Whispers to Morpheus (Journal)

[Yvette Marie]

A few days ago, I woke, and the world was still and quiet. The voice of my dearest brother is not calling me right now, and I feel odd. How long have I disappeared into the dreaming? Why do the streets seem filled with an anxious energy?

I hear their voices now, the angelic chatter and laughter, calling me to the wilderness- but I stay in my apartment, venturing out only to feed. I made a mistake, in my starving state, of trying to feed from a human. His eyes widened and he whispered hatefully to me, knowing what I was. Vampire.
My brother still hasn't returned to my side, and I miss his spectre so. Who else will give me lecture on appropriateness, and decorum? Or dance with me in the moonlight? We are both forever young, and so we stay.

Perhaps I should seek out those of my blood again, touch their skin, and assure myself they are in fact real. For I dreamt of so many in the dreaming that I couldn't figure out if I were sane or only sane here, and only infrequently.

Silence brings happiness, screams bring joy. This was the only thing I remember, over and over again. Whatever could it mean?

[Yvette Marie]

I've not seen a friendly face in a while. Perhaps the slumber I sought has been taken by more?

Nevermind that though, brother has returned. I suppose as I slept, he was free to roam the otherness as he wished. He seems more worried about me now, folloving me as I feed from the chickens and rats once more. I am so very hungry, but I like ending the lives of the things I feed from. This would do no good for humans, as I already get odd looks now, more than I did before.

The whispers get louder everyday. I wish to stay home and work on my code skills, but the need to feed is strong. How disdainful such desires are these days! How the wilderness calls, but my codes are forming shapes and signs and I must stay.

Pretty blood stains the windows, like coloured glass.

[Yvette Marie]

Hello, sweet flowers. How beautifully you bloom. The hearts have all gone away, the birds stay chirping on their branches, not knowing they are caged. Chirp away little birdies, they come for you after me, to drag you screaming into the dreaming.

Hopefully this need to feed will pass soon. There are much better things I could be doing- going through the codes that spin and flutter in my head. They whisper of secrets untold, if I only reach out and grab them.

But the need burns still, so I snap the necks of animals each night, and hope that no one will come after me. I still cannot feed from humans very well. Only the infirm or old can I catch, which makes it difficult for me to be stronger. Perhaps this is why I always feel so called by the shadows that flicker and dance in the night?

Brother whispers for me not to go again, that he missed me. Is it his heart he may miss? If I concentrate, I can pretend it still beats like a humans would. How wasteful I have been.

Are you willing to dance with me? Come to the edge of the wild and see.

[Yvette Marie]

Tonight I found a pretty flower in the floating tide of codes. They swayed to and fro in the breeze, and made such a pretty sight. I tried to delete the pictures, but someone accessed my mind before I could. Connection lost.

Hush little baby, don't make a sound. Mommy hid the bodies where they'll never be found.

I walked today, and found myself at the edge of the wilderness again. I want to know what lies beyond this town again, but the angels scare me. Their voices make brother cover his ears and shake his head. They sound so sweet, calling me to them. I took a step forward and nearly was hit by a vehicle. It was a pretty colour car, though. Reminds me of the presents brother and I would have on our birthday. Has it come yet, our birthday? I think not, but I couldn't be sure.

And what of the girl I brought to our family? Is she still here? I do not know, she would never call out. Not even in my dreaming.
And if that baby happens to dream, mommy lets her sleep, while she hears others scream.

[Yvette Marie]

Another several days spent wandering for my pretty and deadliest of flowers in the garden of the shining dragon. I know they are here, I can sometimes hear their whispers on the wind instead of the beckonings to the forest. But they are faint and few. What world have I brought myself to?
The code in the air, wavelengths around us, spinning and wrapping around all like a vice? That is clear. That is something I understand. I remove pieces of evidence here and there from the code, as it is something familiar to me. These things I know and can do. The fighting? Not so much. I still feel faint moving from one part of the city to the next.
Better to stay in and become perfect at what I am doing.
Brother is quiet again. For all that he fussed, I believe he misses the more social me. Sometimes I wonder, don't I miss it too? But then the calls and clamors of the city come and I end up back in my apartment, hiding and only venturing out for the blood from animals, or a pack, if I am feeling particularly frail.

Perhaps I should feed more frequently from humans. Perhaps I could find someone willing? I am not sure I could avoid killing them if they touched me though. Humans are so very frail. Was I that frail before? Though it's only been a year, I can't recall.

When all the sunshines have rainclouds looming, won't you open the umbrella and come and play in the garden? The flowers are so prettily blooming.

[Yvette Marie]

I woke up just recently. I woke, cold and hungry. I'm confused and worried.

