I Carry Your Heart With Me

[Cosimo Alessi (DELETED 6612)]

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) )

<ATHENA> Saying sorry never came naturally to the necromancer, having had to do it during her life she’d avoid it as much as possible until the night that she confronted Cosimo about the stale silence between them. She had promised to do better, and she would follow that with every ounce of try she had left inside her. If she ever loved anybody more than herself, it had to be Cosimo. The Italian whose smile could melt her heart, her soul and everything in between. But how do you romance the man who is romance? Athena supposed it would have to do with first trying to, if nothing else, and maybe then she could learn how. It didn’t have to be perfect she knew, it just had to be something other than avoidance. It had to mean something other than silence, it had to be something that came from her heart and that let him in when she wasn’t willing to do so before. The one thing that was timelessly romantic had to be poetry to her, and candles, soft light and maybe even soft music that she knew he liked. So that’s exactly what she did, she opened the doors in the apartment and instead of destroying it as she had in the past she covered most of the surfaces in white candles, playing music on their record player that was soft jazz, another thing that she always felt was timelessly romantic. She couldn’t wait for him to get home, for her to whisper the poetry that she had memorized and for him to sway her in his arms to the music. If anything, she couldn’t wait to spend time with him. To make another small step towards him, instead of away.


<COSIMO> Jazz was indeed Cosimo’s preferred genre; even now it played in the earbuds that were stuck neatly into his ears, bag slung over his shoulder, strap snug over his chest as he made the commute from the Tower to home. Over the past few weeks there’d been whole days that he didn’t return to the home that he shared with Athena, but ever since the conversation they’d had, he’d noticed her efforts to be around more. And thus, he made his way back to the apartment, earlier rather than later. The Italian was willing to meet the woman halfway, though he would never admit to her that he only continued to come home at all because he disliked confrontation, and wasn’t in the mood to shatter his own optimist heart completely by leaving her. Waiting, it seemed, had done the relationship good. When the man walked through the front door he would smell of stale sweet tarts and of something a little more acrid. Burnt metal, maybe, or perhaps some of those potentially harmful chemicals he’d spilled a few drops of when putting together one of the many traps he’d started to master. He expected to find either complete darkness, because he was the first one home, or to be greeted by the bright lights of the kitchen. Instead, there was the warm flickering glow of dozens of candles. The earbuds were pulled from his ears, one jazz melody replaced by another. “Athena…?” he called, the door closing slowly behind him, locked with decisive click.


<ATHENA> Athena hadn’t expected him home so soon, so when he came sauntering through the door she was more than surprised, only looking up in time to hear her name before that decisive click. Cursing quietly under her breath, she smoothed her palms down the fabric of her joggers and sighed. She hadn’t even gotten dressed yet, all she had was the atmosphere and she had that done first so she could get used to it. It wasn’t easy for her to bare her heart to him, or to tell him what she should’ve been saying all along. That she loved him. That she wanted him. But she was holding tight to her promise, refusing to let him down again. Even if it meant that she felt like a failure, it wasn’t his fault that she couldn’t communicate with him. It was hers. So when she knew he was coming anyway, she crossed her arms loosely over her chest in embarrassment and managed to plaster a smile on her face. “You caught me,” she confessed, gesturing now to the open space of their livingroom. It was clean too, she had spent the time previous dusting the entire apartment since she very rarely left her things thrown about anymore. This was another effort she was trying to make, maybe not that she’d be the best housewife because she still couldn’t stand to stay home all day but that she would respect him, and respect the things they shared down to the simple things like the home they lived in or the floor they both walked on. Maybe he wouldn’t notice this change in her, but she didn’t think anything progressive could hurt their path to hopefully healing their relationship. “I didn’t think you’d be home so soon, or I would’ve done better at being ready when you got here..” trailing off, she looked away nervously at the candles sitting prettily on the kitchen counter and laughed once at herself. “I’m still in my cleaning clothes,” she continues, gesturing now at the simple sweat-joggers and the loose-fitting tank and sports bra she wore. It definitely wasn’t what she had planned to wear tonight, but she had been caught red handed.


