[Rion] I hate you for it.
Miserable *****.
I hate you for it.
The words resounded in her mind and nearly brought her to her knees. It had been a month - an entire ******* month - and she hadn’t been able to escape them. It seemed no matter what she did, his voice haunted her. Her every waking moment was possessed by him; his sneer, the venom in his voice, his lifeless eyes. No matter how hard she tried, he refused to relinquish his hold over her. He had become her ghost - her nightmare. Even now, when she had fought so hard to think of anything but him, he was in her mind, his words taunting her. Gripping the edge of the counter, she bowed her head as she grit her teeth. There was no way to rid herself of the sickness he had infected her with. His very being coursed through her veins, claiming everything that had once belonged to her. He had burned all remnants of the Hale bloodline, leaving her with only one thing. One name.
Andras.
“God ******* damnit.” Slamming her fist into the counter, she watched as a crack spiderwebbed its way through the ceramic before meeting the wall. It came to a stop, as if the plaster was too strong for the force. It was ironic in a way - it symbolized everything that had gone wrong in her wife. It didn’t matter how strong she was - the storm inside of her was no match for the monster that had claimed her. His perverse need to control everything in his path had dampened the very core of her being. She had suffocated beneath his thumb, and when she had reached her limit, he had turned on her. His egotistical personality refused to allow him to be defied, and she had pushed him. She had refused to get down on her knees and worship him, and it had lead to this.
She still had no ******* clue what this was.
She had reached the end of the line, and the rope she was balancing so precariously on was frayed. One wrong move, and it would snap, plunging her into the darkness that gripped her soul. She had never felt hatred as strong as she felt it for him. It ate at her soul and coiled in her chest, an ever burning fire that lit her veins brighter than the sun. She had once respected him, had once thought him something far greater than the pest he had reduced himself to. He had been there for her in her worst of times, had looked away when her mask had cracked to reveal the human within - and then he had humiliated her. The desire to twist her nails into his chest and rip out his heart overwhelmed her. The need to watch the life fade from his eyes had become her obsession - and it had become her curse.
Tipping her head back, she stared at her distorted reflection in the mirror, the grime and dust that coated the glass smeared to the point she was unrecognizable. Or was that just what she had become? Had she lost herself so completely that her mind could no longer tell it was her face that stared back at her? Had he fucked her up that much? She felt her rope tug again, another piece of coarse straw snapping free, causing it to slacken. The shift in her dizzied her, and she watched as another crack formed in the glass without her touch. She noticed it then, the faint tremors beneath her feet. She was close to losing control, and she knew that the building wouldn’t be able to handle the destruction she was about to create. It would crumble down around her, much like her life had. The remaining pieces would lay in shambles at her feet, the memories the stones held disappearing with time.
“What the **** have you done to me, Micah?” Her words were spit through grit teeth as she finally turned from the mirror, unable to stare at it a moment longer. She would never like what she saw - that would never change. She wouldn’t find the answers in the ghoulish creature that stared at her, and the rotting flesh only reminded her of what she had become. She would never be able to forgive him. He had betrayed her in one of the worse ways, and she detested him. His very being repulsed her - and yet, she couldn’t shake him. She couldn’t stop herself from reaching for her phone or bringing his number up on the screen. The only thing that put an end to the torture before she had given up all pride and called him was shattering the device into a thousand pieces.
It almost hadn’t been enough.
You’re an abrasive *****.
Closing the bathroom door behind her, she stepped out into the deserted hallway and stared at the misshapened pictures that decorated the abandoned offices walls. She could tell that the place had once held such beauty, but in a flash of an eye, it had been reduced to garbage. With a quiet sigh, she trailed her fingers along the tile as she headed towards the elevator, the faint hum of electricity calling to her. She highly doubted that the building held anything of promise within its empty rooms, but she had nothing else to do. If she went home, she would have to face her husband, and she knew the concern in his eyes would cause her to snap. He hadn’t been the same since she had come home that night, her face covered in blood and her eyes devoid of any emotion. It had taken nearly incapacitating him to keep him from tracking their sire down - but she hadn’t done it for Micah. She would have been fine with his death - in fact, it would have brought her joy that she hadn’t felt in ages.
No, she had worried for Osiris.
Their sire would have destroyed him, and the thought of it left a bitter taste in her mouth. He had thought her unable to love - to show emotion - but even he didn’t realize the depth of her feelings for her husband. He was the only thing that kept her above water - and at one point, she had held Micah on that pedestal. She had put him above all the rest, but then he had opened his mouth and let the truth spill out like oil. He would never be able to take back what he had said - or what he had done. I hate you for it. Her madness - the very thing he had said that he would be able to handle - he had condemned her for it. Taking a shuddering breath, she pried the elevator doors open and climbed into the car, her fingers gripping the edge of the shafts entrance. With barely any effort, she pulled herself up until the darkness shrouded her.
“Your days are numbered, ******,” she hissed, and the words caused that familiar and annoying agony to crash into her. It sent her off-balance, and her hand shot out to curl around a thick cable before she plunged into the shadows below. Once she was steady, she began to climb up, her small form easy to maneuver through the shaft. When she saw the light to the next floor, she swung herself forward and grabbed the doors, once again forcing them open until she could slide through. Dusting off her skirt, she moved forward, her steps silent as she crept through the hall towards the main office. Even this, the very thing she was doing now, reminded her of him. He had trained her for this - had made her as quiet and strong as him. Well, nearly. She still had so much to learn, but without him, she was on her own. I hate you for it. Pressing her hands to her head, she tried to push his voice from her mind, the sound of it causing her to stumble. The turmoil inside of her was growing to be too much, and she couldn’t tell it apart anymore.
She hated him - she needed him. She wanted him dead - the thought of living without him tore her heart into pieces.
No matter what she did, she couldn’t find solid ground. He was constantly on her mind, constantly plaguing her every ******* waking moment. Even in her dreams, he was there, tormenting her. Every thought of him was too much, and she felt herself beginning to snap. Her hands shook as she pushed open the door - and came up short. On the other side was something she had never expected to see. Ten guards stood around a single glass desk, their weapons drawn and their eyes covered with masks. Behind her, the sound of pounding footsteps echoed off the walls, and she knew that there was no escape. As one guard moved for her, she lashed out, her blade slicing through his stomach and spilling his intestines. Before he dropped, she grabbed his gun and pulled it back, spraying bullets at the guards that stood behind the desk. As they fell, their blood pooling beneath her feet, she twisted and sent her arm out, her elbow meeting the face of a guard with a satisfying crack.
Her pain - her rage - fueled her every movement, until something inside of her seemed to click into place. There was a way to end this, wasn’t there? Her solution to the turmoil that the ****** made her suffer was right in front of her. One wrong move, and she would be freed from his psychotic embrace. Without giving it another thought, she freed her phone from her pocket and brought up her husband’s name. The message was short - subtle - but she knew him. He would know. I saved myself. After pressing the send button, she turned to face the hallway as another guard emerged from the shadows. She didn’t move as he rushed towards her, his gun aimed at the ready. She had searched for a month for a way to pry herself from his claws and free herself from the emotional onslaught he had inflicted on her. She would never again have to face him, never again have to feel whatever the **** he had cursed her with. Time seemed to stand still as the guard appeared in front of her, his gun pressed to her forehead. With a movement to quick for his eyes to register, she had pulled it down, the barrel placed into her mouth. When he noticed what was happening, his eyes widened - and she gave a cold smirk as she forced his finger down on the trigger.
Blissful relief.
I hate you for it.
<Micah> Regret was a funny thing.
There were many things he regretted doing in his life. Things he’d done as a human that looking back he wished had never happened. He should have been smarter. He shouldn’t have allowed his grief to consume him and make him do everything he possibly could to forget everything about the way he was raised. He regretted leaving Lizzie the way that he did. If he’d have just stuck around he would have been around for Zoey’s childhood but on the other hand he probably wouldn’t have met Vel. Micah liked to think otherwise though, as that woman was his destiny. Sooner or later their paths would have crossed and Lizzie would have been a distant memory. Some things you just can’t fight and fate was one of them. Of course there were other regrets but if he sat down and tried to list them all it would take him years, so he just refused to dwell on them. No time for that ****.
