Choices

[vulnavia]

Oh, brother.

I may have made a mistake when I decided to hibernate to gain reprieve from 'Shadow Woman'. I woke to find myself in a changed city, but the longer she talked to me the more inclined I was to follow her crappy advice. It didn't help that I caught sight of Sebastian in the city. Little doubt that he was looking for me at the least and quite possibly hunting me.
My situation hasn't improved for the rest either. Still making the same lousy choices complicated now by the addition of soldiers who, for some reason, feel inclined to shoot me the moment I come into view. And on waking I discovered my bike and several other choice items missing. Crippled, broke, on foot...Good morning, Sunshine! Some days it just don't pay to open the lid.

[vulnavia]

I was beginning to feel forgotten until a smoke-like wisp drifted in my periphery. She's not in my head. I have to convince myself that I'm not hallucinating, going insane. But I am mad, at least by the standards of humanity. Ha. Humanity, that's a joke. She doesn't haunt me as often as when I first came, after a face in the darkness turned me from one possible path to the one I find myself on. And she doesn't whisper much but contents herself with watching, granting only an unnerving glimpse of her furtive shadow, always just at the edge of my field of vision. For a long time i tried to blame what I saw on the kitten, but my tiny ball of ambulating fluff is never in the room when 'Shadow Woman ' pays a visit. It's as though she can sense the shades imminent arrival and avoids the encounter.

I love my wee, black fang-monster; the thin, jagged lightning bolt of white down her chest makes her look like a superhero. Caring for her has given welcome routine to the changed city I have reawakened to; the military presence and new things that go bump in the night are only a part. The land itself is changing and I can't tell if it is natural, man-made or something else. A brief venture out of the Zone put me face to face with another first: 'summoned zombies'. Three of them in the middle of Wickbridge Station. Who does this? Who in their right mind summons zombies? I love chaos but frightened humans are harder to feed on and I'm having enough trouble without some conjurating cretin stampeding my supper. Are they linked? Is someone trying to recraft the world? To what purpose? If I were smarter, more tech-savvy, it might be easier to find out. As it is, I've had to be content with spending the past five or six days recuperating and making a new game plan. Once healed the first order of business will be to hit chop shops and junkyards trying to find the assholes who took my 'knuck'.

[vulnavia]

I found my bike behind a dumpster. No sign of the rat bastards who swiped her. A good thing, too, because they'd look like they went through a sausage grinder when I got done. They dumped her hard, bent the front end, hell it looks like they took a sledgehammer to her. Guess they couldn't handle a 'suicide shift '. Crap. She needed an engine rebuild anyway. Might as well do the whole damned thing. Figures.
I explored a tiny bit of the sinkhole looking area next to the graveyard in the Zone and found myself tiptoeing around some brutal beasties. If I can stay intact long enough this might be a fun place to come back to. Big if. I barely dodged Sebastian in the lobby of the Flats, if he's tracked me there...damn, just as I was making progress on the apartment.
Maybe it's time to hunt down an old friend.

[vulnavia]

Where is the tradeoff that makes this existence better than being human? What powers, what supernatural 'gift' is worth what a human surrenders? I don't hold my turning against my sire nor does my body physically need the things it once did... but my soul, my nostalgia-bound spirit does.
A smell, a taste...little things that subconsciously trigger memories held dear.
I miss the taste of a good rare steak. The complex sweet-tart-fruityness of cold lemonade. That first cup of coffee. The feel of the sun on my face. The smell of sun-dappled earth. I miss the pastel palette the sky turns with the dawn and the vivid hues of twilight. The moonbeams twinkling on the ripples of a lake are pale sisters to the glittering of the sunlight.
Cotton candy, ice cream, birds singing...
So far? Nothing I have gained makes up for a single thing I have lost. And Shadow Woman offers no comfort.

[vulnavia]

She follows me everywhere now. At least today she saved my behind. I was so focused on the zombies in the lobby I didn't even notice him. Sebastian. Shadow Woman whispered a warning and I managed to sneak up on him and stab him in the face before melting into the shadows. He looked quite surprised. Perhaps not all of her advice is bad. Maybe I'm not understanding what she is trying to tell me. Time to go back to the sewers, the lobby is getting so crowded of late.

[vulnavia]

The soldiers have slowed blasting me on sight, but I still tend to bolt when I see one. Bounty hunting has become more difficult, either there are fewer zombies, more people hunting them or both. Shadow Woman has begun whispering about thralls and says she has a foolproof way to make a human thrall. It would be nice to let someone else run themselves ragged scouting for me. Definitely worth considering. Yeah... I have always wanted a minion.

[vulnavia]

Oct. 30.
I decided to venture out once again, it's Wednesday, eight months after my last attempt, only to find my situation not improved. I have never been more frustrated in my existance. If I restrict my hunting to zombies and little fluffy bunnies, I'm safe but seem doomed to never better myself, at least not in this century. Or I can hunt as I feel compelled and risk being hunted by a growing number of humans and even my own kind, the low dregs who can be bought just enough to forget who, what, they are. Whatever. Tomorrow is All Hallow's Eve and I intend to enjoy myself.
At least the long interval gave me time to focus on my bike, getting her repaired and repainted in time for tomorrow.

Nov. 1
So much FUN! Ha ha! Monsters and hunters everywhere, so invigorating. But with a cost...notoriety. Not entirely unwanted however as it gives me the opportunity to experiment with a new little toy I bought. And it will give me a chance to mend from my revels.
It is depressing, however, that the streets are so empty today and will remain so, likely until next Hallowe'en. Perhaps I'll be able to muster enough enthusiasm to try going out tomorrow. This sucks. Even Faustine, my kitten, and my annoying 'roomate' have made themselves scarce. Crap.