<COSIMO> Cosimo had never been much bothered by clutter. If Athena left her things lying around, it made the place feel like home -- lived in. With everything put away, it was strange -- though he had noticed she was doing it. He didn’t want to tell her, though. He didn’t want her to think he was criticising her, or that she was doing anything wrong. Either way, she wasn’t doing anything wrong. Clean or dirty he didn’t mind. Not filthy, obviously, but he liked to know that he was coming home to someone. The first time she’d cleaned up and put everything away he’d had a moment of shock, wondering if she’d left him.

Cosimo lifted the bag from over his shoulders and dropped it just inside the front door. He took another moment to appreciate what Athena had done, before his meandering eyes settled back on her body -- he only noticed what she was wearing after she’d mentioned it. And when she did, he had to laugh. His footsteps carried him closer to Athena, hands reaching for her waist.

“You know I do not care what you wear,” he said. “I smell like stale tarts and chemicals. It does not matter,” he said, before he tugged his lower lip between his teeth and his features fell. “Have I missed something? What is the occasion?” he asked, glancing around once more, wondering if there was a sign. Something. Was it an anniversary that he hadn’t thought of? A birthday? It… no, February was months ago, so it wasn’t Valentine’s Day. Rather than talk himself into a hole, he kept quiet, hair fallen over his features while he waited to see if he was in trouble for forgetting something.


<ATHENA> Cosimo laughed and all her earlier nerves melted away. He was happy with it, regardless that she was in joggers and a tank. He didn’t care about those things, and never had before - but she was a perfectionist. She was a woman who liked detail with these things, and everything had to be right if she was going to do something but she missed the fact that it was already perfect, because he appreciated her. He saw her effort and that was enough to break the nerves from her and fill her with warmth instead. To fill her with love.

Athena’s hands came to rest over his as he found her waist, looking up at him with a smile on her face that had a certain radiance it hadn’t always carried. It was a newfound appreciation, for them both that showed. “Yes, I do know.” she confesses, half embarrassed that she had thought otherwise regardless of her intention. He described how he smelled but she didn’t notice, she just felt him close and that was all she needed. It mattered not how he smelled. “There’s no occasion other than I miss you, and I wanted to show you. I thought it was a good night to dance, like we used to.” she explained, now shying away to turn her gaze a little off to the side, so they didn’t have too much direct eye contact but enough to pass. No matter what she did, that shyness to love Cosimo so openly made her nervous, it made her shy. It made her feel completely off her axis and still she didn’t know how to find her center.


<COSIMO> There were so many ways that Cosimo had changed. For better or for worse, it didn’t matter -- this was who he was now, and so far he’d not thought of any reason to hate who he’d become. In fact, he rather preferred this man -- the one that was free from his father’s macho expectations, away from the constant desire to be more, to have more. To be tough, to care less. This was the man he’d been raised by, and Cosimo could not be sad that he was dead. He hadn’t hated his father. He’d loved him, to an extent. But that didn’t mean it still didn’t feel good to be free of him.

It wasn’t only the freedom from his father that had changed Cosimo. The mutilation that had occurred previous to his siring had upended the hormones in his body; he became more sensitive. And the vampiric blood had halted the process, solidified it. No testosterone pill could make him better. But why fix what wasn’t broken? The man had had his doubts over the past few months -- he couldn’t deny that. But the gleam in Athena’s eyes, her shyness, this whole scene… already those doubts were vanishing, packing their bags and going on their merry way. A grin dimpled his cheeks as he lifted a hand, fingers grazing Athena’s jaw as he turned her face back to him. He leaned forward and pressed and appreciative, lingering kiss to her lips.

“I think that you did it on purpose,” he said against her lips, still smiling. He already started to sway the grip on Athena’s waist shifting into a dancer’s stance. “Stayed in your cleaning clothes, knowing that I need to shower, too…” he said, smile growing sly.


<ATHENA> With Athena’s eyes pointed elsewhere, away from his face out of cowardice she missed her favorite sight. She missed watching Cosimo’s sweet smile effortlessly melt into a sly smirk, those blue eyes of his turn to a ocean of blue that never ceases to make her knees weak and her tongue dry. As he turned her face and her blues landed on his face again, her lips turned upwards and she kissed him back, the lingering he added only making her toes curl in her socks.