Vampire regrets? Well those were a whole other can of worms. The biggest one that currently weighed on his mind? Siring Rion.
It had been a month since he’d heard from her or seen her. A month since he’d dropped her on Osiris’ lap and walked away without giving a single **** about her. Micah was tired of being her verbal whipping boy. Every single time they met face to face it ended up dissolving into insults and scorn. The young necromancer was more than willing to dish it out but when it came down to her getting a taste of the venom she liked to spew at him on a constant basis, it wasn’t ok. That wasn’t how the universe worked but in Rion’s mind it did. Everyone else was to blame for everything and she didn’t have what it takes to stand up and accept that she was part of the problem. Until she did that, there would be no solution.
You’re the most miserable goddamned vampire that I have ever met
“Get the **** out of my head!” Even now he could still hear the accusations she spit at him. He couldn’t escape it. Her words crept up on him at the worst of times, taunting him. How ******* typical of her. It was just like her to haunt his subconscious and be a pain in his ******* *** just like she was in person. He ******* hated her, or so he liked to tell himself. You made me this way. His fingers slid into his hair, tugging at the short strands but no matter what he did he couldn’t get the sound of her voice out of his mind. “You miserable, ******* ***** leave me alone!” The chair he’d been sitting in was sent flying across the room from the force of his kick. Grabbing his jacket he stormed out of the garage hoping to banish his thoughts of Rion by killing anything he came into contact with.
The universe had other plans for him.
His phone vibrated in his pocket as he stepped inside the castle. He’d thought to ignore it but he was waiting on a delivery and had tasked Bunny with informing him when it arrived. That was the only reason he checked his phone. The text wasn’t from her, it was from Osiris. Micah was sorely tempted to ignore it. Osiris probably knew what had happened between Micah and Rion, and the killer wasn’t all that keen on getting into it with another one of his childer. Osiris would probably feel honor bound to defend her and the way Micah was feeling in regards to Rion he wouldn’t hesitate to kill Osiris if he tried to get in the middle of it. Curiosity was the only reason he read the text, and he wished he hadn’t.
Rion is dead.
No matter how many times he read those three words they didn’t change. They stayed the same. Rion is dead. Rion is dead. Dead, dead dead. They taunted him and he almost called Osiris, ready to rip into him for scheming with Rion for the purpose of ******* with his mind. However, he knew it wasn’t a joke. Somehow, he knew Osiris wasn’t lying to him. Rion really was dead, and he had no idea how it had happened or why. In order to do that, Micah needed to go to the one place he swore he’d never go to again if at all possible.
The Shadow Realm.
The thought of going in there of his own free will made his skin crawl. The week he’d spent there over the summer with Every lingered in the back of his mind. The silence….that had been the worst part. Even now long stretches of silence made him uncomfortable. Something always had to be running, or music had to be playing just because he couldn’t stand the quiet. Before he’d welcomed it but now? It was far too unsettling. Regardless of how he felt about Rion in his current state of mind he couldn’t leave her there with nothing, with nobody to talk to. Just a quick visit, he told himself. Find her, find out what happened and leave. That was it. The less time he spent down there the better. Besides she was this tough, independent woman was she not? She’d probably welcome the break from being surrounded by those who, as she said, kissed his feet and acted like wounded puppies starving for a moment of his attention.
Micah stepped out of the doorway of the castle. He didn’t want to do this, but he knew that he had to. As he focused his power on opening a doorway into the fade his eyes slid closed. Instantly he was surrounded by the still, soundless air and when he opened his eyes he was met with the same desolate landscape that had greeted him in August. The urge to leave was already strong, clawing at his insides in order for him to listen but he ignored it and set off. He had no idea what he would be met with when he found her, but at least she wouldn’t be able to say he hadn’t tried.
[Rion] “You didn’t think I actually loved you, did you?”
“Usually when someone goes out of their way to marry me, yeah, I tend to think they mean it.”
“God, how fucked up could you really be? I could never love someone as disgusting as you. Look at you. You don’t belong in my world, Grace.”
“Don’t ******* call me that.”
“I can call you whatever I want. I own you.”
----
“Daddy, please. Help! The monsters!”
“Shut the **** up and go to sleep.”
“Daddy---”
“I said shut up, god, I can’t ******* stand you.”
----
“Oh, stop crying. It’ll be over in a minute. You want to please your husband, don’t you?”
“Get the **** off of me.”
“It’s not like you’re my first choice, but you’re all that I got tonight.”
----
“You’re an abrasive *****.”
“I hate you for it.”
----
What the hell have I done?
The second she opened her eyes, she knew that she had fucked up. The blood splattered walls that had once surrounded her had been replaced by an open field, and the silence nearly deafened her. At first, the knowledge of what had happened eluded her. Her mind refused to cooperate, as if it was trying to protect her from the consequences of her brilliant plan. It wasn’t until she brought her fingers to the base of her skull to inspect the damage that reality set in. She was dead. That single thought was all it took to force her mind into action, and in a matter of seconds, the pieces had fallen together form a rather disturbing image. The guards, the shouts, the blood - the taste of steel - she remembered all of it. “No. No, no, no. ****! No.” Out of all the outcomes she had ran through in those few seconds, death had never once occurred to her. She had thought she would have been able to escape the torment of his voice for a few days, and she had fully anticipated to survive the attack. She had never once thought that she would have died. Shaking her head again, she lifted her hands to run them through her hair, only to find them slipping through the nothingness she had become.
“Goddamnit.”
Dropping her arms back to her sides, she snapped her teeth together and turned her gaze to the take in her surroundings. It was if something had sucked the color from the world, leaving nothing more than a bleak void in its wake. The buildings were decayed, their colorless walls crumbling to dust at their base. It would only take a single gust of wind to bring them to their end, and she found herself almost pitying them. She knew how they had to feel, even if they were nothing more than inanimate objects left to die on their own. They were hanging on by a thread, their entire being depending on one force of nature to condemn them to nothing but ash and memory. Shaking her head, she turned in a full circle, her gaze hungrily searching for even the smallest splash of color.
When she saw none, she closed her eyes and took a slow, shallow breath. At least, that was what she intended to do. The movement was supposed to offer her comfort, and it didn’t take her long to realize that it had been a waste. There was no comfort for her in this hell. In a matter of seconds, she had been reduced to nothing but a spectral remnant of who she had once been. It might be better this way, she thought to herself as she studied the ground at her feet, lifeless gaze following the cracks that spiderwebbed through the eroded concrete. It was so decayed, that she worried one wrong step would cause it to fall apart. Carefully stepping around the worse of the sidewalk, she forced herself to move forward, each step more reluctant than the last. She had no idea what she was going to do.
She had heard about the Shadow Realm, yet she had never thought to witness its ruins for herself. Now that she had, she found herself wanting to leave as quickly as possible. She wasn’t one to run from death - ****, she wasn’t the one to run from anything - but she didn’t think she could stand another moment in the shadows. The darkness seemed to seep into her body and rush through her veins until it began to suffocate her. However, it had nothing on the silence. No, the silence was going to drive her mad. It was heavy and thick, and the longer she stayed silent, the further she was pulled beneath its suffocating current.
How could anyone survive this with sanity in tact?
Giving herself a small shake, she knew she had no choice but to continue on. The silence, no matter how maddening, wasn’t going to be the reason she remained locked in this hell. With a quiet sigh, she began to navigate her way through the bleak world, though it seemed the further she walked, the more lost she became. Everything looked the same to her without the color to guide her way, and she quickly found herself too tired to continue. “What’s the ******* use? I’ve no goddamned clue where I am.” Her voice held a bitterness to it as she lifted her hand to brush at her hair - only to be once again reminded to the fact that she couldn’t. “This is his ******* fault.”
In truth, she knew it wasn’t. He hadn’t forced her to that building - and he hadn’t been the one to pull the trigger. However, he had been the one to possess her every waking thought until she was driven to the point of insanity. Even know, she was beginning to realize that her plan had failed her in more ways than one. She could still hear him, though weak, in the back of her mind. The cold laughter, the venom to his voice. His hatred clung to her like a second skin, and it seemed to awaken something dark and twisted inside of her. Even now, surrounded by nothing but death and destruction, she could think of nothing other than him. What would he say when he found out? Would he take care of Osiris?
