its power is absolute” and “Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.” The last phrase is circled in a garland of leaves and roses.))

I made a sword yesterday that reminded me of Ellie. It was made of older pieces and looked like something King Arthur might use. So yeah of course I thought of him, matches him perfectly being all old and noble and stuff. I made a more modern version too. Better parts. But still noble in design. Though I think he preferred the staff like thingy I constructed. He called himself Gandalf. I thought that was funny. I'm going to try and remember to call him that in the future. he doesn't seem to mind the nicknames I've used so far, so that's a bonus.

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Frickin' Dillon. He's everywhere I go and it's driving me nuts. I swear he's low-jacked my phone or something. I' going to take it to a specialist and have it looked at. It's got some sort of GPS locator or tracking app on it I'm sure. Why he feels the need to be everywhere I a, I have no idea. I like that he's helping and stuff, but seriously, he has to quit it.[/size][/color][/font]



((Also on this page: A detailed sketch of one of the swords she gave to Elliot, along with an image of Elliot dressed as Gandalf, staff in hand yelling, "You shall not pass!"))

I really have to get a handle on my superpowers. Like stat! I told Dillon to go jump off a bridge, you know, like how one does when angry. Only... He went to go and ******* do it. Just agreed and left. Took me a moment to realise what I'd done and I had to chase him down and take it back. I nearly killed him because he was bugging me. That is so not good.

I asked for advice on the fam forum yesterday about how to deal with my puppy. Ellie's gal isn't too friendly but I'll give her points for trying. Apparently not all puppies are quite so puppy-ish. Ellie thinks Dillon may have been crushing on before and now I've made it worse or something through this bond we share. I mean that explains a few things maybe, but I don't like it. I don't know what I'm going to do about him. For now my plan to just to choose my words carefully.

Ellie and his missus have issues. They need to not air all their dirty laundry online. There's clearly something going on between Ellie and Doc that i should know about. If I'm not bursting with other questions by then, I'll ask Ellie what's up with that next time I see him.



((Also on this page: A collection of random images; a bridge, a puppy wagging its tail and lips that have been stitched closed.))

Ellie has this gift that makes me feel like super smart and stuff. I love it. Everything I do after that seems heightened somehow. Today, while thinking about it. I think I may have managed to return the favour. I'm not 100% sure or anything but I know I did something. And I know I didn't hurt him. So this power isn't like the first one I developed. It's kind of cool actually. This gift seems to run in the family too. His gal's done it on me. Not sure how I know it was her but I do. Maybe there was a twinge of hostility attached. No idea. Again. I have to give her points for trying. I'd rather she do that than shoot me in the face.



((Also on this page: A picture of an ethereal looking being, floating in the middle of the page. the woman is blindfolded but smiling. Both her hair and her dress are long and seem to be blowing in a breeze.))

I'm still weighing the pros and cons of this new life. Not really sure what to make of it just yet. I mean I don't mind just rolling along, it's not like I had any steady and fast plans before.

One of the cons is definitely Dillon's behaviour. I need to start figuring out what I want to tell him. Some specific order's that balance his old life and my new one. Rule number one has to be keeping quiet. No vampire talk. That's a no brainer and I'm sure it's a rule Roxy follows, so that has to be a good one. Might add that he isn't allowed to talk **** about me. Like he has to keep my secrets too. He can be my person diary, so long as he doesn't interject with too much commentary of his own and roll his eyes at me and stuff. I'm sure there's a few more to add so I'll think about those. I'm sure i can put up with him, as is, for a while longer.

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I was told we're us, only liek a more force of nature kind of us. At least that's what i took away from that convo. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that even I've noticed a change in me. I've always kind of loved being able to banter with people. You know. The good natured, kind-hearted stuff. Only now it seems to get me in more trouble. I'm not sure if it's the way I say things or if I'm taking them a step too far but it's one or t'other and now people are switching them round on me. That part isn't so cool, cos things get to me a bit more than they used to. But no biggy. I'll deal. Can't whine for eternity can I? There's no fun in that. Might as well play the hand I've been dealt and go for broke.

