The whole scene was promising. I admit all of it had my blood running a little faster through the venous network beneath my warm skin. The strong chambers of my heart received a little pick-me-up off the way his voice hit me and shifted my gears. He wasn’t leaving. I would have been damned if I would have admitted it but something twisted worked it’s magic on the inside. It was exactly what I shouldn’t want to hear but I did. I liked it enough that my guard went down just enough to relax at the weight of his hand traveling the distance to my hip farthest from his. Once it arrived it fastened like it belonged there taking a relaxed, casual rest. I felt him in the continuous sway of my steps. It shouldn’t be so easy for him to reach me but there he was. The connection of our bodies left me grasping at straws. I hated him from across the room. Now that he stole the distance between us and the restraint it provided I breathed him in because the intoxicating effects were too hard to resist.
I could blame it on the imported lace that caressed my bare skin as I moved beneath his hand. I could pretend it was the single drink I had before setting my sights on him. I could insist that he was playing one of his magic cards and all of this was orchestrated for one of his self-serving purposes. I could curse the night and all that went with it but it wouldn’t do any good. He said the words that had my breath hitched on what he would do next and then he did it.
I felt the air take hold of me as I looked up at him from a distance that shouldn’t be possible. While it increased I grab for the nothingness that the night air delivered to my frantic reach. It is so many layers of fucked up that I don’t even try to rationalize it. What I predict happening next rattles my body so hard that I know what my Sassy Sissy doll must have went through when I tossed it out of my aunt’s thirteenth floor window on Christmas Day. In my defense I wanted a gun. A real one. Santa lost my support as soon as I opened up the cheerfully wrapped box and had a plastic face with fluttering eyes babbling at me in greeting.
As for Sassy it was common sense that she didn’t have the nerves and joints wired to a brain like I do. She didn’t get the wind knocked out of her. She didn’t need an inhale of oxygen to keep her going. And she missed out on the stunning shock of pain that had me staying still. The thought of moving hurt far too much without actually following through with the act to find out if it would compare.
“I…”
I am not sure what the hell I expect to come out of my mouth. I wheeze in and gulp the air available which reminds me of my fresh cut grass allergies. Each of my palms slaps the ground beneath and squeezes whatever I can claw inward and hold onto like a defiant *** in need of some well earned discipline. I want to get my hands on him and hear him beg. I want to feel his pain surpass my own as it should. His haunting blues need to bleed so I can suck their drops from the surface of those slick devastating orbs. I want…
**** what I want. The sounds of sirens catch my attention as I find my way to my surprisingly intact dress shoes. I wasn’t in the place I was supposed to be. The consequences of getting caught outweighed the company I was currently in and the pain that found new places within me to work over.
“You ain’t seen nothing yet.” I hiss and wipe my bruised lips acquired from kissing dirt and grass blades without a prior pucker up.
Not like I can do much about it while the fire and rescue are coming in like the cavalry with the fellow shields in fast pursuit. I am unarmed and out of my jurisdiction. I know it is useless to put myself through the empty threat of reaching for something to hit him with that I don’t have under my barely there and see through dress. A quick glance down says it is all in one piece. For what it cost me it should have prevented the fall from being anything less than a fluid Ginger Roger’s leap and land. I glance at him then to the car.
I could blame it on the imported lace that caressed my bare skin as I moved beneath his hand. I could pretend it was the single drink I had before setting my sights on him. I could insist that he was playing one of his magic cards and all of this was orchestrated for one of his self-serving purposes. I could curse the night and all that went with it but it wouldn’t do any good. He said the words that had my breath hitched on what he would do next and then he did it.
I felt the air take hold of me as I looked up at him from a distance that shouldn’t be possible. While it increased I grab for the nothingness that the night air delivered to my frantic reach. It is so many layers of fucked up that I don’t even try to rationalize it. What I predict happening next rattles my body so hard that I know what my Sassy Sissy doll must have went through when I tossed it out of my aunt’s thirteenth floor window on Christmas Day. In my defense I wanted a gun. A real one. Santa lost my support as soon as I opened up the cheerfully wrapped box and had a plastic face with fluttering eyes babbling at me in greeting.
As for Sassy it was common sense that she didn’t have the nerves and joints wired to a brain like I do. She didn’t get the wind knocked out of her. She didn’t need an inhale of oxygen to keep her going. And she missed out on the stunning shock of pain that had me staying still. The thought of moving hurt far too much without actually following through with the act to find out if it would compare.
“I…”
I am not sure what the hell I expect to come out of my mouth. I wheeze in and gulp the air available which reminds me of my fresh cut grass allergies. Each of my palms slaps the ground beneath and squeezes whatever I can claw inward and hold onto like a defiant *** in need of some well earned discipline. I want to get my hands on him and hear him beg. I want to feel his pain surpass my own as it should. His haunting blues need to bleed so I can suck their drops from the surface of those slick devastating orbs. I want…
**** what I want. The sounds of sirens catch my attention as I find my way to my surprisingly intact dress shoes. I wasn’t in the place I was supposed to be. The consequences of getting caught outweighed the company I was currently in and the pain that found new places within me to work over.
“You ain’t seen nothing yet.” I hiss and wipe my bruised lips acquired from kissing dirt and grass blades without a prior pucker up.
Not like I can do much about it while the fire and rescue are coming in like the cavalry with the fellow shields in fast pursuit. I am unarmed and out of my jurisdiction. I know it is useless to put myself through the empty threat of reaching for something to hit him with that I don’t have under my barely there and see through dress. A quick glance down says it is all in one piece. For what it cost me it should have prevented the fall from being anything less than a fluid Ginger Roger’s leap and land. I glance at him then to the car.