I can't remember my name. I can't remember anything but Dragons, the smell of the sewers and the faint hum of the connection to the endless coding and the whispers that surround me. I... I'm covered in dust, and my skin is cold. I found this book in a bag by my side. I hope that I can...

Why can't I remember? Who am I, and where have I been to make me feel so cold? Why do I...

Someone comes. I will go to this address in the front of this book. Perhaps being there will help me? Will someone be there to help me?

...How do I get out of the sew-

A bird and fish may fall in love, but where would they live? Is it not tragic, to be in love with something that flies,
while you remain in the sea?

[Yvette Marie]

Of all the things, I've lost my flower. Precious flower of my garden. I will not have another.
I finally found where I lived, though I did get into a bit of trouble along the way... How was I to know that the law enforcement here would miss the slumlords and dealers torturing their good citizens?
Honestly, I would think they would be happy I have helped.

I will not stop, however. I will only become more cautious.

I still dream of my place in the garden, the fountain bubbling with a red tint, the dragon soaring overhead. I wandered around the city for so long...when I found my apartment, I realized I'd left lovely shoes here.
It would have helped much with the broken glass in the alleyway on the way here. How much would it have helped,
I am not certain.

But I would not have spent two hours picking shards from the soles of my feet while I wandered in the codes running through my mind.

I feel ... myself?... today, though I still feel like something is missing.
I wish I could find someone to tell me why I cannot seem to keep hold of things...

No matter what they told you, you're never alone. For the darkness is your friend, until it comes to devour you, as all things must have an end.

[Yvette Marie]

Listening to whispers, I hear the sound of things. A rabbit darting across leaves, their heart's beating so fast. Somewhere further away, the call of a wolf howls.

Where am I? Have I wandered into the woods again?

I smell the coppery scent of blood, and cannot remember where I've been. Just the buzzing of codes sliding across my mind, laughter, the dark thoughts of someone nearby, coming closer. Screams. So many screams. All around the city.

What are we doing here? Why are we even here? Why am I even here?

My shadow, he's dancing around me now. It's been so very long since he was last here. I wonder where he's been. He is my constant, my one true thing. I know he will be here, haunting me until my final death.
After all, it's his heart that beats within me. We are one person, as we always thought we would become.

Is it you, Kin, who led me here?

Watch carefully little girl, at the road you tread. For the wolf's gone off track, and it's he in your bed.

[Yvette Marie]

I'm covered in blood and dust, and my mind is buzzing like a thousand beehives are lodged in my skull. There's another dead body on the floor. I keep trying to cover it, but it stares at me with unseeing eyes. I should bury his rotting corpse.

I should pluck out those offending eyes.

I wonder sometimes why I do this. Waking up and not having any idea how I've gotten this way, or where I've managed to acquire these men from. Perhaps they follow me.

Perhaps I was meant to be the prey.

A mistake then, for I haven't played anyone's victim before (that I can recall) and I don't think I will begin to do so now. I am mad, after all, not helpless. The body count, despite my attempts to keep from killing, can attest to that.

And yet, while this place once accepted the monsters, there's really no place for them now. Pity, as it took me so long to become one.

Humanity is a fleeting thing, tested by trials and tribulations, but failing at the first sign of war or flame.

[Yvette Marie]

Tick-tock, tick-tock, the clock ticks slowly by...

I do not understand. Why has the pretty garden gone still? Why do I no longer hear the call of my sweet lullaby singing?
The sunlight, I dream of the sunlight on treetops, and the whispers and babbling brooks. I dream of the forest and I want to go inside, but everytime I do, he pulls me out. They all pull me away, and tell me not to go into the sun. But the light is so pretty. I just want to touch it.

And now the song returns "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine" Why can I not find the garden? Why has everything changed so much. Everyone is so still and quiet. They are like statues in a museum, and I long to topple them all, leave them smashed on the floor.

The king is dead, long live the queen. The queen sits on her throne so carelessly, will the king rise from the dead and take it back from her? A skeleton king leading a dying kingdom of decay and waste. So much wasted time, so much wasted potential. Sad, really.

Then running. Running running, I am a deer. See me run. The hunter marks his bow, and it strikes true. I fall. I feel the warmth leave me. Don't leave me warmth, I need you. I am so cold.

So cold...
And the song continues. "Oh please don't take my sunshine away."
Then silence again. Silence silence. I hate the silence. I'd scream but no one hears me. No one ever hears me. I'm in the forest after all.

So far from the garden and all the pretty flowers...
The price I pay for a moment's clarity.

... it is not our time, but borrowed time, we only do and die.