“Mmm, I wish I was that clever.” she murmurs back, her lips brushing back against the man’s as they spoke. He shifted his grip on her, and she followed suit to shift her own to automatically hold onto him and let the man of romance lead. She didn’t much care who led these days, just that there was romance in the air for them. That they had some sort of path to each other again, that she had cluttered with her silence and her unwillingness to keep trying. “But if you’re trying to say that eventually you’ll need help in the shower.. I feel like I know someone who might fit the job.., Cosimo.” Athena whispered, knowing her cheeks would flush if they still could, that the girlish embarrassment was still there somewhere when it came to the italian that she loved. But it didn’t matter, because she wanted to be the person to help him no matter what.

[Athena (DELETED 6736)]

<COSIMO> “Oh yes,” Cosimo replied, purring the words. This was Athena trying, and Cosimo could tell. But, the Italian wasn’t the kind of man to hold a grudge. He never had been. It was not hard for him to fall into the ease of the scene, happiness taking hold of his heart -- as if no time had passed and there’d been no rift at all.

“Always need help in the shower. I am invalid,” he said, swinging Athena around so he could thrust her into a twirl, before pulling her body in close to his again. Artu he could see on the kitchen bench, curled up and looking more like a loaf of bread than a cat, blinking slowly and contentedly in the dim light.

“You…” he said, having noticed Athena’s coy behaviour, how at odds it was with the fire that so often lived within her. “...seem nervous, mio amore. Am I making you nervous?” he asked, still grinning. It amused him, if she was, if that was the case. This woman with her tattoos and all her strength cowed by a mere Italian man…


<ATHENA> Cosimo purring was such a welcomed sound, her face hurting with just how hard she was smiling in such a short time. He was dreamy, to her, always. With how smart he is, or how handy he is, or even just how sweet he is. He never failed to sweep her off her feet and she needed to tell him more often. She needed to talk about just how much she loved him and why, because he deserved to hear it. “You are no invalid.” she counters, swinging around just in time to catch herself in a twirl, enjoying herself especially when she was tucked back against his body again. Athena lifted a hand and she couldn’t help the way she smoothed her palm up the man’s chest, rubbing gently then over a shoulder as they swayed and talked.

He accused her of being nervous and she was, there was no denying the smile on her face, or the butterflies she felt erupting still in the pit of her stomach. If she were honest, she felt this way often when it came to the Italian. He was always impressive, and always making her nervous with just the simplest of things. It could be as small as a look he gives her, or the way his eyes lit up when he spoke about something he was passionate about. Either way, it never failed to make her entire body flutter. “You are making me nervous.” she agrees, her hand smoothing once again over his shoulder before she lifted it up, so she could touch the pad of her thumb over the man’s cheek lovingly. “But you do so often, you make me nervous with how naturally loving you are. With just how much I love you, even if I don’t deserve to, or even when I don’t show you. But I do love you Cosimo, and I can’t express to you how truly sorry I am that I ever let you loose sight of that.” Athena spoke soft, her eyes staying on his as she spoke from the bottom of her heart, even if this confession had started out to be just a little tease. But to her, tonight meant a lot more.


<COSIMO> The scenery was so perfect, with the jazz and the candles and Athena’s proclamations of love that Cosimo couldn’t possibly tell her how right she was. In her prolonged absences it was hard to think that she could love him. He’d begun to question not only his own invalidity, but that of the relationship they had supposedly shared. He’d veered away from any potential love-making, hadn’t initiated anything for months because he was terrified he would be a disappointment -- because in order to function properly, like a man ought to, there had to be an emotional connection. He knew that now, he understood better -- especially after hours and hours of fruitless googling to see if there could be a cure for his condition.

Beyond dying and coming back with a different body, of course -- though he could not be assured of looks or function, the selection totally random.

He almost asked Athena what she would do and how she would feel if he were to die and come back to her under a different guise -- but here she was reassuring him of her love. Why question it? These were not things he wished to dwell on, and so he smiled and let them go.