Would he even care?
It was that thought that troubled her the most. She shouldn’t give a **** if he cared or not. Emotions weren’t her strong suit, and yet, he had managed to ignite something inside of her that she couldn’t escape, even in death. “**** him,” she snapped, before shaking her head. With nothing but his memory to distract her, she found herself falling deeper into the the insanity that threatened many of her kind in this realm.
She needed to find her way out - and soon.
<Micah> It was so still.
The landscape never changed. It was constantly a dull, dismal scene of nothing. Grey. Lifeless. Colorless. Trying to shrug off the uncomfortable sensations he was experiencing by being surrounded by the desolate landscape, he focused on the reason he was there in the first place.
Rion.
Micah had no clue where to begin. He had absolutely no idea how he was going to find her. The Shadow Realm was huge. When he had been there a few months ago he’d just kinda of moved in a single direction until he couldn’t go any further. Every had turned up not long after that and he had been grateful for the company. Her voice filled the utter silence that now drove him crazy. Neither of them had let conversation lapse. Maybe she too had decided that random, somewhat nonsense chatter had been better than nothing at all. That was one of the reasons he needed to find Rion. And, he wanted to know what had happened to her and why she had been sent to this place.
Thoughts of their last meeting brought him up short. Did he really want to do this? No. He didn’t. He wanted to turn around and walk right through the door that shimmered behind him. It was a comfort to know that his escape from this place was so close but responsibility kept him there and wouldn’t allow him to reach out and allow himself to be sucked back into the real world. Just find her. See what happened. The walk away and leave her to her fate.
If only it was that easy.
Remaining in one place wasn’t going to find her so he just picked a direction and started walking. His anger at her remained. It wasn’t something that was going to dissipate with a simple apology, or even a single conversation. It was going to take time and effort, not just on his part but on hers as well. This wasn’t going to be an easy fix. Did he even want to fix it? He couldn’t answer that, but it was going to depend on her too. If he was met with more attitude and snark then the killer would have no problem walking away. Micah wasn’t the same person and people were slowly going to start seeing that.
“Where the **** are you Rion?”
There was, of course, no answer. With only the shadows and the eerie silence to keep him company Micah kept walking, determined to stay until he found her.
Take me to the edge [Micah]
-
Rion
- Registered User
- Posts: 485
- Joined: 13 Oct 2014, 03:40
- CrowNet Handle: LivingDeadGirl
Take me to the edge [Micah]
♦ O S I R I S ♦
I want to feel you in my bones, I want going to tear into your soul
NATURAL ○ BORN ○ SINNER
I want to feel you in my bones, I want going to tear into your soul
NATURAL ○ BORN ○ SINNER
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Micah
- Registered User
- Posts: 3867
- Joined: 22 May 2011, 00:12
- CrowNet Handle: FuckYourMorals
Re: Take me to the edge [Micah]
[Rion] She was going insane.
It was the only word that she could think to explain the madness that was creeping into her veins. Every shadow, every whisper, sent her closer to the edge. She couldn’t handle another ******* minute in this place. Shaking her head, she spun in a complete circle, her wild gaze searching for a way out. There had to be a ******* way out. “What have I done? Oh, ****, what have I done?” The darkness swirled around her feet and began to envelop her, the embrace cold, lifeless. She was suffocating and there was no way out. It didn’t matter how hard she fought, how much she pushed - the bleak, colorless void was stronger.
It was claiming her.
Gritting her teeth, she swallowed the bile that was threatening to rise, and turned her attention to the desolate building in her path. The vines had crept over the brick and force their way through one of the windows, and she took in the tragic beauty. Would that happen to her? If she could never find her way out of this sepid world, would she be nothing more than a rundown fixture to be overtaken by colorless foliage? Reaching out a shimmering hand, she brushed her fingers across the cracked brick and frowned. The silence was deafening her, and her mind was beginning to conjure memories and thoughts that she had no place remembering. Snapping her teeth, she stumbled back a step as the building shifted, the door creaking open on its hinges, the sound too familiar. When it slammed shut, despite the lack of a breeze, she closed her eyes. She could see her father on the other side of the door, his smile twisted and his blood caked to his skin.
You’re the biggest regret of my life.
Why couldn’t you just ******* die?
His words whispered across her skin, and she dropped to her knees, her fingers clawing at her temples. He was dead, he was dead. There was no reason that he should be here, he was dead! And so are you, her subconscious sneered, and she swallowed thickly. It was right. She was dead, a rotting ******* corpse, something that shouldn’t exist. Who the **** was she to say that he couldn’t be there, his body leaning casually against the frame as he stared at her with that lifeless gaze? Forcing her fingers to relinquish the hold on her her form - had she ever really been grasping at herself or just air? - she lifted her gaze back to the building. He was gone, the door shut firmly, as if he had never been, yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was there, following every move she made.
With a quiet groan, she moved back to her feet and turned towards the south, her eyes darting between the buildings until they landed on another form. She couldn’t make out the shape, but she could tell that they were moving closer. It was faceless, dark, but something about it was… familiar. Narrowing her eyes, she began to move closer, her steps wary, until she stood on the outskirts of his vision. It was then, that she heard his voice, and a hollow ache blossomed in her chest. Micah. What the **** was he doing here? He had no business here, and yet, she couldn’t help but feel almost relieved that the very reason she was ******* here was tortured with her. Stepping out from behind a building, she tilted her head, and admired him for a moment. It was just his spirit, and yet, she knew.
“I’m right here.”
Her voice sounded distant even to her own ears, and he would have to be deaf to not be able to hear the fear that clung to her words. Behind him, the world began to shift - or was it all in her mind? Shaking her head, she turned her attention away, back to the building where her father had resided, and she noticed the door ajar once again. “No, no, no. He can’t be there, no. That shouldn’t be open,” she rambled, before covering her face with her hands. “What the **** is going on? I shouldn’t ******* be here.”
You’re pathetic.
Useless.
Goddamn, I wasted so much time on you.
----
Abraham, please.
I could kill you and no one would care, Grace.
----
I hate you for it.”
<Micah> He couldn’t believe that he had found her so easily, or maybe he had been searching for longer than he realized. The passage of time in the shadow realm was different that it was back in the city, at least it was to him. He didn’t know if there were others that felt the same way but when he’d been down there for a week he missed not being able to tell if it was day or night, or even what day of the week it was. When it had been time for him to return to his body he just sort of knew, and was able to reach for the shimmering air that had appeared in front of him. He could see it now, and he was grateful for the instant escape that he had.
He could see her form, just a few feet in front of him. It was too late for him to leave and besides, he wanted answers that only she was capable of providing him. “So I see.” He didn’t know what to say to her now that he’d found her. Part of him wanted to lash out and tell her just how angry he was at her yet. He wanted to curse her to hell and back for making him come down there and hunt her down just to get the answers he sought. But she didn’t make him. She hadn’t screamed at him in his head or demanded that he come. He’d done it on his own.
The killer frowned at her question. “I don’t know Rion.” He wouldn’t address her as Ghoul. Not until things were back to the way they used to be before she’d decided to turn her venomous tongue on him at every turn. “Osiris sent me a text telling me you were dead. I don’t know how you got here, I don’t know what happened.” He forced himself to stop speaking before he went on a verbal tirade. Just find out what happened. Ask her. Then we can get the **** out of this place.
That had been his intention.
“No one is with us Rion.” He hadn’t missed her paranoid actions, the way she kept glancing at the door of one of the run down, dilapidated buildings that were just there. What was she seeing? Was her mind already playing tricks on her? The thought of leaving her there after finding out the answers to his questions fled. Clearly, something had rattled her and it was something that only she could see. He suppressed a sigh. “Look I’ll stay with you as long as I can but eventually I’m going to have to go. No one even knows I’m here.” And his body was waiting for him back in the castle. Uninhabited.
Just ask her and get it over with.
