just keep breathing

Single-writer in-character stories and journals.
Jersey
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Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

So I'm dating a vampire.

Might be in love with a vampire.

I'm in love with Peter, who is a vampire and I am now happily dating.

Our night was eventful, to say the least. First, he wouldn't look at me after I pointed out his lack of a shadow and he kept moving away from me (which I've found I do not like or enjoy, I'm most comfortable with him within reach). Then he made me promise not to tell anyone - which I will never do as I never want to get him hurt in any fashion.

And then he dropped the bomb, we argued, or well had a heated discussion. I hit him with a squeaky toy, he replied with something I didn't like so I tried to hit him with a cushion I'd been leaning again... and from there, holy **** - and as I write profanity, I heard him finally swear and didn't realize that until now (yay, Jersey, granted I have a valid excuse).

When I tried to hit him with the pillow, Peter kissed me. It wasn't one of those quick, shy kisses either. I... hell. Describing it is hard. Mindblowing? Enlightening? I will not be writing the final word that starts with an 'O'. As usual, he had one of his freaking out moments - this time he jumped over the arm of the couch and said that it couldn't happen, of course, we bickered even more.

In between the bickering, he told me about the thing I saw and wear it came from - a fadebeast, and from vampires having sex. I pointed out a relationship doesn't really need sex, and he didn't argue, I'm quite happy with his mouth pressed up against mine for now before I teased him by pointing out there are multiple levels of sex and that all else fails, well. Yay basic foreplay.

...If Peter ever gets his hands on this journal, pretty sure I may be getting the stern look and tone in his voice.

Anyway.

After that, most of the evening we just talked and made out on his couch in front of the fireplace before I (of course) fell asleep in his arms. Peter was right about looking like a dead man, too, when I awoke the next morning. He didn't stir when I got up, didn't make a sound and it was eerie, seeing him not breathe. Honestly? Had he not told me about that unfortunate part of his turning, I likely would have screamed and cried.

Before leaving for work, I kissed his cheek and whispered goodnight, let the dogs out and left a note for him, in case he'd wake up before I got back.

All in all? Today was an awesome day.
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
Jersey
Registered User
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

I don’t know really what to date this given it all runs together in just one long thing of what has happened. First off, I’ve adopted Kallista’s last name – Sinclair – because she is family and my sire (oh, by the way, I was turned on the 14th of March, so it’s been two weeks). I finally have a home, well, I have a home with Peter, but I have family other than my boyfriend and his dogs. She turned me after I was shot in the stomach and lay dying in her arms, and as it turns out, she was the vampire that continued to feed off me, that I called Siren.

She’s very lovely and I enjoy spending time with her.

She even plans to work on a way so I will no longer have to drink blood anymore! My dislike of it has gotten worse, but I haven’t passed out again since my death. Maybe the fact I had already died made it moot to have a fear of it? (Don’t get me wrong, I still want to pass out and I get nauseas if I see large quantities – and by large, usually more than a cup) I feel awful every time I feed off from a blood pack, but I suppose it’s better than drinking it straight from the source. I don’t ask if it’s human or animal blood I’m drinking, either.

I surprisingly enjoy this lifestyle, aside from my issues that carried on with my turning. I like that I’m not weak, I like that I have a family – technically, there’s an even bigger line but I’ve been slowly working at getting out and speaking to others. Too much can give me a headache if I’m not careful, and I’ve had enough of those in my life to carry over into this one. Um... speaking of headaches, I’m apparently what they call a telepath. I speak into Peter and Kallista’s heads a lot, and have managed to mindblock myself.
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
Jersey
Registered User
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

I spent quite a while today after talking with Peter about the box I found in his drawer thinking about what may have happened, had I remained human and something tells me I wouldn’t have liked the ending – nor would I have survived that much longer. I’m really not angry at Kallista for what happened, at all. She gave me this ‘gift’ and I’m really appreciative of that. She’s my friend and she’s like a sister, she’s my sire and I can’t be more grateful for the fact she’s sticking beside me.

I’m worried about getting them in a room together, although I know neither would do anything to intentionally upset me. Sometimes I think Peter’s jealous, but it’s only a thought. He has nothing to be jealous of, I’m still and will be his until he doesn’t want me anymore – and from how he’s put it, and the way he worries, I’m content to say I feel secure in my relationship.

Kallista’s stuck with me for good – poor woman.

She doesn’t seem too concerned about how hyper I can be and chatty. I talk about a mile a minute, but she’s able to keep up with me and I’m currently working on collecting oil for her – it’s used to create homebound tomes, which she has made for me, Nakia, and Danton although they depleted her stocks. She doesn’t seem too thrilled with Peter, but I think at least when they meet it might get better? Optimist until the end.

