Beneath My Skin... [Photo Album]

[Kenlie (DELETED 4989)]

Dom & Verne
Feb. 6 2014, The Handle Bar

Tears hit the sticky paper as she peeled back the thin plastic to tuck the photograph inside her album. It was old and already filled with images from her past - her at her first game, Ray, her grandmother...

This memory was bittersweet. If vampires could time travel, she would go back to that night when everyone was laughing and stoned off their asses.

That night... that's why the bar was her haven.

[Kenlie (DELETED 4989)]

Dom & Me
Oct. 21st 2014, The Handle Bar

Finally got her out of the house. She agreed to help us with the grand opening. Ven really seems to enjoy her company.

Also, I got my cut tonight. For as shitty as things have been lately, this moment is amazing.

[Kenlie (DELETED 4989)]

• • This book is filled with polaroids because I'm no good at putting my thoughts down on paper. Not usually.
    
    But right now I feel like if I don't write it all down I'll cry. I don't like to ******* cry.
    
    Doc contacted me today. I saw his name pop up on my phone and I got filled with excitement because I thought it was going to be about the holidays. I've never really had a decent one. One with him would be nice, even if he is a ******* ********.
    
    He didn't want to talk about Christmas. He didn't want to talk about anything good.
    
    Where the **** do I begin with this? I've been biting my tongue all this time. For her.
    
    You ******* ruined her. You took every shred of happiness she had left from what happened and ******* crushed it like a bug. She loved you like the ******* sun shines out your *** and so did I. You were our family.
    
    But family doesn't abandon each other. You abandoned both of us the moment you pulled that trigger and I ******* hate you for it. I know she wants you back more than anything, but God damn it I

The line of the last letter trails off, as if she had dragged her hand across the page in one angry swipe. The thought's been burned into the back of her mind for weeks, but the guilt that comes with it has set in so heavily that mascara tears stain the paper.

• • I don't want you back. I thought I did but I don't.
    
    We can stand without you to hold us up.
    
    I swear on what little life left in me if you get her killed

There isn't another word spelled out in her quick scrawl. Instead, the last bit of paper is covered in scribble upon frustrated scribble. The photograph of him which was stuffed into the book a few memories back is crumpled then smashed between the pages.

[Kenlie (DELETED 4989)]

It's Halloween night, and all I can think about is you. You in that ridiculous costume, ketchup all over your chest. We were both drunk, high, and didn't have a care in the world except for how to make each other laugh.

I don't know what happened to us. I can't pinpoint where it all went wrong. One day, I just stopped making you happy until I eventually couldn't even keep you from killing yourself.

It makes me think there's something desperately wrong with me. Like something inside of me is so ******* flawed that everyone I love can't help but die. What is it? Was I too strong for you, too independent, too much of a fighter? Was I not also soft? Was I not also the person who cared about you more than anyone else? Did I not believe in you enough?

It's the anniversary of the day I knew I loved you, and all I can think about is what I could have done to keep you from pulling the trigger. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be alone right now. You should be in this bar, mixing us an old fashioned, and smiling at me like you had a mischief brewing.

I wish I had it in myself to hate you, but I don't. I can't get over how empty everything feels.

[Kenlie (DELETED 4989)]

I miss you so ******* much, it kills me.