He needed to know. And so he asked her. “What happened Rion? Why are you here? Why are you dead?”
[Rion] How could he not see it?
The door swung on its hinges, the eerie squeak of the unoiled hinges sending shivers down her spine. It felt as if someone had dipped their fingers in a vat of ice and brushed them across her back, the touch was so chilling. He’s here. Oh, ****. He’s here. Every shadow that the realm housed possessed a potential threat, one that her own sire couldn’t see. How could he not notice the way the spirits twirled around them? She could hear them, now, their ghostly cries echoing through her mind. They were condemning her for all of her sins, forcing their nightmarish memories onto her. Everything they had suffered, they were going to ensure that she suffered, as well. You are not getting out of here, Grace. “No! Shut the **** up, just shut the **** up!” Though the words were hostile, they were uttered in a tone barely above a whisper. She was like a frightened child, her hands brushing through her hair - attempting to clutch at the astral strands as she swallowed a scream.
You’re sick.
What the **** is wrong with you?
-----
Quit your ******* crying.
You’re not going to make it in this world.
You’re too weak.
-----
You’re hideous, Grace.
How could any man love you?
Just spread your legs and shut up.
That’s all you’re here for.
----
I hate you for it.
She couldn’t escape them. They were everywhere, their words crawling through her brain like maggots on a fresh corpse. She could feel them eating away at her flesh, their poison seeping into her bones and burning away her barriers. Everything that she had endured in her life, every wall she had put up to protect herself from being hurt - it was all for nothing. They would never leave her alone. Curling her hands against her temples, she forced herself to focus on the man in front of her, his words offering her something to grasp. “They’re here, Micah. They’re not going to let me leave,” she whispered as she moved closer to him. She could feel the phantom fingers brush through her hair and move to curl around her neck, as if reminding her how easy it would be to keep her at their side.
******* focus, Rion.
“I don’t know. I don’t ******* know what happened. You were in my head. You wouldn’t leave me alone. I swear to ****, it was like a broken record, like you wanted to make me suffer anymore.” Her words were rapid now, as if she were desperate to fill the silence between them, to make it go away. She would spill her soul to this man, just to have something to ease the void. “I hate you for it. Miserable *****. I hate you for it,” she repeated to him with a twisted laugh. “I just wanted it to stop. I hadn’t planned it. I was trying to keep myself busy, and there were so many ******* guards. I saw it, then. A way to shut you up for a while, to give me some peace. I didn’t think it’d kill me. I guess I wasn’t thinking much at all,” she admitted. “I used the guard to blow my ******* brains out. I didn’t want to ******* die, I didn’t ask for this. I just wanted you to quit reminding me how fucked up I am. Now...” She trailed off then as she closed her eyes.
“Now you’re all there. You’re all reminding me. You’re all breaking me. I hate you for it, miserable *****. Just shut up and take it, Grace. You’re the biggest mistake of my life, Grace. No one could ever love you, Grace. You’re hideous, Grace. I can’t believe you’re my daughter, Grace.” Each word was spoken quietly, until finally, they were nothing more than a whisper as she bowed her head. “I just want it to ******* stop.”
<Micah> She was talking nonsense and even though her voice was barely a whisper he could still hear her. A flicker of movement came from her spectral form but she was swatting at nothing. It was just the two of them so whatever she was seeing it was all in her mind. He had heard that the shadow realm could **** with your mind and make you see things. Delusions. Clearly that was the case with Rion or maybe it was just her guilty conscious coming out to play. She sure as **** had plenty to feel guilty about, first and foremost for making him come down and find her when all he really wanted to do was go back and finish his quest to slaughter as many Lionelli as he could in order to work out his frustrations.
Just ******* leave her crazy *** here. **** your answers, just get the **** out of here.
It was tempting. So tempting. He had a million reasons to turn around and walk through the shimmering portal like shape that he knew would take him back to the real world. Vel would be pissed when she found out where he was. Hopefully she hadn’t come across his body in the corner of the castle. If she had she’d be flipping her ****. And that wasn’t the biggest reason he should walk away. Rion had made it clear that his presence in her life was unwelcome. She resented him and what he had done to her, for forcing this life on her but he still couldn’t bring himself to care that she felt that way. He’d protected his own *** and forced her to keep silent. There wasn’t a single regret to be had.
“Ain’t been in your head Rion. In fact I’ve left your *** alone for the past month. I haven’t texted, or intruded in your mind. I haven’t called - I haven’t even set foot in the ******* hotel for the sole purpose of avoiding you.” His eyes rolled and his arms crossed over his chest. “If you expecting an apology for that you ain’t getting it. I meant it. Every single ******* word. You are miserable and when you’re miserable you inflict it on everyone and drag them down right along with you.” She clearly wasn’t done and continued to ramble on adding in a laugh that sent a chill down his spine.
Drawing in a breath he didn’t need he mentally counted to ten in an attempt to prepare himself for what was sure to turn into another one of their epic confrontations. “You didn’t think and that’s exactly the point isn’t it Rion? You didn’t think. You took a chance, in desperation and it backfired. Now you’re dead. Trapped in the fade away from Osiris who I’m sure is going ******* crazy and wondering what the **** you were thinking.” The killer shook his head. “You weren’t ******* thinking,” he repeated himself. “You’re ******* intelligent. Why the **** can’t you apply a shred of that intelligence when it matters the most?”
Harsh. Very harsh.
Perhaps it was. But she needed to hear it. She needed to realize her actions had consequences and her dying just to shut him up as she had said, was extreme. Instead of sucking it up and coming to face him she’d taken the coward's way out even if it had been unintentional. “No one is here Rion. Just us. You have to try and block it out because of not, you’re going to go insane.” He hoped she didn’t ask him how, because he didn’t know how to. She was on her own.
[Rion] Maybe it was the fact she had died, or perhaps it was the fact that he was there - whatever the reason was, his words no longer held the weight they once had. Do you hear him? He hates you. He avoided you. He was also lying. She couldn’t explain how she knew. Perhaps it was the pull of the Shade or something had finally snapped in her mind, but she just knew that he was full of ****. Perhaps he had avoided her as if she had caught the plague - she wouldn’t have known. She had ceased returning to the hotel for the same reason - it was no longer home to her. However, that wasn’t what made that final piece fall into place in her disoriented mind, nor was it the fact that he refused to apologize. It was him. I hate you for it. Her features shifted then, their fearful expression turning into a cynical smile as she shook her head. He didn’t hate her, not at ******* all. If he hated her, he wouldn’t have risked the wrath of his wife to travel into a place he detested. He wouldn’t have spent the time to find her under the guise of wanting answers. Those answers could have waited.
No one can love you, Grace.
Don’t delude yourself.
You are pathetic.
Disgusting.
He hates you.
HE HATES YOU.
Clutching her hands to the side of her head, she doubled over and shook her head. “No he ******* doesn’t,” she snapped, her voice harsh as she forced herself to focus on the here and now. With strength she didn’t know she possessed, she made herself straighten, her spiritual form flickering briefly before she focused back on him. His shape, his strength - she allowed him to anchor her to the here and now. He didn’t hate her. He hated how she was. He hated how she turned that sharp tongue on him, how she piled her **** onto his shoulders. How she made him care, and yet, she couldn’t be fucked to show him the same respect. It had nothing to do with her and the rest of the world, but everything to do with the two of them. Clenching her hands at her side, she gave a low sound and stepped back, her eyes closing. She could still feel them around her, and with the silence between them growing, she feared that they would creep back in.
They would take every moment of clarity from her. They would destroy her, if they could. If she didn’t find what she was looking for, if she didn’t fix what she had broken, they would never allow her to leave. They would find a way to break her down, to keep her with them forever. Where you ******* belong. “**** that.” In a matter of seconds, something seemed to sink into her, to give her back the strength she was losing. She knew what it had been - she knew what really anchored her to sanity. The moment his name had fallen from her sire’s lips, she had found her reason for being. “Osiris. Oh, ****. What in the **** is wrong with me?” The words tumbled free in a growl, and she raked her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Look, I don’t ******* want your apology. Even if you felt possessed to give it to me, I wouldn’t accept it. You don’t have **** to apologize for. I get that now.”