Onto the good news:

I have two siblings now – Nakia and Danton. Kia came into Peppermint once, she asked me about the weird things in the city and if I had seen anything suspicious. She hadn’t the slightest idea. Danton was a History Professor, I don’t know the specifics but he mentioned the idea of continuing to teach by doing everything online. I think it’s brilliant. Kia was FBI, or CIA. One of them, but part of the government. I hope she adapts well to this life, but at least she knows how to keep things a secret?

I like both of them a lot, Kia and I call each other ‘sis’ and I’m perfectly happy with that. Danton and Peter might get along, or at least be able to talk while Kia and I distract each other and watch them bond over old books. I do know that Kia and Kalli do not seem like they'd hesitate to smack anyone for hurting me.

I wonder if that brother of mine, Austin, was protective. Hum.

Another thing I found myself thinking about was my roommate, back at the hospital: Clover. The thought of her reappeared in my head after I picked up a four leaf clover on my way home – I pressed it into the journal today, so they’d join the flowers that he’d given me; I learned how to do it in the hospital, Nurse Rackett said it would be nice for me to find a hobby and alas, it has stuck.

I’ve told Peter about her a few times, but for the most part, I sit and wonder about what happened to her – I know that she was on suicide watch for a little while, Nurse Rackett told me as much when I went to visit one day after the need for blood no longer consumed me. The old woman seemed surprised to see me, though, happy and ‘healthy’ bringing a four pack of vanilla pudding packs for Clover.

Sure, we weren’t best friends, but she was my friend and she did help to keep me sane at some point in the hospital. I guess I wanted to let her know that she had someone on the outside that cared for her. That was the hardest part for me there, not knowing anything or anyone in this city, having no one.

Rackett mentioned the possibility of sneaking me in, I seriously like this nurse and always have from when I was there, because I told her that I work all day – she seemed to buy it after I asked her what scents she liked, and went off in a ramble about what types of oils and creams that we have at Mora’s Peppermint.

That reminds me, I think I may bring Clover something – Rackett already pre-approved the idea – from the shop. Maybe a lavender vanilla lotion? The Head Nurse seemed frazzled, though, she told me about an attempted suicide the other day with one of the other women that had been there while I was a patient – the woman started shrieking about something inside of her, wanting it out. She apparently attacked herself with a pen in the shower and it’s dreadful to think that someone snapped that much.

I can feel myself getting faster every few days, the guards still manage to catch me on occasion but, I’m getting better. I can pick the really complex locks, now, and I think I’m going to try a different area later on after I rest up. I really want to get some of the oil for Kallista, she does a lot for us. I’m also not that bad with the blade that she gave me, either. I gather the ears off zombies – which, admittedly half the time I’ve managed to shriek in fear and do a little “Oh my god this is so gross” shudder when something makes a sound when it shouldn’t.

I don’t like the fleshy ones. At all. There’s blood, but the other zombies – the ones more skeletal in the mausoleum – are stronger than I am. Another change is I no longer wear white unless I’m lazing around and have no intentions to go outside. It was too costly to constantly dry clean when there were stains and given the fact blood stains have become numerous, I figure it would be best to just not. It would take too much scrubbing and if I went to the dry cleaner, how am I supposed to explain it when it looks like I killed something?

I don’t. That’s how.

Oh crap. I'm running out of ink again, and I'm still trying to figure out how I'm running out of paper so easily out of this thing - I know it isn't Peter, I've given him permission to read it and he still refuses to, so I doubt he even glances in it's direction.

I think I need to get another composition notebook.

And, given the fact I think this one is bowing out after I've scribbled on the side of the page in multiple circles, another set of pens.
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
Jersey
Registered User
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

Peter got hurt really bad not too long ago, his face was chewed up - ear was almost gone, his eye milky and there was a gash in his cheek - and his throat was ripped open. I found him in the shower and I'm amazed I didn't scream. Thank everything his blood isn't red, like mine or Kallista's, but black like Kia's, otherwise I would have taken one look at him and passed out. He's doing well, though.

Everyday, I could see his wounds healing just a little bit more and within two days, I was able to start hearing his voice again. Scratchy, but it was still his voice. He dropped his pants the day that he could speak regularly, his neck almost entirely healed. Once my shock was over, it was very safe to say I'm not unamused by the entire exchange. He's got a nice body. I had to step on the bed to get his shirt over his head - that short.

He's better now, so I'm happy to see him getting around on his own. I love this man so much, I felt so useless finding him in the tub.