“When are we going to go to Italy? I bought us tickets. For Valentines Day, but we were distant and I did not think… but I think the time is right, now. We can use the credit. When do you want to go?” he asked. “We would have to find someone to mind Artu. But that should not be so hard…”


<ATHENA> Athena listened to him, that same smile still on her face and it only growing. Her face hurt for sure now, with how tense her muscles felt from smiling so hard and for so long now but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to help it. Not now. Not with what he was saying. He wanted to go away! He wanted to take her to Italy! She could feel the excitement grow in her belly and she couldn’t help but to bounce twice on her feet, something so uncharacteristic of herself but joy conquered all. Her love for him conquered all. The excitement was well written on her face now, with her lips parting to make a gentle ‘o’ with her lips and the way her blue eyes sparkled. If someone took a look at her face now they wouldn’t be able to recognize her, not with the way she was looking at Cosimo now.

“We can go whenever you want. We can go tomorrow. We can go next week actually… what is good for you? When can we go?” she asks, her voice full of childish excitement while that hand that touched his face moved, so she could wrap her arms around him and pull the Italian down for a kiss before he could even answer. When she pressed her lips to his, she couldn’t help but to use her other hand to hold gentle to the fabric of his shirt, keeping herself and the man close while her lips molded perfectly into his own.


<COSIMO> Cosimo laughed as Athena’s enthusiasm only grew, her excitement translating into times, dates -- whenever. When? He shook his head, hair falling into his eyes -- as per usual. “We cannot go tomorrow. We will need to find flights only at night time. We will need to figure out the timing. It might take a day or two. But we can go soon,” he said. The reasons he’d had for staying no longer existed; he had Elizabeth, of course, but he knew that she would not mind if he left for a few weeks. She was an elder and his sire, and she had lived this long on her own merits. She did not need him, not as a dependant. And those that might have needed him had disappeared. Every single one of his childer no longer answered his messages; he wondered if they were dead. Would he know if they had died? It saddened him, but there was not much he could do about it.

“It is probably best that we do the responsible thing and let our bosses know in advance. And we will need to find someone who will look after Artu…” he said. He wondered if Elizabeth would. Besides that, he did not think there was anything else that needed to be organised. Nor had he travelled anywhere since becoming a vampire. How hard, how easy would it be to avoid the sunlight? They would have to take precautions, but they would be alright.


<ATHENA> It was easy to pull away from his mouth to listen to his laughter, to see the emotion play on the features of his face. To see the way he lit up once again in her arms, and because of her. The sight was missed so severely that she hadn't been able to tell until just now how heavy she had been these past few months without it. Without him. It was like finally having the world lifted from her back, finally being able to breathe after being stuck underwater for so long. It was so welcomed that she could almost cry, only almost though. This woman was a hard nut to crack, even for Cosimo who she loved undoubtedly. He spoke of responsibility and she knew he wasn't wrong, of course he wasn't and that only made her sigh. If only playfully, her body slowly and reluctantly moving to take a small step away from his so that she may focus.

“I know, I know. You're right.” the necromancer smiles, the corners of her mouth giving way to the hidden dimples at the corners of her mouth. It's a warm look on her face and if she were still human, she might even flush with just how happy she is. “Do you think your sire would feed Artu or should I ask Clover?” She asks, already turning away in an attempt to look over their apartment, surely they had something here they could use to look up plane times. “Do you think she'll mind if you miss a few weeks of work?” she continues, moving now to walk around the coffee table, racking her brain for something to use and only ending back in her earlier spot in front of Cosimo, her head tilted up to just smile goofily at him, truly happy to take this adventure with him. They needed it and he deserved it.


<COSIMO> Cosimo had no idea what Athena was looking for -- flights he figured they could take care of later, as soon as they had sorted everything else out. They needed to look at dates, and see how long they could be away from their prospective jobs -- they needed to see who would be available to take care of Artu (as Cosimo had grown quite attached to the feline, and didn’t like the idea of sending him to someplace he was unfamiliar with).