She went quiet for a second and took a steadying breath - or tried to. She had no clue what she had actually done. All she knew was that she had to collect her thoughts before she fucked up and said something that was misconstrued for the millionth time. Refusing to look from him in fear that she would see something that would break her from her path, she focused on his apparition. “I know I’m miserable. I know I’m fucked up, I know I’m a mess. Trust me, you haven’t been telling me **** I haven’t heard since the day I was born. Even in death, I let those fuckers control me. Do you know how it is to be raised by insults, Micah? To have your every ******* failure thrown in your face?” Shaking her head, she gave a wry laugh as she held her arms out, as if inviting him to take a look at the mess that she really was. “It fucks with you. It takes whatever good you think you should have, and rips it to shreds. He beat me within an inch of my life, told me he wished I was dead. He married me off for money, and I was foolish enough to think anyone could ******* love me. I thought Abraham was my savior, my one good thing in this fucked up world, but he was even worse than my old man.”
She couldn’t bring herself to admit all of the things they had done to her. Even as exposed as she was making herself, she couldn’t allow him to see how deep the wounds really went. She didn’t want his pity, she didn’t want him to feel like she needed to be fixed. She wanted him to understand. “I thought it would get better. I thought I could move past it when you killed them, and when I realized they were still there… ****, miserable doesn’t even begin to explain it. Miserable would have been acceptable to what I’ve been. I tried to swallow it, I tried to push past it, but I ******* couldn’t.” Closing her eyes again, she ignored the spirits dancing around them, ignored the decaying buildings, the utter silence that threatened to break them. Instead, she focused on herself, on the thoughts rushing through her mind like water. “And then there was you. ******* Micah Andras. Everything I did seemed to **** us up more. I can’t explain it, but I have this need to please you. Maybe it’s some fucked up daddy complex. You rip me down, you tear me to shreds, and I still need you. ****, I don’t even love you, but the thought of you disappearing, the thought of anything happening to you screws with my head. When you fucked off on Christmas, it did something to me. I don’t know what, but subconsciously, I guess I thought death was better than the memories.” The words were nothing more than whisper, and her voice shook with the pent up emotions that were coursing through her at rapid speed.
“I know how that sounds, and trust me, it’s not how it seems. I’m not in love with you or some **** like that, that much I know for sure. There is only one person in this entire world that has my love, and it’s that ******* menace you created. I probably fucked that up, too, but I’ll fix it.” Releasing an unsteady breath, then, she tipped her head back to stare at the bleak sky above them. “It’s like, no matter how you **** me up, I’m devoted to you. You gave me a second chance, Micah, and I never really thanked you for it.” God, what the **** was happening to her? She had talked herself in circles, her emotions spilled out between them, as if she could no longer keep them contained. However, through it all, she had managed to do the one thing that she hadn’t in years - silence the demons. “That was a rather long-winded way of saying you’re right, wasn’t it?”
<Micah> It was like she didn’t even hear him. They were alone but Rion continued to speak to someone that only she could see. The shadow realm had a way of playing tricks on your mind, almost like it sensed what your weak points were. It preyed on your insecurities and used them against you. It hadn’t happened to him but when he had been sent down there he’d not been alone. Eve had been with him the entire time and the silence hadn’t been so bad with her to talk to. Rion though, she only had him and since he wasn't dead he couldn’t remain with her for long. Time really didn’t seem to have any meaning the the realm and Micah didn’t even know how long he’d already been there. He could be forced away from her at any time and he still hadn’t gotten the answers that he sought.
After a while of listening her talk to whoever it was that only she could see she started making sense. The repercussions of her actions finally seemed to sink in and still he said nothing, just silently stood there while he waited for her to come to terms with what she had left behind. A scathing retort was on the tip of his tongue but he swallowed it. That she had left Osiris alone to deal with her death wasn’t on his shoulders, it was on hers and he really did hope she felt like **** over it. Putting a gun to her own head and pulling the trigger had been incredibly selfish and now she was paying the ultimate price for it.
“No, I don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m not a warm, loving sire Rion and it’s about time that people realize that I don’t have time for ******** games.” He fell silent again while she continued to speak and he wasn’t inclined to interrupt her either. Maybe if she got it off her chest she wouldn’t be so miserable all the time. And maybe, just maybe, she could take the time while she was there to reflect on a whole lot of other **** than just the problems that she had with him.
“You aren’t a human any longer. You haven’t been for over a year. You’re clinging to your humanity and your bitter because I took that away from you. I’m not going to apologize for that just like I’m not going to apologize for anything that I said to you that night. You’re a mess, I’ll give you that much, a miserable ******* mess but only you can change that Rion. No one can do that but you. If you continue to listen to the demons that are inside of you you’re going to remain bitter and miserable. Do you really want to spend an eternity with those kind of chains holding you down? I don’t think that you do.”
He blanched a bit clearly not at all like the thought of her being in love with him even though the killer knew for a fact that that wasn’t the case. He didn’t need her to admit that to know better. “I know you don’t love me. I don’t love you either. Half the time I don’t even like you but you’re my responsibility. My blood. Do you have any idea what that means? It’s as close to me admitting that I care as you’re ever going to get. I hate your attitude, I hate the way you talk to my wife and you really piss me off but you’re mine and that alone makes me give a ****. It may not be in the most conventional way but there it is and you can do with it as you will.”
He paused for a minute as he allowed the weight of her words to settle around him. The devotion that she was admitting to wasn’t anything he’d expected and he’d be lying if he said he was comfortable with it. But it was the truth and thats all that he really cared about. Her honesty. His shoulders lifted in a slight shrug and the slightest of nods came from him. “Yeah. I guess in a way it is.”
[Rion] I hate you for it.
You’re miserable.
No one can love you.
You’re dead to us.
You’re nothing!
The voices warred inside of her mind, the weight of them anchoring her down. She had one moment – one blissful moment – of clarity, and then she was snapped back into the dark web of deceit and torment. Running her tongue along her teeth, she closed her eyes and tried to ignore the silence in between his words. Each pause, each hesitation, drove her closer to the brink of madness. Lies! He tells you nothing but lies. Listen to him! He doesn’t care about you. You’re just a burden! Clutching her fists at her sides, she kept her eyes closed as she gritted her teeth, though there was no amount of physical strength that would protect her from the lash of their words. They snapped against her flesh and cut her open, but she remained stoic, her expression placid. Thank **** I’m just a shimmering form of nothing, she thought bitterly, though her own voice was nearly drowned out by the screams.
“I don’t talk to your wife in any way and you know it,” she suddenly said, her voice heavy as she tried to claw her way out of the shadows of her mind. “Not since I went out of my way to apologize. I kept to my promise.” You see? He doesn’t ******* care about you. He believes that ***** of a wife, he will always choose her over you. He doesn’t want you because she doesn’t want you. With a guttural sound, she pressed her hands to her head and snapped her teeth together, the sound echoing through her skull. “It doesn’t matter, does it? We are where we are and there is nothing you can ******* do about it.” It was unclear who she was talking to in that moment, and as she stepped back, she sighed. Who was her enemy? Who was her friend? What the **** did it even matter? She was never going to leave this place.
Swallowing past the pain in her throat, she shifted her attention back to her sire and sighed. “I have no right to ask you anything, but can you… just tell him I’m sorry and I love the **** out of him, okay?” The words were heavy with her implication, and as she paused, she ran her fingers over her ring finger, where she should feel the weight of his band. She couldn’t imagine what he was going through, what she had put him through, and she knew that she could never forgive herself. Everything that the man before her had said about her was true, even the **** between the lines. She was worthless, miserable – the list went on and ******* on, and it all came down to one thing. Her mistakes.
You’re worried about that ******? He’s probably balls deep in that sister of yours by now.
“Fu—Where the hell are you going?” All thought was silenced when his form began to shimmer, and as she lunged forward, her fingers twisted through the center of his chest – but nothing happened. One second, he was standing before her, and the next he was gone. “No, no. ****! Micah! You can’t do this. You can’t leave me here! Micah!” Her screams echoed off the deserted buildings, and she sank to her knees as the weight of her reality finally crashed down on her. He was gone. He had abandoned her to her fate, and she knew he wasn’t coming back. It wasn’t in him - hell, it should have surprised her that he showed up at all. Yet, through all of the logical thought, she refused to accept it. His name fell from her lips like a broken record, and she slammed her open palms against the ground where he had once stood.