I shield Kallista and Kelly when I can, almost every other day. I haven't been able to find her some more oil, but hopefully my run later will prove to be of more use. I found a few plants that she's mentioned, at least, so I'll stop by before bed tonight to give them to her. My sire is a wonderful person, I don't think I could have been brought into a better line, either.

My siblings amuse me. Danton is very nice, as is Kia. She accidentally stabbed him, though and asked me to hide her. I felt bad that I couldn't, but I doubt he'd hurt her. Then again, if he did, I'd smack him. They're all really fun to talk to. I quite like our little family. Even though I'm the oldest fang wise, I think they're both older than I am and that's alright.

I wouldn't change a thing.
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
Jersey
Registered User
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

I finally met Keara, she was the one I contacted when Peter was mauled and Enver, too. I didn't know what else to do, but I'm glad I did. She summoned Peter away from me, and then when I made it to the Asylum he seemed more relaxed. I didn't think it was possible for me to be more relieved, but I had been.

Her accent was beautiful, and she was very nice. Peter was right that she was caring, as well. Enver seemed distracted after I told him where we lived - he asked me what Peter would be doing in the wilderness. Strange guy that one is, but he was polite and helped. Crash (? I think that was his name) brought the dogs to the Asylum.

Now to try and remember what else to write about. My thoughts are a little scattered so I've been playing out memories in my head.

Oh! That's something. I can project my memories onto others. I did it to Kallista while focusing, I showed her that I could remember the first time she fed on me. It's a strange, but really neat power. I think I might share something else with her... Maybe my first time meeting Kia? Leaving the hospital?

I already know what I'm showing Mr. Stubborn.
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
Jersey
Registered User
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

I still remember almost nothing about my past, but at the same time, it's no longer something I really desire. Peter's probably right, of course, that when I want things to return it's likely hindering the process. Sometimes I'll lay on the floor, looking through the photo albums and memories of another person, even if she is who I am, who I was. I look at her smile, her joy.

She was hurting, that much I can tell. But why? What happened to me that made me look haunted sometimes? I do know my brother and I were close. At least, we seem to be. There's always two sides to every story. I found a picture from where I had once dyed my hair so that the tips were purple, never again. I also didn't seem to be very sporty in anything other than being a cheerleader. I think I'm going to keep those hidden for a while, though I do recognize the skirt in one of my bags. Hm. Tempting to wander around the house in it. Maybe another day.

Oh! It's time to go walk the dogs!
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
Jersey
Registered User
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

I tripped today - well, I actually kind of stumble every day so that's nothing new - and fell through a fake wall while wandering around in the catacombs. I go there sometimes to look for old swords to sell, or collect depending on what I find. I think I tripped over some type of weird looking decaying thing. It had a really large mouth and as usual, because I am such a brave soul, I screamed like a little girl. You would think after turning I would become a bit more courageous.

Ha.

Anyway. Back to the wall.

There was a door and I got curious - you would think that I would learn one of these days, too, sigh. I found myself face to face, or I should say face to teeth with an undead wolf. I pretty much didn't bother exploring. I reached into my bag and tomed immediately back to Kallista's apartment where I fell against the door and did not move for about an hour. It kind of felt like that terror I had from when I first saw the fadebeast - whatever it was, I'm quite happy to stick to not running into another. Ever.

I will stick into being a thief and collecting things. It keeps me happy. I killed a man not too long ago, a blood thief says Kallista. He was asking for my blood, I don't even know how he knew what I was. I haven't told anyone.

He grabbed my arm and I just stabbed him, and... I feel terrible about it. But, at the same time, I don't. I mean I suppose long run I shouldn't. Ugh. I don't even know how I should or shouldn't feel about the entire thing.

Ick. Still legible. I'll scratch at it more with my pen later on, or rip the page out. I need to get a new journal, I've said it a few times that I will. Procrastination, thy name is Jersey. I've been writing on the back of other entries. I still wonder where I'm going to stick this one when I do get another. Maybe I'll pull out the entries I like and stick it in the other, burn this one? Sort of like a goodbye to my human life.

It's been a month, already. I'll never be able to properly thank her for saving me and giving me a home. I don't think I'll ever have a moment of regret for this life either; I wouldn't have any of them if I didn't get in my accident either.

Fate is a funny thing.

I sound like a broken record sometimes.
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
Jersey
Registered User
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

Aha! New journal. (It's the 19th, btw)

Nothing new to write about, minus the fact I have a new journal. I have no idea how I'm going to format this one or even organize it, but I did put the other in the bottom of the junk drawer - not that I'm worried about Peter snooping and it is his drawer anyway, he's got my permission to read it all and he knows it. I still ponder about the looks I'd get if he did read it, honestly. Amusement? Disapproval? I may just drop it in his lap randomly before I sit down and brush out the dogs one night.

