Old habits die hard.

[Patrick Bishop]

I walk back and forth for a moment as I look at the small shrine that I had Michael set up for me. I had not prayed in a long while and to be honest I was scared. "**** it." I say as I grab my rosary beads. I immediately start to feel the pain in my hand but the burn does not happen till the cross touches my flesh. This was going to be painful. I kneel down in front of the crucifix and I can feel a heat coming from it. The longer I'm here the stronger it gets.

"Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done. I ask that you take mercy on this poor son of a whore whom you saw fit to bring into your house. I know that I have turned my back on you when I decided to join the damned instead of fighting them as you raised and trained me to. I know that is way your image harms me so and why as I kneel before you the pain worsens and I fear I will not be able to speak much longer as you burn my throat with each word I send to you but I pray for this evening that all will go as hoped though I fear that now you will doom my thoughts. I pray these words to you now in hope and with forgiveness but know old habits die hard as do those that defy you. In the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit. Amen."

I stand place the beads back onto the alter and light a candle before coughing. I look at my hand and see the cross mark on my flesh, it starts to heal slowly before my eyes. "Michael, fix me a drink!" my voice is harsh as if I had been without water for days. Old habits do indeed die hard as I know I'll go through this pain again.

[Patrick Bishop]

The water rushed past my ears as I push off the wall again. How many laps gave I done so far? I lost count. No one else is around so I don't have to worry about pretending to breathe by actually coming up for air. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm going crazy. Like I want to tear myself apart limb by limb. I need to hunt. I need a distraction. I don't know what I need. I need her back. I need them all back. But I need her the most. Maybe I should talk to someone about it all. But who?

The water continued to rush around me as my thoughts continued to move. Doc? Maybe but it might be odd. Kas? No, too many jokes as is. Stagger? Definitely not. Michael? He'd be no help at all. Kae? I doubt she'd know what I was talking about. Skylar would be perfect but...she's missing. I'm not sure she'll be coming back. ****. I need more serious friends. I need people I can talk to about this with.