“Come back, come back, please. Don’t leave me here. ****, I’ll even take Velveteen, just don’t leave me with them!” Her pleas fell on deaf ears, and she slowly ceased her abuse of the ground as she lifted her head, desolate eyes staring blankly at the demolished world around her. What had she done? Dropping her head down, she curled her fingers into the colorless soil beneath her and screamed. It was the only outlet she had, the only weapon against the silence that was beginning to wrap its arms around her. She screamed until she couldn’t anymore, until her entire form ached with the exertion, but it still wasn’t enough. The moment the sound ended on a broken sob, their voices echoed again in her mind, and they began to circle her like vultures. You probably thought you wouldn’t end up like this, didn’t you? You thought you could escape us, Grace? We ARE you. We OWN you!
“No, no, no. I’m better than this, I’m stronger than this. Grace is dead. Grace is gone. I’m not your goddamned Grace!” Despite the meaning behind her words, the conviction was lacking, and she trembled as their forms danced in her peripheral vision. I’m the one you need, Grace, just stay with me - I’ll take care of you. I always have. Sinking further to the ground, she rested her forehead against the dirt and shook her head as the knowledge of her situation took the fight out of her, leaving her defenseless.
She was utterly alone - and she was at their mercy.
It was the only word that she could think to explain the madness that was creeping into her veins. Every shadow, every whisper, sent her closer to the edge. She couldn’t handle another ******* minute in this place. Shaking her head, she spun in a complete circle, her wild gaze searching for a way out. There had to be a ******* way out. “What have I done? Oh, ****, what have I done?” The darkness swirled around her feet and began to envelop her, the embrace cold, lifeless. She was suffocating and there was no way out. It didn’t matter how hard she fought, how much she pushed - the bleak, colorless void was stronger.
It was claiming her.
Gritting her teeth, she swallowed the bile that was threatening to rise, and turned her attention to the desolate building in her path. The vines had crept over the brick and force their way through one of the windows, and she took in the tragic beauty. Would that happen to her? If she could never find her way out of this sepid world, would she be nothing more than a rundown fixture to be overtaken by colorless foliage? Reaching out a shimmering hand, she brushed her fingers across the cracked brick and frowned. The silence was deafening her, and her mind was beginning to conjure memories and thoughts that she had no place remembering. Snapping her teeth, she stumbled back a step as the building shifted, the door creaking open on its hinges, the sound too familiar. When it slammed shut, despite the lack of a breeze, she closed her eyes. She could see her father on the other side of the door, his smile twisted and his blood caked to his skin.
You’re the biggest regret of my life.
Why couldn’t you just ******* die?
His words whispered across her skin, and she dropped to her knees, her fingers clawing at her temples. He was dead, he was dead. There was no reason that he should be here, he was dead! And so are you, her subconscious sneered, and she swallowed thickly. It was right. She was dead, a rotting ******* corpse, something that shouldn’t exist. Who the **** was she to say that he couldn’t be there, his body leaning casually against the frame as he stared at her with that lifeless gaze? Forcing her fingers to relinquish the hold on her her form - had she ever really been grasping at herself or just air? - she lifted her gaze back to the building. He was gone, the door shut firmly, as if he had never been, yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was there, following every move she made.
With a quiet groan, she moved back to her feet and turned towards the south, her eyes darting between the buildings until they landed on another form. She couldn’t make out the shape, but she could tell that they were moving closer. It was faceless, dark, but something about it was… familiar. Narrowing her eyes, she began to move closer, her steps wary, until she stood on the outskirts of his vision. It was then, that she heard his voice, and a hollow ache blossomed in her chest. Micah. What the **** was he doing here? He had no business here, and yet, she couldn’t help but feel almost relieved that the very reason she was ******* here was tortured with her. Stepping out from behind a building, she tilted her head, and admired him for a moment. It was just his spirit, and yet, she knew.
“I’m right here.”
Her voice sounded distant even to her own ears, and he would have to be deaf to not be able to hear the fear that clung to her words. Behind him, the world began to shift - or was it all in her mind? Shaking her head, she turned her attention away, back to the building where her father had resided, and she noticed the door ajar once again. “No, no, no. He can’t be there, no. That shouldn’t be open,” she rambled, before covering her face with her hands. “What the **** is going on? I shouldn’t ******* be here.”
You’re pathetic.
Useless.
Goddamn, I wasted so much time on you.
----
Abraham, please.
I could kill you and no one would care, Grace.
----
I hate you for it.”
<Micah> He couldn’t believe that he had found her so easily, or maybe he had been searching for longer than he realized. The passage of time in the shadow realm was different that it was back in the city, at least it was to him. He didn’t know if there were others that felt the same way but when he’d been down there for a week he missed not being able to tell if it was day or night, or even what day of the week it was. When it had been time for him to return to his body he just sort of knew, and was able to reach for the shimmering air that had appeared in front of him. He could see it now, and he was grateful for the instant escape that he had.
He could see her form, just a few feet in front of him. It was too late for him to leave and besides, he wanted answers that only she was capable of providing him. “So I see.” He didn’t know what to say to her now that he’d found her. Part of him wanted to lash out and tell her just how angry he was at her yet. He wanted to curse her to hell and back for making him come down there and hunt her down just to get the answers he sought. But she didn’t make him. She hadn’t screamed at him in his head or demanded that he come. He’d done it on his own.
The killer frowned at her question. “I don’t know Rion.” He wouldn’t address her as Ghoul. Not until things were back to the way they used to be before she’d decided to turn her venomous tongue on him at every turn. “Osiris sent me a text telling me you were dead. I don’t know how you got here, I don’t know what happened.” He forced himself to stop speaking before he went on a verbal tirade. Just find out what happened. Ask her. Then we can get the **** out of this place.
That had been his intention.
“No one is with us Rion.” He hadn’t missed her paranoid actions, the way she kept glancing at the door of one of the run down, dilapidated buildings that were just there. What was she seeing? Was her mind already playing tricks on her? The thought of leaving her there after finding out the answers to his questions fled. Clearly, something had rattled her and it was something that only she could see. He suppressed a sigh. “Look I’ll stay with you as long as I can but eventually I’m going to have to go. No one even knows I’m here.” And his body was waiting for him back in the castle. Uninhabited.
Just ask her and get it over with.
He needed to know. And so he asked her. “What happened Rion? Why are you here? Why are you dead?”
[Rion] How could he not see it?
The door swung on its hinges, the eerie squeak of the unoiled hinges sending shivers down her spine. It felt as if someone had dipped their fingers in a vat of ice and brushed them across her back, the touch was so chilling. He’s here. Oh, ****. He’s here. Every shadow that the realm housed possessed a potential threat, one that her own sire couldn’t see. How could he not notice the way the spirits twirled around them? She could hear them, now, their ghostly cries echoing through her mind. They were condemning her for all of her sins, forcing their nightmarish memories onto her. Everything they had suffered, they were going to ensure that she suffered, as well. You are not getting out of here, Grace. “No! Shut the **** up, just shut the **** up!” Though the words were hostile, they were uttered in a tone barely above a whisper. She was like a frightened child, her hands brushing through her hair - attempting to clutch at the astral strands as she swallowed a scream.
You’re sick.
What the **** is wrong with you?
-----
Quit your ******* crying.
You’re not going to make it in this world.
You’re too weak.
-----
You’re hideous, Grace.
How could any man love you?
Just spread your legs and shut up.
That’s all you’re here for.
----
I hate you for it.
She couldn’t escape them. They were everywhere, their words crawling through her brain like maggots on a fresh corpse. She could feel them eating away at her flesh, their poison seeping into her bones and burning away her barriers. Everything that she had endured in her life, every wall she had put up to protect herself from being hurt - it was all for nothing. They would never leave her alone. Curling her hands against her temples, she forced herself to focus on the man in front of her, his words offering her something to grasp. “They’re here, Micah. They’re not going to let me leave,” she whispered as she moved closer to him. She could feel the phantom fingers brush through her hair and move to curl around her neck, as if reminding her how easy it would be to keep her at their side.
