Why do I even have this thing? [Killian's PRIVATE Journal]

[Killian]

DairyJournalLedgerThing,

I kind of missed you.

Had put a bullet in my own head, just to avoid the blight of having a legitimate child in my lineage. I cannot stand that type of behavior coming from a vampire, because children are meant to grow up, or be taken by whatever force causes their end. I've been gone for I don't even know how long. The light of the moon, stars, and buildings seems almost bright enough to blind me now, after so long in near-complete darkness. Skimming over the forums and stuff, I see that nearly nothing has changed in my absence. In fact, I'm not sure if anything at all has changed. And that bothers me a bit, because before I had left there actually was some change occurring, even if the progress was slow-going.

That means, my suicide may have caused a lull in progressive action.

Or maybe that was caused by most of the useful people of Fifth Column leaving the group almost immediately after that Fae ******** changed the 'rules'. I can't truly be sure.

As for Fifth Column... There's nearly nothing left, now. I'm thinking of making an attempt to rebuild it.. but I don't even know where to start, really. Maybe Nix and Lia.. possibly Bernard, if I can find him... The couple of members that are still there, obviously... This is going to suck donkey ****.

But before I get into any of that work at all... I have to find my wife. The thing I regret most is that I never told her what was happening... I didn't even have the chance to, really. As soon as I'd found out that Charlie had sired that kid, I went home and pulled a Cobain. Shotgun right into my mouth, with a slug exiting through the back of my skull. Hell, I didn't even have the chance to take my boots off, either. I didn't do it at the home Alyss and I share.. because I would have hated her to come home and see me like that..

I have to go find her. Now.

Later, DiaryJournalLedgerThing.

[Killian]

DiaryJournalLedgerThing,

I hate this ******* city.

Later, DiaryJournalLedgerThing.