I decided not to burn the journal, I might want it later. I may burn it later. Until that day though, that's where it will remain. I think I'm going to go take a shower, change into some sweatpants and curl up with a book - I found a few Michael Connelly that look interesting enough while I was browsing around in Booktique.
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
Jersey
Registered User
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

11 October -
I am almost out of paper once again, I'll have to get another composition notebook later on this evening. I didn't realize how much I've been doodling rather than writing as of late, but well, there won't be many more entries in this one.

My emotions have started getting confusing. I get easily angered, jealous; I hate being so temperamental. I feel bad, but it also doesn't make any sense to me. It happened after I spoke with that wraith. I hope he knows its not his fault when I get annoyed with him.

He sired again, a woman this time. I don't know why it bothers me, either, but it does. She's an old friend, quite literally. He seems a little unhinged about it all which concerns me, but I'll be here to listen if he needs to talk about it.

Part of me wonders of I'm uncomfortable with him siring women because I'm a little bit insecure about myself. I know I shouldn't be. He loves me for who I am, flaws and all; he didn't leave me after the issue with Kallista and if that didn't scare him away I really doubt anything will.

Peter loves me and I love him.

Life is getting back to normal, our family starting to get back to normal - if one can call it that. Kallista is a wonderful sire and I'm relieved that there is no more tension between the two. She and Kelly were eternally bound not too long ago, I'm happy that they found each other. He's actually pretty cool, too.

Nakia's relaxing slowly. She was really anxious and paranoid after attacking Peter, but it likely didn't help that I kept leaping at her until Danton pinned me. I know she tried her best to not hurt him, but I had asked her to talk to him. To only talk to him.

Danton and I don't talk much, I really haven't a clue how he's feeling about it all. He's a good man and when we speak we're polite. Sometimes he uses words that make me need to google them mentally to make sure I had the right definition, but I doubt he does it to make me feel stupid. Maybe one day I should remind him that I'm blonde.

Just kidding, of course. He'd go on about stereotyping myself.

Kallista was right when she told me not to doubt myself with my abilities, I was running around today and managed to get past guards in a building with high security without setting off a single alarm. I've also acquired two relics and there was a building with these... Well, I can't say people - they were different.

Anyway, a while back, Kallista and I worked together in the building. I focused more on finding switches in wings or disarming cameras, even removing proximity mines (if I didn't get thrown to the ground by the force after setting them off first). Even though the wounds I received sucked, I enjoyed testing my skills.

Because of a mine going off and my head connecting with the ground, I remembered who I was - or well, I'm now able to put a name to my face.

My name was Marilee Addison Evans. But, I also feel that Marilee died in the accident. I don't have her memories, her family. I try not to think about the past I lost, really. It's one of those things that I'm a bit insecure about.

Was I stripper?

I surely am more comfortable wearing next to nothing. I can dance decently and flexibility isn't an issue.

I know I'm educated.

I've considered asking Nakia to run the name to see if she can get any hits on it. It wouldn't hurt to know something about my past?

On one hand, I don't know anything. I don't have to worry about family or friends from them because I'm not Marilee Evans, I'm Jersey Sinclair.

Who is repeating herself once more.
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
Jersey
Registered User
Posts: 455
Joined: 24 Feb 2014, 22:55
CrowNet Handle: JerseyGirl

Re: just keep breathing

Post by Jersey »

I found an old friend yesterday, or well, not an old friend, but I knew her from the time I was human. Her name is Clover. And, as it turns out, she's like me. Or well, to a point. She isn't the same. We talked for a while over email and I'm a little worried for her. She isn’t alone, but I’ve always noticed that she seems to keep to herself and while that it is fine, it just makes me wonder about adapting.

We met at the hospital, before I even had the name Thompson decided honestly. We were roommates, if one can call it that. Ratchell always seemed concerned about leaving me alone with her, but she stopped her concern after a while. I still wonder why they never let me back to visit her; one nurse claimed that it wasn’t visiting hours, but did she not realize I’d had that crap memorized easily?

It wasn’t exactly hard to hear the reunions inside.

Today, something odd also happened. A guy recognized me, but I ignored him and kept walking. He had blond hair, a bit darker though, and bluish green eyes. Part of me wonders who he was, but the other part of me says to ignore it. He kind of looked like the guy in the photos, Austin, but it couldn’t possibly be him, could it?
it's the way that you know what i thought i know, it's the beat that my heart

skips when I'm with you, but I still don't understand, just how your love can do what no one else can
peter's distraction
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