Oh Look, I'm Trying...

[Madison]

May 11th, 2014

It's Mother's Day.

I should probably go to the cemetery.

I'll do so after dark.

Some asshat nominated me for some Mother's Day contest at the Metronome.

If I knew who it was, I'd probably shoot them.

Even though I nominated Habs for it. Not because I view her as a mother or anything, just because she's always generally there for me if I need something. Kind of like an Aunt or something.

I nominated Alexandrea too. I don't know why. I don't even know what she's like with her childer or if she allows them to call her mom.

That's so ******* creepy.

I really don't get how grown ******* adults go from being human to being a vampire and all of a sudden they want to play house.

Speaking of things I don't get.

Saw Robert in a raid the other night.

I get he was probably just trying to be helpful, but after so long, I still don't think he gets that things are simply better the way they are.

I'm not that used up, washed out, down in the dumps drug addict that he first met.

I'm not the blood-addicted sales person that he turned me into.

And I'm not the doting childe that does whatever he tells me that he wanted me to be.

I don't think he gets that I see him for what he is.

A manipulative ******** that will shmooze the living hell out of a person so that he gets what he wants from them.

I may not have a lot of people in my life that I'm close to and I may get lonely at times and wish things were different. But when it comes down to it, the people I do keep close to me are people that genuinely care and I genuinely care about them.

That's all that matters.

That's all I need.

[Madison]

May 16th, 2014

There are no words to describe the excitement that I felt yesterday.

After months and countless hours spent cutting through red tape, money flowing in and out of my bank account (mostly out) and the insane number of forms I've had to file (in triplicate), it's finally done.

Yesterday, I stood out in the fae infested wilderness, surrounded by humans, massive mechanical beasts and a pile of logs that stacked almost as tall as the trees around them.

Before me was the clearing where all those logs, previously trees, had been chopped down and had their entire root systems dug up out of the ground.

But while ground may have been broken for that, yesterday meant something more.

Yesterday was the day that we had the go ahead to start building.

The grounds crew weren't exactly happy with me about it.

They had wanted to get started during the daylight hours but I had forced them to stall, practically telling them they needed to do inventory on people, equipment and anything else they may need. Making sure that supplies had been ordered, that anything supposed to be delivered was going to make it on time. Making sure all the subcontractors had signed the dotted lines and had the people they needed.

I told them we could break ground as the sun set. That all they had to do once that happened was dig a simple hole in the ground and then they could go home.

I wanted to be there.

It may seem uneventful to them or to anyone else.

But for me it was something monumental.

This was truly the beginning.

The rise of Tutella.

The foundation of Terminus.

[Madison]

May 20th, 2014

Followed the dirt road to the site today.

Big hole in the ground.

That's pretty much all my Tutella is at the moment.

I didn't really need to go there.

I could have just sent Adrian like I did the first few days so that I could watch through his eyes.

He hates that.

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth keeping Adrian around.

He hates me.

Hates the fact that he's now forced to aid me.

He doesn't listen to reason or logic.

Brainwashed and blinded by those fuckwit Masquerade Nazis.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have just let him die that day on the street.

If watching my own flesh and blood relative bleed out to a normal death would have been better than the one he suffered as a vampire.

I know that it would have been better to part ways in terms of the way we felt about each other then. Curious about the family neither of us ever were a part of but yet connected all the same.

A sense of wonder and a sense of familial belonging.

It was amazing how quickly that was shattered.

Perhaps I was the only one to feel it in the first place.

Speaking of "familial belongings".

The d'Artois board stirs for the first time in months.

Elliot adopted CharlotteC. Meh.

I wonder if she finally jumped off the shipwreck that was 5th Column.

Pi's even around, suggesting we get the "family" together.

Funny thing is, even she hesitates to call us family.

We're not family.

We can't even call ourselves a cohesive unit.

Because we're not and I'm not sure we ever will be.

Pi can't lead for jack.

Elliot's not much better.

Doc and I would probably tear the ***** in half if we ever tried to do anything with it.

That's why I just sit back. Don't speak and watch quietly.

I'm not even sure they realize I'm there anymore.

I don't think I've said a single word on that board for the better part of six months.

If not longer.

The only ones left there that I even give half a damn about are Asteria and Aidan.

More so Asteria than Aidan but they're kind of like a package deal.

She's been active lately.

I should spend some time with her.

[Madison]

June 9th, 2014

Brick's dead.

Been about a week now.

It's weird not having him around.

I don't like it.

I tried to save him but it was too late.

If I ever find the ***** that did this to him, I'm going to skin her alive and then make her watch as I kill someone she loves before I finish the job on her.