“She will be fine with the time off,” he said with a nod. Elizabeth had given Cosimo the job out of the kindness of her heart, to give him something to do when he’d felt so lost. The business had run okay without him then, and it could do so again for a couple of weeks. “I will need to ask her, whether she will be able to take care of Artu. She, too, likes to travel. If she is not in town, perhaps you can ask Clover,” Cosimo said. He was already moving toward his bag, within which his phone was nestled. He would text Elizabeth and get the answer as soon as possible; they could organise the flights. They could pack, slowly. They’d have to check the weather.

“We will hire a car,” he said, dreaming ahead. “We will travel all over. From where I was born, to where I left,” he said, then paused. “Maybe not the last one, just in cases,” he said. How long had it been? Would he have been forgotten? Years. Surely, everything would be okay.

[Athena (DELETED 6736)]

<ATHENA> If she were asked, she would’ve told him that she hadn’t a clue on what she had been looking for earlier either. Maybe her cellphone, or maybe some book that could help them plan their vacation out, but she ended up with nothing and instead standing in front of him like a fumbling idiot. That same smile from earlier was there, the warm happy look on her face hadn’t faded either and she only smiled harder. This trip was a dream come true for her, a little getaway where she could focus on only him, to show him just how much she loved him and to try desperately to reconnect. It was everything she could have ever wanted. “Is there a reason other than old memories that we wouldn’t travel to the last place you were at?” she asks, turning away from him now to look over their apartment, for the unlife of her she couldn’t remember where she had left her phone. Leading her to think that maybe she should make a trip tomorrow to the cafe and send Clo an email. How long had it been since she saw her fiery friend? Too long, she’d imagine. But the thought quickly passes in Cosimo’s presence and she looks back up at the Italian, genuinely curious if there was a reason behind this. “Is it not safe?” she asks now, thinking that perhaps it wasn’t considering he ended up a vampire there. Or, something equally as terrible.

Athena decides to soften the subject, her lips spread into a smile as she turns to face the man again, that smile flirtatious and coy. “And do you care to tell me in the shower?”

[Cosimo Alessi (DELETED 6612)]

Cosimo's lips parted as the answer came easily to his tongue, though it was cut short by Athena's suggestion that he tell her in the shower. The man was not oblivious to that flirtatious stance, that coy smile that claimed Athena's full, kissable lips. He knew exactly why she wanted to get into the shower; how could he not, the way she was looking at him? And although they'd been through his so many times, although he knew that she didn't care and that she would not be bothered, his gut always twisted when anything sexual was suggested.

Though there was a chance she just wished to shower, and whatever happened during or afterwards would happen, whether successful or not. He was constantly so wary of disappointing her, the sensual creature that she was. Still, he nodded.

"Si, okay," he said, brushing his fingers through Athena's hair so that he could brush a kiss to her temple. Only then would he meander through to the bathroom, always just slightly nervous in front of Athena, as if it were always their first time. And so while he undressed he would talk--he would talk about the last night he'd spent in Italy, the mobsters he and his father had crossed. Mistakes had been made, and one does not cross these men. They do not forget. His father had been shot and killed and Cosimo had got away by the hair of his backside. He'd jumped on a boat and then a plane and had settled in Canada, where he knew a cousin of a cousin. It wasn't in Italy where all the worst things had happened, no. That was in Harper Rock.

[Athena (DELETED 6736)]

Athena knew that brief look on his face, recognizing the way her love panicked inside of himself whenever she said something a little saucy like that. But as usual, she let him work through it by himself and without bringing it up. She appreciated the way he worried about her, worried if he was pleasing her or if she’d get upset if he couldn’t preform. But she wouldn’t get mad, she understood why he couldn’t when they couldn’t and ultimately she was there for him and not what he could offer her in the bedroom.

He brushed his fingers through her hair and she smiled, the kiss to her temple coming after and making her smile even harder. When he was affectionate this way, it made her entire body flip with butterflies, this was the type of affection she always longed for even if she wasn’t entirely aware of it. Following him to the bathroom she was more confident that he was to undress, listening to every word he said and hanging onto them. On occasion, she’d ask him questions about a situation maybe she should’ve already known about.