How is progress measured? Does it still count as progress if two steps are taken forward and then one is taken back? One is still ahead, most certainly, but what if it becomes two steps forward, then three back, eventually? No one can start out in the same place they were at, I am most assured of this, but would a sliver of progress still be considered progress? I imagine a piece of art that has only just been started. No one would pay for it, or display it, yet progress has been made.
There is a theory, or perhaps a rumour about a 'cure' for vampires. I think about Cosimo and his beloved Athena. For now, they are satisfied with their life, but what if they ever wanted more? I do not know if I could ever forgive myself for taking something that could offer them what I cannot and seeing it destroyed. If they would not hate me, I fear I would hate myself. Perhaps I am growing soft in my old age, but once upon a time when a threat was pounding on the door of our species, I would waste no time in pounding back. Now...who have I become? Who will I be this time next year, or in ten years from now?
I have spent a great deal of time with Amalea lately. I can see why Charles likes her. Though, she says he has not spoken to him, or seen him in some time. That is rather unfortunate for the both of them. I think they are both equally fond of the other and she has a unique perception about her for a human. And an appealing voice of reason and control. Well, his loss is my gain for now, as it seems we both like to spend time in the same place and neither of us are shy about striking up a conversation. Perhaps I should gift her a pair of those hideous 'Wellies.' I think I shall.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
I have read that blood packs are now four hundred dollars a piece. I remember when they were six hundred. Even then, I did not complain. Everyone is blaming the humans, the ones in the science center. I cannot help but shake my head. They asked for help, perhaps they really did need help. Perhaps there is a greater threat to us and to humans that we know nothing of. Or that they only knew of. I wish there had been more time to gather some information about who these subsections within the government facility were, exactly.
This is worse than the holocaust and they do not even know it. Back when we elders died, the humans and vampires did not live side by side. We did not write novels, or own papers and flaunt our abilities and curses. As I have always said...we will be our own downfall. They know so much about us that they never had before. They were lucky to catch most elders asleep when a fire broke out. Had we been awake, I suspect there would have been no true holocaust.
We worked with the humans. Befriended them. And now they are on the verge of turning against us. What have we done? It may have been the younger generation mostly in the halls of this complex, but we as elders have failed once again. Most abandoned their kin and left them without direction. Those of us who remain have remained in a life of solitude, much like my sire, and mostly myself. We have all failed here. And we will all feel it in the evenings to come.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
Cassidy quit tonight. Completely out of the blue. I asked her if she had found another job and she told me it was not any of my business. Perhaps not in those same words, I do recall it being quite colourful, but I had not imagined she would ever leave. At least not this year, or the next. I paid her well, and she had a lot of creative freedom, but she said she was quitting due to my 'lifestyle choices.' I had to think long and hard on what she meant by that and it finally came to me. She means because I am a vampire. I had never said so directly, but I suppose given all things...it did not take much effort to put two and two together.
Alaric asked me last week if the cure was something I would be interested in taking when we spoke briefly. It seemed he knew nothing about it. I did not know what to say, so I gave a logical response. I still do not know what to say. What I do know is that it does make me think. What if I were born in this time instead of when I had been? When I had been afforded a choice? So many things would be so different. It is not difficult to imagine a different life-a happier life as a human would have been like. Anything would be better than it had been. Days have gone by since he has asked me that question and I still have no answer, one way or the other.
I have watched centuries come and go and not much has changed. Clothing has changed. Technology has changed. But people have not. They are the same. Most are self interested, some are genuine, but even fewer are genuinely kind or considerate. And we all hurt others at time. Intentionally, or not, it happens. Watching a repeated cycle is torture and disheartening. I believe I could live ten thousand years and still feel as I always do. Perhaps that is the problem. My emotional attachment which makes me feel things about scenarios and people that I should not. Or perhaps, it is a hope. A false hope that people can and have changed.
Nothing changes.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
I cannot believe an entire month has passed since I have opened this journal. I suppose that says much, without actually saying it.
My nights have been spent less and less in the typical solitude that it has been submerged within for the past three or so years and have been enjoying the company of a familiar two; Amalea and Charles. Typically, both are encountered within a sunken cathedral in a city known as Tomkin. The conversations with Amalea are pleasant and insightful as always, though I still find myself wondering the relationship of Charles and her. I had thought that if he wanted to sire her, she would have been sired by now, but now I am not so certain. Perhaps it is he who is not certain, and I could not blame him any. Nights are not what they once were five or six years ago.
A few evenings ago there was an event at a casino in Chalktown, I believe it was. I lost a small amount of funds to some machines. Two evenings ago, Charles invited me to another event there. Amalea was there and she mentioned that she would like to speak with me at some point. I imagine it has to do with Charles, more specifically about his campaign. We did not stay long, but I did not mind it one bit. Last night was perhaps one of my favourite nights with Charles. I suppose most would have found it stale, but I found it to be quite the opposite. I managed to sneak into the apartment and simply watch him reading. There was an allure to observing him whilst he was deep in concentration within his element, so to speak. There is something so very attractive about an individual who is comfortable with themselves and who they are. I would choose to pass the time sitting with him reading in the apartment, instead of attending a soiree.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
Missing. Perhaps that is too strong a word, but it is the appearance of things at the moment. Amalea is very concerned for Charles' well-being. I have assured her that he is well, or at least well enough. He is not dead, that much I know for certain. I believe her concerns are set side for now, but it does little to alleviate mine. Still, he is alive and presumably well, and she is set at ease and so two out of three is not bad.