******* focus, Rion.
“I don’t know. I don’t ******* know what happened. You were in my head. You wouldn’t leave me alone. I swear to ****, it was like a broken record, like you wanted to make me suffer anymore.” Her words were rapid now, as if she were desperate to fill the silence between them, to make it go away. She would spill her soul to this man, just to have something to ease the void. “I hate you for it. Miserable *****. I hate you for it,” she repeated to him with a twisted laugh. “I just wanted it to stop. I hadn’t planned it. I was trying to keep myself busy, and there were so many ******* guards. I saw it, then. A way to shut you up for a while, to give me some peace. I didn’t think it’d kill me. I guess I wasn’t thinking much at all,” she admitted. “I used the guard to blow my ******* brains out. I didn’t want to ******* die, I didn’t ask for this. I just wanted you to quit reminding me how fucked up I am. Now...” She trailed off then as she closed her eyes.
“Now you’re all there. You’re all reminding me. You’re all breaking me. I hate you for it, miserable *****. Just shut up and take it, Grace. You’re the biggest mistake of my life, Grace. No one could ever love you, Grace. You’re hideous, Grace. I can’t believe you’re my daughter, Grace.” Each word was spoken quietly, until finally, they were nothing more than a whisper as she bowed her head. “I just want it to ******* stop.”
<Micah> She was talking nonsense and even though her voice was barely a whisper he could still hear her. A flicker of movement came from her spectral form but she was swatting at nothing. It was just the two of them so whatever she was seeing it was all in her mind. He had heard that the shadow realm could **** with your mind and make you see things. Delusions. Clearly that was the case with Rion or maybe it was just her guilty conscious coming out to play. She sure as **** had plenty to feel guilty about, first and foremost for making him come down and find her when all he really wanted to do was go back and finish his quest to slaughter as many Lionelli as he could in order to work out his frustrations.
Just ******* leave her crazy *** here. **** your answers, just get the **** out of here.
It was tempting. So tempting. He had a million reasons to turn around and walk through the shimmering portal like shape that he knew would take him back to the real world. Vel would be pissed when she found out where he was. Hopefully she hadn’t come across his body in the corner of the castle. If she had she’d be flipping her ****. And that wasn’t the biggest reason he should walk away. Rion had made it clear that his presence in her life was unwelcome. She resented him and what he had done to her, for forcing this life on her but he still couldn’t bring himself to care that she felt that way. He’d protected his own *** and forced her to keep silent. There wasn’t a single regret to be had.
“Ain’t been in your head Rion. In fact I’ve left your *** alone for the past month. I haven’t texted, or intruded in your mind. I haven’t called - I haven’t even set foot in the ******* hotel for the sole purpose of avoiding you.” His eyes rolled and his arms crossed over his chest. “If you expecting an apology for that you ain’t getting it. I meant it. Every single ******* word. You are miserable and when you’re miserable you inflict it on everyone and drag them down right along with you.” She clearly wasn’t done and continued to ramble on adding in a laugh that sent a chill down his spine.
Drawing in a breath he didn’t need he mentally counted to ten in an attempt to prepare himself for what was sure to turn into another one of their epic confrontations. “You didn’t think and that’s exactly the point isn’t it Rion? You didn’t think. You took a chance, in desperation and it backfired. Now you’re dead. Trapped in the fade away from Osiris who I’m sure is going ******* crazy and wondering what the **** you were thinking.” The killer shook his head. “You weren’t ******* thinking,” he repeated himself. “You’re ******* intelligent. Why the **** can’t you apply a shred of that intelligence when it matters the most?”
Harsh. Very harsh.
Perhaps it was. But she needed to hear it. She needed to realize her actions had consequences and her dying just to shut him up as she had said, was extreme. Instead of sucking it up and coming to face him she’d taken the coward's way out even if it had been unintentional. “No one is here Rion. Just us. You have to try and block it out because of not, you’re going to go insane.” He hoped she didn’t ask him how, because he didn’t know how to. She was on her own.
[Rion] Maybe it was the fact she had died, or perhaps it was the fact that he was there - whatever the reason was, his words no longer held the weight they once had. Do you hear him? He hates you. He avoided you. He was also lying. She couldn’t explain how she knew. Perhaps it was the pull of the Shade or something had finally snapped in her mind, but she just knew that he was full of ****. Perhaps he had avoided her as if she had caught the plague - she wouldn’t have known. She had ceased returning to the hotel for the same reason - it was no longer home to her. However, that wasn’t what made that final piece fall into place in her disoriented mind, nor was it the fact that he refused to apologize. It was him. I hate you for it. Her features shifted then, their fearful expression turning into a cynical smile as she shook her head. He didn’t hate her, not at ******* all. If he hated her, he wouldn’t have risked the wrath of his wife to travel into a place he detested. He wouldn’t have spent the time to find her under the guise of wanting answers. Those answers could have waited.
No one can love you, Grace.
Don’t delude yourself.
You are pathetic.
Disgusting.
He hates you.
HE HATES YOU.
Clutching her hands to the side of her head, she doubled over and shook her head. “No he ******* doesn’t,” she snapped, her voice harsh as she forced herself to focus on the here and now. With strength she didn’t know she possessed, she made herself straighten, her spiritual form flickering briefly before she focused back on him. His shape, his strength - she allowed him to anchor her to the here and now. He didn’t hate her. He hated how she was. He hated how she turned that sharp tongue on him, how she piled her **** onto his shoulders. How she made him care, and yet, she couldn’t be fucked to show him the same respect. It had nothing to do with her and the rest of the world, but everything to do with the two of them. Clenching her hands at her side, she gave a low sound and stepped back, her eyes closing. She could still feel them around her, and with the silence between them growing, she feared that they would creep back in.
They would take every moment of clarity from her. They would destroy her, if they could. If she didn’t find what she was looking for, if she didn’t fix what she had broken, they would never allow her to leave. They would find a way to break her down, to keep her with them forever. Where you ******* belong. “**** that.” In a matter of seconds, something seemed to sink into her, to give her back the strength she was losing. She knew what it had been - she knew what really anchored her to sanity. The moment his name had fallen from her sire’s lips, she had found her reason for being. “Osiris. Oh, ****. What in the **** is wrong with me?” The words tumbled free in a growl, and she raked her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Look, I don’t ******* want your apology. Even if you felt possessed to give it to me, I wouldn’t accept it. You don’t have **** to apologize for. I get that now.”
She went quiet for a second and took a steadying breath - or tried to. She had no clue what she had actually done. All she knew was that she had to collect her thoughts before she fucked up and said something that was misconstrued for the millionth time. Refusing to look from him in fear that she would see something that would break her from her path, she focused on his apparition. “I know I’m miserable. I know I’m fucked up, I know I’m a mess. Trust me, you haven’t been telling me **** I haven’t heard since the day I was born. Even in death, I let those fuckers control me. Do you know how it is to be raised by insults, Micah? To have your every ******* failure thrown in your face?” Shaking her head, she gave a wry laugh as she held her arms out, as if inviting him to take a look at the mess that she really was. “It fucks with you. It takes whatever good you think you should have, and rips it to shreds. He beat me within an inch of my life, told me he wished I was dead. He married me off for money, and I was foolish enough to think anyone could ******* love me. I thought Abraham was my savior, my one good thing in this fucked up world, but he was even worse than my old man.”