And yes. It seems somewhere along the line I ate a book of bad cliches. Or maybe I watch too much tv. Should probably spend a little less time round morons. That'd help too.[/size][/color][/font]



((Also on this page: Several small drawings; one long winding road that rifts into a sunset, a signpost with lots of different destinations (all of which are emotional states) and a mobile phone with a text conversation on the screen, only the conversation seems to be in pictograms.))

There seems to be a few issues in this family. More than a few actually but I'm keeping optimistic. It's a little harder to ignore when the sire is the one being all weird. I kinda love Ellie. He's super cool. Sweet. Not without his charms, of course. I get a kind of long distance hug from him on a daily basis. I like that. Makes me feel wanted. Less of a mistake. I know he's probably just trying to silence his guilt but still. It's always appreciated. So seeing him be all weird, even if it's just in words. It concerns me. Worries me even. I mean what's gonna happen when I fall on his bad side? That's bound to happen. I'm a pain in the arse. My birth parents tell me that. So yeah. Maybe I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the best. Or like stick my head in the sand like an ostrich. If I can't see it it can't see me kind of deal. Yeah. That sounds like a reasonable plan for now. No point worrying till that day comes. Then I'll... Well I'll probably run and hide cos I'm pretty sure Ellie could kick my arse into the next century if he wanted.



((Also on this page: The image of an ostrich, head buried in the floor while a crowd of people rant and rave around it.))

Well that's it. The world is about to end. I was actually told I need to get out more. If that's the case I might as well blow my brains out now. Me? Get out more? Is that even possible? Okay so I feel like I've been chained to the spot for hours on end making things, but art is pain and if you want to make something decent, you have to put the work in. I know people think I'm a lazy, unemployed bum, but I do work my arse off on the things I enjoy and all my current hobbies have the chance of me turning a profit.

Busking is going really well these days. I'd say I have a devout following building but I'm not able to recognise any faces in the crowd yet. Still, I'm earning better money in less than half the time, so I'm not going to complain. That frees me up for my new hobby.

I've always been pretty good with metal work and my jewellery designs aren't suffering any. It's kind of nice being able to make useful items as well as ornamental stuffs. Okay so I don't much like the end process, the sharpening and polishing bit, but man are the results worth it. I'm getting pretty good and have even given away a few of my early pieces. The feedback I've gotten isn't half bad either. The rest I've given to Dillon to sell.

So yeah. Pretty happy hobby wise. Might start donating to charity again. I have more cash than I know what to do with these days. Like actual cash. It's burning a hole in my pocket. Maybe I need to start investing in the band though, get something recorded. get a manager. Wonder if Ellie wants the job?

And to come full circle... my mirror might have a point. When spending time with Dillon actually becomes enjoyable, I'm def doing something wrong. I might have to break the habit of a lifetime and actually start making some plans. Flying by the seat of my pants, has turned into me being rooted to the ground. And I don't like it.



((Also on this page: A self portrait of Skylar, only her legs turn into a trunk and roots hold her in place in the ground. She's holding a gun to her temple and has her eyes closed, readying herself to pull the trigger.))

Man are this group weird. There seems to be some sort of pissing contest going on between two of the males. It's quite bad. Alpha female is clear, though it seems at least one of the pack isn't above speaking her mind. Maybe I'd be joining in if I felt more at home but right now, every time I read that forum, I have Discovery Channel like images roaming around in my mind. It would be funny, if the people it involved weren't now related to me. I have no idea what I've been pulled into, but right now it's def best I keep my distance. I'll email Ellie with my concerns.

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Wow. Dude sounds depressed. We should go drinking and play in the recording studio. Would be fun for the night and we could cringe for next day for how bad it all sounds. Though you never know. Might make a hit album fulled on self-pity and booze. Now wouldn't that be something. I'm gonna suggest that. Might be good for a laugh.

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Just one concern about all this that might be worth recording. If whatever this is runs in the family. I might be screwed. Might need to start working on addendums to Dillon's rules, like; 'If A happens do 1. If B happens do 2.' God I hope that's not necessary.[/size][/color][/font]



((Also on this page: A pack of animals are riling each other up; one is biting the *** of another, one is eating the food of another while it's distracted and a different animal entirely is skulking off with one of the pack's cubs while they're all distracted.))