Meanwhile, apparently Ripper has shot Amalea's thrall and now done a ritual against her. I was not going to interject, but with the absence of Doc and his fondness for the woman; which is still a mystery. Why he has not sired her is beyond me, but that is perhaps another entry, I felt the need to interject on the human's behalf. It seems Ripper believes her to be cursing him, or at least that is what he said. Now, he believes it to be Doc, which seems silly to take it out on her and quite honestly, unfair. And makes very little sense. Why her? He has childre, Kaelyn, I believe and then the other woman...Minx was it?
I wonder if Amalea enjoys traveling. I am still debating what, if anything to do with the information I ascertained last week. Perhaps I will ask her, her opinion on the matter tonight.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
I received two paintings as a gift last night, both lovely in their own way. Alexandrea has a keen eye for working with moving, living objects. I thanked her for both of the items and then she proceeded to offer me an X-acto knife. It turns out an X-Acto knife is a tiny little thing, and I highly doubt it could do anything catastrophic. It is a small precision tool, and so after a few minutes of research and further explanation, I have come to learn what she meant by offering me such a tool should the night arise.
The truth is, should the a night like that come to pass, I doubt I could do such a thing to a friend's art work. It is evident she spent many of hours upon the piece. I thanked her again and stated a few more parting thoughts before I progressed with my night.
There is a new train system to a place called Bifrost. I suppose I expected an area that was cold on multiple fronts, being bi is the beginning word and frost the ending, but quite the opposite. There are female warriors there and impressive weapons in their possession. No guns, just a variety of melee weapons, but I hold on to them for the night in which Cosimo perfects his gun making skills and moves to learn a new trade.
I find myself feeling conflicted lately on a few accounts. The urge to travel for reasons I still have not discussed with Amalea or with Charles, who is no longer missing, may I add, or to remain here and resist that urge. Then, there is the matter of the sirens and I can find myself on their side, to an extent. Would it bother me that the realm would shrink and potentially fade from existence? Not in the slightest. I lived hundreds of years without that safety net that those much younger than I cling to for whatever reason. Yet, the sirens, I believe are tied to the fae as a whole and they are not kind to our kind, most of all me. So, I find myself in the middle of both sides, trying to determine if there is an alternative method to approach this potential issue with what little knowledge I have.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
I finished the books I purchased on gambling and am eager to apply what it is the books mentioned. I suppose that I could go to the Chalktown area, but I have my sights set on something much bigger. So, I searched 'gambling cities' and came up with a few cities that claim to be the gambling city of the United States. The front runner is Nevada, then California, New York and Florida. I have heard much about New York and the fact that it is a city that never sleeps, and the crime rate is high, so perhaps that would not be a good choice. I suppose I will ask Charles his thoughts on the matter. Regardless of the location, I plan to go soon.
I had a meeting with a small business owner who was...having difficulties with their business endeavours. They were selling products cheaply and closing their doors. Their misfortune was mine and I managed to procure a small shop for my latest and final endeavour on the business front. I am very excited to open yet another business that utilizes my abilities, as outdated as they are. Still, the world of medicine and things associate with it is the future and so, it makes perfect sense to me.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
You learn to build your roads
On today because tomorrow`s ground
Is too uncertain for plans.
I have decided of my own accord that I will go to Europe after all. Time is not something that is afforded to humans, as it is to us. Debating the positives and negatives only wastes time, and leaves uncertainty.
Before I leave, I plan on studying the Allurist mastery path, in hopes that it comes in use there.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
Last night did not go as anticipated. Everything was going splendidly, Charles was even eating biscuits...if one can believe such a thing, and speaking of his childhood. I should confess that he has before, spoken of his childhood, but many of the things spoken-no all of the things spoken left me with the impression of how...dreadful it was growing up in his home. But, apparently he had a saving grace in the form of a housekeeper who baked biscuits. She must have been a splendid woman, for I am positive I saw him smiling at the memory.
And then...well, let us just say the events turned into something far different than anticipated. It ended up with Charles leaving the Voodoo, I, also unexpectedly leaving...I swore I heard the shatter of my platter...which reminds me to purchase another one and then me summoning him later to try and ensure that he was alright. Of course, I teamed up with his favourite human in the entire world, Amalea-again, did I mention how much I like her, even if I cannot understand their relationship completely? I know he wants to spend time with her, yet seems afraid to. I am not jealous, nor do I believe they are intimate, it is just...different. I suppose he views her as one of his own, the exception being she is human, which is why I thought of this entire Thanksgiving ordeal up. I highly doubt the woman will die tomorrow, but just who knows in a place such as Harper Rock?
But, I am digressing. In the end I won and managed to make Charles smile, even if his mood was foul. And while I was smiling last night, I find myself far from smiling tonight.
I am worried.
Not for me, but for Charles. I had not thought of it until tonight, which is so very selfish of me, as well as careless. But, twice he mentioned cameras and surveillance and it did not register into my mind until last night's...ordeal.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
Amalea has given me much insight over the conundrum I face. Two suggestions, though I do not know which of the suggestions is the best. Regardless of the choice I eventually make, it will take some time. Proof will need to be gathered, and who knows what else?
Still, I do not wish to have any aspect of my life-human or vampire, costing Charles his credibility. And while Amalea suggested speaking to him about the two possibilities, I simply cannot. It is not something so simple as, oh, I do not know...a pet dying. Or something being stolen. No, it is best he stays clear of the entire ordeal. Could one imagine the headlines? The scandal? As Charles said, there are cameras and eyes everywhere.
I will figure something out, she had suggested enthralling the right person to take care of the ordeal...but I would need to figure out just who that person is.
Why are you taking me through troubled waters, I asked? Because your enemies cannot swim, he replied.