She couldn’t bring herself to admit all of the things they had done to her. Even as exposed as she was making herself, she couldn’t allow him to see how deep the wounds really went. She didn’t want his pity, she didn’t want him to feel like she needed to be fixed. She wanted him to understand. “I thought it would get better. I thought I could move past it when you killed them, and when I realized they were still there… ****, miserable doesn’t even begin to explain it. Miserable would have been acceptable to what I’ve been. I tried to swallow it, I tried to push past it, but I ******* couldn’t.” Closing her eyes again, she ignored the spirits dancing around them, ignored the decaying buildings, the utter silence that threatened to break them. Instead, she focused on herself, on the thoughts rushing through her mind like water. “And then there was you. ******* Micah Andras. Everything I did seemed to **** us up more. I can’t explain it, but I have this need to please you. Maybe it’s some fucked up daddy complex. You rip me down, you tear me to shreds, and I still need you. ****, I don’t even love you, but the thought of you disappearing, the thought of anything happening to you screws with my head. When you fucked off on Christmas, it did something to me. I don’t know what, but subconsciously, I guess I thought death was better than the memories.” The words were nothing more than whisper, and her voice shook with the pent up emotions that were coursing through her at rapid speed.
“I know how that sounds, and trust me, it’s not how it seems. I’m not in love with you or some **** like that, that much I know for sure. There is only one person in this entire world that has my love, and it’s that ******* menace you created. I probably fucked that up, too, but I’ll fix it.” Releasing an unsteady breath, then, she tipped her head back to stare at the bleak sky above them. “It’s like, no matter how you **** me up, I’m devoted to you. You gave me a second chance, Micah, and I never really thanked you for it.” God, what the **** was happening to her? She had talked herself in circles, her emotions spilled out between them, as if she could no longer keep them contained. However, through it all, she had managed to do the one thing that she hadn’t in years - silence the demons. “That was a rather long-winded way of saying you’re right, wasn’t it?”
<Micah> It was like she didn’t even hear him. They were alone but Rion continued to speak to someone that only she could see. The shadow realm had a way of playing tricks on your mind, almost like it sensed what your weak points were. It preyed on your insecurities and used them against you. It hadn’t happened to him but when he had been sent down there he’d not been alone. Eve had been with him the entire time and the silence hadn’t been so bad with her to talk to. Rion though, she only had him and since he wasn't dead he couldn’t remain with her for long. Time really didn’t seem to have any meaning the the realm and Micah didn’t even know how long he’d already been there. He could be forced away from her at any time and he still hadn’t gotten the answers that he sought.
After a while of listening her talk to whoever it was that only she could see she started making sense. The repercussions of her actions finally seemed to sink in and still he said nothing, just silently stood there while he waited for her to come to terms with what she had left behind. A scathing retort was on the tip of his tongue but he swallowed it. That she had left Osiris alone to deal with her death wasn’t on his shoulders, it was on hers and he really did hope she felt like **** over it. Putting a gun to her own head and pulling the trigger had been incredibly selfish and now she was paying the ultimate price for it.
“No, I don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m not a warm, loving sire Rion and it’s about time that people realize that I don’t have time for ******** games.” He fell silent again while she continued to speak and he wasn’t inclined to interrupt her either. Maybe if she got it off her chest she wouldn’t be so miserable all the time. And maybe, just maybe, she could take the time while she was there to reflect on a whole lot of other **** than just the problems that she had with him.
“You aren’t a human any longer. You haven’t been for over a year. You’re clinging to your humanity and your bitter because I took that away from you. I’m not going to apologize for that just like I’m not going to apologize for anything that I said to you that night. You’re a mess, I’ll give you that much, a miserable ******* mess but only you can change that Rion. No one can do that but you. If you continue to listen to the demons that are inside of you you’re going to remain bitter and miserable. Do you really want to spend an eternity with those kind of chains holding you down? I don’t think that you do.”
He blanched a bit clearly not at all like the thought of her being in love with him even though the killer knew for a fact that that wasn’t the case. He didn’t need her to admit that to know better. “I know you don’t love me. I don’t love you either. Half the time I don’t even like you but you’re my responsibility. My blood. Do you have any idea what that means? It’s as close to me admitting that I care as you’re ever going to get. I hate your attitude, I hate the way you talk to my wife and you really piss me off but you’re mine and that alone makes me give a ****. It may not be in the most conventional way but there it is and you can do with it as you will.”
He paused for a minute as he allowed the weight of her words to settle around him. The devotion that she was admitting to wasn’t anything he’d expected and he’d be lying if he said he was comfortable with it. But it was the truth and thats all that he really cared about. Her honesty. His shoulders lifted in a slight shrug and the slightest of nods came from him. “Yeah. I guess in a way it is.”
[Rion] I hate you for it.
You’re miserable.
No one can love you.
You’re dead to us.
You’re nothing!
The voices warred inside of her mind, the weight of them anchoring her down. She had one moment – one blissful moment – of clarity, and then she was snapped back into the dark web of deceit and torment. Running her tongue along her teeth, she closed her eyes and tried to ignore the silence in between his words. Each pause, each hesitation, drove her closer to the brink of madness. Lies! He tells you nothing but lies. Listen to him! He doesn’t care about you. You’re just a burden! Clutching her fists at her sides, she kept her eyes closed as she gritted her teeth, though there was no amount of physical strength that would protect her from the lash of their words. They snapped against her flesh and cut her open, but she remained stoic, her expression placid. Thank **** I’m just a shimmering form of nothing, she thought bitterly, though her own voice was nearly drowned out by the screams.
“I don’t talk to your wife in any way and you know it,” she suddenly said, her voice heavy as she tried to claw her way out of the shadows of her mind. “Not since I went out of my way to apologize. I kept to my promise.” You see? He doesn’t ******* care about you. He believes that ***** of a wife, he will always choose her over you. He doesn’t want you because she doesn’t want you. With a guttural sound, she pressed her hands to her head and snapped her teeth together, the sound echoing through her skull. “It doesn’t matter, does it? We are where we are and there is nothing you can ******* do about it.” It was unclear who she was talking to in that moment, and as she stepped back, she sighed. Who was her enemy? Who was her friend? What the **** did it even matter? She was never going to leave this place.
Swallowing past the pain in her throat, she shifted her attention back to her sire and sighed. “I have no right to ask you anything, but can you… just tell him I’m sorry and I love the **** out of him, okay?” The words were heavy with her implication, and as she paused, she ran her fingers over her ring finger, where she should feel the weight of his band. She couldn’t imagine what he was going through, what she had put him through, and she knew that she could never forgive herself. Everything that the man before her had said about her was true, even the **** between the lines. She was worthless, miserable – the list went on and ******* on, and it all came down to one thing. Her mistakes.
You’re worried about that ******? He’s probably balls deep in that sister of yours by now.
“Fu—Where the hell are you going?” All thought was silenced when his form began to shimmer, and as she lunged forward, her fingers twisted through the center of his chest – but nothing happened. One second, he was standing before her, and the next he was gone. “No, no. ****! Micah! You can’t do this. You can’t leave me here! Micah!” Her screams echoed off the deserted buildings, and she sank to her knees as the weight of her reality finally crashed down on her. He was gone. He had abandoned her to her fate, and she knew he wasn’t coming back. It wasn’t in him - hell, it should have surprised her that he showed up at all. Yet, through all of the logical thought, she refused to accept it. His name fell from her lips like a broken record, and she slammed her open palms against the ground where he had once stood.
“Come back, come back, please. Don’t leave me here. ****, I’ll even take Velveteen, just don’t leave me with them!” Her pleas fell on deaf ears, and she slowly ceased her abuse of the ground as she lifted her head, desolate eyes staring blankly at the demolished world around her. What had she done? Dropping her head down, she curled her fingers into the colorless soil beneath her and screamed. It was the only outlet she had, the only weapon against the silence that was beginning to wrap its arms around her. She screamed until she couldn’t anymore, until her entire form ached with the exertion, but it still wasn’t enough. The moment the sound ended on a broken sob, their voices echoed again in her mind, and they began to circle her like vultures. You probably thought you wouldn’t end up like this, didn’t you? You thought you could escape us, Grace? We ARE you. We OWN you!
“No, no, no. I’m better than this, I’m stronger than this. Grace is dead. Grace is gone. I’m not your goddamned Grace!” Despite the meaning behind her words, the conviction was lacking, and she trembled as their forms danced in her peripheral vision. I’m the one you need, Grace, just stay with me - I’ll take care of you. I always have. Sinking further to the ground, she rested her forehead against the dirt and shook her head as the knowledge of her situation took the fight out of her, leaving her defenseless.
She was utterly alone - and she was at their mercy.
